Written for basketballpoetsociety's Misdirection Challenge 2015.

0 - THE BEGINNING

There was not a lot that Kuroko said that truly shocked Kagami. He had learned, after all the time spent together over the last year and a half, that Kuroko would say, straight-faced, a large manner of things, many of which Kagami would barely be able to think about without his face melting off his skull with the force of the heat generated in his cheeks. So in a way, it was less shocking when he said strange or shameless things than it would be from anyone else.

Hearing him say "Don't you think it's time we seduced Aomine-kun?" was one of the few things that did shock him.

He'd been in the middle of a bite of his burger. Sometimes, he swore Kuroko timed these things because he was evil and liked to watch Kagami choke around his food. It especially seemed so right now, since he was perfectly content to let Kagami splutter and cough around the food lodged in his throat with no apparent concern that he may in fact die.

"What?" he finally rasped after his choking fit was done. His throat felt raw, and in a probably ill-advised move, he stole Kuroko's vanilla shake to soothe his throat.

Kuroko twitched a little, but was undeterred.

"I know you're attracted to him," Kuroko said, calm. "You have a rather adorable crush on him, actually."

Kagami could feel his face burn even as his jaw slackened. "I never..."

"Of course you wouldn't," Kuroko interrupted. "But as it happens, Aomine-kun is very important to me too." His face pinked a little as he spoke, but he continued. "So I think that we should..."

"Seduce him," Kagami finished, his voice flat.

"Yes."

Kuroko stole back his shake and frowned at it when he felt its new weight; and a silence settled between them as Kagami thought about Kuroko's newest proposition.

He wasn't unused to Kuroko taking the lead in such ways. It was more par the course, really. It had been Kuroko who had initiated their relationship, their first kiss, and the first time they'd had sex.

Kagami had always felt a sort of guilt over the way he had feelings for Aomine while he also loved Kuroko. He had Kuroko; it had felt like a betrayal, even when he never ever planned to breathe a word or act upon the feelings that welled up when Aomine looked at him sometimes with such intensity, like he was the only thing in the world that mattered (because basketball).

It didn't surprise him that Kuroko had known, but it would have been nice if the little bastard had said something. Preferably something that would have made him feel less guilty for wanting more than what he already had, which was already something incredible.

"Like, permanently?" he finally ventured. "Like..."

He faltered over the word. Kuroko filled it in.

"Like a threesome, yes. I don't intend to just seduce Aomine-kun for his body." His gaze flicked out the window. "Aomine-kun is far too special for something as simple and tawdry as that."

Kagami had a quick moment of jealousy and possessiveness, that Kuroko would feel and think about someone else in that way, before his brain caught up a little bit and reminded him that not only was that kind of enormously hypocritical, it was ridiculous to let himself get worked up if he was going to be sharing Aomine and Kuroko with each other as well as having each of them.

"You think we can make it work?" he asked, before biting into another burger.

"I wouldn't suggest it otherwise," was Kuroko's instant, composed answer. "Also, you owe me a new vanilla shake. Please get it promptly."

1 - THE DATE INVITATION

When Kuroko had brought up the idea of getting Aomine to join their relationship to make it into a threesome, Kagami had believed he had some kind of plan.

Most of their friends were already aware that Kagami and Kuroko were together. Kuroko had chosen to inform those former teammates who were located close to Tokyo by tugging Kagami down for a kiss after they had won a two on two match, which had resulted in a few wolf whistles and a lot of people saying it was 'about time', whatever that meant, and Kagami had kind of wanted to disappear on the spot.

When he'd complained to Kuroko later, he'd been asked if he had a better idea or way, and honestly, Kagami couldn't think of any scenario where he didn't bumble over his words so badly that it wouldn't have been faster to make the demonstration.

Their first attempt to woo Aomine had been an invitation out for dinner.

Probably, they should have done it at another time, but it was really hard to get hold of Aomine when basketball wasn't involved.

They were almost done for the day; Kise had been in Tokyo for some reason or other, and Aomine had invited him after Kuroko and Kagami had invited him so that they could take him out for dinner and maybe kiss him goodnight after or something.

The presence of Kise was annoying, though when the two of them had taken a break to drink while Aomine and Kise went head to head, Kuroko had been positive that Kise's need to return to Kanagawa would make his current presence a non-issue in terms of their plans.

"Aomine-kun," Kuroko said, "will you come get dinner with us after?"

"Sure," Aomine answered. Kagami felt there was something definitely about to go awry with their plans at that moment, though he didn't know why.

Kise's very signature wail was about to begin, but Kagami watched as right before he was about to start crying about being left out, his eyes widened, and he looked between the three of them.

Sometimes, Kise could be far too perceptive, and Kagami felt himself start to go red.

"Is Kise coming too?"

...shit.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Aomine was not perceptive in the slightest.

"It'll be like I'm an awkward third-wheel if it's just me."

...fuck.

Kise looked almost like he was about to start either laughing or crying. Kuroko's expression when he glanced at Kise could only be described as glacial.

"Does Kise-kun want to come?" he asked, and exactly how Aomine managed to miss the way Kuroko's expression was screaming at Kise to say no, no matter how out of character it might be for him to decline to spend more time with Kuroko, Kagami would never be able to explain.

"Uh..." Kise stalled, looking around. Kagami would have enjoyed the spectacle of Kise at a loss about what to say if he wasn't screwing shit up for him and Kuroko. "I..."

Aomine's eyes narrowed as Kise fumbled. "I do, Kurokocchi you're so mean for not inviting me!" he finally wailed, crocodile tears streaming down his cheeks. Kagami sighed. Aomine smirked, as if this was all some great game at Kise's expense.

"We don't like you like we like Aomine-kun," Kuroko said, and Kagami knew that there was an entire winter's worth of frost and bitterness in the statement, but Kise's eyes went impossibly wide and he covers up his mouth; and he should be covering sobs, but instead Kagami's got the feeling what he's hiding is a grin that he can't control.

Their target has entirely missed their intentions, but someone clearly hasn't, and later when they're on their way home, Kise sent them both a mail complaining that he was so much cuter than Aominecchi, and he didn't understand why on earth they didn't pick him instead.

Kuroko took great satisfaction in blocking Kise's mail address for a few days.

2 - THE "STUDYING" INVITATION

In hindsight, this attempt had probably been doomed from the beginning, but later, Kagami will tell himself that they couldn't have possibly thought that Aomine was quite as ridiculously socially oblivious as he actually was, especially when it came to things that some people might consider to be kind of perverted.

He'd actually asked Kuroko at one point after he'd brought up Aomine joining them, whether Aomine would actually be interested in them; but Kuroko's mouth had tilted in the corner in that little way he had, and he'd said he didn't think it would be a problem.

So Kagami had deferred to his better knowledge.

Exams were coming up, so they weren't supposed to be playing much basketball; desperate messages from Kise, and angry messages from Aomine did nothing to sway Kuroko from his Coach-appointed task of keeping Kagami from failing his exams and being benched from the team, until one afternoon when they were at Kagami's apartment, he received a phone call from Momoi.

"Good afternoon, Momoi-san," he greeted her. "How are you?"

Kagami tried to concentrate on his work. Just because Kuroko was busy with his conversation, didn't mean that he wouldn't be punished for slacking off.

"Aomine-kun what?"

And then he promptly abandoned any attempts not to pay attention and honed in on Kuroko instead.

Kuroko's face gave away nothing as Momoi explained what was going on, but eventually, the little smile Kagami liked on him tugged at his mouth. "It may be for the best. Kagami-kun is struggling to concentrate as well. I'll do my best to send him back to you willing to co-operate. Please take some time for a break yourself while you can, Momoi-san. We'll see you again soon, I hope."

As he hung up, he turned to Kagami. "It appears Aomine-kun has decided that since he can study no longer, and he has retreated to go and play basketball on his own. Our help has been requested to make him agree to return to his studies promptly. Shall we go?"

Kagami was bolting for a change of clothes even before Kuroko finished speaking.

It only took about ten minutes to walk to the nearest park with a court located in it. Kagami wasn't entirely sure why Aomine picked this court, out of all the ones that surely had to be closer to his home, to shoot hoops at, though he did know what he hoped was the reason.

Aomine was shooting hoops, frustration from his exile from the court and Momoi-imposed studying still etched into his face. Somehow, he seemed to emanate moodiness.

He perked up considerably, though, when he looked up and saw them. It made Kagami's heart flutter just a little bit, being part of the reason for the lifting of his sourness.

"Kagami! Your keeper let you out?"

...perhaps he'd only seen Kagami, though.

"Usually, if I must be addressed by a moniker, I prefer the use of the term 'better half'," Kuroko said, blithe as anything. "Hello, Aomine-kun."

Aomine jolted, and a panicked look flitted across his face before he settled into an uncomfortable attempt at an easy, winsome smile.

They'd all seen it too often on Kise for it to work - especially since he wasn't even half as convincing as Kise could be - but it was cute when he tried.

"I totally knew you were there, Tetsu," he said, all the while avoiding eye contact as if that was what would tip them off that he was lying. He chucked his basketball at him. "Come on, play with me."

Kuroko gave him a Look, but Kagami knew that he could never really resist being called to play with Aomine. Kuroko passed the ball back to him as he trotted out onto to court.

Kagami was happy to watch them go at it for a bit, because they all knew it was going to turn into him and Aomine playing in the end, and it was awful, but they could occasionally forget about Kuroko while they battled back and forth over the three-point area. It was for the best that Aomine and Kuroko got some time just the two of them playing, before it completely slipped from both Kagami and Aomine's basketball-obsessed minds.

Kuroko flopped on the ground as Aomine swerved around him as his way of announcing the fact that he was out for the moment. He probably could go more, or longer, but at this point his weakness was almost an ongoing joke. At least Kagami would think so, if Kuroko was capable of a sense of humour which wasn't either deadpan or the enjoyment of other people's – but mainly Kise's - misery.

"Still pathetic," Aomine said, mocking; though he was grinning faintly, which softened his words as he haphazardly tossed the ball at the ring, where it sunk the basket. It was disgusting that it went in the way he tossed it.

Kagami loved it, damn.

He stood up so he could go and help Kuroko get up off the ground, but Aomine beat him there, hauling him up off his ass. "Come on, I know you're not that piss weak," he said. "Get up so I can play with your worse half."

Kagami felt himself twitch, though he was pretty sure he would describe Kuroko as the better of the two of them as well.

It didn't feel like they'd been playing that long when Kuroko decided that their study break was up.

"Already?" Kagami looked at the watch Kuroko offered him.

"Lame, Tetsu," Aomine jeered. "Come on, as if you're going to get any more studying done tonight!"

Kuroko looked at him, considering. "I was hoping to get some biology studying done," he said blandly. "We'd enjoy it if you would join us."

Wait a second.

Kagami stared at Kuroko. Surely he wasn't.

He was.

They really shouldn't have been surprised that it flew completely past Aomine's head. He scrunched up his nose. "Ew. I hate bio. And I remember what your grades were like, Tetsu. I'm really better off stealing Satsuki's notes."

As they walked home, Kagami had to ask.

"Did you really think that would work?"

Kuroko shrugged. "It was worth a shot. I thought he might get the hint. I'm sure there's been some kind of 'plot' like that in at least some of the porn he's watched."

Kagami choked.

3 - THE SEDUCTION ATTEMPT (PART 1)

With the successive failures of their two simpler and more subtle attempts to hook up with Aomine, Kagami was beginning to suspect that they may need to spell things out to him. Kagami wasn't entirely sure how on earth they would manage to do that – he was never going to be able to say anything to Aomine, he hadn't even been able to say something to Kuroko, who he was much closer with, after all – but he felt like it was probably his turn to contribute something to this effort.

"I think we're going to have to be less subtle," he said to Kuroko as they walked home from their last exam. "I'm not sure I would have picked up on it either, if I hadn't known what we were doing."

"Yes," Kuroko agreed, and Kagami scowled. He hadn't had to agree that quickly. "Don't pout. I like the Kagami-kun that's a little bit dense. It's cute."

"Shut up," he muttered, and hitched his bag higher on his shoulder. "You're talking like you've got an idea, though."

"I have been thinking," Kuroko agreed. "It's clearly time for a more obvious method. I have to admit, I was a little surprised that Aomine-kun missed the opportunity to make a joke about that whole biology studying thing."

Kagami was still kind of surprised about that himself, but since Kuroko still hadn't explained his newest idea, he decided he was probably better off staying quiet.

"I think we should try properly seducing Aomine-kun," Kuroko said.

"Can't you just kiss him like you kissed me?" Kagami asked. "He's not going to get it."

"Aomine-kun won't get it if I just kiss him either. It will only lead to misunderstandings."

"What if we both kissed him?"

Kuroko looked at him out of the corner of his eye, and his mouth curled in the corners, at once amused and mildly challenging. "I would like to see you try."

Kagami felt the blood rush to his face. Even now, sometimes he had difficulty initiating kisses with Kuroko, because he was just so painfully awkward sometimes; a combination of his height and scale, as well as his social clumsiness in general. Kuroko always smiled at him in such a warm, reassuring way when things went a bit wonky, though, so usually it wasn't too bad, but...

God, what if he messed up with Aomine? That was enough to make him feel like his ears were going to burn off. Not only would it be horribly embarrassing, and Aomine would probably laugh at him, but it would also probably make a huge mess out of everything.

Kuroko slid his hand into Kagami's and squeezed it to reassure him. "We'll leave that as a last resort. For now, you should wear a shirt without sleeves next time we're playing basketball with Aomine-kun."

Kagami stared at him. "It is rapidly approaching winter," he said, disbelieving.

Kuroko shrugged. "You have very nice arms and shoulders. We will need to utilise them to full effect. Unless you would prefer that we put mine on display, but my guns are much less impressive than Kagami-kun's are."

"I hate you. I hate you and I hate Aomine."

Kuroko lifted their joined hands and patted the back of Kagami's hand.

It was something that Kagami was thankful for, that they didn't have to wait all that long to see Aomine again. It meant it wasn't that cool out when Kuroko pointedly sent him back to get changed into one of his sleeveless shirts before they left to go to the agreed-upon basketball court; which was not the one close by like last time, that Aomine had probably chosen more for the fact that it was farther away from his home than Momoi was willing to go to fetch him, than for its proximity to Kagami's apartment.

Instead, this court was closest to Aomine's place. Apparently. Having never been there, Kagami could only assume.

Upon arrival, Kuroko glanced meaningfully at Kagami. Kagami wasn't entirely sure how Kuroko had perfected the art of aiming looks at people that were both blank and meaningful, and that everyone seemed to just understand, because to be honest it didn't make any sense to him how he could be so expressionless and yet when he wanted to be understood, he was.

Aomine was always pretty tactile with Kuroko; it had been alternatively a source of both envy and jealousy for Kagami, at once wanting that same easy touch from Aomine and also wanting Aomine to get his hands off his goddamn boyfriend. Today, when Aomine took his usual liberties, Kuroko, instead of just bearing with it until Aomine crossed a line, leaned into them or responded in some kind.

There were a few faintly weirded-out and worried glances aimed at Kagami, but whenever Aomine did that, Kagami just shrugged and smiled at him. He wasn't entirely sure what his place in Kuroko's current plan was.

"Is Tetsu mad at me? What did I do this time?"

Kagami almost choked when Aomine asked him this while looking mildly alarmed when Kuroko wandered away to get himself a drink from... somewhere nearby. Kagami filed away the fact that Kuroko knew this area well enough to do that away in his mind for later pondering.

"What on earth makes you think Kuroko's mad at you?"

Aomine shrugged. "It's Tetsu." Like that was all the explanation necessary. "Okay, so if he's not mad at me, why is he mad at you?"

What.

Kagami stared at Aomine, disbelieving. "Kuroko's not mad at me."

Aomine snorted. "Tetsu's definitely mad at you. He's playing head games. What did you do? I really don't wanna punch you, you know? You should make it up with him."

"Kuroko's not mad at me!"

He was sighed at then, like he was clearly the dumbest person in the history of the world, and Aomine would have to deign to spell things out for him. "Bakagami. He's trying to make you jealous. I know you've noticed. You must have fucked up somehow."

"Kuroko and I are fine," Kagami snapped at him. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Ahomine."

Aomine just stared at him, looking kind of superior and judgemental. "Look, I know Tetsu pretty well," he said. "If he's not fucking with me to do my head in because he's pissed off and knows I hate thinking, then he's definitely mad at you."

Kagami's mind couldn't move fast enough to explain exactly why Aomine was just so wrong in his deductions before Kuroko returned, carrying a small plastic bag with drinks in it.

"You're the best, Tetsu," Aomine said, grinning gleefully, as he fished out what Kagami assumed was his favourite. Kuroko smiled slightly at him, indulgent, before pulling out Kagami's drink to give to him.

Over Kuroko's head, Kagami caught the meaningful look Aomine was giving him, and scowled.

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko said, quiet, bringing Kagami's attention back to him. He was pretty sure he saw Aomine give him a thumbs up before picking up a basketball and going to shoot baskets, which was one of those excessively rare, sweet moments he had occasionally that made Kagami want to melt. Even though this one was probably more motivated by Aomine's desire not to get caught up in their supposed 'fight'. "I want you to help me trap Aomine-kun."

"It's not working," Kagami told him. "He thinks we're fighting and that you're trying to get me jealous."

Kuroko gave him a kiss, causing Kagami to go very intensely red. "Now, please help me trap Aomine-kun. Just stand behind him and once I get him to back up a bit. You might need to grab him. I'm not sure how he can misinterpret that, when we're working together."

It's a decent argument, though if he's being brutally honest, he's probably not going to figure out any of the holes in it until they've already fallen into one. So Kagami shrugs and opens up his drink. He's sure Kuroko will let him know when to play his part of the plan.

He does, though of course, because it's Kuroko, he doesn't give Kagami all that much warning. He sneaks up right after they've finished their current point, but before they start the next one – and Aomine hasn't exactly noticed Kuroko creeping up on him. Kagami doesn't notice either, actually, until he turns around, ball in hand, to see Kuroko sidling towards them.

Aomine gives him a confused look as he walks up, rather than running to the half-court line, and he's clearly about to make some kind of crack about Kagami's stamina, when Kuroko makes him aware that he's there, and he backs up.

"Oi, Tetsu, what the hell?"

Kagami moved behind Aomine, and Aomine jumped, startled, as he bumped into him, and twisted his head to look at him. Then Kuroko was right up in Aomine's face, and Aomine...

...clearly didn't have a clue what the fuck was going on. His expression was definitely confused when he looked down at Kuroko.

"...are you guys playing some kind of kinky game, like who can make who jealous or something?" he asked, looking annoyed. "Why can't you fuck with Kise's head instead?"

"Aomine-kun," Kuroko said, "please shut up."

"No," Aomine growled. "Can we please just play basketball? Keep your personal lives off the goddamn court." He shoved at Kuroko's shoulders, and he stumbled back a few steps. "Seriously, if I wanted to deal with dramatics I'd go play with Kise."

Kagami looked over at Kuroko, and somehow knew they were both repressing very heavy sighs. Kuroko hadn't even had the chance to try.

4 - THE SEDUCTION ATTEMPT (PART 2)

"Can't you at least wait until I'm gone?" Aomine asked, looking somewhat pissed off as he headed towards the door.

Kagami and Kuroko looked at each other, popsicles in hand.

Aomine's face had definitely been red as he stormed off, though.

Kuroko shrugged, and curled his tongue back around the side of the popsicle, and Kagami had to admit, the way he unashamedly did that was kind of hot.

+1 - THE BRUTE FORCE METHOD

They were at about the end of their tether.

"What about we just give him a letter being like, 'WE LIKE YOU SO WILL YOU DATE US' or something?" Kagami asked. "Sign it from both of us, so he knows it's not like. Just one of us."

"You want to give Aomine-kun a love note confession? I can barely read your katakana, and it's a skill I've been working on for almost two years."

Kagami grabbed Kuroko's head. "You write it then, if you're going to complain about my handwriting!"

"I'm not sure he'll believe it," Kuroko said, "putting your bad handwriting aside. Aomine-kun has proved to be more oblivious than I anticipated."

He looked so obviously frustrated that Kagami loosened his hold on Kuroko's head, and instead started combing his fingers through his hair. "It can't hurt to try, right? I'm sure we can think up some way to get him."

"Kagami-kun is getting fed up too," Kuroko observed. "Well, I suppose if it comes down to it, we can always ask Momoi-san to tell him. I would like to avoid that, though. I think it would be insensitive to her feelings to involve her in the process, even if she does know about what we're doing."

Kagami shook his head at the thought. He could still remember the way she'd put on a brave face and smiled at him after Kuroko had taken the time to talk with her about him and Kagami, and how guilty he'd felt for being party to breaking her heart, even though it really was no one's fault, in the end.

"Let's just... try the letter confession. We both know I'm never going to be able to say it, and it needs to be both of us together."

Aomine was staring at the piece of paper like he wasn't able to comprehend what was on it.

Which couldn't possibly be the case. Kuroko had written it after all, and in katakana to boot, since Aomine was both dumb and lazy and they felt they would probably be more likely to get their point across by doing things simply.

He'd been standing there looking completely disbelieving for about five minutes, and it'd been about two since Kagami had gone from feeling like he was going to die on the spot to just wanting this excruciating attempt to just fail in the face of Aomine's complete obliviousness already so he and Kuroko could go lick their wounds.

"...is this a joke?" Aomine asked, finally. Kagami finally gave in to the temptation to smack his forehead with his palm, and regretted it when it stung.

"Is what a joke?"

They all turned to look at the new voice. Kise was behind them, smiling. "Ah, I'm so lucky! Everyone's here!" He dropped his bag at the bench and bounded over to peer over Aomine's shoulder. Aomine folded the letter hastily, but it was too late – Kise seemed to have gotten the gist of it, a small 'ah' noise escaping him.

"Really, Kurokocchi," he whined, "this has become too painful to watch. Why couldn't it be me instead?"

Aomine scowled, and his eye twitched. "Kise," he said, dragging out the vowels of his name. Kise stilled, clearly some part of his brain detecting the imminent threat of death. "Is there something you haven't been telling me?"

Kise laughed nervously, and took a few steps back. "It wasn't my place to say something?"

"I'm going to kill you."

Kise yelped and bolted – and Aomine was hot on his heels, scooping up his basketball from where it had rolled away and launched it with beautiful, admirable accuracy at Kise's head, sending him sprawling into the grass.

"Fuck!"

They heard Kise giggle from where he was lying the ground.

When he turned around, Kagami noticed Aomine's face was quite red. He rubbed at his neck very uncomfortably as he slowly walked back towards them.

"Uh."

Somehow, his visible embarrassment set off Kagami's embarrassment – he felt his own mortification creep back in, and he shuffled. Kuroko was the only one seeming unaffected.

"Come have dinner with us tonight," Kuroko said. "And this time, please don't invite Kise-kun."

Even as the red colour of Aomine's face deepened, a small smile was clearly evident, at least until he turned away from them and coughed.

"Come on, let's play already!"

As he stomped his way over to where Kise was still giggling on the ground to fetch his basketball, and kick at Kise for being a complete ass, Kagami looked at Kuroko again, and felt a very giddy rush seeing the very plain affection on his face.

"Excited?" Kagami asked.

"Are you?" Kuroko countered, looking up at him. Kagami's heart jumped, seeing the same expression aimed at him.

"Dumbass," Kagami said. "Come on, let's go kick Kise too."