A/N: Sorry, did I mislead you? When I said 'bye for now', I meant 'until the next chapter'. So without further ado, the conclusion.

Please Note: All areas marked with {} are flagged for deletion once approved by the O5 Council.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-860 is to be contained in a small wooden box in a vault at Sector-██. By itself, the object is inert, and no further containment procedures are needed. At least two (2) level 2 personnel must approve of any object or person being taken into SCP-860-1.

Description: SCP-860 is a dark blue key of unremarkable shape. At seemingly random intervals of time, a series of numbers, later found to be UTM coordinates, will appear on the key's blade. In the time SCP-860 has spent under containment, the numbers have changed three times, giving the coordinates for ██████ (Germany), ██████ (England), and Site-██.

SCP-860 can fit in any door lock that requires a key located in the area of the given coordinates, and will function identically to the correct key for that lock. SCP-860 only works on door locks, and only if they are attached to a door; it will not work on any other type of locking device.

When SCP-860 is used to unlock and open a door, the door does not lead to its usual destination. Instead, it opens into a small forest clearing centred on an 80 cm wide footpath, designated SCP-860-1. Every observation of this grove has noted the presence of blue-coloured mist.

As soon as any person enters SCP-860-1, the door automatically closes. From inside SCP-860-1, the door appears attached to an infinite concrete wall, and is locked. No attempts to break the door from outside, with personnel inside SCP-860-1, have been successful. Attempts to break the door from inside SCP-860-1 have resulted in [REDACTED]. See Document 860-III for more details.

The trail inside SCP-860-1 usually leads to another door attached to another infinite concrete wall. This second door leads to the normal destination room of the door on which SCP-860 was used.

Please note: As of ██/██/2024, the following SCPs have been catalogued/placed inside SCP-860-1. All relevant data will be included within this document.

SCP-860-2
Special Containment Procedures: {Nil}. No personnel are to attempt to threaten or remove any of SCP-860-1's inhabitants in any way, shape or form. Refer to incident report 860-██-24-1.

Description: SCP-860-2 is vaguely feline in appearance and seems to be covered in [Redacted]-like matter. SCP-860-2 is the natural inhabitant of SCP-860-1. She appears to have direct control over SCP-860. Little else is known due to the evasive nature of this SCP.

Incident Report 860-██-24-1: After one member of Site-██'s staff attempted to [REDACTED], SCP-860 disappeared from its containment after a cryptic warning from SCP-860-2. The key took a total of three (3) hours to recover after it was found in a public location 1███ kilometres away from Site-██.

Upsetting SCP-860-2 is a huge security hazard. New containment protocols for SCP-860 recommended.

SCP-860-3
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-860-2 appears to take care of SCP-860-3. No further procedures necessary.

Description: SCP-860-3 is a former Class D personnel from Site-██ of unknown race or gender due to the fact SCP-860-2 does not let it come into contact with Foundation personnel.

SCP-682
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-682 is to be contained within SCP-860-1. No further containment efforts are necessary. Communication with SCP-682 is not advised due to her short temper, but is not strictly forbidden. Personnel may attempt at their own risk. Anything SCP-682 desires (within reason) should be delivered to her promptly via SCP-860.

Description: SCP-682 is a large, vaguely reptile-like creature of unknown origin. She is extremely intelligent, and is observed to repeatedly engage in complex communication with any favoured personnel during times of exposure. SCP-682 appears to have a hatred of {all life} the SCP Foundation, which has been expressed in several interviews during containment. In the circumstances of a rage-like state being provoked, personnel should immediately seek the assistance of SCP-682-2.

SCP-682 has always been observed to have extremely high strength, speed, and reflexes, though exact levels vary with its form. SCP-682's physical body grows and changes very quickly, growing or decreasing in size as it consumes or sheds material. SCP-682 gains energy from anything it ingests, organic or inorganic. Digestion seems to be aided by a set of filtering gills inside of SCP-682's nostrils, which are able to remove usable matter from any liquid solution, enabling it to constantly regenerate from the acid it was contained in prior to the breach of ██/██/2024. SCP-682's regenerative capabilities and resilience are staggering, and SCP-682 has been seen moving and speaking with its body 87% destroyed or rotted.

Containment breaches are no longer an issue as the breach of ██/██/2024 has rendered her docile.

SCP-682-2
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-682-2 is to be treated in the exact same manner as one would SCP-682, with a few exceptions. {SCP-682-2 is not to be given access to the internet}. Please refer to Note 2024-1. SCP-682-2 also is open to conversation with anybody who shows no hostility towards any inhabitants of SCP-860-1. Personnel are to avoid upsetting SCP-682-2 for fear that he will call upon SCP-682.

Description: SCP-682-2 is a Caucasian male of twenty-four (24) years of age. He was formerly an employee of the SCP Foundation in Site-██ by the name of Doctor ████ ████. He has short blonde hair and blue eyes, SCP-682-2 shows no anomalous activity bar the fact he does not age, and is kept in containment solely for the purpose of containing SCP-682. SCP-682-2 is very friendly in nature, but aggressive action has been met with [REDACTED].

SCP-682-2 will often reference to the fact that he and SCP-682 [DATA EXPUNGED] on a regular basis, normally when he is bored or wishes to make personnel feel uncomfortable. Personnel are advised to ignore this, but psychiatric evaluation is still recommended for any persons who have been exposed to SCP-682-2.

Note 2024-1: For the love of god, somebody give that [DATE EXPUNGED] a ████ing internet connection, even a limited one! I'm sick and tired of going to the local {[REDACTED]} porn shop to buy him {[REDACTED]} erotica and books with titles such as, but not limited to, {[DATA EXPUNGED]} "101 sex positions", "10 kinky things to try with your lover" and "Great tips to spice up your sex life". It's ████ing with my head.

- Doctor ██████
P.S. Stop redacting my fucking notes! I want you to see the weird shit that guy makes me do. Censor my "foul language" all you like, but until you give him some damned internet, I'm going to keep putting that shit up there.
P.P.S. That store owner questions my mental health now. Thanks a lot [DATA EXPUNGED].

SCP-Kelly
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-Kelly must not be given an SCP designation of anything other than his name, no matter the circumstances. Otherwise, he is to be treated as are SCP-682 and SCP-682-2.

Description: SCP-Kelly is a {complete asshole} former Class D personnel of Site-██ (See Note Kelly-24-1. I'm talking to you, Doctor ███) by the name of Kelly █████████. Kelly appears to have a good sense of humour and enjoys {torturing} conversing with site personnel (this is your last warning Doctor ███). Kelly has black hair, green eyes and appears to constantly wear some kind of silver necklace, though the attached pendant has never been viewed by personnel and indeed some doubt whether there actually is a pendant at all, or if it is rather just a silver chain. Like SCP-682-2, Kelly does not appear to age.

Note Kelly-24-1: Doctor ███ is no longer allowed editing rights to this document. His resentment for SCP-Kelly has a negative impact on any input he adds to this file. Reasons for this rivalry are unknown, and Kelly refuses to say anything other than "Dickweed" on the matter.

Document 860-L1
A list of personnel favoured by the inhabitants of SCP-860-1:
Lieutenant Kate █████ (a.k.a. 'Juliet-Niner')
Corporal Edward █████ (a.k.a. 'November-Four')
Doctor John ███████ (a.k.a. 'Garrett')
MTF Unit ████-██████ ███ (a.k.a. 'The best of the best just got saved by a rookie scientist')
Sergeant Felix ███████ (a.k.a. 'I ain't goin' near that giant lizard')
Staff Master Hugh █████ (a.k.a. 'Yelling Man')
Commander Robert ██████ (a.k.a. 'The man who almost blew up a radio tower with C4 and has been psychiatrically evaluated four times in two weeks')

P.S. Your contributions to this list are on the verge of becoming information leaks SCP-682-2. Please refrain from editing our documents or we'll have to revoke your Staff Status.

~~~~~~~~~~(End Document SCP-860)~~~~~~~~~~

Jack breathed in deeply as he leant out the window, his eyes closed as he took in the relaxing scent of what he liked to think was Autumn morning air. He had no clue about the day and night cycles of this strange planet, but he had the rest of eternity to find out.

"You don't age, you don't get hungry and you don't need to relieve yourself," Syvia had explained. "Six-eight-two can't die in your universe? Well, neither can you in mine. You're welcome to stay."

"Thanks luv," Kelly had remarked, smart-ass as always. "But I'm afraid I just can't bring myself to accept unless Jack can come too. Someone's gotta look after the pathetic little guy. Look at him – defenceless as a baby seal."

"Oh, he has plenty of defences," 682 retorted, smiling evilly as she examined her long, sharp talons.

In a surprisingly short time – two weeks in fact – the Foundation had built a large house inside SCP-860-1. Okay, it was a fucking mansion. Six bedrooms, three bathrooms, shower suits, two dining rooms, three recreation rooms, balconies… the list goes on. Jack had never lived in such comfort, and had never had a livelier flatting experience.

Jack was snapped back from his reminiscence by two claws trailing down his sides gently.

"You're up early," Athena purred.

"Good fighter?" Kelly spluttered. "You should have seen her! She was like a god! A god of war!"

"Not a mindless killer though," Jack put in, putting slightly at the way his loved one was being talked about.

"Yeah… a wise god of war…"

"Athena," Jack caught on. 682 cocked her head.

"What was that?" she inquired.

"Athena's the Greek Goddess of wisdom and war," Kelly explained.

"A fitting name?" Jack wondered pleadingly. 682's features softened into a smile.

"Athena… Athena… yes, I like it. Between us, Six-eight-two wasn't exactly a proper name," 682 admitted. Jack paled, and before 682 could ask why, the nearby radio console roared to life and the chaos surged up again as everyone either reminded Athena of how touchy she was about the subject earlier, or protested against the 'stupid' new name, along with a string of suggested alternatives.

"That's it! Private, give me your god-damned C4!"

Jack hummed appreciatively.

"Why not? It's a beautiful day."

"Jack, it's always like that."

"Only when you're around." This earned Jack a good nuzzling. Athena slowly turned him around, away from the window, so he was now facing her, and pulled him close. She leaned in good and close, and their lips were millimetres away from touching when –

"Hey guys! Check out what me and Kelly found!" Athena and Jack groaned simultaneously as the door to their bedroom burst open and a crocodile-like creature bustled in rudely on two feet.

"Well," Jack started, trying to find a way to put it into a way his audience could understand. "You don't age in here, correct?" He received nods from Syvia, Ralph and Kelly. "So technically she isn't dead. Her body hasn't changed an iota since she was alive because no time has passed between her being dead and alive, which…" Jack faltered when he received blank stares. He decided to start again. "Think of it as if time stopped a millisecond before she died. She isn't dead yet, all we need to do is save her before time starts up again."

"And that'll only happen if she is taken out of this universe," Syvia added. "But of course, our effort is wasted Jack. Their brains don't function at our level." Jack blushed, about ninety percent sure that was a compliment to him. Athena growled.

"Yeah well, you're a scientist and you were born here. I've spent most of my recent life in a vat of acid."

"And Kelly?" Syvia questioned.

"Hm? Oh, he's just an idiot."

"You calling me stupid?" Ralph demanded playfully, earning a chorus of 'ooh's. Jack smiled and shook his head as he produced the pill that he technically didn't steal – okay, he stole it. Big deal, there's another forty-something left in a jar somewhere.

"No hun," Syvia recovered quickly, "it's just that you specialise in… 'other' areas of expertise." Jack plopped the red pill into the crocodile's mouth and held his breath as he waited.

"Oh," Amanda moaned sickly. "Am I dead?"

"Not anymore," Jack assured her. "But you may want to go with Syvia and hide – Foundation personnel will be crawling all over this place soon to build us a house, which you're welcome to stay in by the way. Ralph's told us all about you."

"Not very well it would seem," Kelly remarked, unable to resist. "I imagine you ugly." The group went silent and all stared at Kelly, who suddenly tried to hide his blush. "ER! Uglier! That is to say, I didn't imagine you as pr – un-ugly – as you are… uh…"

"Quit while you're ahead bud," Jack grinned, patting the stuttering man on the shoulder as he walked past him.

"Amanda!" Athena growled. "Remember that time we discussed personal space?"

"Yeah yeah, don't barge into people's rooms, knock first, blah blah blah," Amanda droned as she rolled her eyes. "You guys should put a lock on your door if you don't like it."

"We did!" Jack protested. "You broke it when you burst in blabbering about how your boyfriend taught you to stand!"

"Kelly's not my boyfriend," Amanda huffed.

"You two go so well together though!" Jack cooed.

"And you're both equally bad influences on each other," Athena grumped.

"Not to mention that time when you two kissed," Jack enjoyed reminding her.

"We only did that to prove how bad you guys are at it!"

"Amanda, tell us why you interrupted us before I lose my temper," Athena grunted warningly.

"Garrett and Kate have come to visit," Amanda pouted. "And they have something really important that you two should see." Jack sighed and slowly untangled himself from Athena's body. Amanda smiled broadly and scampered downstairs to the biggest of the recreational rooms where Kate and Garrett were no doubt having a coffee with the rest of the gang.

Athena watched him leave, then picked up the phone next to their wardrobe.

"Hello?" the woman on the other side greeted.

"Hello Doctor Fernwid," Athena replied. "Is there any chance you can install an industrial steel door in my bedroom? Preferably with only two keycards capable of opening it."

"Uh… I hope you don't mind me asking…"

"Yes. I do."

"Athena! You coming?"

"I'll call you back," Athena concluded, then promptly hung up, before galloping down the stairs on all fours. For hours to come, chatter and laughter could be heard from downstairs as the old friends got together for their regular 'catch-up' sessions.

Fernwid took a couple of minutes to realise that SCP-682 had yet again put the phone on the hook wrong. She sighed. Why was it always her? The Foundation documented these phone calls carefully. If she was caught leaving her post while the connection was still established, she'd be harshly punished, even if there was nobody on the other side. So she had to wait, listening to all the muffled noises coming out of the speakers in the small, constantly monitored communications room.

Generations came and went, dutifully manning the station. There were even a couple of wars. Humanity supposedly 'wiped out', yet the underground facilities dotted around the world survived. Humanity rebuilt and fell, rinse and repeat, and still, there was always someone on the other end of that phone.

A whole century passed by where it was forgotten, the only one who had knowledge of it taken by the alien overlords as a slave. Yet the Foundation survived, on and on. Long after the overlords passed away. The phone was found, maintained, updated. It always sat, almost staring at the wooden door on the other side of the glass. Quite possibly the only wooden door left on the planet, or the universe even.

Days after its rediscovery, somebody reported voices on the other side. Something about two girls, Syvia and Athena, proposing a foursome to two guys, Jack and Ralph. Curious people were sent in, came back with pictures of 'Syvia', 'Ralph', 'Athena' and 'Jack'. Needless to say, psychiatric evaluations were handed around that day.

~End~

A/N: Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it! I don't think I'm cut out for horror stories though. I think I'll just stick to humour and sex, maybe a few gunfights here and there to use as plot devices.

Anyway, I'm rambling again. Thank you all so much for reading; I could never be the writer I am without all of your support and motivation.

~ CrazyBirdMan59