I'm back with another story! I do plan to finish "The World has Turned," but I kind of lost my mojo there for a minute. Knowing that Bonnie is coming back next week kick-started me and I wanted to play with the idea of a different kind of Bonnie. (I refuse to use the term "dark," as dark things and people are constantly portrayed as evil and bad and I don't accept that notion). Anyway, this is my latest work. Rest assured that this is not a Bonkai fic. It's Bamon all the way.

Chapter 1

She had tried so hard.

For eighty-nine days, Bonnie had tried her hardest not to give up hope. Her faith and resolve had been tested so many times, starting when Kai abandoned her on Thanksgiving. She'd managed not to lose her mind and even had a glimmer of hope when Damon and Elena returned for her, only to be snatched away in the cruelest fashion. She kept her head up, praying that they would be back for her. Christmas came and went and she was still alone. She celebrated New Year's by toasting to herself with shots of bourbon. As the days stretched on with no word from anyone, her strength dissolved.

The thought of ending it all first flashed into her mind at the end of January, but she pushed it aside because she was Bonnie Bennett: tough, resilient and definitely not a quitter. She refused to quit on life, even as the hours slipped by. When she was still alone on Valentine's Day, her eyes lingered on a bottle of sleeping pills sitting on the counter, taunting her with thoughts of how easy it would be to give up. The little voice in her head telling her to end her pain only got louder and more insistent.

It was on her 19th birthday that she finally succumbed to the thoughts in her head. Her body was tired, her mind even more so. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she barely recognized the face staring back at her. Her eyes were drained of color and her clothes hung off her skinny frame. She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten a real meal, something more than cereal or microwavable dinners. It took all her energy just to get out of bed, never mind take a shower or do something with herself.

Still, seeing as it was her birthday and her last day on Earth, Bonnie managed to get up, shower, and eat breakfast. Her eyes stayed focused on the pills in front of her. She figured that they were the easiest, least painful way out. She hoped to fall asleep and simply never wake up. Her gaze then traveled to the outdated video camera at the end of the table. She'd decided to leave a goodbye note, more for herself than anyone else. It wasn't like she expected anyone to ever see it; she just wanted to get some things off her chest before she died.

She forced some eggs down her throat and gulped down a glass of orange juice before she swiped the camera and turned it on. The red light blinked at her, recording her sullen face, but she didn't speak. She had thought of all the things she wanted to say but none of them came to mind. She wanted to say something articulate and eloquent, profound and awe-inspiring. But she was so exhausted that she forgot all about that and just started talking.

"Damon, Elena...tell everyone that I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore," she said, almost startled by the sound of her own voice. She licked her lips and cleared her throat, still staring into the lens. "I tried. I really did. I waited. And hoped. And prayed. But none of you came for me."

Her eyes grew hot and she reached up to wipe a tear from her eye. She looked down to get her bearings for a moment, then back at the lens.

"You know, I was going to leave personalized messages to each of you, reminding you all of the good times we had. But why the hell should I?" she asked, her voice hardening, even as she continued to cry. "Why should I spend my last moments giving a shit about you when none of you give a shit about me? Where are you guys? Seriously? Matt, where are you? I jumped in a pool to save you from drowning but you're not here. Jeremy, I saved you from death so many times that I've lost count and yet, you aren't here. Stefan, my life has been absolute shit since you showed up and yet I still put myself in this position trying to save you! You're supposed to be so good and righteous. Why aren't you here, returning the favor?"

She scoffed through her tears and the anger built up.

"Caroline? Elena? I thought we were best friends. I would have never stopped until you guys were safe, but I guess you don't feel the same. And Damon..." Bonnie wiped her face again and stared hard. "Damon, Damon, Damon. I should have known better than to ever expect something from you unless it came attached to Elena. You probably forgot all about me once you saw her."

She laughed sadly, then stood up and brought the camera with her. Frustration and profound sadness and anger coursed through her veins and without thinking, she smashed the video camera onto the floor. She screamed and cried and grabbed the nearest thing to her, a chair, and tossed it. A spark of satisfaction went through her as the wood crashed into the wall. She continued to break everything in sight: glasses, dishes, the CD player, CDs and furniture. By the time that she was finished with her destruction, the kitchen and living room were obliterated and Bonnie was breathing heavily. She took a few deep breaths and looked up at the ceiling.

"Is that what you had in mind, Grams?" she asked aloud. "I know you can see me. I know you and the rest of those old witches are watching me. I thought you promised me peace. Is this what you wanted? For me to lose my mind and die miserably?"

No answer came and she only laughed sourly.

"You know what? Fuck you, Grams."

She grabbed the bottle of pills that was still sitting on the counter and then kicked the front door open. Her mind was racing and she had no real plan, until she saw Damon's car parked haphazardly in the front yard. She got into the driver's side and grabbed the keys that were already hanging from the ignition. She sped off in his most prized possession and as she drove, she thought of how poetic it would be to crash his car with her inside of it. If he ever made it back to her, he'd probably be more concerned about the car than her.

Before she could change her mind, Bonnie pushed the brake down so hard that the car screeched to a halt. She ripped the top of the pill bottle open and poured of avalanche of pills into her mouth. She worked up just enough spit to swallow a few, then a few more, than a few more. She didn't know how many she'd taken, maybe fifteen, maybe twenty. However many it was, she knew they would get the job done.

She drove again and kept her foot to the pedal with no real direction or idea of where she was going. She kept going until the pills started working and her eyes got heavy. She nodded off a couple of times, swerving off the road and quickly straightening herself. Her limbs went slack and in one last moment of clarity, she regretted the decision to end her life. But it was too late. She was about pass out and she knew she would never wake up. She couldn't control her sleepiness anymore and she finally let go of the wheel. Damon's Camaro veered off the road and ran head-first into a tree. Bonnie was barely conscious when her head smacked the steering wheel and everything went black.

Bonnie slowly came to some hours later. Everything felt heavy: her eyes, her body, even her tongue felt like it weighed twenty pounds. She groaned when she moved even slightly, and it took every ounce of strength to open her eyes. Her vision was blurry at first, but as she focused, she could tell that there was someone in front of her. It took some effort, but she managed to train her eyes to work again and there sat Kai.

"There she is," he sang. "Wakey, wakey, little witch."

"What..." The word felt like glue in her mouth and she very slowly licked her dry lips and tried again. "What...happ..."

"What happened?" he offered with a smile. "Well, you tried to off yourself. Lucky for you that I pulled you out of Damon's car before it exploded and burned your pretty little body beyond recognition."

Bonnie tried to sit up but she didn't have control of her arms and legs yet. She struggled to swallow and Kai poured her some water and brought it to her lips. She tried to fight him but she couldn't.

"Uh, uh, you need to drink it," he said.

The cold water felt amazing going down her throat and she accidentally moaned.

"Ooh, I like the sound of that," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"How?" she asked, unable to get out more than that.

"Long story short, I think your so-called friends were feeling guilty about leaving you here on your birthday. They tried to communicate with you, blah blah blah, they saw your suicide note video, blah blah blah, begged me to save you, and here I am. I brought a nifty little tube of vamp blood with me since I had no idea how I'd find you and what do you know? It saved your life."

Bonnie tried to take it all in but her head was still foggy. Kai patted her leg and stood.

"I'll let you get your bearings. Take a shower, too. You smell all smoky. We'll talk when you're done."

He left her room and shut the door behind him, and she lay on the bed, attempting to make sense of the situation. She didn't move for several minutes, but she could feel the vampire blood working its way through her system and repairing all the damage she'd done. Her head cleared, her arms and legs finally unlocked and she started to move. She didn't have much time to reflect on what an idiotic decision she'd made earlier because she was too worried about Kai's presence. She took him up on the suggestion to shower and after putting on some new clothes, she went downstairs and found Kai in the living room.

"You look much better," he said with a smile. "A lot less like death."

"I don't understand why you're here," she said.

"To bring you back home. Duh."

"Why you? Why not Elena? Or Damon?"

"Well, seeing as how Elena and Damon aren't witches, they weren't really an option. Without boring you with the details, I recently killed and basically ingested my younger brother and his annoying humanity has left me with an attack of conscience. Let's just say I feel bad that I left you here and I figured I owed you one."

Bonnie arched an eyebrow and folded her arms.

"So you expect me to believe that you're here because you feel guilty? You're a sociopath, Kai. You don't feel guilt."

"Things change, Bon-Bon."

Her face let him know that she didn't believe him.

"Okay, fine," he sighed. "My motives aren't completely altruistic, I'll admit. I'd like to have you on my side. Rescuing you would probably do a lot to earn your trust, right?"

"My trust?" she scoffed. "You stabbed me. And you left me in this shit hole by myself for three months."

"To be fair, I was here alone for 18 years, so three months really doesn't sound that bad."

Bonnie's mouth formed a humorless straight line.

"Just take me back, Kai."

"Yeah, see, here's the thing about that. I kind of used up all my magic to get here. I don't have enough to do the spell to get back. But I do have the Ascendant! See?" He produced the metal object from behind his back and Bonnie shook her head in confusion.

"I don't understand. If you don't have magic, how will we get back?"

"You, of course."

"Me? I don't have my magic. You know that. Do you think I would have stayed here all this time if I had magic?"

"You don't have spirit magic," he said.

He didn't finish the rest of his thought but the implication hung in the air like a fifty-pound weight. He was talking about Expression. Just the thought of it made Bonnie's heart hammer in her chest.

"No," she said.

"You have to, Bonnie," he said. "It's the only way home."

"No," she said firmly. "The last time I used Expression, I killed myself."

"You were okay with killing yourself about an hour ago. What's the difference?"

"I won't do it, Kai."

"Then I guess we're stuck here again together, aren't we?"

He sat down and put his hands behind his head, smiling like he didn't care at all. Bonnie shook her head repeatedly.

"No," she kept saying.

"Your call, Bon-Bon. I'm cool either way. But you...you're pretty much at the end of your rope. Do you really still want to be here?"

"I can't use Expression again," she said. "It made me different. It made me bad. That's not me."

"Newsflash, Bonnie, but you're not you anymore. You've been alone for three months, your friends don't give a fuck about you, and you just tried to commit suicide."

She winced at his accurate assessment of the situation but she shook her head. "My friends do care," she said, even though the words sounded empty in her own head.

"Right," he laughed. "That's why they've tried so hard to get you back. You can hear my sarcasm, right?"

She stood there silently, thinking about everything he said, and Kai stood up and took her hands in his. He tried to look sincere, but he just looked creepy.

"I can't control myself when I used Expression," she admitted quietly.

"I'll help you."

"Why? Why do you want me to do this?"

"Because I just became the most powerful witch in my coven, making me one of the most powerful witches in the world. The only way it would be better was if I had a Bennett witch at my side. We could run the world, Bonnie," he said, stroking her cheek.

A tear slipped from her eye.

"I don't want that," she said. "I just want to go home."

"Then you've got one option. Call on the Expression. It's simmering right underneath your skin. I can practically taste it on you."

She hadn't realized how close he'd gotten until she felt his warm breath on her face. She backed away from him and he stood his ground, smiling.

"So what's it gonna be?" he asked.

She weighed her options, but as scared as she was, there really was no choice to be made. She wanted to go home.

"I'll do it," she said.

Kai grinned and offered his hand. "Then let's get you home."

...

Damon paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, holding a glass of bourbon in one hand and his cell phone in the other. He'd been checking the phone every few seconds, waiting for some kind of update from Kai, but so far he'd heard nothing. He tapped his fingernails on the glass that held his drink, then he took a big gulp and grimaced.

"Still nothing?" Elena asked, appearing at the door.

"No."

He poured another drink and she came up behind him and hugged his back. She kissed the back of his neck and he froze. She must have sensed his hesitation because she looked at him and frowned.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He stepped away from her and looked disbelievingly. "I'm worried about Bonnie."

"I'm sure she's fine."

"How can you be sure of that? Kai is the one who went back for her. He's not exactly trustworthy."

"She's Bonnie," she said with a shrug, as if that explained everything. "She always pulls through."

Damon stared at her for a moment, truly baffled as to how she could be so cavalier when the girl she claimed to be her best friend was in such a precarious state. He saw her reaching out for him, and he moved away.

"I'll be back later," he said.

He put his glass down, grabbed his leather jacket and then his keys. He got into his car before she could ask where he was going, and he drove to Bonnie's house. He thought she would go there whenever she got back, and he wanted to be the first to greet her. He expected to find her home dark and abandoned like it had been for the past several months, so he was surprised when he saw that the lights were on. There was a car in the driveway and he pulled up behind it and turned his own car off. He scoped the house out for a minute, then listened in and heard the sound of her voice.

He would never have admitted it out loud, but his heart leapt in his throat hearing her voice again. A sense of peace and calm that he hadn't felt since their separation came over him because he was happy to know that she was okay. She was alive. And he missed her.

Damon hopped out of his car and jogged up the steps of her porch. He rang the doorbell, then knocked on the front door a few times. He heard another voice that knew was Kai's, then footsteps. His hands actually got a little sweaty with anticipation and excitement from seeing her again, and when the door opened, he was almost smiling.

Only it wasn't Bonnie. It was Kai.

"Damon," Kai said with a big smile. "What can I help you with?"

"Where's Bonnie?" he asked impatiently.

"She's here."

"I realize that, dumbass. Tell her to come to the door."

"We're practicing magic right now, actually. It's been a while since Bonnie's used it and she's a little rusty. You could come back later, though."

"How the hell are you practicing magic?" Damon asked with a frown. "Miss Cuddles is still at my house."

Kai smirked, then turned and called to Bonnie over his shoulder.

"Hey, Bon-Bon, there's someone here to see you."

Damon tried to look past Kai when he heard the sounds of heels hitting the hardwood. Kai finally moved, revealing Bonnie looking way different than Damon expected. He thought she might be in some comfortable pajamas, bundled up and drinking hot cocoa and just being happy to be home. Instead, she was wearing a short black dress, a leather jacket that he was pretty sure was his, and some black leather boots with precariously thin heels. Her makeup was dramatic, especially around the eyes, making the moss green pop out against the charcoal eyeliner.

She looked different, but good. And he couldn't fight the smile curving at his lips.

"You couldn't have spared a call or a text to let me know you made it back?" he asked.

"Sorry. I was a little busy."

"It's cool. Whatever. Not like I missed you or anything," he said with a smirk.

He expected her to smile shyly and insinuate that she missed him, too, kind of the same vibe as when she told him "not exactly." He was ashamed to admit even to himself how many times he'd played that scene out in his head.

She didn't smile shyly, though. She didn't tell him she missed him or leap into his arms for a hug. She narrowed her eyes and nodded towards his car.

"You should leave," she said.

"What?"

"Go. I don't want to see you."

His eyebrows furrowed into a deep frown and he looked from her to Kai, who had a smug expression on his face.

"You don't want to see me," he said. "But you want to see Kai?"

"He's helping me."

"He doesn't help anybody. He's using you for something and you're crazy if you don't see that."

Bonnie quirked an eyebrow, then took a step outside and got so close to him that he could smell her perfume.

"I was crazy for thinking that you and I were ever friends," she said lowly. "I was crazy for thinking that you would come back for me, even after everything I've done for you. But I've gotten clarity, Damon. For the first time in a long time, I'm seeing things exactly as they are. Now leave, before I hurt you."

He was going to ask her how the hell she would hurt him without her magic, but then he was hit with the most powerful aneurysm he had ever had in his undead life. He crumbled to his knees and screamed, holding his head to make it stop. His bones snapped and his heart constricted so tightly that he thought his eyes might pop out. He looked at Bonnie and right before he passed out, he saw the black veins swirl around her face.

He woke up a short time later, still on the porch. The door was closed and he heard Bonnie and Kai laughing. He groaned and pulled his phone out to call Stefan.

"Bonnie's back," Damon said by way of a greeting. "And we've got a problem."