Perspective
"Kakashi," Tsunade growled, looking more and more irritated with each passing second. "Can you please just read the report from Suna? I didn't call this meeting to you have laze about down there and space out."
Other Jounins seated around the long table gave him a questionable look, a look that said more like, 'Do you want to die by the Hokage's well manicured hands? Are you mad?' Looking down at the rolled out scroll, he very much wished he had passed up the advisor job no matter how decent he was at strategy. It all meant nothing when he couldn't come up with a solution to his current problem.
"KAKASHI," she barked, snapping him to look up towards her upturned snarled red lips. It wasn't a very flattering look on the woman. Didn't she realize that every time she did it?
Sighing, he held up the scroll. Every word dotted across the page was completely blurry. Gradually his eyesight had been getting worse. Perhaps it was due to the years of overuse and then the loss of his sharingan or his growing age, but he really had no idea. All he knew now was that he couldn't read for squat and had been like this for over a year now. Now it's gotten so bad that he couldn't even read Icha Icha without holding it so far away it might as well be on the other side of the village.
With a grumbled sigh he began, "It says…"
He held the scroll farther back which began to decipher the words a little. Before he realized it, he was holding it at arms length, barely holding it by the thin edges of the paper. Making the mistake of looking up at the people around him, everyone's mouths were agape, making him realize he probably looked like he was mocking her request somehow. He cringed as he glanced towards Tsunade. She looked like she was about to burst.
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KAKASHI. READ IT AND STOP WASTING OUR TIME!" she shouted, slamming her fist onto the table which caused nearly everyone's pens and pencils to roll off the edge and drop to the floor with a clink. "I'm in no mood for your jokes!"
"Senpai…" a warning whisper beside him said before someone had finally slipped the paper from his hands. Yamato arched a concerned brow at the silver haired Jounin while shaking his head. Taking in a breath, the wood user began to read through the report instead.
When he was finished, Tsunade reclined back in her chair and began to slow clap. "Thank you, Yamato."
"Yes, Hokage-sama…" he murmured back, unsure if she was being serious or not as he placed the paper back down on the table.
"But I asked Kakashi to read it."
A heavy silence fell around the room.
Seconds stretched as people nervously shuffled in their chairs and flipped through their papers with a few uncomfortable clearing of throats.
Grabbing the scroll, Kakashi slowly started to read it back word for word, now feeling grateful for his memory until he was interrupted.
"-I wasn't being serious," she cut in as she folded her arms. Glaring as she took in a breath to say something else, she suddenly changed her mind as she turned her attention to the open file before her. "Next on the agenda, I want-"
Slouching in his seat, Kakashi inwardly debated what this all meant. At thirty-six he was losing his ability to read fine print like some old man in his fifties. He felt borderline humiliated about it, especially for the fact that he couldn't even read his book in public anymore. Well, he did, but only pretended to keep up appearances. It was bad enough the aspiring Hokage apprentice in training Naruto called him an old man on occasion. He didn't need that mindset to spread to the rest of the village. He was still an elite shinobi and very able to hold his own in terms of skill and intellect.
"Kakashi."
Except when Tsunade was using that tone of voice.
"Yes, Hokage-sama?" he uneasily replied, suddenly noticing that the meeting had been adjourned as everyone began to scoot from their seats to leave.
Waving her fingers beckoning him to come closer, he inwardly sighed as he pushed back his chair. Wondering if she was being grumpy without having a taste of sake yet today, he could only assume the worst when the woman was in an agitated state. Sure he helped put her there, but she was in more of a sour mood than usual.
Writing a small note on a pad, the blonde sighed as she leaned back in her chair. Looking squarely at him, she said, "I want you to go get your eyes checked out. Today. Not tomorrow, not the day after that or next week, but today. Don't think I haven't noticed you haven't been able to read lately. I'm not that dense. You can't even write your own reports properly… Not that you ever could with your horrible handwriting."
She gave him a knowing glare and added, "I trust your favorite medic will give you a proper diagnosis. I'll let her know that you'll be coming at noon today."
"But-"
"-No buts," she demanded. "You're dismissed for the rest of the day, just go to your appointment."
Trying to seem unfazed by her order, he bowed and excused himself before stepping into the long hallway outside of the meeting room. Only after closing the door behind him, did his slouch suddenly become more prominent as he uttered a depressed sigh. Sakura was the last person he wanted to know about his little reading problem.
For years she had been his only medic and he preferred it that way. There was a long history of trust between them and as much as he detested hospitals, he made the exception only for her. After one scary night of him nearly dying, returning from a mission that had gone sour, he had collapsed in the middle of the street before he could make it home. His former student had given him a very stern lecture marked with tears and promises that he would never do that again. That he would always come to see her no matter what. It had been over four years now since that day, and not once had he ever broken that promise until now.
No matter if it was a simple cut or a cold, he would always go to her when he was sick. The only exception was the mandatory physicals each shinobi needed to go through each year to be officially on the active duty roster. That fun task was left to one of her male colleagues which they both awkwardly and quickly agreed on. For him it wasn't because he was embarrassed to really have her see him partly naked, but more so the fact he didn't like the idea of her touching him or seeing him like that, as if he was an everyday patient.
Besides the fact that he couldn't properly read anything up close anymore, his other long buried secret was that he had formed the biggest crush on Haruno Sakura for what felt like forever now. He liked her so much that he found it rather sad how much he tried to pretend otherwise when they were together. He was too scared to lose all these years of longstanding history between them and just seemed like a big mistake on his part. Besides, she was young and deserved a man who could give her more than he ever could.
No matter if he liked it or not, he was growing older. Each day that slipped past only meant the older he would become. Being nearly fourteen years older than her, she still had so much left to explore and live for in her life. Everyone was trying to build a new life after the war, and he was no different especially after everything that had broken his heart in more ways than one. Mid-thirties wasn't exactly crippling old, but he certainly felt it with each new generation of shinobi who graduated from the academy.
Rounding the corner of the hallway towards the stairs, a lone man stood waiting at the base of the steps with folded arms.
"Senpai," Yamato eagerly greeted. Walking beside him as they continued to travel down the hall, he added, "Are you okay? What's going on?"
"I'm fine, don't worry about me," Kakashi replied back in a nonchalant tone.
"Then what the heck was that back there in the meeting?"
He simply shrugged.
Yamato glared, annoyed at how trying to get answers from the fellow Jouin was like pulling teeth. "If anything's bothering you, you can talk to me. You know that right, Senpai?"
Smoothing his hand against the wooden paneling of the hallway, Kakashi paused in his steps to look at the worry etched across his friend's face. "I'm fine, I promise."
Sighing, the wood-user reluctantly nodded in affirmation. "Alright, if you say so… but if you do ever need anything. You only just have to ask."
"Appreciate it, Tenzo."
"Yamato," he corrected.
With an eye-crinkle of a smile, he patted the man's shoulder before saying a farewell as they went their separate ways once they were outside the building. Now having the rest of the day off, he figured he should just spend it at his apartment until noon rolled around. Normally he would conveniently forget the Hokage's orders of mandatory appointments, but he knew she would probably drag him to it if he didn't go. If not Tsunade, then Sakura herself.
He honestly didn't mind going if it didn't involve him possibly embarrassing himself in front of the only person he deeply cared about. There were already enough reminders of his growing age… he didn't need to remind her, too. Not that there was ever a possibility of them being more than friends. It was more so the idea he liked to entertain himself with. He just didn't want to completely crush it.
Once he was at his apartment, he dropped his keys on the side table by his window and kicked his shoes off near the entryway before plopping down on the couch. There was at least something good about not being able to read his books as much anymore. While it made him sad that he couldn't read his favorite Icha Icha without causing him headaches, he was exploring new hobbies he would have otherwise never cared for.
Clicking on the small television, he eagerly flipped through the channels before finding a certain soap opera. He had always hated the acting in shows like these for as long as he could remember, and while he still preferred books over television, he had grown to appreciate it a bit more. The drama and endless love triangles that were completely opposite of his own lackluster love life was a common theme in both his books and television. The actors were more palatable to watch the more he got used to their overacting and dramatization of every little thing. He wasn't proud of his new secret hobby since it was commonly aimed towards women apparently, but he always reminded himself it was purely because he couldn't read well anymore. Deep down he secretly enjoyed it though… and would sure as hell deny it up and down to anyone who asked.
By the time noon rolled around, he stretched up from the couch and dragged himself out the door in no hurry to get his appointment. Being ten minutes late was normal for him, so he doubted Sakura would even notice. There was one time he came to his appointment on time because he simply wanted to see her sooner rather later, and she certainly noticed then. After that he never showed up again on time as to not make her to think something was 'wrong'.
Leisurely walking through the sun speckled shady streets of Konoha, his eyes met Sakura's in surprise watching her walking directly towards him like she was on a mission.
"Kakashi," she greeted sternly as she approached, grabbing his wrist without another word before tugging him down the road. "Let's go, we have no time to waste. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this! How long has this been going on?"
Pretending he had no idea what she was referring to, he said, "W-wait, about what? And I was coming, you know."
She grumbled. "You know what! Tsunade told me something might be wrong with your eyesight. You know how concerned I've been about your eyes even before your Sharingan was gone. Why didn't you tell me something was up?"
"Look," he began, feeling silly as she dragged him through the crowds of the street like a child who was in trouble. "You are both way overreacting. Tsunade got the wrong impression… I was just making a joke this morning."
"I'll be the judge of that, Hatake."
Sighing, he repeatedly asked her to let go for the sake of his reputation, but he inwardly didn't really want her to. Sadly the only way he ever seemed to hold her hand like this was when she was angry. Did she know how cute she was when she was angry?
Figuring he could offer her a compliment, he said, "You're cute when you're angry like this, Sakura."
"Shut up."
Well, he tried.
That tended to be the extent of his flirting capabilities. He only chose to do so when she was like this. It made it easier for her to believe that he wasn't serious even though he very much was.
After they made it inside the hospital and walked towards her office, he held his breath to endure past the various strong antiseptic smells that washed over him. He had no idea how she was used it, but he hated it like no one's business.
Once they were inside, he was quickly forced to sit down on a padded leather chair before she dragged a wooden stool in front of him with determination in her eyes.
Lifting up a small instrument that had a small light, she lifted his headband a little higher away from his eyebrows and said, "Okay, I'm going to have a look at your eyes."
"Aren't you already looking at them right now?" he evenly replied with an unamused blink.
She sighed, tilting his chin just so before she carefully lifted up one of his eyelids with a single finger. "You think you're so funny, don't you?"
"I am."
"No," she replied dryly. "No, you're not."
"You're kind of a downer."
Glaring at him as she switched to examine his scarred eye, she sighed once more after she was finished. "Well, your eyes appear as healthy as they were last time we checked a few months ago."
"Like I told you, nothing's wrong."
Humming, she scooted off from her chair and went to get a small chart that was tucked inside of the cabinet drawers. "Let's have you read the eye chart."
Unfazed, he gently sat back in the chair as she told him to cover one of his eyes. Moving it a certain distance away, she asked him to read the top few lines, then to do the same using his other eye.
"X, E, J, S, W, G, B, N, K," he flawlessly recited.
Asking him to call out the bottom lines, he did so without any trouble as well which caused her to bite her lip in thought. Stepping back, she pulled down a chart that was attached to the far wall on the other end. "What about these," she asked?
"C, B, D, L, N, P, Q, K, Z," he easily replied.
Tapping her fingers on the counter she leaned against as she looked across his masked face with curiosity, she looked like something was bothering her. He wanted to smile at his own unplanned ingenious of having memorized the charts long ago, but that would only give himself away. Until he was so blind he was running into things, he was going to keep doing this each year.
Kakashi cleared his throat to break her line of thought. "Can I go now, Doctor Haruno?"
"Um..."
He prepared himself to get up.
"No, not yet."
Disappointed and wary as she suddenly turned around to go through another drawer that was filled to the brim with medical supplies, his eyes fell to her long white lab coat that smoothly covered her bottom.
Pretending to have been staring passively at the tiled floor this entire time when she turned around, he noticed something was behind her hands as she retook her seat in front of him again.
Revealing another eye chart, he could feel his face drain at seeing the first letter at the very top. It was a chart he had never recited from before.
He was so screwed.
Tucking back her fallen pink bangs, she placed it before him. "Now let's try it again up close. Read the first line please, Hatake-san."
He remained silent for a few seconds.
"Kakashi."
"Z," he burst out.
"Okay, and the next?"
"Kakashi," she warned.
He sighed. "T?"
"Go on…"
Nervously picking at the worn leather edge of the arm rest, he wondered if he was really getting them correct. Kakashi cringed as he read aloud his next few educated guesses. "P… L… Q… F… G, H, P…"
Sakura stared at him in bewilderment. Wait, was P supposed to be in there twice?
Shit.
Lowering the chart as she flipped it over to look at it herself, she worriedly glanced between him and the small white and black board of letters. "You didn't even get one right, Kakashi."
"Please tell me you're not playing a joke on me. Can you really not read it?" she asked in a concerned voice, her eyes searching his dark gray pair.
Ugh. How could straight out lie to her face when she was looking at him in that way? At least, he thinks she's looking at him… she was a bit too close to really tell.
"Maybe," he murmured inaudibly.
"What was that?"
He deeply sighed, speaking a little louder. "Perhaps."
"Kakashi, be honest with me. How long have you not been able to read things up close?"
Dreading where this conversation was headed already, he stared towards the florescent lighting of the lamp that was on her desk. "Awhile."
"A few weeks? Months?"
"A few months… and a year… or so."
"Kakashi!" she cried out in disappointment, smacking him in the chest with the chart. "How have you been reading your books all this time?"
"I've read the series so often that I pretty much have most of the books memorized… and as for other stuff, I can if it's far away enough."
Sighing, she turned to pull out a strange multi-lens contraption for him to look through. "You promised you'd always come to me with stuff, Kakashi."
"…Sorry."
Her voice wavered as she spoke, "That's not good enough."
Now he only felt all the more worse. Following her next instructions to look through something that would help determine what would make him see more clearly, they went through the test again diligently with each eye, finding the right suited prescription so that he could read up close without blurred vision again.
When she was done, she wrote out his prescription and tore it off from the pad. Holding out his fingerless gloved hand expecting her to hand it to him, he was surprised as she wiggled off her lab coat. "Alright, let's go pick out a pair of glasses for you," she said.
Inwardly cursing at her insight that he had no intention of getting a pair anytime soon, he tried to reason with her. "I can get it myself, Sakura. You don't have to trouble yourself."
Sighing, she narrowed her green eyes. "Fact that you've been hiding this for over a year tells me that you're avoiding getting them for some reason. I'm going with you to make sure you do. You need them."
At least she couldn't make him wear them.
"I'm going to make you wear them," she added.
He glared at her. "Stop reading my mind."
She laughed, outreaching a hand to lightly tap the side of his silver head. "I wish I could get through your thick skull. I'd probably save myself a lot of time and worry."
"Yeah, maybe," he muttered half heartedly.
Sliding in the stool directly across from him again, she let out a heavy sigh. "Seriously, why haven't you told me this sooner? What are you so afraid of about getting glasses? It just seems silly to me, Kakashi. I'd be less angry at you if you could just help me understand why."
Uncomfortably squirming in his seat, he debated his options between lying and running away. If he did the latter she would undoubtedly catch him and pound him into the earth without hesitation.
Or he could just dance around the question.
"I… just don't care for them is all," he said with a shrug.
Crossing her arms with a small annoyed huff at his not so helpful answer, she tapped her nails against her skin as she studied his posture. Standing up from her chair, she grabbed his wrist to help pull him out of his seat. "Come on, Kakashi."
His heart unwillingly skipped a beat against her warm touch. Wanting to hide his sudden sporadic pulse, he quickly sat up and was already half way out the door.
"Eh, well wait for me!" Sakura cried out in surprise of how he seemed to suddenly change his mind in going, scuttling after him out into the hallway of the hospital.
Stuffing his hands into pockets, Kakashi slowed his pace once they were out into the bright busy streets of Konoha. He certainly wasn't in a rush to get glasses, but as he felt her hitch an arm around his he became nearly paralyzed and tensed up.
"Don't be a slow poke, Sensei," she happily sang out with a hum.
He inwardly groaned before casting a look to find a smile on her face. She seemed to be rather excited about shopping for glasses with him. Maybe this didn't have to be so bad, but the worry that bubbled in the back of his mind just didn't seem to go away. Buying glasses was like marking this moment forever in time that he was undeniably growing old.
How could she not see him in that way? Why wouldn't she?
"Oh, so you can stand up straight every once in a while, hum?" Sakura casually said as she stole him a glance.
His brow rose. "Huh?"
Realizing how stiff his usually slumping shoulders were, he glanced down at their linked arms which were the source of his inward distress. He wished he could enjoy it rather than freak out about it like some teenager.
"Oh, uh… sometimes, I guess," he quietly murmured, forcing himself to slouch which prompted a sigh from her. His arm remained rigid as she snugly held him until they finally stepped in front of the glasses shop.
"This shouldn't take too long," Sakura commented as she pulled him forward through the double doors.
Once inside, his gray eyes searched around the many displays of glasses he could choose from. Not even one of them appealed to him one bit.
"Hello, how may I help you two today?" the elderly store clerk greeted to them.
Pulling at his hand, Sakura said, "This gentleman here needs to find some glasses."
"Any style in particular you're interested in, sir?"
"Something cheap. I won't be using them at all," he replied. With a sharp pull at his arm by Sakura who gave a piercing glare, he added, "I mean… sometimes."
"Please have a look at this section then, a few of theses pieces are on a special sale today," the man offered as he pointed towards the small collection.
Sakura kept his hand in hers as if he might take the opportunity to run at any moment, she led him to the case and quietly hummed to herself as she looked them over. "What do you think? Anything you like?"
He briefly swept a look down at their hands before the rows of glasses. "No," he replied flatly.
She sighed, unhooking her fingers from his as she picked up a pair and motioned for him to take it. "Try these on."
"No."
"Just for a few sec-."
"-No."
"Kakashi."
"No."
"I-"
"-No."
"I haven't even said-"
"-No."
She cracked her knuckles with a deathly intent across her green eyes.
Wavering under her stare, he sighed.
Before he could protest any further, she had placed the glasses over his eyes, gently wiggling them in place. His heart stilled, annoyed at first before realizing how close she was. Her hands didn't immediately let go as she lightly tilted the glasses in her liking. The tips of her fingers brushed and followed along down the metal stems that hooked around his ears. Stepping back with a thoughtful hum, she gave a slight nod with a warm smile.
Afraid of his own reflection, he hesitantly looked at the ground before finally shifting towards the mirror that was against the wall. He wasn't sure how he expected to feel when he did see himself in them, but all his worries couldn't have prepared him to what he actually did feel.
He simply felt like himself, but with ridiculous glasses on.
All this trepidation he's had about coming here ever since his eyes began to change for the worse… was he just so concerned about what others thought of him about wearing glasses? Why should he care? When did he become so worried over what people thought about him? Reading Icha Icha in open public was evidence enough of that. Glancing to Sakura for a moment, he back tracked his initial thought. Maybe the only opinion he really cared about was just hers all along.
Wanting to know, he adjusted the lens a little higher on his nose before hesitantly asking, "So… what do you think, Sakura-chan?"
Folding her arms as she stood beside him to gaze towards the same mirror as he did at his reflection, she formed a bashful but honest smile. "I think you look quite handsome."
Inwardly elated as his heart skipped a beat, he remained cool and collected on the outside as if he didn't really care either way. "Oh?"
Tapping a finger against her chin, she added, "Dare I say… almost sophisticated?"
"Almost?" he dryly replied while giving her a playful glare.
"If only I could see the full picture though," she lightly bantered, poking along one of the sides of his masked cheek.
Glancing towards his covered mouth, he seriously considered just letting her see his face. It's not like he had anything to hide, and his close friends knew what he looked liked. She was a close friend, wasn't she? The smile he wore on his lips just moments before melted into a solemn one.
Wasn't she…?
Of course she was. She always would be. Not only did he trust her with his life as a teammate, but as a friend. While it was an amusing game to play with Team Seven, to watch them scramble for various ways to see his face, there really wasn't much other reason for it besides his own amusement. When he wore it, he really didn't think about it. A long time ago he used to have a purpose for wearing it as a kid, but now it was just a forgotten memory that had turned into a habit.
Lifting his fingers to the edge of his mask, he turned towards her and watched as she did a double take realizing what he was about to do. Before he could make another move, she had spun around to stare at the wall behind them.
Shielding the side of her eyes with her fingers, she stuttered out, "K-Kakashi! I-I was just kidding. You don't have to show me… I respect your privacy."
Already making up his mind, he pulled down the fabric beneath his bare chin and politely asked her to turn back around. "It's okay, I want you to."
Falling silent for a moment, she slowly shook her head and stared intently down at the floor like she was embarrassed. "No… I can't."
"Can't?"
"I-I won't."
Perplexed about her possible reasons, he couldn't completely understand given she had always wanted to sneak a peek at his face for as long as he could remember. Glancing around the store like he must have been hearing things, he wouldn't be all that surprised if he was losing his hearing along with his eyesight. It would be his luck.
Adjusting the slipping glasses along the bridge of his nose, he sighed and placed his hands on either side his hips before taking a step towards her. Tilting his head with an inquisitive raised brow, he said, "Seriously, I mean it. You can see my face, Sakura. It's not a big deal. Aren't you at least a bit curious?"
"Well, yes, but… I just…" She sighed and slumped her shoulders forward. "Let's just forget it about it, okay?"
"Fine," he replied evenly. "If that's what you want."
"But I, oh…" After realizing he said he would drop the idea, she hesitantly asked, "Did you put your mask back up then?"
Making no other movements except to cross his arms against his chest, he quickly replied, "Yep."
Slowly turning back around to face him, the moment Sakura caught sight of the silver stubbled cheeks, she spun back around again and stomped her foot in aggravation. "Kakashi!"
"And now you've seen me, so just turn around, Sakura."
"No."
Dropping his hands to his sides with a troubled sigh, he hung his head low in defeat. Why was she being so damn stubborn about this? He was willing to let her see his face without any opposition and she was refusing to look. He wasn't falsely teasing her like he did with Team Seven all those years ago. No games, no tricks. He couldn't understand it.
"What are you so afraid of?" Kakashi sincerely asked.
Slowing smoothing her fingers along the wooden display case in front of her, she remained silent for a moment. "I'll tell you if you tell me why you've never told me that something was wrong with your eyesight all this time. You broke your promise to me, Kakashi… How do you expect me to forgive you? Showing me your face?"
"That's not it," he murmured, feeling guilt immediately plummet down within his chest like a ton of bricks. She was right that he did break his promise, and he knew it the moment he decided to not share with her about the subtle change in vision over the years. It could have ended up more serious than just needing a pair of glasses to read with. She would have never forgiven him if something serious had developed and could have been prevented.
Glancing to her fingers that fidgeted with the metal rim of one of the displayed glasses in the case, he wondered if she would ever forgive him period. "In the beginning it was so minor that I honestly didn't think much of it. Then over time I guess I had gotten used to it as it slowly progressed. I didn't tell you because…" He sighed. "I was afraid of what you'd think of me, I guess."
She nearly turned back around in surprise, but had caught herself at the last moment remembering that she didn't want to see his bare face. "W-What do you mean?"
Placing his hands within the comfort of his pockets, he wondered about sharing his true feelings. Lightly shrugging, he explained, "I don't know… that you'd just see me as some tottering old man or something. After I lost the sharingan, I knew I'd never be the same as I was before. It's why I worked so hard trying to retrain myself without it… to at least prove to myself and the rest of the village I'm more than capable to fight without the aid of something that was never mine to begin with. Now I'm starting to lose my vision… it's in a small way, but I don't know. I just feel my age, I guess. I'm sure it's a matter of time before I won't be on active duty anymore."
Sighing, he uneasily scratched the back of his hair realizing that he was rambling. "Look, I know it's stupid."
Forming a frown, she said, "It's not stupid. I mean, I didn't realize how sensitive you were about your age… and now I feel bad for all those times I teased you calling you a perverted old man, but I don't really think that. You're still plenty young, Kakashi. You're still in your thirties for goodness sakes. If that's considered old, then I must be ancient."
He lightly laughed with a small grin. "I don't know about that, but thanks."
"Just because you need glasses to read something on paper doesn't mean you need to retire anytime soon. That's silly. There are plenty of people who have glasses that are first year Genin. Wearing them isn't going to change how people see you, Kakashi. Don't let a thought like that get inside your head. You'll always be one of the best shinobi in Konoha no matter if you have a prescription or not."
Unable to hold back a full smile at her kind words, he hummed. "I suppose you're right."
"Of course I'm right," she confidently beamed back. "Also, you'll always be one of the best leaders and teachers in Konoha, too. And I'm not saying that just because you're my Sensei."
His heart dropped when he heard that last dreaded word. With a soft sigh, he pulled off the glasses and folded them within his hands. "Yeah," he lowly murmured. "Appreciate it."
Glancing to the back of her pink hair as she still remained looking the other way, he quietly shook his head. Without another word, he tugged his mask back in place and started to walk towards the register. Inwardly, he berated himself with each step. The words, 'You're my Sensei' kept repeating in his head and he didn't know how to stop it. He always knew that's how she would always see him. Only as a teacher and nothing more… but why did it hurt so much despite already knowing it?
He felt like an idiot.
"I'll take these," Kakashi said to the store clerk as he placed the pair of glasses down on the counter.
"Excellent sir, all I need is your prescription and we'll have these ready for pick up in about an hour."
Searching his pockets, he stopped once he remembered Sakura still had it. Turning to reluctantly call for her with his heart still heavy with his last thoughts, she had already stepped beside him and slid the prescription across the counter.
Saying nothing more before turning to leave, his arm was suddenly tugged back by Sakura. Pulling him closer with a serious look etched across her face, she whispered, "Kakashi, what's wrong?"
Forcing an eye-crinkle of a smile, he uttered a short laugh as if she was worrying over nothing. "There isn't anything wrong."
Glancing back at the employee who had began to polish the lens of some glasses, she pulled him a little further away to be out of hearing distance. "You can't tell me that after suddenly walking away without saying anything else. Whatever I did or said… I'm sorry."
Placing his fingers over hers that was gripping his sleeve, the brief touch between them only made his heart ache. Gently, he pulled her hand away. "Seriously, it's nothing."
Looking into his eyes, she gave him a long look before uttering, "I don't believe you."
The false smile beneath his mask finally faded. He couldn't tell her the real truth. He was mad at himself for even feeling the way that he did about it. It was childish and stupid. He couldn't explain why he always seemed to keep filling his head with hope when he knew there was no point in it in the first place. Why did he have to feel this way? Why couldn't he just let it go?
"Thanks for coming with me, Sakura… and for the help," he murmured as he glanced towards the windows. Staring at the people passing in the street, he couldn't bear to keep looking at her in the eye anymore. Moving to leave, he added, "I'll see ya around."
"Kakashi."
He froze in place feeling the ever present aching weight dip even further inside his chest. Clenching his hands uneasily within his pockets, he stared towards the door and thought to just keep going like a coward. There wasn't anything more he could say to her and he was already beginning to feel embarrassed acting like this.
"Will you please honestly talk to me about what I said that upset you?" Sakura pressed with a hint of hurt to her voice. Pulling one of his hands in hers to tug him back to face her, she added, "We can't leave like this… I don't want to leave like this. Is it because I didn't want to look? I-I didn't tell you why-
"No, that's not it," he cut in, though he inwardly couldn't deny it was a bit disheartening. Sighing, he rubbed the bridge of his nose. She really wasn't going to make this any easier for him, was she? Closing his eyes to muster what little courage he had left, he finally looked to her and gently squeezed her hand. "It's not your fault, Sakura. It's entirely mine for feeling the way I do over something so trivial. I'm not mad at you for any reason, and I mean it… So please don't think that."
Sakura glanced towards their joined hands, returning a small squeeze with an appreciative smile. Tilting her head as she looked up towards his towering height above her, she looked into his eyes as if she was trying to read what was hidden inside. "Is it… because I said that you'll always be my Sensei?" she quietly asked.
Feeling the color slightly drain from his cheeks, he supposed there wasn't much point in trying to deny it. "Yeah… and I guess, well…" He sighed with a weak shrug. "I guess I don't want you to always see me that way."
"I know you've asked me before to not be so formal and call you Kakashi-sensei anymore… and I'm sorry I seem to still keep doing it out of habit sometimes, but please understand that you're much more than that to me, Kakashi. Yes, you were my teacher at one point in my life and I respect you for that, but… well…" Her voice fell silent in thought for a moment. "You're many things to me. A leader, a mentor, a comrade, a friend… You've been in my life for almost as long as I can remember. I care about you… and it's why I want to know why you're upset, or why you're hurt. It matters to me to know. So, tell me why you feel the way you do. Help me understand…"
Lightly letting go of her hand, Kakashi placed his back within the confines of his pockets as he glanced towards the shop keeper who had suddenly looked back down to his work. He was pretty sure the man has been polishing the same glasses for the past ten minutes now.
"Well," Kakashi began with a nervous sigh. "I've just always wanted to be something more to you, Sakura. More than just a teacher, a leader, comrade or… a friend."
Feeling even his ears begin to warm, he was pretty sure his entire face must have been red with embarrassment. Now he was a bit grateful she denied his offer to show his face beneath the mask after all. Swallowing down the words of how he'd fallen in love with her over the years, he just didn't have the guts to say it outright. Reluctantly glancing to her green eyes, she looked back at him in what looked like disbelief. She seemed to understand what he was trying to confess, but she couldn't find anything to say to fill the long silence between them.
Looking away again, he could only imagine she simply must be shocked and mortified. He was certainly feeling the latter with each passing second. "Look, I'm really sorry about worrying you about my eyes. I'm sorry I broke my promise… I'm sorry about a lot of things."
Shaking his head, he turned to leave and didn't look back even when she called his name aloud the first or second time. The bell of the shop's door chimed behind him as he closed it shut. Closing his eyes, he placed his fingers together to quickly form several seal signs before disappearing into a whirl of leaves.
Opening his eyes once more, he found himself back within his darkened apartment. Moving to turn on the light in the living room, he let out another sigh as he unfastened his fingerless gloves. Throwing them on the coffee table, he didn't know what he was going to say next time he saw her. Why was he such a damn idiot?
Dreading that he was going to have to walk back out there to pick up those cursed glasses, he plopped down on his couch and laid back. As he stared at the ceiling above, he asked himself about why he had to fall in love with her out of all people. It just didn't seem fair. After all these years he's struggled on this earth, one of the few people that brought him happiness was a former student who was nearly over a decade younger than him. Out of all of those things she said that he was to her, how could she ever see him as just a man? Their history together couldn't just be forgotten. He was always going to be a mentor… a leader… her friend.
He hated himself for falling for her.
Kakashi's eyes grew heavy as he slowly curled up more into the couch. Before he fell asleep, the last thought in his mind was dreading knowing he was going to go back outside to pick up his new glasses.
Hearing a knock sound at the door, he was startled awake. Taking in a deep breath, he groaned and rubbed the sleep away from his eyes as he sat up from the couch. Peering at the closed blinds he could see that it was dark outside.
"Shit," he softly uttered as he glanced at the clock on his wall. It was well past ten in the evening. Not only did he sleep past his usual dinner time, but managed to miss going back to the shop. He sighed. Perhaps it was better that he went tomorrow anyway.
At hearing another light knock, he called out, "I'm coming."
Scratching through his disheveled hair, he yawned as he unlocked the door. Expecting it to be Tenzo or Gai, he was surprised to find that it was Sakura standing on the other side. Feeling his earlier embarrassment reawaken once more, he said, "Oh… Hey."
Sakura forced a smile before she looked down at her hands which tightly gripped a small bag. Extending it to him, she said, "I was hoping you'd come back to at least get these so I could talk to you… but you never did."
Taking it, he opened it to find a small case. Pulling it out, he opened it to find a pair of glasses. Feeling guilty, he asked, "You didn't… wait very long, did you?"
"Just an hour. It's fine," she replied. "You should try them on and see if they fit okay."
Guilt stricken, he sighed. "It's not fine, I'm sorry." Taking the glasses out of the case, he opened them and examined the lens which reflected the moon's light above. Wiggling them over his nose, he placed the empty case back inside the bag. Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, "Thank you for bringing these. I'll pay you back first thing tomorrow."
"It's no problem." Looking uneasy, she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. "Kakashi… about what you said earlier-"
"-You don't have to say anything," he interrupted. "I'd rather just forget about it if that's okay with you."
Sternly looking up with new confidence, she replied, "It's not. Look, I'm sorry about before… you caught me by surprise, but you need to know it's something I've always wanted, too. T-To see you as more than just a friend."
His heart stopped. "You do?"
"I-I never thought that you'd ever want that," she stuttered out. "I meant it when I said I cared about you a lot. And about why I freaked out not wanting to see your face… I just kind of always had this stupid fantasy about seeing you for the first time. L-Like... well…"
He could barely make out the blush across her cheeks against the night before she brushed her hands along his cheeks. Clenching the bag at his side, he stood frozen as she pulled him closer by the fabric of his shirt.
"Like this," she whispered. Tucking her shaking fingertips beneath his mask, she began to tug the fabric slowly down until it was beneath his chin. Trying her best to hide a shy smile, she leaned in and ghosted her lips against his cheek before hovering over his lips. Holding his breath, he closed his eyes as he felt her steal a kiss.
His mind couldn't make any sense at how any of this could be happening, but his heart was racing. Never in his life had he ever felt so unsure before about if he was in a dream or not. The moment she broke away, he dropped the small bag and pulled her back, pressing an urgent kiss against her warm supple lips.
This couldn't be real.
But it felt so real, and it felt so right. Feeling her melt against his chest, he pulled her into a tight embrace. Moving from her lips to kiss her cheek, jaw and neck, he finally hugged her as he took in the sweet scent of her hair. He never wanted to let her go.
He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that until they finally parted. Sakura wore a genuine smile on her face, bashfully looking down as she tucked back her long bangs behind her ears. When she glanced up, she suddenly giggled.
"W-What?" he asked.
Lifting her hands to his eyes, she adjusted his glasses which had become rather askew. "There you go… see any better?" she warmly asked.
He smiled. "I don't think I've ever seen anything more clearly than I do now."
The End
[ Author Note: Wooo, I just personally love this oneshot so much. Not sure if anyone will dig it as much as I do, but I know I'm totally biased because it's glasses based which has become a small obsession for me (at least I admit it – ahah). I've wanted to write this forever though and it feels nice to finish. I'm cringing that the original draft dates back to 2013.
This is all originally inspired though by my lovelies who's fueled my obsession one way or another throughout the years. So I dedicate this to Moodiful819 who was the first to originally roped me into my megane phase, and to dimisfit, frostings, neonanything, chi-tokiyo, stunninglythere, hani-boo, sannyy, sunblaze24 ( your hatred only makes me stronger :p ) Plus everyone who's contributed one way or another that I'm missing!
Thanks for reading!
And a big thanks to CelestialCircumference for editing! ]