Hello readers!

So first off, let me apologize. Real life hit me like a brick. School has taken up alot of my time, and on top of that, my computer went to poop but now I'm ready to go!

This chapter is getting in to the head of Sebastian.

Now this will give you a choice, you can either love sebastian or hate him. This is his past, how he feels, and it'll explain the evil night of Ciel's rape.

Thanks for reading, and the reviews, I appreciate it so much.

Also, check out my Sebaciel fanfic!:)

Sebastian Michaelis is a 20 year old piece of shit - to put it lightly. He doesn't know how to treat people great and he doesn't have a good mannered bone in his body.

He came from a little town in New York and didn't have many friends or great parents. He was surrounded with abuse and hardly any love at all. At this point, he has no idea what it is and what it feels like - but if one thing he is sure of, is that he cares for Ciel in his own twisted way. Growing up around abuse, it's the only thing he knows to do. He doesn't have much empathy, he has way too much confidence, and when he looks in the mirror he knows he's a shitty person, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

In highschool he was a quiet kid. He came to school everyday sporting new bruises and the only outlet he had was to draw. His drawings were twisted, gory, full of hatred dripping off of the canvas. He didn't know how to handle emotions at all, he hated feeling them and knowing they were even there, even if they were buried so deep that it was difficult to access it. He had only hatred for his parents, and when his mother went insane and ended up in a mental hospital because of her suicide attempts and self harm, and even pill popping and drinking so much alcohol that she almost drowned in it. Sebastian witnessed it all, and he hated her for being so weak. He took the abuse from his dad like a champ. He showed no emotions when he recieved his beatings. After awhile, he stopped crying, he turned almost all of his emotions off except hatred. He even felt like he wanted to kill his father, he even planned it out, but something inside of him screamed not to do it.

He convinced himself that his father loved him in his sick, twisted way. This was the only way he could deal with any of the beatings and hurtful words. He knew inside this was fucked up and not true. His father hated him and his mother, and drank away his sorrows and vented his anger onto their skin.

He met Ciel Phantomhive in middle school. Ciel was outgoing, nice, understanding, and the most innocent person he's ever laid eyes on. Ciel tried his hardest to talk to Sebastian, as if he sensed something was wrong with him. Nobody else tried, no one even looked at him. Everyone was scared of him, but there was Ciel, trying to shove himself into his life. He had no idea how bad this would of turned out for him. His innocence was stolen the moment they started dating.

Sebastian treated him well for a good amount of time. He tried to smile, hold him when he was sad, whispered sweet nothings that he knew he didn't mean. He even told the boy that he loved him. The moment he felt something new, he broke down, shut himself down, and started treating Ciel like a pile of shit. They fought constantly, had too much angry sex almost every night, and Ciel started to slowly change.

Sebastian Michaelis took an innocent nice kid and turned him into a hateful person. By the time they were out of highschool, he fell into a bad crowd. Prostiution, drugs, and became a pimp pretty quick and settled down with so much money he couldn't count. He dragged Ciel with him, turning him into a whore. They broke up without even realizing it, it just happened. In some way, this pissed Sebastian off, and he made a bad decison and told Ciel's parents that they were an item since highschool and his parents went crazy. Sebastian didn't know that Ciel had a bad time at home as it was.

When Ciel came through the doors of work with an eye patch and his body black and blue, after a week of him missing, Sebastian felt a pang of guilt. Ciel's dad went insane and shoved a knife into Ciel's eye, shoving it out of its socket and beat him until he was barely breathing. His mother - a mother that tried her hardest to be good, called an ambulence and left with his father. They left him bleeding on the floor with an eye missing, bawling his eyes out and begging his mother to stay.

This was the day when Ciel started hating Sebastian, treating him like shit, barely smiling and decided to drown himself in drugs and sex. He tried not to mind that he completely changed him, that this wasn't the Ciel he came to know. Ciel would take as many customers as he could throw at him, he even let them treat him like crap. He would brag that he loved sex, but Sebastian knew that he was miserable. He could see it in him. The only time he didn't was when the boy was too high to even care about anything, which was how he was with almost all his customers.

One night, Ciel tried to talk back to Sebastian for the first time since this whole thing started. He didn't understand what did it, but when he looked at Ciel, he felt so much guilt that it hurt him inside. He was disgusted with himself and disgusted with Ciel. Everytime he looked at him, he raged, and one night he got so pissed after Ciel tried to be a brat to him, that he beat him. He beat him so badly that Ciel finally showed emotion, and that was pain and crying. This made him even more angry, that he took a knife and slashed him with it, leaving a dark scar from his collar bone, to above his elbow.

After this incident, Ciel obeyed well. He took advantage of this, and instead of charging money for coke, he let Ciel suck him off or fuck him. Everytime he fucked Ciel, he felt disgusted and had so much guilt that it made him throw up on multiple occasions, leading to him not having sex with him anymore. Ciel for some reason cried because of this. Ciel claimed that he still loved him, but everything was so fucked up.

Sebastian couldn't be the man that ciel needed. He was convinced that no one would ever love him or Ciel. All Sebastian felt for the boy was so much care that it made him sick. He didn't know how to handle it, he didn't want to handle it. So, he made Ciel hate him and scared of him, leading to them only talking when buisness was needed or when Ciel needed more drugs. This worked out perfectly for Sebastian, allowing him to subdue his feelings and take a breath. He was so close to the point of hating himself, and he couldn't stand it.

I guess in some way - Sebastian does hate himself.

He knows that he ruined a good kid, who tried everyday to make people happy, even when he went home and recieved beatings, emotional distress, cried himself to sleep. But even if this did happen, Ciel was strong. He kept a smile, he was surrounded by friends and at the time, had a great boyfriend.

Sebastian has to wonder sometimes, was it worth it? Was it worth bringing a kid down to nothing and turning him into a sex and drug monster? A monster who only felt miserable and self hate. A monster who felt like he'd never have anyone love him, or care for him in any way except sexual desire?

Sebastian came to terms with it - He felt regret, and he hated himself for it everyday.

"Your fucking whore slept with my ex boyfriend." Claude told Sebastian in an angry tone.

"Why does it matter if it's an ex? And besides, if this is true, he needs to be put in his place. He knows he's not allowed to have sex with someone without pay." Sebastian sighed, rubbing his temples. He felt a strong headache coming on.

"Then what is your plan? And it matters because we barely fucking just broke up. Alois is a sensitive brat. Ciel is a whore, and I don't even think he's aware of it."

"Well, how about you deal with it? I'll pay you to rough Ciel up a little bit. Don't go too wild, just make him a little scared of you." Sebastian said in a calm tone, taking his whiskey and downing it quickly.

"Alright. Set it up and let me know the date." Claude turned and walked out of the club, hiding his smug face. He's going to rough Ciel up, alright.

After The Rape Incident

"You fucking idiot, I said to rough him up a little bit, not fucking rape him and leave him there. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sebastian screamed at Claude, shaking from his anger. The guilt came back up like bile, threatening to make him vomit.

"Why does it fucking matter? He's just a whore. He has to take everything that comes to him anyway. Plus I wasn't too rough, just choked him a bit." Claude laughed, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Sebastian cursed under his breath and punched Claude straight in the mouth, making him fall on his ass.

"Get the fuck out of here. You're fucking disgusting for doing that. Just choking? He has marks on his fucking neck and looks like complete shit." And is walking around like a fucking zombie that looks like he's cried every fucking day. He added in his head. "Seriously, learn to fucking control yourself you fucking idiot. You're to not see him anymore, at all. If I even hear that you were even LOOKING at him, I will hunt you down and fucking kill you, do you understand?" He was fuming at this point, but his anger was directed at himself for letting this guy hurt Ciel and actually paid him for it. This was a whole new low for Sebastian, and it fucking killed him inside.

Claude glared at Sebastian and got up, yelling over his shoulder as he left the club.

"Loving a whore is disgusting."

Sorry if this is short, but I wanted you to get a feel for who Sebastian is.

Sebastian is complicated, extremely so. I have a thing for complicated, fucked up characters, so I love Sebastian in this. I wanted him to love Ciel, but his version of love is twisted as fuck, and even if he tried it in highschool, it made him feel sick for some reason.

I wanted him and Ciel to have a similar past, and that's why they still stick around eachother, kind of a comfort thing.

I hope this gave you a feel for who he is, and why he does what he does. He's just a fucked up dude with major problems, and I have some plans for him in the future of this.

thank you for reading ,everyone! Chapter 8 will be way sooner than this chapter came out, and again I'm sorry for that.