Note: only a couple of swear words, but I thought I'd warn you anyway, because that's what I do. For a prompt on the Avengers kink meme, page 74, round 25.

"Beating the Lie Detector"

It was probably because he was so damn guileless.

When put through the most expensive, foolproof lie detector in the history of man, Natasha Romanov lasted nearly until the end.

"Well… I may have taken the last stapler from the supply cupboard, but it was to prank Coulson," she said. "Sir, a word of advice? Never play cards with Pepper Potts. You will not win."

Some would've called it a waste of resources; Director Nick Fury figured that if he was gonna spend that much money on one machine, he'd better get a lot of use out of it. Which was why he'd taken to using it for… erroneous reasons.

"Shit, how accurate is this thing?" Tony muttered after being forced to admit that, yes, he planted a bug on the fern in Fury's office. Apparently putting it in an actual toy bug was a bit of a dead giveaway, never mind refuge in audacity.

"If the Black Widow can't beat it, what makes you think anyone can beat it?" Fury said.

Halfway through the lengthy test, Clint gave up simply because he had shooting to get back to.

"Really?" Fury asked. Clint fidgeted.

"Uh…" He looked away. "No more dying the cleaning fluid purple?"

"And you thought that wouldn't be a neon sign of a clue. What kind of idiots am I employing?"

"The finest in New York, sir," Clint said, his eyes gleaming with mischief. Fury pointed to the door, and Clint sauntered out.

Bruce's heart-rate rose a bit too quickly for Fury's liking, but at least he admitted to 'borrowing' some lab equipment without remembering to fill out the requisition forms. Yeah, there were a lot of forms, but 'paperwork exists for a reason, Dr. Banner'.

Thor barley managed to fit in the chair, and his complete lack of ability to lie made for a very short test indeed. He cheerfully admitted to 'making love to the Lady Jane' in the labs, although it turned out that his definition of making love was the old-fashioned kind, not the get-the-bleach-out kind, thank Odin.

And Steve Rogers, Captain America, flew through the test without admitting to any wrong-doing. He blinked those big, blue eyes, there was no jump in heart-rate or sweat forming, no indications at all that he was lying. The lie detector technician, one of the Koenig brothers, gave him a clean bill of honesty, and Fury sent him away.

It wasn't until later, when he was personally reviewing the security footage, that he found that his suspicions about today's Avenger-related misdemeanour were correct.

"Motherfucker, Rogers did take the last of my Oreos!"

I laughed when I read the prompt, and decided to try to fill it. As I said at the end of the fill on the meme, Oreos are awesome. And of course Steve is the only Avenger who can beat the lie detector. It's everyone else's fault for thinking he's so darn innocent. (And for not thinking that he has complete control over his body.)

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