Chapter 1
ATLANTIS. NIGHT TIME. The days had begun to mesh together. At times Carter lost track of time. And this happened to be one of the days. She sat in her office with a pile of paperwork, staring back at her. She realized she had mulled over the same report for the last half hour. Realizing the lack of sleep was not helping any, she decided to go to her quarters. She got up, and as she turned, her eye caught a picture that was resting on the desk behind her. It was of the then Colonel, now General Jack O'Neill. She lifted the picture to her, and sighed deeply.

It had been several months that she had agree to take the position at Atlantis, but she didn't realize how hard it would be without her team, her SG1 team, and mostly her CO. With one finger she traced his face on the picture.

"Oh, how I miss you".

"You OK. Colonel?" Without realizing it, Sam had said that statement out loud. John Sheppard had just passed her office as he heard it.

"John!" she was so focused on the picture, he actually startled her.

"hey, yea I'm fine" she tried to cover her emotions, but not only did she verbalize her sentiments, the tears rolling down her face truly spoke the volume of what she was feeling.

She immediately put the picture down, wiped her tears away and tried to look "fine".

John knew that something had been wrong for weeks. Where she had slowly become part of the team, at Altantis, for the past several weeks, you would find her secluded in her office, or quarters only coming out when duties needed to be handled, or if she was needed for some political matter.

Before letting her walk out of her office, John grabbed her arm…..

"Hey, you sure you're o.k?" he asked with a concerned tone to his voice. She knew he meant well but it wasn't something she wanted, then again, something she could talk about. She was still under the General's command (the President had decided that Atlantis, would benefit from O'Neill's Stargate knowledge), and regulations unfortunately still had not changed.

She gave him one of her smiles, "I've fine John, really. I'm just tired, that's all" she tried to convince him, but he wasn't a stupid man. He knew if she didn't want to talk about it he couldn't force her.

"Well, just know if you need to chat, I'm always here" John replied. He knew she had to have been having a hard time. Being with a team for so long, especially SG-1, wasn't something you can move on from overnight. He knew she needed time.

"OK….well gets some rest then" He said to her. He smiled, knowing she would get through this; she after all was Samantha Carter.

She smiled back at him.

"Thanks, John" she knew he meant well. All she wanted to do at this point was crawl into her bed, and let her dreams take over her.

She entered her quarters. She slowly came out of her uniform, and slipped into bed. Although she was physically tired, the mental and emotional state she was in, was not allowing her to sleep.

"Get a hold of yourself, Carter" she said to herself.

"Maybe a hot bath will help", she thought.

She made her way to her bathroom. Being Colonel had its perks. She had a full bathroom, along with a large tub, she could disappear in. She started to run the water. She grabbed her shampoo and dropped a couple of drops in just to create some suds. As the tub started to fill, she smiled to herself. She realized she hadn't self-indulged in quite some time. She removed the rest of her clothing and just soaked. But where she thought she could actually relax, her mind took over. Suddenly and overwhelming sense of emotion took over, and all she could do was weep. She had several months of pent up emotion that suddenly made its way to the surface. Right there, that moment, she just kept saying it, "Oh how I miss you…" alone in that tub, in her quarters, safe from prying ears, "I miss you" is all she could verbalize. She never loved a man so much as she did General Jack O'Neill. The countless times they had saved each other's lives. How his use of the word "always" and C'mere, when she needed comforting were her safe haven. She sat and wondered about all the alternate realities where they were married or engaged. She wondered if she was honest with him that day at the house, before he father died, or honest with herself the day she was stranded on the Prometheus, if things would have been different. Where would her life be right now? Would she be with him, married? She couldn't deny that she thought of it, and lately a lot more. So with that she rinsed herself off, and made her way out. She dried herself, and crawled into bed, hoping her mind would settle down and let her sleep. As she gazed outside her window, to the beautiful view she had of Atlantis, her eyes grew heavy, and she slowly drifted away, but right before she did, her last thought was "I miss you".