Day in and day out.

Always the same.

The attention stopped coming. The negligence replaced it. At least back in Wammy's, Matt was able to get some affection from Mello. They were best friends ever since they showed up around the same time, and soon developed into something more. It may not seem much like the type of thing Mello would say, but he promised the redheaded boy he supposedly loved that they would be together forever.

What a lie that was, Matt quickly discovered.

Though he promised to run away with Mello, following after the blonde just as always, to help him in his quest of beating Near – it only made their relationship decline to the point where it disappeared altogether. No longer were they spending time together at night. No longer was Mello watching Matt play video games, or Matt teasing Mello by hiding his chocolate. No longer would they watch horror films on the couch, or lay together in bed. Because Matt soon became the errand boy. He'd help him on his missions, run to the store for him for chocolate, and shoot the bad guys in Mello's way. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

But Mello wasn't here right now. He left Matt all by himself in the apartment to go run off, probably something to do with the Kira case he was so caught up in. Although sometimes he liked to take time off, though that was mainly just to fool around with other members of the mafia. What they did, Matt had no idea. Why? Because he was busy actually doing work to make Mello happy.

There he sat in the empty bedroom that used to belong to him in Mello. Now it just seemed like more of his own. They never went to bed together anymore… Well, there was sometimes. But that was only for the type of affection Mello often found himself craving.

Sex.

Ironic how Matt was the first one to initiate this, and now it was the only thing close to what they used to be that Mello still wanted to do. God forbid he ever got a hug or kiss. He knew he must sound like such a girl saying he missed all that, but now the days just felt cold to him. Useless. Going by in a blur. Just blindly following whatever Mello wanted like a dog. That was what most people thought of him upon learning who he was, if he was ever bothered to be introduced.

But come to think about it, when was the last time they even had sex? Not recently.

The silence was becoming too loud.

Matt slowly stood.

He walked down the empty hallway, black leather boots making small tapping noises that seemed to echo through the walls.

At the start of all this, he could've been in this hallway with Mello. Where they kissed. Where they hugged. Where they had time for each other. Hell, he wasn't even complaining about the busyness of it all, what with the Mafia and Kira case. He was just complaining about the fact that Mello didn't even notice him anymore – only when he needed something. He was given no attention. Never talked to. Never even touched. The old Mello he knew was dead and gone, killed by the obsession with Near.

He ran his hand along the chipped brown paint on the wall, reaching the living room. There he noticed the jet black gun perched on a couch armrest, sunlight streaming in through the window reflecting off it. Emerald eyes beneath goggles eyed the weapon before it was approached, taken swiftly into Matt's gloved hands.

The last time Matt and Mello got into a fight had only been a few days ago. One might assume it was Matt who started it, because of the anger and hurt that had been building up from Mello's new attitude. But no. That was kept well hidden inside. It was Mello who chose to voice his anger. Because Matt wasn't working fast enough. Matt wasn't taking the simple job he'd been given seriously.

Matt took everything Mello gave him seriously.

Because it was Mello.

His precious cigarettes were confiscated after that. The redhead nearly drove himself crazy with withdrawal before he was allowed to leave and run to buy more. If he didn't have a car… He'd probably go even madder than he had.

Just thinking now about what Mello put him through without a care, where as he would've cared deeply about Matt's even smaller suffering when they were kids… Well it sent a chill down Matt's spine. The kind as if he didn't know who this blonde male was. Like a stranger. A cold-hearted stranger, kept awake at night by the dying need for revenge. It made his hands shake. His teeth bite down on the inside of his bottom lip. His heart drop.

He flipped the gun over and ran his fingertips down the side, as if examining it. It wasn't his… It was Mello's. Him leaving his gun behind was very unlike him… Which led him to believe he wasn't out doing the type of business he said. Come to think of it, he didn't even get in the same van as his mafia buddies.

It really was amazing how thoughts and paranoia could make his heart hurt so badly. He never even had feelings as a child… Always preferred to lose himself in his games. Mello brought those out. And for that, he cursed him. He cursed the blonde who used to keep him living, but was now pushing him daringly towards the edge.

Not wanting to face the truth of what he might be up to, Matt shook his head quickly back and forth – as if shaking out all the negative thoughts. But still they remained. Actually, it felt like he was shaking out all the positive thoughts instead. Or what little remained of them, anyway.

"Damn it…

Damn it…

Damn it…"

Matt gripped the gun tighter.

He raised it to the side of his head.

Click.

Off went the safety.

His eyes shut, like the coward he was.

I wonder how bad this'll hurt…