A/N

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Hunter X Hunter plot or its characters; I only own my Main OC and any supporting OCs that might show up as the story progresses.

BlueFire Jin14: Thank you everyone for reviewing, following and favoring my story even so it has been a long time since I last updated. Before I begin I must thank my Beta reader Lani-chan for her magnificent work! She improved this chapter a lot and believe me when I say that if not for her this chapter would have really sucked…

So once more I'm sorry and I hope that you like this chapter too.

Beta reader: Lani0108

Chapter 2: Death X And X A Smile

My first kill was by far one of the worst experiences I have ever been through, both in my past and new life.

I was too naïve—thinking that killing for the first time wouldn't affect me in any way. I realize now that I was too full of myself, letting the thought of being an assassin get through my head—and the thought of being praised by my father made an unknown feeling swell inside me, making me think that nothing would frighten me anymore.

Even if I were to kill at the age of four.

But who would have thought I would change so much after that fateful day?

"The two of you will be having your first official missions today."

The second those words left my father's mouth, I completely froze on the spot—the thought of dodging Illumi's attacks entirely disappearing from my mind. It was only later when my brother's fist was only an inch away from my face did I remember that we were having our usual spar. I was thankful that he stopped his fist to look at father before it actually hit me in the face, or I would have had a bad case of nosebleed from the impact.

Father's words were still processing in my mind. I was totally out of it while thinking—simply staring at father. I'm not sure what kind of emotion was shown on my face. Maybe there was nothing at all.

I knew what he said, those very words that I've been dreading to hear all these years, but I was actually wishing that it was a lie—a mere joke, perhaps. But this was Silva Zoldyck we were talking about, this guy doesn't joke around at all. And after his next words, I actually wanted to beg whatever powerful being was up there to give this man a sense of humour in him.

"Illumi, Illuka, both of you will be having different assignments, which means both of you will be separated for the time being."

In that moment, I wanted to scream in complete horror at his words.

"Illumi, you will be accompanied by your grandfather." He pauses to look at Illumi, and nods in approval when he sees my black-haired brother listening. Then he turns to look at me. I look back at him, I still don't know what expression I'm wearing. "While I, will accompany you, Illuka."

I seemed to have finally regained my senses after hearing that, and everything finally registers in my mind.

I'm going to go on my first mission. Without Illumi with me.

I felt beyond terrified as I turned to look at my brother, who was staring at father with curiosity shining in his cat-like eyes.

The thought of being separated from Illumi for more than thirty minutes was like thinking of Hisoka turning into a pacifist someday. Which is, by the way, utterly disgusting and ridiculous. And don't even get me started on how impossible that is from happening. Kind of like separating me and Illumi.

Okay, I know I'm exaggerating a bit here, but I've really gotten attached to my cat-eyed little brother – and twin – in this past four and half years or so.

But father didn't take any of it when I started to whine about how unfair it was to separate us, and Illumi didn't even protest against it at all! His eyes only following after us as father dragged me to who-knows-where.

The little traitor.

When we had arrived to our destination—which was father's room—he let go of my arm (which he used to drag me here against my will, by the way) and told me to sit down, which I did, before he himself sat down on his oversized couch, motioning for me to come closer when he noticed that I was sitting on the ground. I did as he said without hesitation and sat myself right next to him, while still facing him. I kept quiet for a while, still a bit mad at him for separating me from Illumi, but it proved too hard for me to actually keep my mouth shut when I was practically sweating from nervousness.

"… So, what's this really important first mission that you want me to do without Illumi-chan?" I decided to ask, making sure that my voice sounded polite, yet with a hint of sarcasm, to hide how nervous I was to whatever he was going to tell me and make me do.

Father only smiled at me, placing his large hand on my head, and ruffling my hair in the process—like he usually did whenever I was alone with him. I liked to think that this was his special gesture just for me, and I liked it, even though it messes up my hair more than it already is.

"Don't worry." Was what he said, and strangely, that made me feel a little better. "I'm sure this job won't take you too long, considering your skills. You may return to your brother right after finishing your mission. But before anything else, I need to tell you about the target you are assigned to kill."

His last words made a chill run down my spine. The target you are assigned to kill. Those very words were still running through my mind even as I leaned closer to look at the picture father was holding out to me—there, I could see a man with dark slicked-back hair, he wasn't looking at the camera when the picture was taken, obviously, but even in that angle, I could see that he was quite the handsome man. His face shape was angular and his eyes had a dark shade that I can't quite name; he was smiling charmingly at whatever he was looking at, and from his clothes, I could clearly see that he had quite the fortune. And did I forget to mention the insane amount of bodyguards surrounding him? Well, now I did.

"Cozart Dicm, he's your target." I continued studying the picture of the man—Cozart Dicm—memorizing his face to not mistake him for anyone else, while still listening to father describe him. "He is a man very well-known in the underworld for his strange passion of buying human organs in the black-market. We were hired to assassinate only him, so any other casualties is not needed."

Okay, good. I nodded at father while still staring at the photo, a small feeling of relief rising inside of me. I can avoid killing other people.

Despite this thought, though, I couldn't help but frown slightly at the nagging feeling at the back of my mind, which increased as I continued staring at the picture. I know he looks handsome and all, but he has this really sinister and nostalgic feeling about him… it kind of reminds me of… him.

After a bit more of talking with father, I went back to my room to prepare myself. I stood in front of the mirror in the said room, staring at a reflection of a girl with white hair and violet eyes—it was only then that I realized that I was shaking.

And it was only then that I realized that I wasn't ready for this.

But I was still going to do it anyway.

Annoyance. Disappointment. Irritation. I don't know how many words could describe how I was feeling right now as I continued knocking out one guard after another.

Annoyance at how my father left me with the weaklings while he took care of the Nen-users. Disappointment at how easy it was to knock-out these bodyguards. And most of all, irritation at myself for feeling all of these things. I mean, I shouldn't be feeling annoyed and disappointed, I should be grateful that I don't have to face powerful people and that father cares enough for me that he doesn't want me to get myself killed. But really, this is all just making me feel really useless. And I don't like being useless. Even if this mission is to assassinate someone.

It wasn't long before I found myself standing in front of a really expensive-looking door, which I'm guessing is my target's office, or bedroom, maybe. With that being said, I tried to conceal my presence as much as I could, since I couldn't use Nen yet. I slowly reached out to the door and twisted it open, anticipating to see my target—Cozart Dicm—on the other side.

But as the door opened to reveal what was inside, I was beyond horrified.

The first thing I saw was blood—there was blood everywhere. It coated the floor with its dark colour, the walls, and even the ceiling—everything was painted with the colour of blood; the crimson, dark red that I was starting to hate.

The room was filled with its disgusting metallic smell—it was suffocating and I instantly felt nauseous, ready to vomit the food that I ate earlier in any minute, but thankfully, I held it in. I tried calming myself down, telling myself to focus on finding my target instead of thinking about the blood, and carefully started walking across the room, trying to not think of squelching sounds I could hear as I stepped on something on the ground and trying to find my target at the same time.

It was then that I noticed more details of the room I was currently in—the room was unnecessarily big; with a high ceiling and space that could fit a couple of king-size beds, a floor-to-ceiling window which illuminated the room with a dim light opposite of me, and on some parts of the walls that had no blood on it, I could see that the original colour was actually a light shade of grey, which was probably why the crimson red was more noticeable.

After a few more seconds of studying the room, I spotted a door in the corner, slightly covered by the curtains of the window beside it.

The walk towards the door was horrifying—I saw things that made me want to throw up my dinner, and things that strangely resembled human organs… maybe they were organs. I swallowed back the rising bile in my throat and continued walking past the horrific sight.

But apparently, that wasn't the worst part of tonight.

As I slowly got nearer to the room, I could hear muffled sobs and screams and…laughing? I started to walk faster.

I didn't know what I was expecting, that time—but seeing my target, Cozart Dicm, laughing as he pulled a child—looking no older than I did—and then slitting her throat and laughing even more as her head was cut off from the strength he put in the butcher's knife, was not one of them.

Insane. That was the word I would use to describe him.

I was sure I looked horrified, because I sure as hell felt like it. The look on that poor girl's face before she died—no, before she was murdered probably mirrored mine right now.

I was beyond scared. I was terrified of this man and what he did… but I was also beyond angry.

I was furious.

It was then and there that I decided I would kill this man without mercy—like he had killed that little girl with no sympathy. My eyes burned with rage, and I could feel my hands tighten around the daggers I held.

That was all that registered in my mind before everything turned black.

Blood.

There was blood everywhere.

Those were the first thoughts that came to mind as I found myself standing in a pool of blood and mangled body parts. I noticed someone was standing not too far in front of me, inspecting something which I now realize is a barely recognizable body.

It was only a few seconds later that I realized that that "someone" was my father.

I looked down at myself, noticing the crimson red colour that was covering me—I wasn't sure whether the blood was mine or not, or where it came from. I couldn't comprehend anything—my mind was blank. I felt completely numb.

It was only later that I realized that I said anything at all.

Father looked at me thoughtfully, and when my words finally sunk in, I sucked in a breath from the shock I was feeling at what I did.

"I killed him."

I… I actually did it. I let the anger that I felt control me and… killed someone. I killed a man—a human-being, a once-living and breathing person—and I killed him like I was ordered to do so.

I must have been spacing out, because when father started talking, his voice came out unnecessarily loud.

"Yes, you did kill him. You finished the mission as ordered, but…" Father's stern eyes found mine. "… You overdid it."

As father said this, he moved out of the way to show me a disgusting unrecognizable body without a head or any limbs—and if it wasn't for the violet rose that was on his chest pocket, I wouldn't have recognized this person at all. I was frozen on my spot as I stared in horror and disdain at the blood-stained rose—the same violet rose my target had.

My eyes were wide as I stared—my head ached and my chest tightened, I remember now. Just thinking about it made it hard to breathe.

I forced myself to swallow.

That… that thing was my target. I was the one that did that to him, and just the thought of me killing that man… despite him being a disgusting, sickening person… why did I let myself do it? Why did I let myself kill him?

I was disgusted and horrified at myself when a small, satisfied voice in my head told me that he deserved it.

No. I shook away the disturbing thought from my head, but the cruel satisfaction I felt from killing my target wouldn't go away no matter how much I wanted it to. And it didn't help that the same small voice inside my head was laughing and telling me that he deserved it over and over again. I tried to rub my temples to possibly clear my head, but now that I actually tried moving my hand, it felt… heavy, for some reason. I had a sinking feeling of frightened expectation in the pit of my stomach as I turned to look down at my hand—my hand was balled into a fist, and with a growing sense of horror, I realized that what I previously thought were my daggers was actually… my target's head.

I wanted to scream and throw the head somewhere I could never ever see it again. I wanted to cry and go home where I know Illumi was waiting for me—I needed Illumi right now. I needed him to wake me up and tell me this was all just a horrible dream, to tell me this was all just a nightmare and nothing more. I wanted mother to hug me and tell me everything was okay. I wanted father to turn around and say that all of this was just some sick joke… But no. None of that was going to happen. This was my reality. All of this was my reality. The blood I'm covered in. The dead body in front of me. The severed head near my feet.

… And the fact that I'm a cold-blooded murderer.

I could hear the small voice inside my head laughing—and a small disgusted smile curves my lips.

A small voice inside my head? Oh, who am I kidding?

That's just me—enjoying everything that had happened.