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Tauriel stood with no light within her. The sun was placed high in the dome of heaven but even his rays could not warm her frozen heart.
Her dull, emerald eyes watched as the caskets were marched back towards the mountain. One in particular caught her eye and her breath sharpened, Kili.
Because she was an elf, she wasn't allowed any further than the crumbling gate. Her eyes followed longingly as they disappeared into the dark crevasse of their hoard.
Buried in the ground, so far away from starlight, it's not what he would have wanted, she lamented. As the others around her turned to leave, mostly men since Thranduil had called the elves away, Tauriel stood, shivering. The she-elf wasn't cold; she was broken, shattered.
"I could have…I could have Kili." She whispered to the wind, her tears stinging her cut up face, "I do." Tauriel finally answered his question, If only I had told you when I had the chance.
"Tauriel?" Bard hung back from the procession and started towards her. Because he was the head of the new Laketown colony, he was permitted to go forward with the others.
Tauriel looked up quickly, falling into attention like a trained guard. Bard was a good couple inches shorter than her, but his kingly air commanded the respect for him.
"Will you not follow?" Bard asked, his dark eyes shifting towards the company as their torches started to disappear, "Surely you are allowed to follow, after all you had done for the deceased."
Tauriel looked over her shoulder to the few retreating elves that had come to send off the fallen King, "My people are not allowed to enter the mountain."
"So said Thorin Oakenshield, not Dain Ironfoot." Bard countered. Her gem eyes lingered on his gruff face, admiring his spirit.
"I cannot go down there." She replied, keeping her breathing even. No one, accept her once King and Legolas, knew of her attachment to the tall dwarf and she planned on keeping it that way.
Bard stepped forward, "Did you not hear what I said? You are welcomed in the realm of Ironfoot."
"It's not what he would have wanted." She whispered, her eyes looking down the dark hall. How anyone could live in a kingdom of constant midnight was beyond her.
Mirkwood is just as dark, the forest is not that of my youth. Dark creatures roam our lands and he is just going to lock himself in his castle, letting the world decay and believing it can't touch him, Tauriel thought cynically.
"Not what who would have wanted?" Bard asked, snapping Tauriel out of her thoughts, "Tauriel, who?"
"No one, my lord." Tauriel replied solemnly, "I should return with my people."
Bard reached out and took hold of her forearm, drawing her to a stop, "You are banished, remember, they are no longer your people."
Tauriel's heart stuttered, recalling her banishment and the abandonment of Legolas. With her parents gone and Legolas heading north, there really was no one left for her to return too.
She had considered heading towards Lothlórien. Lady Galadriel had always been kind to her subjects; surely she might take in the banished guard in her time of need. Or maybe to Rivendell, Lord Elrond had always been known to welcome wandering Silvans.
"Lady Tauriel," Bard broke the line of decency and took her hand, his friendship and compassion overruling his standing, "come, say your last goodbye so you can move on."
Tauriel looked up, reading the soul hidden within his copper eyes, He knows.
Bard gave a small smile, trying to encourage her to follow as he started towards the entrance. Tauriel let him lead them and she became the first elf in hundreds of years to enter the threshold to the dominion of the King Under The Mountain.
Tauriel crept behind the man, trying to hide her tall figure even though she stood out among those gathered. A few dwarves glared, those who had heard of how she helped Kili made way and welcomed her into their circle. She stood in the center of Thorin's company, amazed how the dwarves protected her from those who wished her ill.
Dain gave eulogies for each, his eyes looking into each of his fellow comrades faces as he spoke. No emotion was hidden; tears flowed freely down his face as he praised Thorin and his heirs.
Tauriel clutched the stone in her hand, pressing it against her heart when he turned to Kili's final resting place.
"May they rest in peace until we are reunited with them once again." Dain ended. A song drifted from the far corners of the crowd until the whole cavern was filled with the sweet melody. The group filed out, leaving only a few torches to light the crypt.
Bard moved towards the door, giving Tauriel a moment alone. She moved towards the beautifully crafted tomb and let her slender fingers gently caressed the runes, which declared that Kili rested there forever more.
"If only I had been more diligent, you wouldn't have had to sacrifice yourself for me." Her long lashes flutter closed, concealing her pain, "If only I had told you when I had the chance…maybe that would have saved you." Her hand loosened around the stone and she gently laid it by the runes of his name, "I love you."
"You can't live in the past, Tauriel." Bard advised gently, treading carefully, for her grief was truly real.
She tried to settle her tears, "If I cross over to the Undying Lands, I will never see him again."
"You are Silvan, you don't have a choice between being mortal or immortal like the Half-Elves. Wishing that you had the gift of Man or considering what you could have done different during battle will not bring Kili back." Bard explained, "Death is not the answer. You are hurting, so it is good to mourn, but life does go on and there are still people to live for. I should know." He smiled, remembering his children. They had been his only source of comfort when he lost his beloved wife.
"I have no one." Tauriel forced herself to turn away and start towards the door. She wanted to run back, to rip open the lid and be buried beside him, but she willed herself not too.
"You are welcomed to stay with us and rebuild our city. We have many wounded and will need a skilled healer." Bard offered, keeping pace with her long stride. Tauriel nodded, letting him know she would consider his request.
She took in the fresh air, her eyes blinded by the noon sun. Tauriel had always hated being underground, she felt trapped and unable to breathe. She was born to be free and to have the heavens opened freely above her; sun, rain, snow or stars, it was all her safe haven.
"Tauriel." A stoic voice called. The once guard froze, knowing exactly who it belonged too.
Bard gave a gracious nod, "King Thranduil. Tauriel, I will take my leave." He excused himself and mounted his horse.
Once her eyes adjusted, she could make out the silhouette of her once King. Her memory recalled an image of the battle and him standing before her while she took aim with her bow and called him out. Of course she had already been banished, but her words only pushed the dagger deeper instead of help to build a bridge of forgiveness.
"My lord, what brings you to the West Gate?" Tauriel forced herself to bow, knowing she couldn't take meeting his eye. After she had defied him in front of his soldiers and basically said he was a cold hearted ruler, he had found her over the body and confirmed her love had been real. But, that didn't change the here and now and that she was simply a banished, former captain and he was still King of the Woodland Realm.
To think she had once been in awe of Thranduil as a child, to believe that he knew all. He had lived for hundreds, thousands, of years beyond her short age; of course she would never falter in her believe that he was omniscient. That is, she never would have before her battalion had come upon the lost dwarves.
That day Kili stumbled into her life had changed everything.
Tears threatened to fall at the memory, but she pushed them aside, refusing to show her weakness in front of him. She didn't trust him and she couldn't afford to have any more of her heart crushed.
Thranduil stood tall, regal like always and freshly cleaned from battle, "I came to give my respect to the fallen King."
Tauriel couldn't help the small smirk that spread across her rosy lips; Thranduil always was a diplomat first. He knew how to act so that he was assured of getting his way later.
He lusts for those white gems like a starved man for food, Tauriel thought.
"The procession has just ended, my lord." She replied, keeping her eyes lowered.
Thranduil started forward, his simple, royal robes billowing out around him. He wore no crown or jewelry. If Tauriel didn't know better, she would have thought he was no more than a servant in the King's House.
"I didn't come for appearance sake." Thranduil replied, "I came to bid the true King a peaceful rest and share a blessing of protection for those who dare to handle the cursed gold." Tauriel's eyes were tempted to look at him, having been caught off guard by his honest, and unselfish, response.
"Will you not even look at me anymore, Tauriel?"
The she-elf grimaced, knowing she would eventually have to look at him and that the time had come to. Her pained, guilt filled eyes looked up, meeting his regal sterling silvers, her chest constricted as she thought of Legolas, her best friend, who shared his father's eyes.
Thranduil stood with his head arrogantly high and his shoulders set back, "Thank you." A gentle flush warmed her cheeks; even though his tone was cool, she had lived long enough under the Sindar's care to know when he was relieved.
"Legolas, as you have no doubt learned by now, has gone north." Thranduil stopped before the threshold, his sharp eyes lingering on the dark expanse before him. Elves were natural weary of the dark, since legend held that the Orc race had sprung from elves that had lingered to long in the perpetual night, "You have disappointed me, Tauriel, beyond words. You have defied direct orders, disrespected my authority, threatened me before my soldiers, and led my own son astray." With each word, she grew smaller.
"Just is your banishment." Her words were weak, meaning nothing, and they both knew it. Even though she wasn't sure she meant what she said, she knew she had to lean on the side of caution. Thranduil held immense power and could ruin her chances at defecting to Lothlórien or Rivendell.
Thranduil nodded, pacing before the opening with his hands drawn behind his back, "Indeed. Despite all of your treacherous actions, however, I am willing to lift the expulsion and allow you to return." Tauriel looked up with wide, unbelieving eyes, could she trust her ears?
"Of course, there would be certain restrictions you are to adhere too." Thranduil continued, turning to his former captain. Tauriel's heart raced faster than a jackrabbit's; it pressed in the space around her and made it hard to think, let alone hear.
"You will not be allowed on the guard until I permit it nor will you be allowed outside the borders of the Realm. Last time you were gifted your status as Captain, this time you will earn it. You will obey every order, no matter how trivial, and you will not discuss your time outside of the Halls with those within. Do I make myself clear?" Thranduil stopped before her; the carved lines in his elven face hard while his tone remained firm. His silver eyes were his only give away; they still saw Tauriel as the young, unprotected she-elf she had been when she had come to his court, orphaned.
He had always favored her right alongside Legolas, given her preference over the others. So different had she been compared to the others in his kingdom, not just for her fiery hair but her strong, untamable spirit.
Tauriel had never been one for rules, but she had excelled at being Captain of the Guard. She had finally started to bring her youthful rebellion alongside the responsibilities of womanhood for a happy balance. She was still the same Tauriel he had always known, unbreakable and invincible, but she was maturing.
That is how the high King had believed things would be from then on, but that was not to be. The woman that stood before him had seen war and been torn down, she had been forced to grow up and life had taken its toll on the little, carefree girl he had once known.
The loss of the dwarf did something the loss of her parents hadn't; it had shattered her heart completely, the pieces scattered to the winds never to be gathered and fixed.
A long time ago, when Legolas or some other he-elf had upset her, the young Tauriel would come running to him, her striking hair decorated with the spring flowers. Thranduil would collect her in his arms and hold her close, keeping the simple troubles of her youth at bay. Nothing could harm her when she was in his arms, she had been certain of it.
Both of them thought of that time now. It was a different life; a better one, an easier one. It was the reason Thranduil now offered her a second chance.
But Tauriel was not the young elf child who could get out of trouble with a timid apology anymore, she was a woman who hand made her own choices and would now have to face the consequences alone.
Tauriel bowed her head, "I understand." The paths open before her tugged her in different directions. She could help restore Dale, she could move on to the next kingdom of her people, if they would have her, or she could go home. None of them seemed right – why should her life continue when Kili's had ended? – but with no one to advise her, she felt even more lost.
"I will give you time to consider your choices." With that said, Thranduil mounted his own steed, an unfamiliar one to Tauriel.
She lowered her eyes in respect, remembering that Faeneth had fallen in battle. Once she was assured he was gone, her feet started back to the camps. Dwarf, Elf, Man, and even the little Hobbit, were spending the night mourning their losses together as one of Middle-Earth.
Lord Bard is right, Tauriel thought, I can't give up on life simply because I feel it has given up on me.
She stopped on the outskirts of the gate, looking to where each of the races where gathered. Her eyes wandered over each of the different tents; the regal, elegance of the elves, the make-shift ones of the men, and the dirt streaked, patched ones of the dwarves.
"The only question is…which path do I choose?"
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