Year 9

Skyhold

On a Sunday

The sun was shining brightly, warming the stones of the bridge leading to the massive fortress. The stretch seemed endless, but he was finally there. The evening before when he could see the castle in the distance, he had breathed a massive sigh of relief. For nearly a month he had been travelling as fast as he could across the entire continent; he had even bought a horse in Nevarra to quicken his journey, selling it off to a stable in Orlais when he finally admitted to himself that he wasn't very good at riding it. For all the long days and nights of travel, now with the fortress in sight, it seemed he had reached the longest day of all. Hawke was so close, and yet so far from him at the same time. He was wondering if the travel had been making him at all delirious in his exhaustion, but there was one thing that was still clear as a bell in his mind: he needed to see Hawke.

About a month ago, he had received a letter. He had been alone, secluded in a thick forest where a certain band of slavers had thought they were hidden, and apparently, so did he. When he awoke at dawn, he heard the sound of a raven alarmingly close by. He got up with a panic, spotting the bird on a low branch with a small scroll tied to its feet. He could only assume it was for him then. He took the note, immediately recognizing Hawke's handwriting. The note was short, but he still felt the sense of urgency in each word.

Dear Fenris,

I am still where I went earlier this year, and I do not think I will be leaving for a while. I am fine, but I need you here. Please come as quick as you can, I promise we can kill droves of slavers once this is all over.

Love,

Marianne H.

The way she had signed the letter made him wonder just how much weight her name was carrying these days. Actually, the way she had written the entire thing made him wonder just how afraid she was of people finding her. It only added to his worry when he immediately packed up his things and headed the only direction he knew to go: south. From there, it was the same thing each day, just moving as quick as he could, cursing the world for not having some form of faster transportation. It killed him to know she needed him and it would take him weeks to get to her. On his way he made a billion different scenarios in his head, each one more terrible than the last. But he had to stop himself sometimes. For one, she was obviously still alive. Second, she seemed to be settled in comfortably with the Inquisition enough to mention she was going to be there for a while.

In his way south, he just happened to chance upon a massive group of Grey Wardens heading North to Weisshaupt. They looked grim, and he managed to catch their attention. He asked them questions as they rode, asking everything he could, likely annoying many of them. From what he could get from them, he learned the Wardens were now exiled from Southern Thedas by the Inquisition, which was not what he was expecting at all. There had been a massive fight at Adamant Fortress and some truly frightening events had unfolded there. There was talk that Veil had torn open there by the Inquisitor and some people had physically entered the Fade. He didn't believe it. One of the Wardens, seemingly more level-headed, told him of the Champion of Kirkwall being on the front lines at the battle, and from what he knew, she had come out of it unscathed. It gave him some relief, lifting his fears that she had been deathly injured or sick.

What he couldn't get out of any of the Wardens was exactly why they had been exiled. At that point, he gave up on caring and decided he would find out soon enough.

He was finally at the massive gates, the guards standing by looking frightened at him. He supposed he must have looked quite haggard from his journey. Fenris only ushered a look between both of them before either of them spoke.

"State your business!" one of the guards shouted, trying to sound authoritative behind the waver in his voice.

Fenris opened a pouch on his belt to take out the folded note sent to him a month ago. "I am here to see The Champion," he spoke with confidence. His voice was hoarse.

"Aye," said the guard simply, signalling for the gate to be raised. There was a flurry of motion behind the gate, and someone running into the courtyard. As it opened up just past his height, one of the guards gestured him to enter. The bridge ended when he moved forward as he now stood on the soft ground of the courtyard. One of the guards cam around from the gate, standing in front of him holding up his hand for him to stop.

"Hold here, you'll be escorted in by someone from the Inquisition."

Fenris frowned, but he stayed put. He was more than anxious to get to Hawke now, and he didn't know why he was being barred. It wasn't like he knew where to find Hawke, but he felt useless just standing there. He gave his cursory glance around him, leering at everyone standing around him. Eruptions of whispers rippled through the modest crowds standing in the courtyard. He wondered if they knew who he was. It was possible, and his appearance was definitely notable if they had ever read it in a book. Varric's book, no doubt.

Soon enough, he began to assess his surroundings to take his mind off of Hawke. The majority of people walking around the courtyard appeared to be nurses and healers tending to a camp sitting near the large stone staircase that lead to the castle. He watched as injured soldiers laid on stretchers near the camp, their wounds being bandaged. Further to his left, he could see a wooden building sitting in the yard which he could only guess was a pub.

Above him, the fortress stood proudly, its towers stretching to meet the sky. Seeing it from a distance, it looked massive, but now he felt absolutely tiny standing right next to it. The building was magnificent, and he wondered just how the organization had come across such a place. He found himself looking up in awe at the towers and pillars when he suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"Fenris!"

He looked towards the sound, seeing someone descending the stairs leading to the main hall of the castle. His face lit up when he saw Varric jogging down the steps, a big grin on his face. At that smile, he felt a large weight being lifted off his shoulders; he was half expecting him to look grim, which meant bad news. When Varric reached the courtyard, Fenris took a few steps forward, unable to stop his own smile from spreading. Varric walked up to him with his arms wide open like he was presenting the place.

"Well? What do you think?"

"It's…" Fenris searched for a word, but for all his staring and marvelling at the castle, he was lost. "Big."

Varric laughed a big laugh as the excitement at seeing his old friend lit up his eyes. "Alright, I know you're anxious to see Hawke, so, uh.."

Fenris began to walk with Varric, trying to take in all that he was seeing. He looked over to the pub he had seen earlier and stopped walking. "So I'll just assume she's in there," he said nodding towards the building. Varric just laughed again.

"Afraid not. Things haven't really been like before since she's been here." Varric's tone suddenly turned sombre as they continued walking. Fenris's panic started to return to him and his hands started to clench into fists. Varric was suddenly fidgeting.

The main hall was incredible, lavishly decorated with banners and symbols of Ostwick and the Free Marches. Fenris was again impressed by the display, but he wondered if that was just because he hadn't been anywhere quite comparable for years. Orlesian nobles lined the sides of the hall, talking amongst themselves, all certainly about him. He didn't glance at them for too long, their masks giving him chills. Varric lead him past them down the long carpet leading to a rather intimidating looking throne sitting at the head of the room. He felt very small just walking in there.

Eventually Varric hung a left, opening a door that lead down a dimly lit hallway. Judging by the amount of doors in the hall, he could only assume these were the quarters for the Inquisition. Varric suddenly stopped in front of one door in the middle of the hall. He looked at him, giving a sad smile.

"We'll have to have a proper reunion later, and the Inquisitor would like to meet you. I think she's in her war room right now bickering with the others. I stay far away from that thing."

Fenris nodded, and then blurted, "What's she like?" He didn't know why he was suddenly stalling.

Varric's shoulders shook with laughter. "Young Trevelyan is a strange one, I'll admit that." His face fell again, looking at the door. "I won't lie, Fenris."

His face felt like it had been drained of all colour. All the horrible scenarios he had imagined were coming back to him now. "What's wrong, Varric?"

"Okay. Look, when you see her, you're going to be surprised."

He raised an eyebrow and his heart began beating quickly. "Surprised how?"

The dwarf sighed, frustrated, scratching the back of his head. "I can't tell you, okay? You'll know it, an… You two are going to need to talk for a while. I'll see you tonight."

Fenris was baffled at Varric, who in turn gave him a pat on the arm as he walked past back to the main hall. He was stunned, frozen in his spot, but he also couldn't wait any longer. He knocked on the door.

"Come in," came the voice on the other side and he felt his heart surge with happiness. It was her voice. He turned the door handle and gently pushed it open.

—

When the door opened, she was not facing him, head down at her writing desk. She so badly wanted to fling herself into his arms again, but now she couldn't move.

Ever since she had written that letter to Fenris, she had begun to worry. First it was whether or not the letter would reach him, but within a few weeks, the same raven she had sent brought his reply to her. It was a short note of confirmation so she could stop fretting. But even since then, she had worried more, worried at what he was going to say. She had been right all along, ever since their separation six months ago. In fact, since that day, she had not thought about it much until it finally began to show on her body. She noticed her stomach just beginning to protrude, a softness over her muscle, and she knew what was happening.

And yet it never stopped her from doing everything she had done. She had managed to hide her pregnancy from everyone under thick robes and armour. She had still gone to fight with the Inquisition in the Western Approach, and even Adamant where she had been taken to the Fade when the Inquisitor tore the fabrics of reality open. And in her time there, she would still have been willing to sacrifice herself to save the others. Of course, she was glad she ended up not, but that guilt would be on her for a long time yet.

Since Adamant, she considered going with the Wardens to Weisshaupt after the Inquisitor banished them, and with good reason. She couldn't approve of the Inquisitor's decision, but it wasn't hers to make. When she considered leaving, her secret was revealed. Varric had seen her as she was putting on layers of cloaks, seeing the bump of her stomach through her normal clothes. She had heard it then from him, the how could you's, the why didn't you tell me's. He convinced her to stay, she was safe here. She wasn't going to get to the Anderfels very comfortably when she was with child. So she sent a letter to Fenris, the spymaster Leliana assuring her the ravens could find anyone anywhere. She wasn't going to question how.

Afterwards, her bump began to grow at a rapid pace. There were healers experienced with expectant mothers, even mages the same way, and they told her she and her baby were perfectly healthy. It was the single happiest moment she had since arriving at the Inquisition. It was only then did she begin to seriously consider the fact that she was going to be a mother. She began to sing each night songs she remembered her parents singing, making up half the words she didn't remember, while sitting in a chair by the fireplace in her room. When she received a letter back from Fenris, she began to wonder her life with him and their unborn child. It quickly turned to worry over how he would react. Not just to her being pregnant, but being pregnant and not telling him for six months. She just prayed he might understand.

"Marian?" Fenris called softly, his voice making him sound like he feared the worst.

She stood up from the desk, robes flowing loosely around her, but not enough to hide the swell of her belly. She placed one hand over the bump and slowly turned around. She could feel tears already welling up when she faced him. The first thing he saw were her eyes, only for a second, before his gaze inevitably moved down to her midsection. She could tell he was trying to process what he was seeing, trying to make sense of what had just been presented to him. She was willing to bet he had thought of a million scenes in his head of what their reunion might look like. He wasn't counting on this. He had so many questions but couldn't articulate a single one.

For a solid twenty seconds he just stared at her, and it was beginning to make her uncomfortable so she stepped forward, trying desperately to guess what he might say.

"Fenris," she breathed, trying to goad him out of his shock. She got his attention and he looked up again, large green eyes wide and so unreadable as always. He shut the door behind him and closed the space between them, cupping her face and kissing her hard on the mouth. Hawke's tears had begun to spill, wetting both of their faces. His close contact had her bump slightly pressing against his stomach, the first time he had felt it, and then he pulled away. Hawke laughed, and she didn't know why. "Surprise!" she choked behind a sob, still with an uncontrollable smile across her face.

She invited him to sit on the edge of the bed with her. He had taken off his gauntlets, holding her hands in his, but he had not yet said a word. Hawke considered beginning to explain herself, but she waited patiently for him.

He broke his silence eventually. "Did you know?" His gaze was on her stomach.

"When we last saw each other? No." Hawke wiped at her eyes when he didn't respond, trying not to cry anymore, but the pressure behind her eyes was beginning to ache.

He noticed this and placed one arm around her, bringing her close to kiss her on the temple. Don't be sad, he was silently telling her. "Just tell me what happened."

Hawke swallowed, feeling just a tiny bit better with his lips pressed against the top of her head. "I don't know how it happened. My magic must have been too weak to prevent it." She felt bad saying it, mostly because had become attached to the baby inside her, and she didn't like to think of it as something that should have been prevented. But she continued. "I didn't even know for sure until a few months ago."

She heard him inhale sharply. "And you didn't tell me then?"

That fact stung her, but she kept her resolve. "The Inquisition needed me still. If I told anyone, we could have all been doomed."

"And why would they be?"

Hawke didn't have an answer for that. She shook her head, thinking of all the reasons she could have given. She could have given him the fact that she felt dutifully bound since it was she, they, who failed to kill Corypheus and brought him back into the world in the first place. She thought that anything should have been done to stop the world from being torn apart. There were all sorts of reasons, but for Fenris to hear them from her, it would sound like complete bullshit.

Instead she felt him laughing, just slightly. "I'd say this is classic you," he mumbled, emotion returning to his voice. "You had to do this for the world because nobody else could, right?" Fenris pulled away, finally smiling, and Hawke's face flushed, but she returned the smile.

"Well, I'm not saying that." She leaned in to kiss his lips, barely touching. "But I'm the only one who could do it right."

"Of course, even while with child." He seemed to lose his voice on the last word, his gaze brought back to her stomach. She still didn't know what his thoughts were on that.

"If you don't want to-" Hawke said, and immediately he looked offended.

"Are you daft? Hawke, I have told you before, the thought of living without you…"

Her heart swelled when he said it and brought her in for another kiss. She brought his other hand to rest on her stomach. "You're going to be a father."

The realization seemed to hit him for the first time when his face lit up. His touch was so delicate on her, smoothing over the curve of her belly. He let it stay there for a moment, preventing himself from worrying about everything else accompanied with their upcoming parenthood. They were probably the least qualified couple in Thedas for having a child together, but they were in the safest place in crumbling world. In any case, they would have to make it work, and he was sure Varric was off scribbling letters to all their friends now that Fenris knew.

Maybe they knew what they were in for.