Preface:

This is a South Park alternate universe where the South Park boys - aged to teenagers in this story - actually have the superpowers and personas depicted in the Coon and Friends episodes. For example, Toolshed has psychokinetic abilities over power tools and construction equipment, and The Human Kite has the power of flight and the ability to shoot lasers out of his eyes. In this reality, however, the kids don't know anyone else's identities, except in a few cases.

If you're new to the fandom, I would highly suggest watching "The Coon", "Coon 2: Hindsight", "Mysterion Rises", and "Coon vs. Coon and Friends" to get an idea of each superhero's abilities, though I'll describe things in detail as characters are introduced. As well, I make references to "Pandemic" and "Pandemic 2", so you might want to familiarise yourself with those too.

Please enjoy, and if you leave feedback, please make it constructive!

South Park… a typical small town redneck community. By day, the town is tame enough, with the populace busying itself with its day-to-day lives, with the occasional strangeness spicing things up.

By night, however… it was like looking in a twisted reflection of small town America; crime was rampant, ranging from petty misdemeanours to grand larceny. Some say that it was the result of the strange happenings in town, others claim the perpetrators hailed from the surrounding towns, hoping that the citizens quiet mountain town were easy pickings. The mayor, a somewhat corrupt and misguided individual, was powerless to manage a significant increase in crime, and the local police department could only be described as woefully incompetent.

However, what these villains didn't count on was the existence of a group that would protect the small town in which they lived. Formerly members of a group called "Coon and Friends", these remarkable teenagers, each with their own unique abilities, worked in their own ways to stem the inexorable tide of crime. Some valued teamwork, working with one another to bring criminals to justice. Others, still, preferred to work alone, relying solely on their own powers to guide their way.

Certainly, there were some criminals that were more competent than others; former allies turned deluded by their own schemes, as well as those wronged by the ones they believed were friends, were but a sample of what South Park's heroes had to face on a nightly basis. For the most part, they could be dealt with, though they had to remain ever-vigilant of the schemes they hatched.

What happens, though, when a new player shows on the field… one that only sides with themselves?

South Park

Lightning Strikes

Craig Tucker, South Park High's quasi-emotionless deadpan snarker who never hesitated to be as blunt as possible when faced with idiocy, was in a foul mood. Perhaps it was the fact that he'd been kept up most of the night by noise outside - whether they were gunshots or fireworks, he'd never find out, nor did he care - or even the news blaring out in the living room at 7:30 in the morning, the news anchor singing praises of the latest superhero escapade… nevermind the fact that the side of a building got blown to smithereens in the name of apprehending two or three crooks.

That was the problem with these so-called protectors of this podunk town - they stopped the bad guys, sure, but they ended up causing so much collateral damage in the process, whether it was from their arrests or their occasional infighting. And why were there so many in such a small place?

That question would remain unanswered, no matter how many times Craig vocalised it… not that there was anyone at home with whom he could talk about it. With a groan, he meandered over to the television, shutting it off with a quick flick of his wrist, the screen going dark as the flicker of electrical energy struck the switch; his eyes flashed with the same white-blue energy as the energy discharged, fading to their natural hue after a moment.

His electrical abilities were Craig's best kept secret, even though others had witnessed it; in the midst of an ill-fated plot hatched by his classmates, he travelled to Peru, of all places, where he had been infused with energy from an ancient incan ruin. After using his abilities to save his friends and his town from giant guinea pigs, everyone thought that was the last anyone would see of his powers... instead, he simply kept them to himself.

If anything, they were a good way to charge a dead cell phone.

After glancing at the paper on the table, which also described in great detail the latest vigilante's escapade, Craig spat out an epithet before grabbing his bookbag and heading off to school.

"What I want to know is this," Craig began as he gathered his books for the next class, his usually impassive expression tinged with annoyance. "How come these guys are getting away with this? They're causing more destruction than the criminals they're trying to catch. I know our police force is fucking useless, but don't you think it's kind of weird that they're turning a blind eye to all this?"

"I don't know," Token replied as he replaced his books. "Maybe they have a secret deal with the police. It's not like we know the identities of any of the superheroes."

"I think that's what the problem is," Craig grumbled. "We don't know who they are, and we let them take over our city. They're just as bad as those supervillains."

"They're not that bad," Token said with a laugh. "They're keeping the city safe, and that's what matters, right? It's not like anyone minds what they do."

"They should mind." Craig's tone was filled with anger, and he slammed his locker loud enough that other students turned to look at what was going on. Without even sparing a glance at the onlookers, he made his way to his English class, leaving Token to stare at him, bewildered.

The school day crawled by as it typically did, though by the time Craig began making his way home from the park where he had been shooting hoops with Clyde and Token, it was well past 6:30 PM. The sun was well on its way to setting when his phone buzzed, the panicked vibrating telling him who the sender was before he even looked at his screen.

Craig had expected Tweek's text message to be about the usual things - his petition to the mayor to get rid of the Underpants Gnomes, or asking to hang out after his shift. What he didn't expect was what he'd actually received:

» ccraig you got at help me
» mys terio n a nd t he coo n ae r
» fi g thi gn ri g htt ou t sitted t eh s h op
» th ey arle ad ys mm as he do ne of th e wnido ws
» im so s card pl ss e he pli d ont w aan t to d ie

The coffee junkie's spastic texting was even more illegible than it usually was, but to him, the message was clear: Tweek was scared, and he needed him. Now.

Without a second thought, Craig immediately bolted for Tweek Bros, stuffing his cell phone in his pocket as he went; he was nowhere close to the questionable coffee shop, given that he'd been close to home, but that didn't stop him from running as if his life depended on it, dashing into traffic and weaving his way between moving vehicles, ignoring the angry shouts and blaring horns he was getting from the drivers he was cutting off.

By the time he got there, the fight was already over; there were already four police cruisers on the scene, their strobing red and blue lights flooding the area. The cops themselves were busy collecting evidence from the scene, and from where Craig was standing, the shop seemed completely vacated.

But where was Tweek?

The sudden panicked squeak answered the question for him as he turned towards the scene off to the side of the café, away from the supposed evidence gathering. Tweek was sitting on the ground, his knees drawn up to his chest, and his arms covering his head, as the hooded figure before him spoke to the cowering blond in a firm tone that conveyed urgency.

Oh, he knew who that guy was… that was Mysterion, the so-called protector that South Park apparently needed.

"What did The Coon say after he smashed the front window? Did he give a reason why he targeted this place?" Mysterion asked, his voice tinged with annoyance as Tweek yelped and buried his face against his knees.

"Agh! I-I… I-I don't… I don't k-know! I d-didn't… GAH!" Tweek yelped as his left eye spasmed, and he looked at Mysterion with terror in his eyes. "I-I d-didn't h-hear what he said!"

"Think, man!" Mysterion urged as he grabbed his shoulders, shaking the blond lightly. "This is the one piece of evidence that we're missing! There's no reason why The Coon would attack this place!"

"J-Jesus!" Tweek stammered, his eyes wide with panic as he tried to back away from the caped crusader. "I-I d-d-don't k-know! I-I don't r-remember!"

"Hey, I think you've questioned him enough."

Both Mysterion and Tweek stared at Craig, who slowly walked towards the two; the blue-clad teen stopped a few feet away from the scene, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring hatefully at Mysterion, who straightened up to stare at the newcomer.

"Mind your own business, citizen," Mysterion said in a curt tone as he raised his eyebrow at Craig. "This is official business."

"Tweek's safety is my business, superhero," Craig replied, his sarcasm punctuating his sentence. "He doesn't remember. Just leave him alone."

Mysterion straightened up, then, and he stared at Craig for a long moment before turning to Tweek.

"If you remember anything, anything at all, report to the police as soon as possible. Anything would help." Mysterion held out his hand to Tweek, intending to help him up, but the blond shook his head, seeming to prefer to stay where he sat. Mysterion shrugged at that, and after giving Craig and Tweek another glance, he went off on his way, taking to the rooftops as soon as it seemed convenient.

Once he was assured that Mysterion was gone, Craig turned to Tweek, kneeling next to his friend and looking at him close, concern reflected in his blue eyes. "Are you okay?"

Now that he was relatively safe, Tweek stared at Craig for a moment before he completely broke down, gripping onto his jacket and wailing into it; while Craig knew that he was trying to say something between his panicked sobs, it came out as nothing but gibberish.

"It's okay, Tweek… take it easy…" Craig gently stroked Tweek's hair, letting the blond cry himself out. Inside, though, he was seething. Those supers were getting out of hand… collateral damage, bullying?

He wasn't going to take it anymore.

It'd taken him most of the night, and he was going to pay for it in the morning… but Craig was done with his impromptu project. If he was going to play the anti-hero, then he might as well look the part. The outfit was reminiscent of his trip to Peru back when he was 10 years old, and he felt that the half-mask he'd fashioned out of scraps he'd found in the garage and the attic would hide his identity well enough.

Craig couldn't help but smirk as he looked at himself in the mirror, and his eyes crackled with electrical energy at the thought of finally putting those so-called heroes in their place.

If he was going to fight fire… he was going to do it with lightning.