AN: Decided to give Jamy fanfiction a try! This is (probably) just going to be a really short and fluffy one. I've made up several things though, like giving Jake's mum a name, deciding where his family home is, and the entire existence of his elder sister. Other than that, pretty much everything's the same. Enjoy and please leave reviews!

24 December, 5:00PM

"Mum, this is Amy, my girlfriend."

"Oh Amy! That's a lovely name. I'm so glad that rowdy man child Jake has finally settled down. You look very pretty."

"Thanks, Mrs. Peralta," Amy smiled awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say. Jake had his arm around her shoulder and she could smell his washing powder. She squirmed uncomfortably, but kept a smile on her face.

"You can just call me Julie," she laughed warmly, and the sound of her bangles made a clinking sound as she held out her arm and squeezed Amy's forearm. "Everyone calls me Julie."

"Okay... Julie," Amy stammered, feeling overwhelmed and underprepared.

"Amy's really looked forward to this weekend," Jake added to fill the silence and to make up for Amy's awkward behaviour. "Am I right, darling?"

They exchanged a look, and Amy smiled as wide as she could.

"Yeah. I can't wait to get started."

Flashback to the day before:

23 December, 9:05AM

"Detective Peralta, it's 9:05." Captain Holt tapped his watch and bellowed without flinching as Jake tried to sneak past the landing and to his seat. He looked up to see Holt standing across him, arms folded. Jake smiled sheepishly.

"Oh hi, Captain. Didn't see you there," he belted out, extending an arm to shake the Captain's hand, but Holt remained unimpressed.

"Maybe I should remind you that this is the third time you've been late this week."

"And it's only Wednesday," a voice from behind the silhouette of Holt contributed gleefully. Jake looked over his shoulder and discovered a grinning Amy, holding a mug of coffee in one hand with a stack of reports tucked under her arm. "What's your excuse this time? That you woke up late because your alarm didn't go off, just like it didn't yesterday and the day before that?"

"Actually, that is the truth, and I stand by that statement firmly," Jake said, raising a finger to silence her, but she only raised an eyebrow.

"Then maybe it's time for you to get a new alarm clock-" Amy started, and paused in mid-sentence. "Except you can't, because you are in debt right now, aren't you, Jake?"

Jake was flustered for once, but he nodded and kept his cool.

"I'll have you know that I am in debt only because I have an impeccable taste in massage chairs," Jake retorted. "Not that you'd know what they are, because your house looks like you are perpetually stuck in the mid 40s."

Amy frowned.

"My house does not lo-"

"That's enough, Santiago," Holt commanded, cutting Amy off, and she had a look of shock on her face as Jake pulled a face at her defeat. She tried to defend herself but he would hear none of it, so she ended up settling at her desk like a child being punished. "And you too, Peralta. Go get your reports typed up immediately. I want your paperwork completed and I want them on my desk in an hour."

"But Captain, it's the holidays," Jake whined loudly, slumping down into his chair as Holt walked back into his office. He turned around at the doorframe and looked at Jake.

"It's December 23rd, and today is not a holiday," he announced solemnly without an emotion, before slamming his door shut and getting back to his desk.

Jake raised his arms in the air, defeated, and across him, Amy smirked as she sipped her coffee.

"Good going, Jake."

He rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, butt face Amy."

10:00AM

"Listen up, everyone!" Jake stood on top of his desk and called out as he smoothed his tie with one hand. "I have something to ask."

Everyone but Gina looked up from their desks and stared at Jake in anticipation. He looked at her and cleared his throat loudly, and there was a lingering silence in the air before Gina, too, looked up to investigate what was happening.

"Thanks, Gina," Jake said, and returned his gaze to the crowd. "So it's the holidays, and you know how my mum-"

"She's hot," Charles interrupted, and Jake paused. He let out a breath, mildly irritated.

"Please do not call my mother hot, or any variation of that," he said solemnly, clasping his hands together for a split second. "Anyway. Guys? She was telling me all about how my sister recently got married, and then because I am a quick-witted gentleman, I told my mum, in a spur of the moment, that I, too, have a partner to bring home during Christmas. But as you all know, I-"

"-don't have a girlfriend," Charles interrupted again, this time finishing Jake's sentence excitedly, and Jake nodded, sighing.

"That's right, everybody. Charles is right. I do not have a girlfriend. So long story short, because I'm not trying to waste anyone's time-"

"-just get to the point," Gina whined, spinning her phone in her hand impatiently.

"Gina-" Jake began, and noticed her phone had lit up suddenly. She did, too, and looked at the screen for a second before unlocking it excitedly.

"Sorry, Jake, can't talk, can't help, can't anything." She looked down without a second's hesitation, her fingers tapping at her screen frantically. "Drake just tweeted. I need to be the first one to tweet him back so my name will be under his tweet every time someone else opens it... done." She looked up, eyeing the bored crowd. "And that's how you gain followers, you bunch of innocent, social media trainwrecks."

Jake shook his head, but couldn't say he was surprised. He carried on.

"If anyone would like to volunteer as my pretend girlfriend, I've put up a sign-up sheet outside the Captain's office, and the details are as follows - starting tomorrow evening, we're going to be spending four days at my mum's place in Omaha," he spotted the confused look on Gina's face and added, "which is in Nebraska."

She nodded, and Jake continued. "We'll be back by Sunday afternoon, and there is no cost to any of this. It's free. And if you have any questions, you may now shoot."

Charles raised his hand, and Jake nodded, taking his question.

"Can I be your girlfriend?"

Jake pulled a face.

"No, Charles. I would prefer if my girlfriend were a woman, but thank you for your suggestion."

Charles looked deflated for a moment before raising his hand again.

"Yes, Charles. Again."

"Can I dress up to be a woman to be your girlfriend?"

"No, that's... that's not- that's not happening."

"But what if I wear my wig?"

"No," Jake dismissed him. "And why do you have a wig? Wait. I don't want to know. Next question please."

Rosa raised her hand impatiently, a scowl on her face, and Jake called on her.

"Do I get paid?"

"Good question." Jake paused. "No, you do not get paid. But you get to spend time with my mum and I, which is priceless and is worth more than being paid."

Rosa rolled her eyes.

"Pass."

"That's fine," Jake shrugged, "I know it was hard for you to pass up this opportunity, but I'm glad you're being honest about it."

She looked at him in disdain, and he looked away, searching for more questions. His eyes landed on Amy, and he looked at her expectantly.

"Don't look at me," Amy said, raising both hands in the air as if to defend a blow. "I'm spending my Christmas holidays with one of my seven brothers and his very pregnant wife; I'm not available."

Scully raised his hand, and Jake dismissed him before he could even get his question across. Gina cleared her throat.

"Jake, I feel really sorry for you right now, but don't worry. I can be your pretend girlfriend. I'm good at this stuff. I've been hired for acting gigs to play as emergency girlfriends before so many times."

Jake's eyes lit up with gratitude. "Really? That's awesome. I mean, I've grown up with you and we go way back, and you're practically my sister, but I think my mum has always wanted us to get it on... you know, she had this passive, secretive way-"

Gina scrunched up her nose in disgust, and Jake shrugged.

"It'll be fine. It's just a few days. Come on, Gina. Do this for me."

She paused, and then made a face. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. I was going to spend my weekend in the dance studio on my own anyway. And now you're offering a free trip to California..." she eyed the office. "I swear, you guys are all idiots for not taking up this offer."

Jake hesitated. "Gina, Nebraska is not in California."

"Oh," Gina's eyes widened. "Pass."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Gina."

"I'm not spending my Christmas in the middle of nowhere, Jake. I can't."

"It's not in the middle of nowhere."

"Well, it's not in California."

"Lots of places are not in California but they are still pretty dope."

Gina frowned, unconvinced.

"Is there even, like, proper Internet there?"

"Not at my mum's place because it's kind of backwards, but you can always treasure the true meaning of Christmas by spending time interacting with other human beings, like, face to face. Like how normal people communicate."

"Jakey... I love your mum, but I love the Internet more," Gina whined. "Sorry, girl. Four days is a lot to ask. If I don't tweet for this length of time, my followers are going to think I got murdered. Or worse, they're going to start unfollowing me... and it's going to break my heart. And I've just passed three thousand followers... a queen cannot desert an entire empire like that."

Jake was about to complain when Holt opened the door to his office. Everyone was silent, and he looked at Jake, demanding an explanation.

"What's the commotion here? Why are you standing on your desk, Peralta?"

"Jake needs a girlfriend to bring home to for Christmas, Sir." Amy replied, looking alert as ever.

"I offered, but he turned me down," Charles added in a helpful tone.

For a small moment, there was nearly a smirk on Holt's face, but he pulled himself together quick enough.

"Have you finished the rest of the work you're supposed to do?"

"No, but-"

"Then get down and stop wasting your time," Holt commanded and closed the door to his office.

Jake looked at his team. "You bunch of traitors." Slowly, he slid off his desk and back into his seat.

1:15PM

"You know what would be funny? If you went ahead to your mum's and had to admit that you don't actually have a girlfriend because nobody here at the Precinct is willing to help," Amy said as she looked over to Jake.

"I do vividly recall Charles volunteering," Jake snapped back, feeling disgusted at himself for being the vulnerable target of Amy Santiago's verbal harassment.

"Oh yeah? So take him, if you so 'vividly recall'," she snickered, taunting him.

"I'm not even going to start this conversation with you right now, because you are a toxic example of human waste, and I'll never stoop to your level." Jake brushed off her comments as he gathered his long overdue paperwork. He got up, bringing the pile of files with him, making his way to Holt's office.

"Very mature," Amy commented, trying to keep her cool, but clearly disappointed that he had chosen to go down this lane and not fight back.

"As always," he replied loudly as he stepped into Holt's office and slammed the heavy stacks of paper onto his desk. "Done and done and done. I am two hours late, but... all in a day's work, Sir. Whatever that means."

3:30PM

"Seriously, guys? Zero names on my sign-up sheet? Is this what friends are for?" Jake yelled as he went to check on the sign-up sheet later on in the day. He couldn't believe it. He had to get packing tomorrow to spend Christmas Eve at his mother's, and he knew he was about to be teased again for not having a girlfriend. Actually, he wasn't, originally - but now he had taken the extra step to cook up a lie, the only possible thing for him to do was to follow through.

"Rosa?" Jake tried once more as he went over to where she sat. She looked up at him and scowled, and he turned away, taking the hint. "Okay, that's a nope from you."

"Gina!" He tried once more, making his way to her desk. She was scrolling through Buzzfeed quizzes, one hand on the mouse and the other propping her head up.

"What is it, Jake?" she drawled unenthusiastically.

"Do you want to reconsider... becoming my pretend girlfriend?" he asked, and Amy turned around from her seat, raising an eyebrow. "Don't worry, I wasn't asking you, Santiago," he added, and she frowned.

"I didn't think... I wasn't thinking you were asking me," she said in a neutral tone, and whizzed back around to face her computer. Jake peeped at her screen and found that she was typing up reports, as usual. An IM notification popped up in the corner of her screen and she opened it, her eyes scanning the words frantically and typing a short reply before closing the tab as discreetly as she could.

"No, for the last time... I'm not going to be your girlfriend," Gina said. "There's too much sexual tension between us already... you're going to end up falling in love with me, like all those who have come before you, and I can't quit another job to avoid male attention again."

Jake rolled his eyes and moved on, standing behind Amy silently as her fingers flew frantically over her keyboard. He coughed, and she jumped.

"What do you want, Peralta? Don't you have paperwork to do?" she asked in the same old annoyed tone that she always used with him - half disgusted, half intrigued. Jake had always appreciated that tone. It let him know that while she was obviously trying hard to have the upperhand, she wasn't intentionally malicious with her words. She just happened to be super Type A and dominating.

"I can't believe you use instant message at work," he said, his smile turning into a full-blown grin. "I'm so going to tell Holt about this. Best day of my life!"

Amy's eyes widened with fear and clung to his wrist with both hands with such force that it jerked his shoulder.

"Ow," Jake whined, but she didn't let go. She seemed genuinely concerned.

"Please don't tell the Captain about this. It was nothing- it's not a big deal. I'm not talking to anybody-"

"Liar!" Jake exclaimed dramatically, retracting his arm and rubbing his wrist softly like he had just been bruised by a ten pound hammer. She looked helpless. He pulled a face of disbelief and continued. "How dare you not abide by the office's handbook of... whatever the heck... rules? And this is Amy Santiago, of all people. I must say I am very disappointed in your behaviour."

She frowned, and then argued.

"In my defense, it doesn't actually say you can't use instant message at work. It just says on Page 5, under Section 2 Part C, that no Skyping or Facebook is allowed. And I'm doing neither of those things," she spoke quickly, her tongue nearly tripping over her words.

"Okay," he responded awkwardly. Typical Amy, he thought, to have known and practically memorised all the rules. To be frank, he didn't even know there was a guidebook for the precinct. He had just made it up on the spot. But he wasn't going to tell her that.

"Who were you messaging anyway?" he enquired.

"That's none of your business," she snapped, tightening her lip, and he pretended to stroll off in the direction of the Captain's office.

"Okay, I'm telling Holt that you're having a secret love affair-"

"No!" she exclaimed, before realising she had forgotten to use her indoor voice. "I mean, no!" She whispered forcefully. "I'm messaging my brother, you bastard."

He walked back to where she stood, his arms crossed.

"Put a quarter in the swear jar."

Amy obeyed, fishing her pocket for a coin before she stopped in her tracks and looked up at him.

"No, what am I doing? I'm an adult. I can say whatever I want. You don't own me." She retracted her hand from her pocket. Jake snickered. "Stop snickering at me."

"Why were you messaging your brother? He can't make it? Does that mean you're free?"

"No," Amy blurted. "All is fine. All is going fine. It's going to be fine. Everything is... fine."

"Can you say 'fine' again? I don't think I quite heard you say that the last four times you said it."

Amy punched Jake in the rib and he doubled back.

"Damn it! That actually hurt, Santiago."

"Good," she said, smiling in smug satisfaction as a little message popped up in the bottom right corner of her screen for the second time.

Jake grabbed her mouse without a second's hesitation - faster than Amy could react - and clicked on the little box. It enlarged to a chat box and he scanned his eyes along the words, mumbling to himself as he fended off a protesting Amy who was simultaneously trying to cover up her computer screen and navigate the mouse.

"Sorry Ames... late notice... Samantha had her baby last night... can't make it... needs to reschedule..." he read out loud, and then he looked at Amy, who paused in her tracks. They exchanged a long glance and he let out a whooping laugh.

"Amy Santiago, you... you lying little minx! Everything is not 'fine', everything's over for you because your brother has ditched you-"

"He has not ditched me! His wife had a baby!"

"Whatever," Jake shook off her comment and she frowned. "You're free. Which means... you are in for a treat."

"I'm not going to be your stupid pretend girlfriend," she spat out the words in disdain.

"Are you sure? Because I heard the Peralta family is pretty dope, and everyone should meet my mum at least once in their lives-"

"I'm sure. I'm very sure," Amy said, ending the conversation.

"...about agreeing to pretend to my girlfriend," Jake said. "I finished your sentence for you. 'I am very sure about agreeing to pretend to be your girlfriend. It's my one true passion in life.' You said it, Amy. Be a real man. No take-backs!" he yelled in glee as he went back to his seat opposite her, propping his chin up with his hands, his elbow on the table.

Amy raised her arms in mid-air. "What...? What is this logic of yours? I didn't-"

"You said it, you can't back out of it now." Jake said, picking up his phone. "I'm going to text my mum now and tell her you're coming."

"I didn't-"

"Text sent." He looked at her square in the eye, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. Amy tried to argue, but she was out of words. His phone beeped, and he checked it. "Oh, a text from my mum. She's already super excited. You just can't let her down like this."

Amy hesitated, and then slumped her shoulders. She looked at him dejectedly.

"Fine," she concluded. "I guess I can do four days."

"Yes!" Jake yelled from his seat, startling her.

"Only four days."

"Whatever," he brushed her off. He raised his voice so the entire office could overhear him: "I've always said, Amy Santiago, you are the second best person slash detective in this precinct. And I'm right. You have proved me right today."

"Yeah, the best being you, right?" she responded, rolling her eyes. "I'm doing this for your mum, not you, so you can stop being so excited about it now."

"Seriously. Thank you," he looked at her solemnly, gratitude in his eyes, and she shrugged it off like it never mattered to her anyway.