Dear Diary,

Ugh, that sounds so old-fashioned – what do I call you? Fine, I'll call you Diary, since I can't think of anything else. Today has been ordinary – except Private gave my this, you, that is. I don't know why. I'm now a little worried that he may be trying to make up for something I haven't noticed yet.

Weather's turning cold, I can feel it. It won't be long until the leaves turn orange and brown and the park looks beautiful from the outer walls of the zoo. I can go outside now but I still don't feel safe outside these walls, without provided food and shelter, and without the penguins monitoring every inch of it. I usually think they're too paranoid but I don't feel safe without them around now. It's strange.

Julian's been a bit of a jerk lately. Yesterday he tried to take over the empty habitat as part of his 'kingdom', but Skipper and his boys stopped him. If that lemur gets any crazier they'll probably have him transferred. I don't know why that hasn't happened already.

Nothing else has happened really. Bye for now, I guess.

To Diary,

No, that still doesn't sound right. Oh well. Skipper's acting really weird today. Private seems fine, but Kowalski seems really tense and Rico looks crazy all the time. I asked them what was going on but apparently it's 'classified, Marlene'. Never mind that I'm their friend. I know I wouldn't be able to help, but couldn't they at least trust me enough to let me in on it, whatever it is? Maybe it's really scary – but then shouldn't Private be more worried? I don't know what's going on.

In other news, the badgers are being annoying again. I think they took 'forgive and forget' literally for both sides of the conflict. There's no way I'm being their friend again – I'll be their acquaintance, and their neighbour, but not that involved in their crazy 'spontaneous' activities. They gather some great gossip though. I think they trade it for leaving someone alone for the rest of the day. I heard from Stacy that Maurice is thinking of signing up for a breeding program. Poor guy must be lonely and really wound down – or maybe he just wants someone to delegate the king's chores with, since that's the easiest way to get an animal transferred in. Still, that's something of note.

What else? Nothing really. My pool was over-chlorinated again but my fur didn't bleach, which is great news. I don't think I'd be able to take the penguins being mad at me. I barely escaped last time. Although I really wouldn't mind someone looking at me like I'm attractive again.

I don't think there's anything else. Bye.

How's it going, Diary,

Oh, I don't care any more. 'Dear' is fine. Anyway, it's been four days since I last wrote in here because LIFE IS SO DULL.

The only thing that's happened is Kowalski and Rico got into a huge fight and tore each other to pieces. Almost literally. There were feathers everywhere. Skipper says Rico smashed up one of Kowalski's working inventions and now he's lost the blueprints, so he has to start from scratch. It took him nearly a month to make it the first time. They seem fine now.

See you later.

Dear Diary,

Yeah, that's fine, whatever. Dear Diary, today had been WEIRD.

First I woke up at 3:30. Seriously. I don't know why. I just woke up, sat up, and sort of thought for a while. Then I fell asleep again. What the hell? I've never done that before. I can't even remember what I was thinking about, but it's been bothering me. I hope I've not forgotten someone's birthday or anything.

Then I had a nightmare, which hasn't happened for ages. I remember I was trying to shout for help in the dream and I couldn't, because something had trapped me in a dark place. When I woke up I had been pushing my paws against the back wall. I was really panicking. And remember when I told you I wasn't safe any more without knowing the penguins were nearby? I think I was trying to call out for Skipper in the dream.

I got up at about 8, and it's a Sunday so I just relaxed for a while. I went for a swim (the pool was colder than it was yesterday – here comes the fall) and had breakfast, and then I kept feeling like I was being watched. I looked around but I couldn't see anyone, and when I went to the penguin habitat Kowalski told me their surveillance cameras were down due to fault. They're back up now but I still feel uneasy.

At lunchtime I kept hearing noises just outside my room but I couldn't find anything. I haven't told the penguins – one, I don't want to overreact, and two, I don't need to run to the guys every time something comes up. I'm perfectly capable on my own.

Okay I just heard it again. Right outside the tunnel. I'm going to look.

Nothing there. I'm literally one more noise from freaking out big-time and going to Skipper.

Dear Diary,

I found out what the noise was. Mort had been sent by Julian to invite me to his party celebrating who-knows-what-this-time. The noise was because Mort came to see me, but I had once told him never to disturb me without knocking first, and when I heard the knock I would pause and listed before going to see who it was and he had wandered off already. Annoying little git.

Bye again.

Dear Diary,

Skipper told me I'd been signed up for a breeding program. That's why they'd been acting weird a few days ago. My name's been taken off the list now but WHAT THE HELL. Why did the zoo sign me up for that? I'm fine living on my own. It's like when the penguins introduced me to the love-u-lator 3000. I don't need a love life, for heaven's sake.

Thinking about it, I haven't gone on a good date in, like, forever. And none of the boys around here are going to ask me out any time soon. I should tell them that if I'm ever signed up again, tell me so I can look at their profile. Who knows? I might find a really nice guy who can play guitar, and who I'm happy with. I should check around the city too...

Tick-list for next date:

-Nice

-Can play guitar

-I'm happy with him

Great, now that's the rest of my life sorted out. Sigh.

One question though: why did the penguins even care? How did they even learn that? And why was it such a big deal to them? Oh, gee thanks, mind. I welcome those thoughts with open arms. Shut up and let me write.

Gah, I can't remember what else I was going to tell you. Oh! There's a Julianuary Ball at the lemur habitat and I need a dance partner. Julian's already going with himself and Private's not allowed, and I'm not sure which other guys will want to go. I'll have to ask Fred the idiot if he wants to go... if he even understands what a Ball is. Or what dancing entails.

Bye, Diary.

Dear Diary,

This is going so badly. The only guys who don't have partners aren't going! I even asked Burt if he'd take me, just so I don't, y'know, arrive alone, but Burt's going with Becky. UGH. I feel so humiliated. Everyone I asked turned me down. At this rate I'll end up going with one of the park's pigeons – or maybe Max the cat. UGH.

Maybe I won't go at all. Bye.

Dear Diary,

I finally found someone to go with – you'll never guess who!

See you after the Ball!

Dear Diary,

The Ball was amazing. We danced and we laughed and he was the perfect date – if you ignore all the rumours flying about me and a certain penguin now. You know who I'm talking about.

Yep. That's right. I went to his habitat and told him I had nobody to go with, and reminded him about that favour he owes me. (Believe me, he was NOT on my mind at the time – I was going to ask if he could do anything about Private, because Private would always be nice enough to agree.) Just after I said to him, "remember that favour you owe me?", he said "okay, I see where this is going."

And then he said he'd escort me to the ball but he that doesn't mean he'll dance. What a misunderstanding... but we did dance. And it was great! Best date I've had in years – maybe the best date I've had in my life. Not an improvement to be made. Except nothing happened when he escorted me home – wink wink.

Kiss-wise, that is, if you're so dirty-minded you didn't get what I meant. Oh wow. Now I'm thinking of a very different end to that date. I guess I'm dirty-minded now too, huh? Wink wink.

I wonder if he wants to go to the park with me tomorrow... NOT for anything dirty-minded. Probably.

Bye.

Dear Diary,

No luck on Operation: Park Date. They're all training. I suppose there's some other time he and I can go out though...

Bye for now.