Dawn has broken and somehow the sound of birds singing their various melodies could once again be heard over the hidden palace of Mirkwood. Unknowingly this sound lifted the spirits of all the elves that lived in this kingdom. Their hearts felt lighter, their mood got better. Some elves started to sing, some picked up an instrument and hesitantly began to play. Once again the air inside the hallways of the palace seemed clearer, the whole atmosphere was less gloomy. The melancholy that had been lurking in every corner was slowly disappearing, while the sun was rising outside. Somehow the palace and its inhabitants changed overnight. Only the trees outside were still withering.
Elrond woke up. He had fallen asleep on the chair while he had meant to keep an eye on the king. He must have been more exhausted than he'd thought. Healing Thranduils wound hadn't been easy but he succeeded and now there was only a little scar that would remind the king of the past night.
Everything seemed peaceful now. There was no need to be worried for Elrond. Thranduil was lying on the bed and huddled against him, resting his head on the kings shoulder, was Legolas. They were both fast asleep. This sight made Elrond smile. It had been long overdue for these two stubborn elves to talk things out. Hopefully from now on they would continue this way and not fall into the old habit of bottling everything up for years on end.
Well, he would keep an eye on Thranduil, visit him more often, just to make sure that nothing like that would happen again.
"What are you up to? You look like you plan something?" These words pulled Elrond out of his thoughts. Thranduil was awake and smiling at him. It was strange to see the king of Mirkwood smile. Elrond couldn't recall a moment when he'd seen him smile so open and genuinely.
"I'm simply thinking about you. How are you? Do you remember what happened the past few weeks and especially last night?" Elrond felt immediately guilty, when he saw the smile on Thranduils face disappear. But he had to ask those questions.
"Yes.."Thranduil lowered his gaze and whispered: "I remember...everything."
The Peredhel noticed that the king was about to beat himself up about the chaos and the pain he had caused. "Don't go there...", he said to stop his friend's train of thought. "Everything you did...it had to happen. You had to allow yourself to feel. You've pushed the grief away for far too long. But...I hope you don't mind me asking... Do you know what triggered it? I mean, why now?"
Thranduil looked at Legolas who was still sleeping in his arms. "Many things", he muttered, "the dying elves on the battlefield reminded me of Dagorlad and my father's death. Tauriel accusing me of not being able to love...it...she was right, you know", Thranduil fought the tears back, "There was a time where I had love in me but...that was so long ago. I couldn't find this feeling anymore and when I realized that... it confused me beyond measure. Then I saw Tauriel grieve for the dead dwarf and I remembered what 'love' felt like. Unfortunately I also remembered the... pain it caused me. I didn't want to feel again, but I couldn't stop it. I drowned in it...I wasn't used to...", Thranduil lost the battle against his tears. Legolas woke up startled. "Ada..?" The young elf looked at Elrond and relaxed a little. The Peredhel slightly smiled at him, showing him that there was no need to be worried. Legolas moved even closer to his father, hugging him again. "How can you handle it? How can you feel so much all the time and not break down?" Thranduil sobbed.
"We never shut it off, so we are used to it." Elrond said. "You have to learn how to deal with all the emotions again. We'll be there for you, Thranduil. If you need help or simply want to talk...do not hesitate. But know...let's get you out of this room. Wash yourself and get dressed."
Thranduil looked at him in shock and discomfort: "I...I can't...go outside..I'm not..."
Elrond smiled reassuringly: "One step at a time."
It turned out that Thranduil still was a bit unsteady on his feet and so Elrond helped him to wash himself and to put on some clothes. Soon the king looked more like himself again, except for the old wound on his left cheek. It wasn't possible for Thranduil to conceal it with his magic, not yet. He was still too agitated to concentrate and too weak to muster enough magic.
"I can't go outside like this", the king shook his head. "I can't..."
"Oh, you have to go outside. Here, wear this cloak and pull the hood over your head. No one will see it", Elrond encouraged him. Thranduil did what he was told but it was obvious that he was far from being self-assured. He pressed the hood against his left cheek and with a glance into a mirror that was partially whole, he made sure that nothing was visible. Only then he agreed to leave the room. Already exhausted from cleaning and dressing himself, Thranduil was glad that he was able to lean on Elrond while they were walking. Even after a few steps, he was out of breath and his legs wouldn't stop shaking. Nevertheless, Elrond urged him to go on. Slowly they made their way through the corridors who seemed to be much brighter than they had been in the past few weeks. Legolas was glad to see this. He walked behind them and had noticed that the depressing atmosphere in the palace had disappeared. This was a good sign! Maybe his father was finally getting better. Occasionally elves would pass by them, stopping Legolas to find out what was wrong with their king. He told them that Thranduil had been sick but was now convalescent. Usually the most common reaction he got was that they stared at him in disbelieve and confusion. Their king? Sick? How was that possible? Legolas hadn't time to answer the arising questions, nor did he want to. It was enough information, they didn't need to know any details. So he cut them short and told them he had to be with his father now.
When the prince caught up with Elrond and Thranduil again, they were already passing the gate that led outside. His father looked pale and...was there sweat visible on his forehead?
"Elrond, are you sure that my father should be walking around like this? He doesn't look so good."
"That's exactly why he has to see what I'm about to show him. Otherwise he will never fully recover."
Legolas frowned but he decided to just silently observe what would happen next. Elrond led Thranduil to the first row of trees outside the palace. They weren't healthy. They were dying but what caused them to wither could not be spotted. Legolas saw it for the first time. Although Elrond had mentioned them being sick before, it hurt to see the proud trees so frail and bleak.
Elrond led Thranduil to one of the dying trees and helped him to sit down. The kind leaned against the trunk and was relieved to be able to rest for a bit. Although, moments later, tears were visible in the kings eyes.
'Again?', Legolas thought bewildered, 'why was he crying again?'
What confused the young elf even more, was that Elrond smiled.
And when the prince made an attempt to rush to his father's side, the Peredhel stopped him.
"You can feel it, can't you?", the Lord of Imladris said, addressing the king, "These trees are connected with you. Your father planted them when you were born, to give you strength and determination. And it's their fate to fall when you die. You knew that of course. Oropher has told you many times, but you buried it deep in your mind, didn't you? In the past few weeks, they gave you all the strength they could but in your despair you let it seep away, like water on dry earth. And when you finally tried to take your own life, they lost their will to live as well."
Thranduil was sobbing now and he couldn't stop. It was true. All of it. He'd known that the trees suffered because of him and yet he'd ignored it. He was deeply ashamed of himself. He could feel their sadness when his skin touched the bark and he heard their wailing when the branches swayed in the wind.
"What can I do?", the king sobbed, burying his head in his hands.
With a stern expression on his face, Elrond answered: "You need to find your own strength again. It's somewhere deep inside you. When you find it, give the trees back what they gave you so selflessly."
Thranduil looked up at the Peredhel and slowly nodded.
"It will take quite a while for you to heal and get your strength back, so be patient. But until you are ready, visit the trees as often as you can. Tell them that you haven't forgotten their suffering and that you will help them to get better."
Another nod from the king. His sobbing subsided.
Now Elrond allowed Legolas to go to his father and the prince knelt down and took Thranduil in his arms.
"I am a terrible elf", he heard the king mutter. "Even trees suffer because of me."
"Don't say that. They wanted to help you but couldn't get through to you. Just like I couldn't. I needed Elrond's help. It wasn't your intention to hurt them. They felt your despair and tried to make it better. And now it's your turn. You can help them, I know you can, Ada."
Thranduil fought with his demons day and night. Though it wasn't that intense anymore and there was always someone with him when it happened. Legolas decided to postpone his journey to the north, so he could be with his father. Elrond stayed as well, just to make sure that there was no relapse.
After two days resting and talking to his son about so many things they've never talked about before. Thranduil was finally able to use his magic again and he immediately disguised the old wound on his cheek. This made it much easier for him to get his self-confidence back and he could face his subjects again. He decided to resume work but Legolas was always by his side and he was glad for that. He needed him. Numerous times he got lost in the darkness of his memories, during discussions with his guards, or while sitting on the throne, waiting for someone to turn up to a meeting, or simply while he was reading some letters. Fortunately, Legolas always noticed when it happened and was able to pull him back from the abyss inside his mind. A simple touch or a whispered word from his son was all it took. Sometimes when he found himself alone for a few minutes, the fear of losing loved ones snuck up on him. The thoughts paralyzed him, made him feel weak and abandoned. Thranduil wasn't able to shake it off. These panic attacks usually resulted in him falling to the floor. His legs would simply give out from under him without any warning.
At times it felt like strength would never return to Thranduil again. Elrond helped him to be patient, though. They visited the sick trees every day together. They went for a walk and talked about this and that. Sometimes they just sat together in silence, enjoying each others company.
And one day, while talking to the sick trees again, Thranduil spotted a single small green leaf on one of their branches. He was overjoyed by the sight and flung his arms around Elrond's neck, who was standing next to him.
"They are getting better, at last!" Thranduil said. Elrond smiled and hugged his friend. Now everything would turn out all right. The Elvenking of Mirkwood had found his strength again.
End.