A Crack Fic
This is a collaboration with Mike Litoris, GG-san and Myself.
A warning, this crack fic was written on a late Sunday night by a bunch of high school idiots who had nothing better to do. This is rated M for a reason. Don't throw a hissy fit in the reviews because all I will say is 'its your fault for reading'. I posted this merely because I could. Read at your own risk.
Another warning: brief mentions of necrophilia, incest (thank god GG stopped us before we did bestiality), and vagina monsters.
A/N: This fic was written in a private group chat, so it may not fit together right. Author comments will be in brackets. This version has been edited with punctuation and correct spelling, I have also filtered it so it makes some sense. If you would like to see the original version (with the author comments and other shit I left out so it would make sense) leave a review and I might be bothered to put it together.
Disclaimer: We don't own Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji , we are glad we don't because if we did it wouldn't be suitable for human consumption anymore.
"SebASTION! Wheres my fucking crack!?" says Ciel.
Sebastian turns his gaze towards the young master stunned at the question he has been asked.
"Young Master, I sniffed it all." says Seb.
"Lets gang bang Claude."
Seb and the little cunt run off to wherever the fuck Claude was hanging out. Of course the little blonde shit is with him, aloe or whatever.
Claude was innocently picking 'basil' in the veggie garden.
When he sees Ciel of in the distance, riding Sebastian like a fucking stallion, and turns to look at Sebby, unamused.
"Get the fuck away from my drugs" says Claude.
"Fuck you grandma I do what I want" Sebby replied.
Claude attempts to fend off the Seb stallion by throwing dildos at him.
Claude also notices Sebbies erect cock.
One of the dildos finds it way in Ciels weeping hole.
Claude starts to fondle himself.
The dildos have somehow made their way into Sebs anus.
Alois jumps out of the vegetable garden holding a knife and a ballpoint pen
Seb rips his clothes off like a 80s glam rock star.
Shebby moans erotically.
Then the marijuana plants come to life. Ciel is violated first.
The plants are wearing sunnies.
"Duuude nice assss," says one of the very high plants, "im soooooo finding you sweet spot duuude."
Claude attempt's to free Ciel from the plants strong grip.
Disgusted, Ciel runs away.
They capture Claude too.
Claude moans.
Te plant tears his clothes apart, he is wearing knee high socks.
Sebby is left very stiff, watching him.
The blonde bitch aloe or whatever is killed because he's a cunt who can't handle quality plant dick.
Sebby rubs his dick. His dick grows 20 meters longer.
Claude is horrified.
He uses it as a light saber.
As disappointing as it is, it seems Seb is a complete moron when it comes to masturbation.
The plants take advantage of the situation.
"ah...ha...unh.."
He rubs too hard and his dick goes beyond the laws of physics.
His dick flies away into the sunset.
Ciels having none of it though and commands it to come back.
Sebs dick is afraid of Ciel. It has received much abuse.
Ceil places his tiny bottom on to the plants massive cock. The plant groans in excitement.
"Oohhh...i..i like your ochinchin!"
Then...out of no where... A VAGINA
The men hiss, and run away, and continue fucking (?)
The Vagina approaches at a steady pace.
The marijuana plant withers and dies, but the Vagina consumes it for photosynthesis.
Aloe or whoever the fucker is, is the only virgin left. But he 'sadly' perishes.
Aloe shoved 200 dildos in his rectum and...
explodes.
The Vagina is amused.
That was the tragic death of Aloe.
RIP
Death by 200 dildo's.
Seb and Claude continue fucking.
The Vagina eats them.
Sebby, Claude and Ciel travel through the mighty Fallopian tubes.
"He was my nigga," Claude said, "glad hes dead though, fucker was a cockblocker."
Sebby silenced him with a kiss.
Then they fucked him, his corpse.
"NECROPHILIA, BITCH!"
FTW
The Vagina, with its narrow minded, 'straight' principles, is repelled.
-40 damage.
Ciel finds his long lost twin bro and fucks him. Incest.
-40 damage
Claude groped Sebs nips.
-300 damage
The Vagina shoots them out with the force of a thousand suns.
Ciel loses sight of his long lost twin, he is lost in the birth.
"FUCK OF VAGINA," Sebby roared.
The vagina left crying tears of blood.
Poor vagina.
oH WAIT.
Shes on her period.
Shebby and Claude continue to explore each others butts with their fingers.
Claude seductively licks whipped cream off Seb-
GG: Okay okay, CUTTTTTT.
GUYS
Cake: What? Did we go too far?
GG: STOP THIS AT ONCE.
Cake: NO
Mike: Then Morgan freeman appears out of Claude's ass and they all die.
GG: WE START AGAIN
Mike: The End.
GG: OKAY NEW STORY.
Cake: WAIT NO
GG: WE DO THIS PROPERLY.
Cake: GIMME A SECOND
RIGHT OKAY
HERE WE GO.
A/N I warned you didn't I?
Please take into account this was an improv, on the spot, quick crack fic which we wrote in a Facebook group chat and didn't expect to go that far. Yes we did go on to write another fic, which we are currently doing under the promise of 'no more crack'. Unfortunately that promise has all but been demolished, its only a slightly better written crack fic.
Feel free to flame this fic, its horrible, I know it, you know it, this is only being posted as a bit of a laugh. If your offended, good, you should be, this is probably the worst thing that happened to you since someone tricked you into looking at lemonparty or tungirl or goatse (if you don't know what these are, run as far away from the internet as you possibly can while your innocence lasts).
Anyway, thats all folks (unless I decide to post the unedited version *shudder*)
Love from
-Elevator Cakes
-GG-San
-Mike Litoris
PS: Honestly, if you think this is bad, play Hadaka Shitsuji.