A/N: Was re-watching this episode and had the sudden urge to write some Spirk. This is my first fic for this ship, so be gentle with me. I own nothing all rights and characters belong to Gene Roddenberry and CBS. Reviews and favourites always appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Spock made his way from Sickbay quickly, repeating under his breathe over and over. "I am in control of my emotions."

The more he said it, the more he realized how untrue it was becoming. He wandered into a briefing room, feeling his control slip, feeling. His logic was slipping away from him, like so many grains of sand and the emotions he'd spent his life denying threatened to drown him. Fear at first, then doubt, panic and underneath it all, a deep and abiding loneliness. He tried to force it down as he'd been doing since he was a child, but he failed. The feelings hidden away for so long burst to the surface with such violence and with all his logic and knowledge, Spock could not control them.

"I'm in control of my emotions." he said again, collapsing into a nearby chair. "Control of my emotions. I am an officer. An officer. My duty. My duty is, is." He began to weep in earnest, sobs torn painfully from him. "My duty is to, to. Too late. I'm sorry. To. Two, four, six. Six. Six times six."

Spock broke down, tears clogging his throat. He lost track of time, vaguely he knew that something was wrong, some danger but he spared it little thought. After what felt like hours he heard the familiar hydraulic hiss of the door. He was no longer alone. Spock lifted his tear stained face to see that Captain Kirk had entered the room.

"Where have you been?" he asked, clearly shocked to see his first officer brooding during a crisis. "What happened?"

"My mother." Spock began, unaware of where the feelings kept flooding from and unable to stem the flow. "I could never tell her I loved her." She was not the only one.

"We've got four minutes, maybe five." Kirk said desperately.

"An Earth woman, living on a planet where love, emotion, is bad taste."

"We've got to risk a full-power start. The engines were shut off. No time to regenerate them." Kirk shouted, grabbing Spock by the shoulders. "Do you hear me? We've got to risk a full-power start!"

"I respected my father, our customs. I was ashamed of my Earth blood." Spock said looking at Jim, wishing he could understand.

Kirk slapped him, Spock continued ignoring the sting in his cheek. "Jim," he said desperation clouding his mind. "When I feel affection for you, I'm ashamed. When I feel...love."

Kirk looked at him, shocked. "Love?" he asked, softly. "Spock what are you trying to say?"

"Captain, my feelings for you are-" Spock began, but he was cut off.

Lieutenant Uhura was speaking over the com. "Captain, have you found Mr. Spock?" she asked.

"Yes, I've found him. Standby Lieutenant." Kirk said. He turned back to his first officer. "Spock, I need you to hear me, to understand. We need a formula. We've got to risk implosion."

"It's never been done." Spock said, desperation and despair surging through him. He looked at his Captain, the man he loved, saw the fear there. It hurt him. "Understand, Jim. I've spent a whole lifetime learning to hide my feelings."

"We've got to risk implosion. It's our only chance." Kirk pleaded.

"It's never been done."

"Don't tell me that again, Science Officer!" Kirk yelled. "It's a theory. It's possible. We may go up into the biggest ball of fire since the last sun in these parts exploded, but we've got to take that one in ten thousand chance!"

"Captain." Spock began.

Kirk softened, laying a hand on Spock's cheek, looking deep into the Vulcan's eyes. "Spock, I need you." He said earnestly. "Please, come back, come back to me.

Kirk paced outside his first officer's quarters, debating. With a deep intake of breathe he reached out and rang for admittance. Several tense moments passed before the door slid open. Spock stood before him, emotionless and passive as ever. Kirks' confidence wavered, he considered turning back. He didn't though, he just swallowed his inhibition and stepped into Spock's quarters at his first officer's behest.

"Yes Captain?" Spock asked calmly, one eyebrow quirked upward.

"I'd like to speak to you Mr. Spock, candidly if I may?"

"Of course Captain." replied Spock.

"I wanted to talk to about what happened in orbit of Psi 2000." Kirk began delicately.

"Ah yes, I had assumed you would wish to discuss what happened. I admit, I expected you sooner Captain."

"What you said to me, what you confessed. Was there any truth to it Mr. Spock, and I'd like you to be honest with me."

"I said a great many things Captain, to what are you referring?"

"You spoke of love, Mr. Spock." Kirk said watching Spock closely for any hint of emotion. There wasn't one.

"Indeed I did."

"Was it merely the disease, are you not capable of love?"

Spock looked away for a moment, hesitating. "Captain, Jim, though I am in constant control of my emotions and choose not to give them credence, does not mean that I do not have them. On the contrary, I have them often, more often than is appropriate for one of my kind in fact."

"You are half human, Mr. Spock." Kirk said, taking a step closer to Spock. He saw a hint of something like embarrassment, the first of any emotion he'd detected from the Vulcan since his confession almost a week ago. "There is nothing to be ashamed of, I hope you realize that."

"There is great shame for my people to succumb to such things Jim, affection…" he trailed off.

"Love?" supplied Kirk, taking another step forward.

"These are not logical things."

"And yet, you feel them?"

"Yes."

"For me?" Kirk asked, a flutter in his stomach. He looked at Spock, brilliant, logical, honest Spock. Jim had always felt something for him, deep down, but he could never have believed there would be any reciprocity in his feelings. And yet, Spock clinging to him as the ship plummeted towards the surface of an imploding planet, eyes sparking with life speaking the word love to him, voice ringing with truth. It was a hard thing to believe, he'd avoided Spock, taken his time in coming to discuss it with him. He'd been afraid, afraid he'd gotten his hopes up for no reason, but Spock was looking at him in a way that stilled his fears.

"Yes Captain." He said quietly. "For you."

"Spock," Kirk began but Spock continued speaking.

"I understand the sentiment is not returned and I accept it fully. I do not wish for this to affect our relationship Jim, or for you to think that I have become emotionally compromised."

"Why do you think that the sentiment is not returned?" asked Kirk.

"These last few days Captain, you have avoided being in my presence, you have seemed distant and troubled. These are not the signs of a man in love."

"No they are not and yet you are mistaken."

"Captain?"

"I was afraid." Jim admitted sheepishly. "That's why I've been avoiding you, it was hard to be near you."

"Afraid of what?" Spock asked, tilting his head to the side in a way that Kirk found endearing.

"Afraid that your emotional outburst was a symptom of the disease, that you did not truly feel that way." Kirk admitted. "I was afraid that you didn't feel the same way I do about you."

Kirk took another step closer to Spock, their faces only a few inches apart now. "Captain?" Spock asked, voice rough with emotion.

"I'm in love with you Spock." Kirk said softly, leaning in.

"Jim." Spock whispered.

Kirk brought their lips together in a gentle kiss, mouth moving softly against Spock's. He lifted a hand and curled it around Spock's neck, drawing him closer. Spock responded, wrapping his arms around Jim, holding him. They parted several moments later, Kirk's heart beating faster.

Spock looked at him curiously. "Fascinating." He remarked. "I have never before experienced what you humans call a kiss. Most intriguing."

"Why Mr. Spock." Replied Kirk bemused. "I weren't aware you were such a romantic."

"Indeed Captain."

"I wonder how many other human experiences you are unaware of." Kirk said with a slight smirk. He slid a hand down to caress Spock's chest, walking him backward towards his bed.

"I believe there are a number of things Captain."

"Uh huh." Jim said slipping his hand lower down Spock's chest to his stomach and lower. Spock inhaled sharply. Jim grinned. "I'll bet."

Kirk laid Spock gently on the bed, his first officer looking up at him with a naked vulnerability in his eyes. Kirk climbed onto the bed, covering Spock's body with his own. He brushed his thumb across Spock's cheekbone tenderly. "You really are beautiful, Spock." Kirk whispered.

"Beauty is a concept devoid of logic, Captain." Spock replied.

"But not without its pleasures." said Kirk drawing Spock into a breathtaking kiss. Kirk ground his hips downward brushing his cock against the growing bulge in Spock's trousers. Spock gasped and thrust upward, seeking more friction.

"Jim." he groaned. "I've never, I don't-"

"It's alright." Jim assured him. "I've got you." he placed a gentle kiss to Spock's lips. "I've got you."

Kirk helped Spock out of his blue tunic and the black thermal underneath. He ran his hands lovingly down Spock's bare chest, tracing his treasure trail with his fingertips. Spock leaned up, tugging at the hem of Kirk's tunic.

"Need to feel." He said, desire plain in his voice.

Kirk pulled both shirts off simultaneously, tossing them across the room. Spock's hands were on him in an instant, sure and strong. Kirk leaned in relishing the feel of being touched. It had been a long time. Kirk planted his hands on Spock's chest and ground their cocks together. With a groan Spock gripped Jim's hips and flipped them over, pressing Jim into the mattress. He pulled Kirk into a bruising kiss, his Vulcan lust surging to the surface.

"Spock." Jim gasped, cock twitching in his trousers. Being a starship Captain came with power, responsibility. Jim couldn't deny that giving in, relinquishing that power and control was incredibly arousing.

Kirk reached for Spock, fumbling with the fastenings of his trousers. He yanked Spock's trousers down to his thighs. Spock wore no underwear and his glistening green cock sprung free, a white hot spike of lust shot through Kirk at the sight. Jim wrapped his fingers around the thick shaft. He stroked Spock's cock, watching as the Vulcan threw his head back, pleasure and ecstasy written into his features.

"Jim." Spock moaned. "I need, need to feel you."

Spock leaned back ridding himself of his trousers and boots. He reached down and began helping his Captain out of his trousers. Kirk lay under him, allowing himself to be undressed, giving himself over to Spock. Spock knelt between his legs as he slipped his boxers down over his aching cock. He tossed the garment away and looked his Captain over appreciatively.

He leaned down taking Kirk's cock in his hand stroking it with a look of mingled reverence and curiosity. He reached his other hand down between the cleft of Jim's buttocks, brushing a fingertip over his entrance. Kirk gasped and thrust down onto Spock's digits.

"In my pocket." Kirk said, body thrumming with need. "We'll need it."

Spock left him for a brief moment and retuned with the packet of lube that Kirk had brought with him. "Prepared for anything Captain?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Of course Mr. Spock." Kirk said attempting an air of calm bemusement and failing. "Please Spock." he added more desperately.

A moment later Spock's fingers found his hole again, this time slick with lube. He stroked his hole experimentally, Kirk writhed beneath him. Spock slipped a finger inside his Captain, thrusting a few times. Kirk groaned and pushed himself down onto Spock's finger, aching for more. A moment later a second finger joined the first, scissoring and stretching Kirk open. He moaned loudly.

"Yes Spock." he gritted out. "Right there."

Spock finger fucked Kirk faster, watching his fingers disappear into that greedy hole. The feel of Kirk's velvety heat was intoxicating. He added a third finger, thrusting them in and out as Kirk gasped and moaned beneath him. His Captain, a man always in command, always in control. But now with the air of authority gone, he lay completely submissive and Spock never thought he could feel such arousal.

"Spock please." Kirk begged a moment later. "Please I need you inside me."

"As you wish, Captain." Spock said but his voice lacked the dispassionate tone it usually carried. His tone was rough with lust.

Spock slipped his fingers out of Kirk and proceeded to slick his cock with the remainder of the lube. He moved up the bed, lying atop Kirk, their bodies flush. Spock lined his cock up with Kirk's hole and kissed him deeply and passionately as he pushed inside. Kirk gripped Spock's shoulders tightly as he was breached by the Vulcan's large cock. Spock bottomed out and paused a moment, lips brushing Kirk's.

"Jim you feel remarkable." Spock murmured against Kirk's mouth.

"Make love to me Spock." Kirk begged. "Please."

Spock pulled out and slowly thrust back into Kirk's tight heat. He let out a moan, pleasure arcing its way down his spine. Desire pulsed through him and he quickened his pace. Kirk clung to him, holding on as Spock fucked him into the mattress. The only sound in the room ragged breathing and the wet slap of skin on skin. Spock reached up and brushed his fingertips across Jim's temple. At once their thoughts mingled together, sharing pleasure and desire. Spock marveled at the warmth, the depth of Kirk's mind. He was love and safety, he was home.

"You are mine Jim." Spock whispered. "T'hy'la."

"I'm yours Spock." Jim whispered back. Spock filled him in every way, surrounded him and Kirk had never felt as safe, as loved as he did in that moment. "I love you."

Spock drove his body into Kirk's again and again, filling him, stretching him. He angled his hips hitting that spot inside Kirk, and Jim felt the sweetest of pleasures burst through him. Spock looked down at him as though he looked upon the most beautiful thing in the world. He reached between them, taking Jim's leaking cock in his hand, stroking him in time with his thrusts. Kirk moaned thrusting up into Spock's fist and back onto his cock. It had never felt like this before, not with anyone else.

Kirk looked up into Spock's eyes, an overwhelming rush of love overtaking him. He lifted his hand, reached out and brushed his first two fingertips against Spock's, a Vulcan kiss. At the contact Spock slammed his hips into Kirk's and came with a strangled cry. Filing Kirk with hot come. He thrust into Kirk a few more times, continuing to jerk his cock. After another moment Kirk was coming with a moan, shooting ropes of come over Spock's fingers.

Spock slipped out of him and collapsed beside him, breathing raggedly. Kirk lay back, body warm and boneless with orgasm. He turned his head and gazed at Spock. Spock returned his gaze with hooded eyes before he smiled, gently. He looked younger than Kirk had ever seen him.

"If I'm not mistaken Mr. Spock, I'd say that was a smile." Kirk said with a smile of his own.

"Indeed Captain." replied Spock sounding more like his usual self again.

"I didn't know you had it in you."

"Perhaps it is because for the first time in my life I have something to smile about."

Kirk snuggled closer to him and Spock wrapped his arms around him. "I know the feeling." Kirk answered.

Spock pulled him closer and placed a gentle kiss to his brow. They drifted off in each other's arms with peace in their hearts.