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Scraps

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I haven't abandoned this story, I'm just in a bit of a creative slump. So in the meantime, here are some scraps of scenes and dialogue I couldn't find a place for. Consider it the director's cut:

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"This coming from the guy who used to freak out whenever Stan did the coin-from-the-ear trick on him?" Mabel said.

"What?" Wendy tried to stifle a giggle.

"Hey! I had a good reason!" Dipper blushed.

"Why? You thought he was a dark wizard?" His sister taunted.

"No! Well, not completely." The boy glared. "Remember when we were 6 and you dared me to stick a roll of quarters up my nose?"

"Huh-huh, yeah." Mabel wore a goofy grin.

"Why would you do that?" Wendy couldn't decide whether to laugh or be concerned.

"Well, when Stan started pulling quarters out of my ear, I was afraid I never got them all out."

"Again. Why would you do something like that?" The redhead asked.

"It was a phase!" Dipper yelled, then turned back to his sister. "At least I grew out of it."

It was Mabel's turn to look indignant. "I stopped doing it!"

"Yeah, last year. Miss Beat-her-own-record-of-sticking-gummyworms-up-her-nose."

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"I'm not really good with FCLORPing. I tried it once, and things got a little… intense."

"He sent a bunch of nerds to the hospital." Mabel chimed in.

"It wasn't my fault!" The boy tried to defend himself. "They were dressed as Yrch. How else was I gonna react?"

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The friends spent most of the day watching cartoons like: Esteban Cosmos, Epic Chronology, Past the Lawn Fence, Tai Chi Koala, and Thesaurus: The Cartoon.

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"Sooo… I decided to go explore that bunker again."

"Oh, uh." Dipper chuckled nervously. "Did you find anything interesting?"

"Yeah. Um… Why, uh- why do you have a bunch of pods with clones of you and Mabel in them?"

The teen rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment and took a couple deep breaths. "Okay. That's a valid question, and you deserve an answer. But before I say anything, I wanna make one point clear: I do not have a god complex."

Wendy cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Dipper flailed his arms. "That's exactly what someone with a god complex would say. Lemme start again."

The redhead's expression didn't change.

"What I was trying to say is this: I'm not necessarily seeking immortality." Content, the boy continued. "What you saw were… backups. The dark weird life I've chosen is dangerous. With this system, I don't have to worry about my family blaming themselves for my mistakes."

"So, does that mean you're a…" Wendy trailed off.

"No, I haven't died yet." Dipper said.

"Oh. Er, good."

"Yeah."

The pair stood in awkward silence for a while.

"Sooo…" Wendy began. "Can I get in on this?"

Surprised, Dipper stuttered, "Uh, sure." Recovering, he continued. "We'll just need a sample of your DNA, and insert a microchip into your brain. It uses the same technology as the memory-eraser. I got the idea from a movie."

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Dipper sighed. "If I had told you I knew magic, what would you've said?"

"Wow, cool?"

"Yeah, then what?"

Wendy looked at her feet sheepishly, "Tell me how to do that."

"And what if I said no?"

"I'd respect your decision and drop the subject?"

Dipper rolled his eyes, "Okay, and what would you really do?"

"Try to figure it out on my own." The redhead dropped her gaze again.

"Exactly." The boy said. "Look, the reason I don't talk about this kind of stuff is because it's dangerous. Playing with magic is just as bad as playing with gunpowder, so I don't differentiate between the two."

"Is that why you use gunpowder so much?"

"Yes."

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"Hey everybody! Welcome to another episode of Mabel's Guide to Life!"

"Um, why am I here again?" Wendy asked, standing awkwardly in frame.

Ignoring her friend's question, Mabel continued. "Tonight's edition is about what to do if you're receiving unwanted attention."

Mabel placed an arm around the younger girl, while the preteen just looked lost.

"When you're a hottie like us," The brunette explained. "You get noticed a lot."

"I- Uh- I don't think I-"

"So here are some tips to get those beaus off your back."

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Dipper burst through the door and stood imposingly on the porch. In his hand was a gleaming sword, and on his face was a cold expression Wendy didn't recognize.

"Halt!" The boy shouted, unusual authority in his voice.

The creatures stopped to look. They hissed, but that didn't cow the interloper.

"Behold, Gurthang the Soul Eater!" Dipper held aloft the sword, the runes carved on its blade shining in the sun. "Forged from meteoric iron in the halls of Nidavellir and tempered in dragon's blood! None can withstand its might!"

The monsters looked at each other nervously. Some were already backing away towards the forest.

Dipper took a step forward. "C'mon! Come at me bro!"

The creatures turned and fled.

Once the monsters were out of sight, a drastic change overtook the teen. His shoulders slumped and he collapsed onto the step with a sigh.

"That was amazing!" Wendy shouted, running up to her friend. Eyes wide, she stared at the sword in the brunette's hand. "Was all that true?"

"Hmh?" Dipper was pulled out from his own thoughts. "Oh. No." He dropped the weapon onto the floorboards. "That's just a prop from the Shack."

"But- but you said…"

"I lied." The teen gave her a sympathetic smile. "Let me tell you, there are two things I've learned that've saved my skin more than anything else: One is convincing your enemy that you've always got the upper hand."

"What's the second?"

"Run away really fast when they realize you're bluffing."

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Sometime during the schoolyear, somewhere deep underground:

Wendy stood imposingly in the middle of a stone bridge, Soos was behind her, and army of Kobolds was in front.

Armed with nothing but a big stick, the girl spoke. "You won't pass!"

Her voice boomed in the cavernous dark, but a few of the braver creatures inched forward.

"I am the student of Valacirca! Wielder of the J'or Naal! Your weapons will not avail you, mine-dwellers! You won't get past!"

The redhead lifted the stick high, and broke it against the bridge (simultaneously, with a little slight-of-hand, she threw down a smoke-bomb). The Kobolds recoiled, as much from the strange wizard's words as the explosion. When their eyes readjusted to the gloom, the intruders had vanished.

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