Repercussions

Due to massive demand, here's the flack from Director Vance's decision to allow Flower to take everyone's phones, tablets, and computers. (Not something I'd have willingly given up, but NCIS is a para-military organization, and orders are orders.) It's rather short, but I didn't need a lot to get the job done. This occurs two days after return.

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The entire pod left the elevator at a pace that boded no good for anyone. Gibbs was in the lead with AJ DiNozzo right on his heels. Gibbs was in MARPAT while AJ, Remiel Devereaux, Cosmo Richter, and Dean Cale were in SEAL blacks. Tim McGee and Jimmy Palmer had chosen to wear coyote BDU's. The SEALs each had a chest full of campaign ribbons and decorations; Gibbs had a full rack as well. Abby, in funerary black, brought up the rear at a more leisurely pace.

Director Vance's usual secretary, Cynthia, was on vacation. She was being relieved by a very young secretarial pool fill-in named Becky. She looked up from some filing to squeak. "You can't go in there."

Gibbs barked at her, "We'll go wherever the hell we want," and slammed the door open. "Leon! We've come to collect our stuff. Where is it?"

Abby smirked as she sauntered by the flustered girl and said, "Gibbs is so pissed at Leon that he's liable to bite his head off and chew it like bubble gum; maybe you should go for coffee."

Leon Vance was well aware that he was on several shit lists in a big way. Even Abby had been short with him on the phone; a very unfortunate landline call Cynthia had set up for him. The call from SecNav hadn't been that bad; after all, he had sanctioned the order. But the call from Lieutenant Sam Brown on behalf of Captain Rafe McKinley, the East Coast SEAL Commander, had been profane, loud, and long. He'd cringed, listened, apologized profusely, and endured.

Now he was faced with what everyone was referring to as The Pod. He actually felt intimidated. Of course it didn't help that he knew he was faced with five highly trained combat veterans, one retired, two senior NCIS agents with SEAL training, and a forensic scientist that could kill someone, hide the body, and leave no evidence of any kind behind. He broke into a sweat.

The group divided up, and the SEALs ranged themselves in front of his desk. Abby plopped down into a visitor's chair, with Tim and Jimmy standing at ease behind her. Gibbs, DiNozzo, Cale, Richter, and Devereaux dropped from ready to glaring in one beat.

Gibbs cleared his throat, then said, with commendable calmness, "You want to explain this whole Charlie Foxtrot to me? In small words?" Vance was well aware that Leroy Jethro Gibbs quiet was more dangerous than when he was screaming like a pissed off DI.

"Um ... I hate being nagged? The SecNav made me? It seemed like a good idea? Leave all electronic distractions in the hands of the workshop leaders. Now ... not so much." He cleared his throat again. "I am sorry. There will be some changes in regs."

Tony demanded, "Such as?"

"Well. No agent will be required to leave his phone behind for any reason. Courthouses included. We'll have some problems over that, but I'll deal with them."

Tony shrugged. "Tim?"

"It could be required that they put their phones on silent and vibrate, rather than turn them over. That keeps the noise of their ringing out of the equation." Tim eyed Vance with some heat. "I'll never turn over my electronics again. Anyone that tries to take them runs a good chance of being shot. Clear?"

Leon Vance glanced from one face to another then said, "Crystal. I take it everyone has the same ... attitude?" A stone wall of faces let him know that not even mild-mannered Jimmy was an exception. "I was afraid of that. But ... I've let HR know that they have changes to make, and what they'll be. I've also cancelled all workshops off the Yard, except for those at Quantico, permanently. If they can't do it here, or at Quantico, they don't need to do it at all."

Tony glanced around. "Flower."

Vance grimaced, "Can't do much about her, she's from an outside source. There won't be any more of that either. I've let the company she works for know that their contract is cancelled. If the trainers don't have any experience with military or para-military organizations, they're not qualified to work with us. I'm looking at hiring for HR and doing everything in-house."

Remy opined, "Won't do much good if they don't have any contact with actual field work."

Vance grinned in a shark-like way that made them all relax a bit. "Oh, they'll be having plenty of experience. They'll all either follow a team for a week a year, keeping completely out of things, or we'll let them go."

Gibbs gave him a fish-eye. "Not on my team. I've had a bellyful of that shit already. You think anyone in HR will survive my team, have at it. I guarantee they'll regret it ... and so will you. Think about it."

Vance shook his head. "Oh, no, thank you. I've heard about DiNozzo's methods, and I will not meet him on the mats, nor do I want a prank war declared on me."

Dean nodded. "Very wise. You do not want a B-B of C4 going off in a desk drawer. Not fun. Won't actually damage anything, but it'll make you piss yourself. Swear to God."

Gibbs snickered. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." Dean eyed Tony for a moment then said, "Jerk."

Tony eyed him right back and replied, "Big girl."

With that exchange things lightened up, a bit. Tony asked, "So ... where's our stuff?"

Vance motioned to the conference table at the side of the room. "It's all there. Still in the bags Miss Fields put it in."

Abby hopped up and trotted over to sort things out. "I'll just be a minute. And Mr Director? Don't even think about asking for my stuff again. I won't blow you up or anything, that would make Jackie, Kayla, and Jarod sad." She nodded once. "But I will make your life hell."

Vance winced. "Cancel credit cards, put out BOLO's, disappear files? That sort of thing?" Abby blessed him with a serene smile. "Please don't. No giving up phones, against regs. Rule number nine."

Gibbs shook his head. "That's 'always carry a knife.' Rule number three: 'never be unreachable.' I think I'm changing that to 'never give up your phone for any reason, ever.'"

Abby finished handing out things. "There. Everyone check your batteries."

All checks were accomplished quickly. Jimmy's phone was dead. Tim's was too. Remy's, for some unknown reason, was bricked. Everyone else's phones were down to half battery. Tablets and computers were either dead or on half or less. Abby calmly announced, "Anyone who wants can bring their stuff down to my lab. I've got a charging station there that can handle twenty things at once." She looked up. "What? I've got room, and more than one person I know has more than one device, not to mention my portables that have more than one battery."

Tim added, "And, if you want, I'll virus check everything. No telling what that stupid ... woman did." Everyone noticed the pause; no one commented.

Leon Vance thought he'd gotten off easily ... until Tony announced, "I want a few choice words with the head of HR. You can call him up here, or I'll go down there. Your choice."

The Director decided that it was a better idea to have him up. He wasn't sure the man would survive a visit intact otherwise.

The phone call duly made, Director Vance settled back to watch the fireworks. He was confronted by Gibbs. "Ok, Leon, what the hell?"

"Exactly what I said. I hate being nagged and that HR woman is passive/aggressive to the max. She just kept calling and whining until I told her to shut it. She called SecNav and did the same thing, only with different results. I'm not going to lose my job over a cell phone. Or wasn't, until now. SecNav now realizes what the problem is. I just ... didn't manage to articulate the problem until it was too late. I really am sorry."

Gibbs nodded. "And HR?"

"I'm still firming up the changes to the regulations and requirements. But I was serious about having all councilors work with a team on a regular basis. Most of them actually don't have any idea what goes into the job. They make assumptions based on their education in standard psychology, which doesn't apply to us in any way. And anyone who has field training is working for one of the big alphabets." He looked Gibbs right in the eye. "I am going to be asking you and your team for major input."

"Won't let you down, Leon." Gibbs leaned back in the chair Abby had vacated. He fiddled with his phone for a second then grumbled, "Damn electronic piece of shit. McGee. Half my phone book is gone."

Tim took it. "I'll take it down to Abby's lab and check it out. Half an hour. No more. Do not leave the building."

Vance was ready for Gibbs to explode at that. Instead he just nodded.

Tony pulled a chair over to join Gibbs. "I'll stay with. Remy?"

Remy considered that for a moment, he hadn't let Tony more than ten feet away from him since they'd found their 'lost lambs'. He'd actually dragged Tony down to sleep under Gibbs' boat. "I'll stay too. Dean? You take our stuff down and bring it back?"

Dean just nodded. "Sure thing. Half an hour." And with that everyone except Tony, Remy, and Gibbs ambled out, trailing Abby like a litter of pups.

Vance went back to his paperwork, asking Tony and Gibbs their opinion a few times. Both men considered carefully before answering. Remy mostly kept his mouth shut. He'd settled into a chair in the conversation group but moved it back a bit. This let him keep an eye on every door and every person.

About fifteen minutes later a knock on the door let them know that the HR Reps were there.

As they entered Tony was more than a bit displeased to realize that neither one of them was Max Undine, their favored Psy-doc. Instead they were cursed with the Head of HR and his aide. Both people were fussy, in the way of self-centered, self-satisfied, idealistic, politically correct libtards. As Tony said, "There's nothing wrong with people who truly want to help, but most of that sort don't. They just want to prove that their ideas are right and everyone else is a misguided Neanderthal."

They came in, snatched at comfortable chairs, realized that the over-stuffed monsters were nearly impossible to move, and helped themselves to different, straight backed ones. This led to some uncomfortable squirming and grumbling.

Vance cleared his throat. "If you're both done with the unimpressive power play, let's get down to business. Now ... first, this has the SecNav's approval. He's mortified that he allowed a whiny little passive-aggressive PC Nazi to nag him into doing something he knew he shouldn't. The next time one of your people goes over my head, the entire department will be put on administrative probation; second time the perp will be fired and everyone else will face several workshops on chain of command and proper procedures ... at Quantico. Clear?" He realized that both Andrew Wyeth, Department Head, and Clair Parker, his aide, were just staring at him with their mouths open.

Gibbs leaned forward, "Ok. I'll try. You fucked up. You fucked us over and screwed with my people. If we'd been untrained, we'd all be dead. Clear so far?" His look was one of those scorching cold looks that Tony claimed both roasted and froze.

Miz Parker cleared her throat. "I don't believe I care for your tone. We need..."

Gibbs barked, "Shut up! I don't care if you like my tone of voice, my face or any other damn thing about me. And I don't give a flying fuck about what you need. You'll shut up and listen, or I'll shut you up."

Tony just muttered, loud enough for Vance and Remy to hear. "Sad, truly sad. Totally oblivious and really stupid."

Vance sighed. "I'm beginning to get a migraine. I realize that some people can't understand certain things. Others just don't want to. I believe this comes under the heading of 'don't want to'."

Tony looked him up and down. "You. Me. Mats."

Vance eyed him right back. "No."

"Chicken."

Vance's eyes twinkled as he just said, "Bawk! Bawk!"

Tony snorted then turned his attention back to the confrontation between his boss and the HR idiots. It wasn't going that well, for them.

"So, you see, it's not that certain things are always right or wrong, it depends on circumstances. A thing the both of you refuse to see. I'll be clear. If you don't straighten up and fly right, someone's going to straighten you out. Vance has made it very clear that you will be held responsible for any offense your people cause." Gibbs leaned back in his seat and glared.

Clair tried one last time. "You don't seem to understand that, in the spirit of cooperation and mutual understanding, there needs to be an exchange of ideas and some compromise."

Tony took over. "No. I refuse to compromise in any way. I tried that, in the spirit of mutual cooperation, and a threat to my job. Now all I have to say is Foxtrot, Uniform, Charlie, Kilo, Yankee, Oscar, Uniform. And you will not do so again. Neither I nor my men will ever give up any method of communication again, for any reason. Clear?"

Gibbs interjected, "Nor will any of my people and that includes Ducky, Abby, and Dr. Palmer."

Mr. Wyeth blinked for a moment, then asked, "That Yankee thing. What was that?"

"NATO phonetic alphabet. Each letter has been assigned a word that begins with that letter. Figure it out yourself ..." Gibbs smirked. "In the spirit of mutual understanding."

Wyeth actually had to write it down. "Fuck you? Oh, my. I don't think you're being very polite."

Remy rolled his eyes so Miz Parker just had to say something. "And rolling your eyes isn't very polite either."

Remy blinked once then replied. "I doan 'ave be polite. You no a SEAL. Doan answer t' ya. Answer t' AJ an' SEAL CenCom. An' fuck the damn lot a' ya." He nodded once. "An' if y'all wan't such a clap a' mush I'd call y'all on mats my own self. Bunch a' Tango Kilo November's."

Gibbs snickered rudely while Vance laughed after a second. Tony just gave both Parker and Wyeth the hairy eyeball.

Director Vance chose to remark, with creditable mildness. "And now you've managed to make Master Chief Petty Officer Devereaux go Cajun. It does seem a bit ... one sided that you can be as rude as you please, in that passive-aggressive way you all have, but when someone tells it like it is, they're unutterably rude. Hypocritical." He shook his head.

Tony just nodded and agreed. "Seriously. Tree-Kissing Nut-jobs are like that."

Remy crossed his impressively muscled arms over his chest and managed to look twice his size. As he was all of six foot two and built more or less like a tank, it was more than a bit intimidating. "My opinion. All y'all need to just lighten up an' tink befo' ya open y' yap. Is it really..." he stopped and cleared his throat, calming himself. "Really sexual harassment, or is someone just getting their panties in a wad over nothing. Or is it some jerk who just needs a knot tied in his dick. If it's the first, the complainer needs to be stuck in some workshop or other. If it's the second, a written warning goes in their record. But you gotta have some common dog fucker. Everything needs to be looked at from everyone's perspective. Like with Miss Abby. She's a hugger. But all anyone has to do is tell her it makes them uncomfortable. But no one wants to stand up and be counted. So, instead of telling her to be more careful, y'all run Gibbs Team into the ground wit' stupidities. Y'all wan' 'em to offer shitbags a hug in interrogation?"

Clair was actually taking notes. "So ... I feel that you are frustrated by HR's seeming lack of sympathy. However, most of your suggestions seem to be well thought out. I actually have been listening to complaints. We have to have some way to counsel people who aren't doing the right thing. But it's becoming more and more obvious that we need a better way to decided who needs a thorough shake-up and who just needs things put in proper perspective. So ... One of our biggest concerns has turned out to be a great stumbling block. It has to be addressed."

Tony nodded. "Jackwads that can't stay off their damn phones. It is a problem. But ... put the onus right where it belongs. Shame them in public. Make an announcement right at the beginning of the workshop that anyone who can't stop messing with their phone will be ejected, or have to give up their phone. Then make it stick."

Remy agreed. "Right in one."

Gibbs added. "There will be some people who can't give up their phones for one reason or another. They should be told to put them on silent and vibrate and it'd better be life and death when they get a call."

Vance agreed. "Exactly. And don't blame it all on the ... the ... whatever you call 'em. Blame it on the person who persists in calling. Offer them a workshop on being considerate. Or something."

Remy then asked, "And what are you going to do about Miss Flower Fields? Seriously. The woman needs a reality check. Or a body check. I'm not sure which." He reached out and touched Tony on the shoulder; it was the fifth time he'd done so in less than twenty minutes.

"Um ... inappropriate touching? Or something else?" Clair was trying to demonstrate that she was working on appropriate reactions to things she didn't understand.

Remy started to say something short then thought better of it. "PTSD. Me and AJ both. I ... the last two times we were separated, bad things happened. If I'm not checkin' up on him, he's lookin' for me. We've been buds since ... well, ever. Went through BUDs. Only time we've ever been separated, AJ gets his damn ass captured, blown up or some damn ting. Make me nervous as a long-tail cat in a room full a' rockin' chairs."

Tony agreed. "Seriously. We're like a couple a' ol' ladies. Can't be too far from my security blanket." He patted Remy's hand which was resting on his shoulder now.

Gibbs added, "And see? That's the real problem. You're both thinking that they're queer." He shrugged. "Although how who they're in bed with is any of your business, I really don't know." He gave them another gimlet-eyed look. "They're battle buddies. Have each other's backs. Just like they've got the back of everyone in the pod. We return the favor."

Gibbs stood up. "And this is all I can stand of this shit. Leon? I'm done. I'm gonna go find my damn phone."

He headed for the door, but stopped just before he reached it when Wyeth decided to get stupid. "But we're not done yet."

Leon shook his head. "Yes, you are. Jethro, AJ, and Remy need to be with their pod. You will leave them alone. If they need counseling ... someone to talk to, not tell them how they should feel, they'll speak to someone from the Navy, and be damned to you. HR is doing more harm than good, in my opinion. I will tolerate no more interference with my people. If you feel they need counseling, speak with me. I'll be making the final decisions from now on. And if you go crying to SecNav I'll fire your ass. I'm Director here. Seems I forgot that for a bit." He glowered at everyone. "I'll be sending you a directive and some requirements. And Gibbs? Get the fuck out of here." He turned to some papers, dismissing the whole mess, for now.

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Gibbs ambled into Abby's lab and demanded, "Where the fuck is my damn phone?"

Abby just pitched it at him. He snatched it out of the air and checked it. "Book's back."

Tim looked up from something he was working on. "Not available when the phone's down. Saves battery in some mysterious way that I can't figure out. It's fine, and I took the opportunity to back it up." He also just pitched something at Gibbs. This turned out to be a flash drive. "Put that somewhere safe. Top desk drawer is good enough. It's the secondary backup."

Gibbs just tucked it into an inside pocket. "Ok. And the next person who pitches some damn thing at me is goin' on the mats."

Tony sighed. "Ok. No one throw anything at Gibbs." This resulted in all of them pitching the nearest soft object at him.

Abby added her own missile in the person of Bert, her farting hippo. Gibbs grabbed the stuffed animal out of the air, causing him to fart loudly. Everyone just cracked up, laughing like lunatics until they ran out of breath.

Tony flopped down on the floor on Abby's pallet. "Well, that went better than expected. Tim? How's it goin'?" Remy poked Tony until he moved over so Remy could sit next to him.

Tim looked up from a laptop. "Not too bad. Most of the problems are just low-battery, conservation-of-life shutdowns. The rest are from the battery going dead. I'll have everything up and running in an hour."

Tony sighed, put his head on Remy's shoulder, and ordered, "No panics for at least a month," and fell asleep.

Abby watched with some amusement as Dean and Cosmo added themselves to the duo. Gibbs flopped down at their feet, ordering, "Don't kick me." It wasn't long before Tim nudged Gibbs onto the futon and lay down next to him. Jimmy eased in on the other side of him and the whole group was soon asleep. Abby noticed that no one snored. She shook her head and settled at her desk to finish the few tablets that Tim hadn't gotten to yet.

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When Leon Vance went in search of Gibbs to ask him a question, all he could do was ease away before laughing his head off.