"Is it true that soulmates always end up together? I didn't think so, but I hoped that if there was such a thing as reincarnation, we would meet again in a another life and try again. If it was possible, I'd find him, for another chance at love."
― Ilso Madden-Mills, Very Bad Things
Gajeel was sitting beneath one of the giant trees. His scythe was sitting across his lap and in his hands he held up a book, his red eyes scanning the pages. It was an epic written by some man in a different country who didn't seem to think much of man's integrity. It was a stupid, trivial thing that he was doing. He'd devoured ten books as of late, one book a day, and this one didn't pique his interest more than any of the others. The only reason why he was reading was because it took his mind, if just for a little while, off of the aching in his chest and the heaviness in his heart. It stole him away from the decision he needed to make in just a few short days.
More than anything else, though, it made him feel closer to Levy.
He gritted his teeth and forced himself to look back at the pages, at the words. The striking black text always left him wanting. At some point he would always remember, always come back to the present, and his throat would tighten and his head would throb. Once, he even buried his head in his palms to try to keep himself together, as if all he had to do was contain himself and the silent pain would ease away.
Oh dear heavens did he still hurt.
Finally, he sighed and climbed back onto his feet. He took a steadying breath and tilted his head up to the massive timbers above him. Their height was dizzying and it made him feel smaller than infinitesimal. Like a bug, marching through life with no real end goal other than to just live. There was no fulfillment out of that. Just living. A soul needed a purpose to their existence even if it was a fallacy. What was he doing here? Every day he wandered aimlessly in search for his answer. But without Levy, and knowing that Juvia and Grey and Natsu and Lucy were all happy and well… what really was there left for him to hang on to? What point was their to denying himself Paradise?
But the idea just seemed so wrong. He couldn't even say the word without a disgusting taste coming to his tongue. It was like admitting defeat. It felt like giving up. Giving up what? He didn't know. It wasn't like it two weeks he could scour the earth to see if Levy had maybe been reincarnated as another angel. Surely Mavis wouldn't allow her to cease from existence? What wrong had the perfect girl ever done? Hadn't she been exalted for her good deeds as a human? Why then just let her die? Why hadn't Mavis saved her or brought her back or just anything that was more justice than letting her fade away in his arms?
He was trying not to cry again. His throat was closing so tightly he couldn't breathe and he was gritting his teeth to the point that his molars felt they could crack. He deserved this for letting her die. If he'd been stronger she wouldn't have been killed. If he'd paid more attention he could have stopped her from giving her life to save his. He deserved every ounce of pain and emptiness he felt in his heart. Walking the earth forever without her would be a just punishment to what he allowed to happen. He would be no more than a wraith, a banshee, living out eternity watching people live and love and be happy while he was denied that chance once and for all.
But what if she was waiting for him in Paradise? Isn't that where an angel should go? What if she'd gone with Mavis and was waiting for him, waiting for him to make his decision and follow her so they could finally be at peace together? But what if she hadn't and he went without her?
He opened his eyes, quickly wiping the stray tears that had streaked down his face before some impish elf could discover him in his misery.
"Please…" Gajeel whispered to the air, his eyes still staring into sky as if searching for the answer amidst the branches above, "If you could just give me a sign… tell me what I should do…"
A flitter of motion cause his eye and he jumped, trying to hide his weakness from whatever faerie could prey on it, but when he looked nothing was there. He picked up his scythe and sighed, clutching the fable in his hands and tried to push down his distress. He was driving himself mad. Surely any day now Zeref would come and make the decision for him. He was obviously not in his right mind…
A flash of long blond tresses made Gajeel jump. He stared wide-eyed into the massive trees around him.
"Judge Mavis…?" he called, taking a step in the direction of the movement. Another flash of movement several yards away had him bringing forward his weapon and advancing apprehensively. He crept closer and then pounced to the other side of the massive tree ready to catch whomever kept just eluding his sight. He halted in the clearing only to find not a soul in sight. Movement in his peripheral had him pouncing again, this time twice the distance away as before. He rushed for the shadow and lunged, once again capturing no one.
He growled and stomped his foot, his heart pounding in his chest. He was chasing ghosts, wisps, or possibly even just a mischievous faerie that saw him breaking down and was not toying with him either out of some 'good intention' or just to make a fool out of him. For good measure, he swept his scythe to the side and brandished it as a weapon. Maybe it would intimidate whoever was messing with him and he'd be left alone.
After a breath, and then another, he straightened and released the tension in his shoulders. This was ridiculous. He was chasing shadows and asking for signs and wallowing in self-pity or self-hate or both. He needed to get his head on straight. Going mad wouldn't help him… or maybe it would be better. If he lost his mind, he wouldn't remember what was driving him mad in the first place, right? A pang squeezed his heart at the thought. No, he couldn't forget Levy. It was a stupid phrase that came into mind: to have loved and to have lost was better than to have never loved at all. But in all honesty, it wasn't so stupid. He'd be in a worse place if he'd never know her, if he'd never been touched by her radiant light… She turned him in some magical way into a better person. She'd made him softer, more understanding. She'd made him think and care. If he was nothing without her, he'd be worse than nothing if they'd never met.
Gajeel took a steadying breath and ran his fingers through his ebony locks, taming the roguish main on his shoulders only slightly. In the quiet, his ears could pierce through the forest with much more clarity. He took a minute just to tell himself to exist, to just be there in this magical place. That's when a faint noise caught his attention. It wasn't faint because it was trying to be or because someone was muffling it, it was faint because it was so far away like the sound of a trickling brook from across the forest. Gajeel sighed. It was probably another faerie out making flowers bloom for no particular reason.
He hadn't intended to follow it, to investigate. Maybe it was just some inkling of wonder that somehow had survived his tumultuous mind or maybe it was a greater power at work, but he struck out to find its source. The closer he got, the more he could tell it was a voice.
He froze in his place. His heart began to race. Hope, warm and bright awoke from somewhere deep in his chest, somewhere he didn't think it could possibly exist, and he burst into a sprint.
There was no way. There was simply no way…
"The ash grove, how graceful, how plainly 'tis speaking
The wind through it playing has language for me
Whenever the light through its branches is breaking
A host of kind faces is gazing on me
The friends from my childhood again are before me
Each step wakes a memory as feeling I roam
With soft whispers laden its leave rustle o'er me
The ash grove, the ash grove alone is my home
Gajeel approached with his heart in his throat. Her voice, dear Mavis, her voice made him shake uncontrollably. He came upon a great tree. It was so old that the center had hollowed over centuries of rotting away but it's outer shell stayed in tact. Inside, smaller saplings were taking shelter and fighting their way up the old corpse of their grandfather and fought for sunlight.
A dainty figure was moving through the smaller trees, running her fingers over their rough surface as her voice floated on the air. Gajeel would have fallen to his knees if it wasn't for the scythe that he was leaning on. It took everything in him to keep from running up to her, it was a massive effort to quell his excitement. He almost couldn't believe it.
Down yonder green valley where streamlets meander
When twilight is fading I pensively rove
Or at the bright noontide in solitude wander
Amid the dark shades of the lonely ash grove
T'was there while the blackbird was cheerfully singing
I first met my dear one, the joy of my heart
Around us for gladness the bluebells were singing
The ash grove, the ash grove alone is my home…"
She stopped abruptly, her eyes focusing solely on her enraptured audience. Gajeel was sure she could hear the sound of his bones trembling as she approached, curiosity clear in those painfully familiar eyes. Those gorgeous, caramel eyes that held so much pain the last time he saw them were looking on him in amused wonder. It was like the first time they'd met at Lucy's mansion. His heart… his heart was so sick with joy he couldn't take it!
"Hullo," she was all pale skin that was tinged with a light blush and she looked like the sun itself had poured a few drops into her soul. She was beautiful and full of light. Her voice was akin to the sound of gentle bells and soft rain, beautiful and timid and stunning.
"Hey…" he let his lip turn up at one end and her head cocked slightly to the side as she studied him.
"Are you new here?" she smiled shyly, looking at him through her long eyelashes. Her lips pursed slightly as she quietly schooled herself for being so forward.
"Not… not really… you?"
"I honestly can't remember… maybe I am?" she laughed slightly as if amused or maybe even embarrassed by her own lack of memory. Gajeel's heart ached.
She didn't remember him.
"What, um… may I ask your name?" maybe she'd remember him if he could just tell her his name. Surely, it would jog some part of her previous life like it did so long ago…
"Levy, Levy McGarden," she beamed, her blue tresses bouncing as she approached, leaning forward as if to shake his hand. He took it and awaited her reply with barely-hinged elation in his heart, "What about you? What's your name?"
"My name is G-" his eyes were suddenly drawn behind her, to a dark figure standing amongst the trees. Short black hair and red eyes peered out at him, barely a tight-lipped smile on his face. Zeref, in a subtle motion, pointed at Gajeel and his lips moved imperceptively fast. A wicked wind rushed through the trees and Gajeel gritted his teeth against the sudden chill.
"Did you forget your name?" Levy giggled, centering him back in front of the woman before him. He blinked once, twice, eyed the shadows where Zeref had been only to find there was no one there, and then looked back at the faerie in front of him. Her smile turned wry as she looked up at him, "Well…?"
"My name… is Death,"