Disclaimer: Yes. I do own Merlin. I own everything, from his silky raven-like locks and swirling eyes of brilliant sapphire to his pale, opalescent skin and his Neckerchief of Many Colors. Dammit, Jim, I'm a fangirl, not a . . . what do they call them? Those people who own things? I dunno, but I'm not one of them.

Everyone was gathered in the court of Camelot when the doors were suddenly thrown open.

King Uther sat up, alert. "What is the meaning of-" he began.

A knight strode into the room. Stopping right before the throne, the figure paused for a moment to let the silence register. Then limber arms reached up and pulled off the helmet.

Long blond hair was tossed over a shoulder. Morgause tucked her helmet under her arm and looked up to sneer at Uther. "You, Uther Pendragon," she hissed, "are a hypocrite and a liar."

"On what do you base this-"

"I know your secret, Uther Pendragon."

King Uther stilled. His secret? His mind raced. She couldn't mean . . .

Morgause pulled off a gauntlet and threw it on the ground. "I demand recompense and truth. Purge yourself of your lies, Uther," she sneered. "Draw your weapon."

Uther quietly stood and reached for his sword.

"Not that weapon." Morgause's eyes narrowed. "You know what I mean."

Uther began to sweat. "I'm afraid I don't. Stop these needless dramatics and leave my kingdom."

"Draw it," the sorceress repeated.

The king swallowed. "I don't-"

"You know what I'm talking about!" She pulled her sword from her scabbard. "Now, take it!"

Uther shut his eyes for a moment and then, finding his courage, he opened them again and took hold of . . . his knitting needle.

The crowd gasped. Including Sir Leon, whose own stash of self-made quilts was starting to fill up his closet.

"Father, you . . ." whispered Arthur. Gaius placed a soothing hand on his shoulder and turned his own face away.

Merlin was gaping.

Morgana was staring at her father/guardian with wide pale eyes. "My King . . ."

His terrible secret had just been exposed. There was only one thing to do.

Uther took out his ball of yarn and began to knit.

A/N

I just want to say that no, none of that was an innuendo. There was no double entendre. Uther's needle and yarn (oh, geez, that does sound like an innuendo, doesn't it?) are just that. A needle and yarn.

Although . . . Heh. His 'needle' and 'yarn'. I am so going to use that.