Chapter 6: I Still Know You

1935

Jude sat alone in the bar, emotionlessly staring down to her drink on the counter as she cupped her hands around it. There was something so hopeless about the world, something so bleak and definite that she had grown to hate. She had just received a letter from someone that she had went to school with.

Through out the entire day she had been thinking about that damn letter. Written in it, was the life that she had always dreamed of having. Her friend was married, had two children and another on the way. Her husband loved her. She would kiss him goodbye each morning before he headed off to the office.

By this time, she was sure that she was exaggerating some of it in her mind, but knowing that didn't ease the pain. It didn't fill the void that resided within her. If anything, it only reminded her that what she wanted was something that she could never have. It reminded her of how much of a fantasy it truly was, and much it contrasted with the grim reality that was her life.

"Everything all right?"

Jude looked up and saw a man standing there. His presence was somewhat uneasy, but he seemed nice. It was comforting, having someone talk to her when she felt so depressed.

"I'm fine, thank you," she replied with a tight smile.

Arthur stood there, returning the smile. There was something about her that he felt attracted too. She was good looking, yes, but there was something deeper. There was this sadness about her that made him want to approach her. It made her seem somewhat weak. There was also the fact that he was new in town and she seemed like the most likely to respond to him.

"Would you mind if I bought you a drink?" He offered, getting ready to take the seat next to her.

Jude wasn't so sure that she wanted company at the moment, but he was being nice to her. And in all honesty, it was a free drink. She felt it would be insane to ever turn down a free drink.

"Not at all," she replied, her smile growing more genuine.

Arthur motioned for the bartender to come over and ordered a gin martini for Jude and a scotch for himself.

Jude watched him, studying him as much as she could with the alcohol coursing through her veins. She didn't recognize him, which was a rare event in these types of places. Perhaps his wife had just left him, or he just moved. Either way, it was kind of nice to see an unfamiliar face here.

"You're new here aren't you?" She inquired with smirk before taking a sip of her drink.

"Why do you say that?" He asked, finding the question somewhat amusing.

He figured that he had a pretty good idea of how these places worked, what types of people came into them. It wasn't that this place was dirty or anything, but it was one of those after hours spots, the ones where what happens there stays there.

Jude softly laughed. "I don't recognize you. That's all." She didn't realize how bad that statement made her sound until she had said it out loud. "I sing here most nights," she explained, hoping to better the image she was painting of herself.

"Ah, so you're a singer," he responded with a smile. "I should have guessed."

Normally a statement like that would be said as an insult, but Jude heard it differently. It was probably the way that he was studying her as he said it. That smile, the interest that sparked in his eyes. It was obvious that he was intrigued with her.

"Why do you say that?" She asked, blushing.

"Your voice," he answered.

There was something rather alluring about her voice. It had a raspy quality to it. Besides her voice though, she just looked like a singer. She was more dressed up than the others. She looked as though she were ready to be seen by a crowd of people.

"Maybe you'd like to see me perform tomorrow night," she suggested, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

Arthur returned the smirk as he raised his glass to her, fully intending on seeing her the next night.

oooooo

Jude awoke the next morning, the light glaring through the window of the unfamiliar room. She cursed herself for being stupid enough last night to not think about closing the blinds. It was a simple action that would save her from a lot of suffering. However, the throbbing headache and dizziness was a huge distraction from the fact that she was half naked in bed to a man that she barely even knew. As a matter of fact, she was rarely ever even sure if she knew the names of these men.

Propping herself on her elbows, she looked over to the man lying beside her. As much as she enjoyed his company last night, well at least from what she could remember she enjoyed it, there was something about him that made her feel uneasy. Last night she thought that maybe it was just the fact that she had a few drinks in her and she didn't know him too well. The feeling still lingered though. it was starting to get frustrating, not knowing what it was that she distrusted so much.

"Morning," she greeted, her voice raspy from her dry throat.

He wasn't up yet, but she hoped that talking would wake him. Although, she wasn't too sure of what it was that she wanted after he woke. She was still interested in him, there was something that pulled her towards him and she loved it. On the other hand, she was bothered by him and she wanted for the both of them to get out of there and back as soon as possible. Maybe she wanted him to take her home, but to make sure that he drove the longer route to her place so that they could talk more?

She was correct in her thinking - that he would begin to stir once he heard her voice. And as he did, she moved to cover herself with the bed sheet. It was ridiculous, but she felt exposed right now. Last night he had seen what was under that slip.

"What?" He murmured, his eyes still shut as he turned his back to her.

Arthur had yet to open his eyes and see where he was. He didn't have all that much to drink, but it would take him a minute to remember the events that occurred the prior night.

"We need to get out of here," she sourly stated as she begun to pull herself out of bed.

Jude walked over towards the bathroom, gathering her clothing that had been scattered about on the floor as she walked.

Arden sat up with a huff, looking around at his surroundings. "Oh," he said, the events of last night returning to him.

"Is this by any chance your place?" He inquired, knowing that there was no way that this wasn't a cheap motel.

"I'm not sure how to take that question!" Jude replied, halfway joking.

"I was just hoping that I didn't really waste money on this place. The back of my car is in better condition," he stated.

Jude softly laughed to herself in the bathroom as she did her best to freshen up with the little that she had. There was no soap, she didn't have a tooth brush or a hair brush. The truth was, she had exited the back seats of cars in better condition. She wanted to make a comment about that to him, but she bit her tongue. It wasn't the right time for him to fully know just how much she got around yet.

Once she was ready, Jude stepped back out into the room to see Arden just sitting there on the edge of the bed.

"You ready to get out of here?" She asked

Arden stood and grabbed his pants from the ground. He knew that they would have to leave sooner or later. He didn't really want to leave though, that meant leaving her and he wasn't ready to do that quite yet.

"You want to get breakfast?" He offered.

Jude just stood there a moment, watching him as he turned back and eagerly awaited her response. Nervously, she began to play with the material of her dress in her hands. Breakfast didn't sound so bad. And he was the first man who really wanted to stick around the next morning. It was nice for a change to not just be the woman that they were ashamed of and wanted to forget about as soon as possible.

"Sure," she answered, smiling.

1963

Jude and Arden sat beside each other in the small office at the hospital. Mary's doctor had requested to speak to Jude and Arden caught wind of the meeting and insisted on coming. The only reason that she allowed him to come was so that he could hear just what it was that he had done to his own daughter.

They both sat there, silent. They each had a lot of things that they wanted to say to each other, but neither had the desire to actually talk to the person beside them.

The air itself felt uncomfortable. The longer they sat there, the thicker the tension grew. It were as though the negativity between them was becoming tangible.

"Sorry about the wait. I had an emergency to attend to," the doctor announced as he entered the room, closing the door behind him.

"It's quite alright doctor. We do understand your line of work," she stated, her best attempt at sounding casual.

Arden briefly glared over to her, surprised that she had to audacity to say that she had a small understanding of his career.

"Alright, let's get started here," he started as he took a seat at his desk.

Jude and Arden both watched him intently. The one thing that they could agree on was the fact that they wanted to hear the best news that they could hope for. In this case, neither of them was entirely sure of what that was. The medication working and the baby being gone was probably it, but even that would leave a scar.

"It seems as though the infection is starting to clear up," he noted as he continued to skim through the file.

Jude softly smiled, glad to hear that at least one thing was going right for Mary. Now she could start feeling better. Part of her also hoped that maybe she wouldn't care so much about the baby. It was a far fetched hope, but she knew deep down that she could never handle having that baby.

"However…" The doctor began as he continued to go through the papers.

This caused both Jude and Arden to instantly tensen. It could have been anything from news about the infection spreading to the antibiotics actually killing her.

"It seems as though the baby is still all right," he mentioned, not sure whether that was good or bad.

Jude softly laughed. "You must be mistaken," she argued.

"Just because the medications haven't killed it yet, doesn't mean that they won't. It just simply means that they haven't been in her system long enough to have an effect on the fetus," Arden casually explained.

He himself did not want her having that baby. It would ruin her. And if it came down to it, he would assist her in an abortion.

The doctor looked up to them, showing some pity. "With the dosage we've been giving her, it should have died a while ago," he informed them.

Jude just sat back, not sure what she was going to do. Surely Mary wouldn't be allowed to return to the convent. They couldn't have a pregnant nun. And she would have a hard time helping her out, being busy at Briarcliff.

"Thank you, doctor," she flatly stated, standing.

Before she left, she looked to Arden with disgust. "I hope you're happy with what you've done," she spat and then rushed out of the room.

oooooo

Arden allowed himself to enter into the room, feeling that he didn't need to knock at a time like this.

"Do you mind telling me what that was back there?" He asked, not even bothering to close the door behind him.

He stood there in Jude's room, watching as she hastened to pack all of her belongings. Even if she was rarely ever considered important enough to consume his thoughts, this little act was piquing his interest. In his opinion however, this was all nothing more than an act, a small tantrum to simply prove a point.

"I'm packing," she flippantly stated, keeping her back to him.

Right now she did not have time for this. She had to get this finished as soon as possible and then go and talk to the Monsignor. She needed to get out of this place.

"I believe I was asking about the past, as in back at the hospital," he casually corrected her. "I'm not sure that I care to know about your vacation."

Jude huffed, dropping her clothes into the suit case. She quickly wheeled around to face the man that she had grown to despise.

"This isn't some silly vacation. This happens to be my way of trying to fix what you started," she pointedly explained. "I'm leaving."

"You act as though I'm supposed to care," Arden stated as he took a few steps towards her.

Jude crossed her arms, taking a few steps towards him, closing the space that he refused to do so himself.

"You're the one that came into my room," she sourly mentioned.

"And you're the one that accused me of being at fault back at the hospital, which can result in a few complications for me if that doctor decides to take your words seriously," he explained.

The two stood there, eyes locked on each other. There was only a few inches between them. All she wanted to do was strangle him, but she couldn't act on it. The same anger rose within him.

"You act as though I'm supposed to care," she replied, mocking him.

"Say what you want, sister, but you do owe me an explanation. If you think I'm the one who pinned her down and took her innocence, then say it. Tell me that you think I am the one that violated her," he firmly instructed.

Jude wanted to, she wanted to be able to tell him that she knew without a doubt that he was fully responsible for all of this. When it was put into those specific words however, she could not do it. She knew that no matter how bad he was, he would not be the one to physically rape her.

Sighing, she dropped her guard. "You know that I don't think you actually did it. I just know deep down that you had something to do with it."

Arden nodded. She was still suspicious of him and she always would be. He supposed that was fair, considering that the young girl was always with him.

"You know what I never understood about you?" He questioned. This was more about head games than understanding though. "How is it that you fear me so much, yet you never got Mary out of here earlier? You knew that I knew who she was."

Jude stood there, speechless. She didn't want the questions, she didn't want Mary finding out, she thought that she could protect her, and oddly enough she felt some safety in knowing where both people were at all times. Even with all of these reasons rushing through her mind, she still felt that no matter what she told him, he would twist it around and make this all her fault. And he would succeed. He must have sensed that she already blamed herself for most of this. Or perhaps he still knew her that well after all these.

"You already knew. At least here I could keep an eye on both of you, make sure you weren't trying to hunt her down or anything," she explained, beginning to feel nervous.

Staring down to her with sinister eyes, he took a small step forward, following her as she cautiously backed away from him. "So you're telling me that you thought it would be safer to keep her right here, where I could anything at any time without so much as a warning?" He questioned.

Jude backed up until she hit a wall. She was cornered. Deep down she knew that Arden would probably never actually hurt her, but there was a small chance and that was enough to ignite the panic that instantly began rushing through her veins. Her heart pounding as she thickly swallowed.

"I was naive enough to think that maybe you had no idea and I didn't want to make you suspicious," she stated, doing her best to try and keep her composure.

"Is that what you prefer to call it?" He quipped, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"If you think you're so damn smart, why don't you tell me why I stayed?" She suggested.

It was becoming harder for her to act as though she were fine, but at least now maybe they could get closer to the end of this conversation. She needed to get out of here, talk to Timothy and return to her daughter.

"I think part of you felt guilty, like you always do. You were the one that ran out on me and you didn't want to run again," he informed her in a matter of fact type tone.

Jude frowned in disgust at his theory. The anger began to overpower the fear as she struggled to push him away from her, only to fail, letting out a yelp as he grabbed her shoulders and forced her back against the wall.

"I did what I had to do!" She argued. "And you're crazy to think otherwise."

Arden slightly cocked his head to the side, wondering how dumb she thought he was. "Actually, I was crazy to think that a whore could be honest with me for once," he retorted.

He didn't give her much of a chance to say anything before he leaned in and planted a kiss on her lips. It was a decision made on impulse. There was no true reason for it, maybe manipulation. Maybe there was a tension between them at the very moment that he happened to enjoy. Either way, he knew that he wasn't truly finding any pleasure in this action, none besides the comfort of an old habit.

At first, Jude leaned right into the kiss, allowing him to enter her mouth. It was like instinct, she didn't even think about it. Once she did however, her eyes widened and she used all her strength to push him away from her, succeeding. A frown of disgust occupied her face as she watched him stumble back.

"What the hell were you trying to pull?" She angrily questioned.

"I just wanted one last kiss. Everyone else in this town has gotten one," he quipped, brushing himself off and taking a few steps towards her.

"I hope your calling me a whore makes you feel better about ruining your daughter," she snidely remarked as she turned and started for the door.

"That's why you stayed here with her, isn't it? You didn't want the questions from the Monsignor?" Arden inquired as he stopped in the center of the room, his hands neatly folded behind his back.

Jude stopped, freezing as she looked down towards the floor. "Whatever you're trying to say, just come out and say it," she demanded, still trying to sound strong.

"You didn't want anyone knowing that you had a daughter. It would lead to you having to actually be honest about your past for once," he casually explained. "It was all because you had an image to unhold, one that did not include being able to be bought for drink."

Jude slowly turned, looking over her shoulder at the man. His words had stung, making her question her motives. It wasn't as though she required her guilt be justified, but he had done just that for her. Either way though, she had to look fine, anything to get him to leave her alone.

"If that's what you really think, you're more pathetic than I thought," she icily told him.

"I'm not the one who stopped protecting my daughter when it would hurt me," he argued.

The nun just looked to him for a moment, swallowing as she tried her hardest to think of something to say. There was nothing though, and only because a small part of her believed what he had said. She believed that this was her fault, and that she was that bad of a person.

"Goodbye, doctor," she said before rushing out of her own room to go see the Monsignor. She knew that she should have kicked Arden out of her room, but she didn't have the energy to try and fight him. All she wanted was to get as far from him as she could right now.