Open Doors

Alice walked through the empty hallways of leopards Den noting the still quiet of her surroundings. Since she came to live here all those years ago she couldn't ever remember the place ever being this still. She walked down her footsteps echoing; as she passed she saw that every single door was wide open offering a look at the rooms within.

Charlotte's room was a kaleidoscope of colour clothes and other items strewn all over the floor. Her daughter now on the cusp of being a teenager was still not in the tidy room phase of growing up. Alice also noted her homework book was open on her desk….she'd better finish that Alice thought making a mental note before moving on.

The next room was her son's bedroom. His blue cot took pride of place in the centre surrounded by numerous toys, drawers' wardrobe and numerous other things a little boy's room needs to be comfortable.

Opposite Bobby's room was her marital bedroom. The bed was messy, unmade from this morning when she awoke, Danny's side cold proving that he had risen long before she awoke. Folded clothes sat on the chair in the corner of the room.

Nomsa had left a few weeks ago citing that she needed space, grief was crippling her. They were struggling to cope without her and Caroline the place wasn't as pristine without them. The place was too quiet without them too. Everyone seemed to be leaving…and it all began with Dupe. Pushing thoughts of him away before the tears she seemed to be constantly holding at bay rose, without thinking of what she was doing she walked into the study determined to find something to occupy her mind.

The laptop was on in their whirring softly. As she crossed the room to turn it off her eyes were drawn to the many pictures on the desk. She stopped and just stared at them, they'd had so many happy times here. Her head fell slowly to the side as she looked, her and Danny looking blissful on their wedding day. An early picture of Nomsa with a man Alice assumed was her husband and pride of place was a picture of a younger Dupe with Caroline and the kids, long before she had met them. The kids looking so young, Dupe too. She picked it up taking it in. it was hard to imagine Dupe without the unkempt beard she was so used to seeing. Here he looked at least partially groomed and much thinner…..healthy….. Everyone on those pictures looked happy when they had all been whole. The heartbeat had been ripped from the place. Although it was still home, and to her always would be there was no denying that something was missing and that something was Anders DuPlessis.

Placing the photo back on the desk she left the study and found herself face to face with his bedroom door. Before she had noted that every door was open, she had been wrong, not quite every door was open. This was the one and only door that was closed, same as it always had been when the man himself had been alive. Swallowing hard she found herself rooted to the floor, it was hard to believe that he had been gone for six months now. It felt like a lifetime had passed since she had last saw his face and heard his gruff voice reassuring her that somehow everything was going to work out ok, but no, he was gone, laid to rest in the warm African soil he had loved so much.

Like Nomsa Caroline had left Leopards Den, she returning to the UK to try and find some sort of solace for herself. Caroline wasn't the most demonstrative of woman but Alice had never seen someone so broken when Danny radioed saying that the found Dupe and that they were bringing him home. She had stoically planned the funeral giving him the best send-off she could then one morning she was just gone. They had all been worried sick until Georgina had telephoned saying Caroline had turned up out of the blue. No one had informed her of Dupes death. Alice thought Danny may have rang her…..thoughts of her husband brought her attention back to the open doors.

Danny had taken the news of Dupes passing remarkably well; he was still functioning for the most part, going about his daily routine, keeping the kids spirits up. There was one thing that confused her; he could not stand to be in a room where the door was closed. She hadn't really noticed it at first, when in a hurry Danny often left the doors open it was when he began leaving their bedroom door ajar that she first asked him about it. He claimed that he wanted to make sure that he could hear Bobby who wasn't settling particularly well in his own bedroom. They had his baby monitor but Danny assured her that he was simply being cautious. Like she said she had marvelled at how well he seemed to be handling the loss of the man he called his brother.

It had a week or two ago when she realised that Danny wasn't showering or even going to the bathroom in the house at all. Again there were reasons why she hadn't noticed it at first, he had always been an early riser, she was busy being a mother and vet. It was weeks until she learned he was going down to the huts to shower.

Initially she wanted to know what was going on, why was he disappearing at odd times? Why was he being so secretive about his whereabouts? So one day she followed him, when she got there all she heard was the sound of running water, a stash of towels some clean some used lain on an unmade bed. When she peeked her head in the bathroom she saw him stood under a hot spray, his outline behind a shower curtain, back to her head bowed.

That had been her first inkling that something was wrong with him, that he wasn't confiding in her. She spent the whole day mulling it over and finally worked it out that for some reason he had a dislike of being in a room with closed doors, deciding to test her theory that night she walked into their bedroom to get changed and closed their bedroom door behind her. He'd given her the weirdest look, he looked almost afraid.

"You ok?" she'd asked removing her dressing gown to get dressed for bed.

He'd nodded staring at the door, glancing at her periodically.

"Bobbys settled so well in his room I thought it would be nice to close our bedroom door and have a little me and you time without hearing Liv talking on the phone all night or Charlie's music when she is supposed to be asleep. I've missed me and you time."

His eyes settled upon her then and with a nonchalant shuttered expression he squeaked, "Sounds good." with none of his usual enthusiasm. Once upon a time they had barely been able to get the door closed before he was encircling her into his arms. Now he picked up the vet publication he'd been reading and was frowning intensely.

As she'd climbed into bed beside him he'd felt stiff, slightly unyielding like he was steeling himself against something. He's dropped his publication to the floor and slide down to rest beside her. She'd expected a little bit of chatting and giggling, a lot of heated kisses and although he wrapped his arms around her his hold lacked its usual tightness and while they chatted, without their usual banter, she could tell his attention was elsewhere. Eventually she had slept only to wake a few hours later with her husband sleeping beside her and the bedroom door wide open. When she asked him about it the following morning he had claimed that Bobby had woke and he'd went to settle him and forgot to close the door behind him and maybe they should leave their door open for a little while longer to make sure the Bobby was settled. She had known deep down he hadn't forgot and that their son had slept all night long, what she still didn't know was why he was lying and why he wouldn't talk to her about it. Since everyone was having a sleep over at Rosie's new house she decided to it was time to talk to her husband and clear the air.

The lights burned in the surgery so she made her trek down by the light of the moon.

Danny stood by the door of the surgery looking at it as it swung gently in the slight night wind. Across the room the double doors were wide open as was the door to his office, even the empty pens were open. It was a wonder he could manage to have the doors to the refrigerators and cupboards closed for God's sake. This really was getting beyond a joke! How hard could it be to be in a room with a closed door?

It wasn't even the act of closing the door which bothered him, it was the feelings the door itself evoked. He couldn't explain them, couldn't chase them away all he knew was he had to find a way. He refused to jeopardise his family's safety and it was slowly getting to that. He was struggling to sleep knowing that the front door was closed. He already made sure that all the doors he could open were that way, Liv and Charlie's remained closed when they were in there but his compulsion was growing. The other reason he needed it gone was because his wife was starting to wonder what was wrong. No one could know, they'd think he was crazy. Maybe he was. But no one needed to know that, as far as they were concerned he was fine. He kept his bedroom door open for Bobby! He showered and used the bathroom in the huts because sometimes a man needed five minutes peace from the madhouse. From Nomsa's bustling around, from grumbling kids and Dupes next…Dupe. At thought of his friend he clenched his jaw and looked at the door mutinously, hand on the handle he tried to close it, pushing all thoughts of his friend, his mentor out of his mind. When he found he couldn't bring himself to shut the door he flung it open wider disgusted at himself and his weakness. The door clattered off the wall a loud bang resounding. The action did nothing to stem the anger within and he wanted to rage at something. Anything! He stalked across the room to go get some truck keys when he saw Alice heading straight for the animal hospital. Her stride telling him she wasn't taking any more bull. She often looked like that when she had reached her limit and wanted to clear the air. He glanced around quickly and saw no means of escape so he went into the office determined to shut her out….until he realised he couldn't close the door. Swearing under his breath he grabbed the closest file sat down with his back to the door and began to read pretending to be completely engrossed. She understood the importance of their work, she wouldn't push him to talk, she'd leave it. Right?

Minutes later he heard her step foot into the surgery. Resting his head on his hand he frowned concentrating hard on the words before him. All too soon they became a jumble of letters and numbers as he waited for her to approach him, deep down he knew she wouldn't leave it, not when she knew what was bothering him was starting to take over his entire life.

He felt her presence at the door rather than heard her approach. She stood there quietly, without announcing herself, obviously waiting for him to start. He remained silent turning a page.

"Can we talk?" she asked softly.

"Can't it wait? I'm busy." He replied more brusquely than he intended.

"Not really, its kind of important."

"So is this." He told her still without turning to look at her. "I'll be up at the house soon and then we'll talk ok?"

She sighed. "Ok." Then he heard her walk towards the door and the click telling him it was closed. All was silent, he closed the file he was reading and stood to open the door. When he turned he saw Alice stood in front of the closed door arms crossed looking pissed off.

"Ready to talk yet?" she asked. "I thought that would get your attention!" and nodded to the door.

"I actually need to cross reference another file!" he snapped obviously lying. Panic was beginning to build at the sight of the closed door.

Alice shrugged, "Go ahead I'll wait."

Danny headed for the filing cabinet and pulled it open forcefully, rifling aimlessly, the closed door was unsettling him making it hard to concentrate. He rubbed his forehead frowning.

"Something wrong?" Alice asked.

He pulled out the file closest to his hand, no idea what it was. "No. I'm fantastic!" keeping his eyes fixed on her face.

"So that isn't bothering you?" motioning towards the door as she did so.

"Why would a door bother me? It's a door." sarcasm thick in his tone.

"Well you won't mind that I have closed every door in here then."

He looked at her then gauging whether she was lying. Unable to tell and unable to hold back the impulse any longer he stalked passed her and yanked the door open….only to find all the doors open. He closed his eyes, his only thought, 'she knows!'

"Can we talk yet?" she asked gently.

Again he clenched his jaw and looked out of the window. He knew he had to somehow find it within himself to talk about this but how could he make her understand when he barely understood it himself! He knew the reason, or the rational side of his brain was at least aware of it. The emotional side though couldn't handle it and it was more often than not that the emotional side wrestled the rational into submission. This time he was going to be strong though, he had to be! His silence stretched on so without saying a word Alice crossed the room and closed the open door.

"Open it." He asked her.

She shook her head, "No."

"Open it!" he repeated getting angry.

"Talk to me!" she retorted.

"There is nothing to say!"

"Really? Why are you so angry then?" then she stomped to the opposite side of the room and began to close the double doors.

Danny knew her intent and went to leave….. but found the door locked. He looked across at her and saw her holding up the silver key in her hand.

"Talk to me," she repeated.

"NO!" he shouted. "Just let me out!" his heart was pounding almost out of his chest and he could feel sweat dripping from his brow. The walls were closing in on him he had to get out he couldn't handle this….

"Danny you need to….." she halted mid flow when she saw how distressed this was making him, "Danny?"

Without warning she saw him spin and kick the door 3 times, hard. It had the desired effect, when he yanked the handle as hard as he could the wood splintered and he made his escape stomping out. Alice stood there momentarily shocked. When her senses returned she knew she had to go after him, she couldn't leave him by himself, at times like this she knew he needed her support. He was a deeply sensitive person, she thought he might have came to her if he was struggling this badly. She had went about this all wrong, she just hadn't known.

Following him slowly, taking her time to allow the feelings he was no doubt going through to settle, she found him a slight way away at a clearing. It was a quiet spot and he was looking up at the night sky arms crossed breathing heavily. He sniffed once and she felt her heart shatter a the sound. She had pushed him that far that he hadn't came to her when he was upset. She rubbed her face. "I'm sorry." She whispered into the night. "I didn't know that seeing the door like that would hurt you so much."

She saw him bow his head and release an emotion filled breath. "I thought…..i dunno what I thought." Walked towards him and put her hand on his back. "You know that I'd never want to hurt you for anything, I just don't understand why you won't talk to me."

He was silent for the longest time and Alice was beginning to wonder whether he would ever be able to get passed this, get over how she hurt him when his voice floated out through the darkness.

"I couldn't." he croaked voice thick with the emotion he refused to share with her.

"There is nothing you can't tell me. I love you. I'm always here for you."

He sniffed and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. "I was scared," he shook his head, "I'm still scared…." He turned to face her. "Every time I look at a closed door I get this feeling of panic. I don't understand it…."

Alice looked up at him confused, "What are you scared of?"

She saw that there was an internal battle waging within him, part of him wanted to tell her, another part was holding back. She went to him and put her hand on his cheek. "It's ok." She murmured. "If you can't tell me now its fine. I'll always be here when you need me, we can keep the doors open until you can close them."

He shook his head, "You should know, I just don't know how to put it into words where you'll understand."

"It's ok." She repeated squeezing his hands. She had went too far trying to make him talk to her, this time she would give him the time and space he needed.

He closed his eyes, when he opened them to look at her they were bleak, "I was scared of….scared that….that someone other than Dupe would open the door." He saw her perplexed expression and carried on. "I know what you're thinking, I've thought it myself a million times. It's just I keep expecting him to burst into a room like he always did crowing that a little thing like death wouldn't stop him from being here."

"Oh Danny…."

"It's irrational!" he told her heatedly cutting her off. "I know he's dead, I understand that, I know hes not coming back but I can't stop myself from just expecting him to just appear. Its that feeling, the expectation….the hope….." his voice cracked. "I couldn't handle it anymore. Then it just escalated and I knew I couldn't tell you…."

Alice pulled him close and held him tight. "You should have told me," she murmured. "I could have helped you through this. You didn't have to go through it alone, I'm your wife. I'm here for you no matter what." Reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, tasting salty tears.

"I told myself I was being strong this time." It was an unspoken rule, impossible to keep when his wife was looking up at him with so much love in her eyes, so much feeling. She wrapped her arms around him again and he felt the pain wash over him waves.

"Nothing can bring him back" she whispered into his ear, his head rested on her shoulder. "And closing the door doesn't mean you're forgetting him or ending that part of your life. He'll always be here in your memories, in us. We're only married because of him, I was on my way out of here when he told you how I felt. He's here in Bobby, in Evan, Liv, Charlie and Rosie. He influenced them all in the ways he loved them, in what he taught them. You can close the door because although he won't be able to open it, it doesn't mean he isn't there in the room with you. You may think he's out of reach but just close your eyes and he'll be there."

She held him in the shadows, the thought occurring to her that finally, after he saved her all those years ago when he first arrived, the time had finally came to return the favour and save him right back.

He turned his head and kissed her cheek gently then lifted his head and rested it softly on hers. "I really hope he isn't in rooms with us all the time." He told her voice rough.

Alice smiled. "I'm sure he'll make himself scarce at certain moments."

He nodded, "I'm sorry I didn't come to you, I don't know why I didn't. You're pretty good at this stuff."

He took her hand and they made the trek towards the house in silence. The house came into view, looking grand in the distance.

"Tonight we can…."

Alice shook her head and told him softly, "We'll leave the door open, we'll take it a day at a time and when you're ready we'll close them together.

That night as they lay together his arm lain over her softly he looked at the door, the words his wife spoke whirled around his head.

"Shes right isn't she?" he whispered to an old friend.

'Isn't she always?' a gruff voice answered although not a sound echoed.

"What do you think?"

'When did you ever listen to me?'

"More often that you knew. If I hadn't listened to you about Alice she wouldn't be here and I would be falling apart right now. I never thanked you for that did I?"

'No thanks was necessary, you both needed each other. I like to think it would have happened without me. Always thought your first born son would be named after me for the favour I did you both.'

"Believe it or not we discussed it, Anders was to be his middle name. Don't know why we changed our mind. " he swallowed thickly. "I really miss you old man."

"Likewise.'

"Keep one cold for me up there."

Then he rose from the bed and walked over to the door nodded once then he pushed it until a click sounded. He waited for the familar feeling to start but felt nothing but cold and empty. Only one person he knew could help with that and he headed back to bed climbing in. Alice turned over immediately and wrapped her arms around him. "You ok?"

He nodded. "It was passed time, plus he's here." he followed her advice and closed his eyes. Behind his eyes he saw his old friend stood at the window smiling at him raising his glass in salute.

A/N Hi all, sorry its taken so long to get anything up, i'm struggling right now with everything and have zero motivation. I have some Sins of the Past written but have zero time to type. Anyway this insired by how often Dupe seemed to burst into the room with a plan and how Danny would miss that it was also kind of to show how even the danice relationship would be difficult after the loss of dupe, he always seemed to be the one who would knock some sense into danny when he needed it. Defo not my best work (I struggled with how to end it) but there we go. Hope you all enjoy it anyway x