Hello there, various people on the internet who have bothered to click on this story! I'm Huntress of Shattered Souls, but you might know me from my previous account of Fading Black Roses (which has since been hacked and therefore I am posting this story on this account :3). This story right here is Insanity, a fanfiction I had wrote under FBR, but now am writing under this! If you remember this story from a really long time ago, hii! I've come back to you!

If you're just reading this for the first time, then hii to you too! I'm just a gal writing this story for ya :) Don't mind me.

I've got the first 21 or so chapters already written from when I was FBR, but after that I've got nothing. So I hope you won't be that harsh as all of these chapters I haven't edited because I felt they were good without editing. If you have a concern of some sort regarding this, PM me! :3

Let's get on with this - enough of my rambling!

~Huntress; may the darkness be with you... {oo}

Chapter 1:

A Time to Remember

I remember Johnny and Dally's deaths like they were yesterday.

Actually, they were several months ago. I remember the look on Johnny's face when he had told me to stay gold as he was dying in the hospital, the pained look in his eyes as he was submitted to leaving the gang forever. I remember the happy but pained look in Dally's eyes as he lay on the cold and night-black pavement the night he was shot down, just minutes after Johnny had died.

Dally had longed to die that night, and we all knew it. We all knew that he wanted to be with Johnny, and to die was his way of letting go on life. As much as I hate to admit it, Johnny wouldn't have wanted Dally's life to end as tragic as it had, but unfortunately Dally had chosen that as his way to be with the one thing he loved. We all loved Johnny like a little brother, but no one's love for the shy and quiet boy we once knew was as strong as Dally's had been. At least, that's what I thought.

I set down the notebook that I had been writing in and stared at the dark night sky from out of my window, wondering if Johnny and Dally were looking down upon me now. I didn't want to keep acting like they were alive, even though it hurt inside to tell myself they were gone forever and not coming back. Everyone else in the gang had moved on, but why couldn't I?

That was one question I couldn't answer for myself.

I had been put in this whack job place after I had tried overdosing on the aspirin pills I took quite a lot after Johnny and Dally's deaths. It seemed like I always had a headache once the nightmares had begun to occur, and I'd wake up screaming either Johnny or Dally's names while covered in sweat and trembling of fear. I had lost my reputation, and I had forced to drop out of school due to my flunking grades. Soda had come to visit me every once in a while, but Darry never came with him.

Darry hasn't given a shit about me since the night I overdosed.

The night I had overdosed I was the only one in the house, Darry had gone somewhere and Soda was working until midnight. It was the perfect timing, because no one could hear me as I choked down one pill. It started with one, but quickly grew into small handful after small handful. I had begun to hallucinate, and when I heard the front door slam and heard Soda's usual greeting of, "Anybody home?" I knew there was only a matter of time before he found me here, in the corner of the room we shared, choking down pill after pill while sobbing.

The door to our room opened and Soda appeared, and he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my shaking body, the two empty bottles of aspirin that lay on the floor and the hurt and relief in my eyes. I could barely hear Soda as he shouted my name, and he was a blur as he bolted to my side, took the small handful of pills out of my shaking hand easily, and slapped my face a couple times to keep me awake. My brother's eyes were filled with fear for me, and the last thing I had remembered was Darry coming through our bedroom door, casting a glance with Soda, then walking out of the room calmly as if I hadn't mattered to him.

I haven't heard from or seen Darry since that night.

And for some odd reason, I'm glad.

"Pony?" I turned around in the chair I had been sitting in for the last 20 minutes to find Soda standing there in his pajamas, which consisted of a plain white T-shirt and old jeans that used to be Darry's.

"What are you doin' here, Soda? It's the middle of night, for cryin' out loud…" I shot a side glance in his direction, and watched as my older brother and the one who truly cared about me walk over and wrap me into his arms.

"I know, Pony. I just can't take it at the house sometimes," I knew what he meant. He meant Darry was giving him a hard time, and Soda felt as though it was his fault. He had told me this a thousand times over, and no matter how many times he'd say everything was fine at home, I knew my brother well enough to see it wasn't by the look in his eyes.

Soda broke away and looked me in the eye. "Darry still blames himself, you know… About walking out that night…" He trailed off and I could see tears brimming in his eyes that used to hide all of his emotions, but since the night I was taken here he hadn't been able to hold them all in as strong as he used too.

I stared at my notebook that was on the small table. I picked out one sentence: I remember Johnny and Dally's deaths like they were yesterday. "I killed Johnny and Dally that night… And now I'm killing Darry inside too…" I whispered loud enough for Soda to hear, panic seizing my body at once.

Soda turned my face so I was looking at him. "No, Pony, you didn't. You didn't kill Johnny or Dallas-"

"But I did, Soda. I killed them, and now Darry's dying inside because of me…" In one quick movement I had gotten out of the chair I had been sitting in a second before and leaned against the wall of my small cubical, Soda still on his knees. My mind was throwing accusations at me, and I felt myself shaking in fear of my own mind. "I killed them, Soda! I killed them!" I shouted and slammed my fist against the wall repeatedly, hot tears running down my face.

Soda's hands gripped my shoulders and whirled me around so I was facing him. My brother looked me in eye once again and briskly said, "Ponyboy, you didn't kill them…"

I allowed my Soda to embrace me then, sobs of torture seeming to rack my body. I didn't feel well; like something had suddenly infected me and I was about to be sick. But even so I remained in Soda's arms, letting him soothe my demons within my head for at least a small while up until the point where I fell asleep.

Yeah, kinda boring I know... But hopefully this story got better from Chapter 2 onward XD. If it didn't...my apologies! I will try to make this story interesting - and if I have to rewrite the entire plotline and 20 chapters after this, I will. I want you guys to enjoy reading this, and I'll do whatever I must in order to make it that way. :D

~Huntress; may the darkness be with you... {oo}