Starting Over

A shoutout to my dear friend and beta for this piece, Hawkerin!

Chapter 1: Bad Wolf Bay, Part Deux

Rose Tyler stood there on that cold, godforsaken beach and looked at the square depression in the sand where the TARDIS stood just seconds before. She felt numb inside, cold, like she had died again. This was wrong, this was so very wrong.

She felt a hand slip into hers. It fit perfectly, as always. She tore her eyes away from the square on the ground and looked into those familiar brown orbs for a moment. He stood there next to her, staring back with intensity, and she had to look away again, back at the square on the ground. His hand tightened on hers, as if he was afraid that she was going to pull away.

"What the hell just happened?" she asked, finally finding her voice. She hated how it cracked, how she wanted to drop to her knees.

"Rose," the Doctor softly called out her name, bringing her attention to him and back to the problem at hand. "I know that this isn't what you expected, but-"

"I shoulda known really," she interrupted him, harshly. She yanked her hand out of his and took a step back. "Every bloody time, 'm always pushed away, sent away, twice now sent to another bleedin' universe. I should probably just get it already, yeah?" she walked off as fast as she could, away from him before he could reply to her.

Her mother yelled, "Rose? Your Dad's sending us a car out of Bergen. They'll be here in about forty five minutes."

"Lovely," Rose replied back sarcastically, and kept walking to the place where the car would enter the beach.

XxXxXxXx

The Doctor stood there, unable to comprehend what she just said for a moment. When understanding came to him, it hit like a bolt of lightning. He did have a habit of sending her away, or even worse, pushing her away. At the Game Station, he sent her away to save her life, hoping she'd have a fantastic life. When Rose met Sarah Jane, he took that as an opportunity to push her away, hoping she'd walk away. He brought Mickey on board, hoping he'd put some distance between them. And while the situation with Reinette wasn't really what it seemed to Rose and Mickey at the time, he took advantage of the misunderstanding at first and hoped it'd drive her away.

She stayed with him through it all. The strife he introduced to their relationship seemed to make it grow stronger, contrary to his good intentions. And he finally gave up pushing her away.

Then came the biggest betrayal, when he put that yellow button on her and let Pete take her away, hoping that she'd be safe and happy in a universe where her father was still alive, with her mother there, and Mister Mickey, who was so beneath her, but would treat her well.

Not that he wanted her away, he just wanted her safe, and to live the life he could never have. And every time, he sent his hearts away too. But now, he could have that life, and it was just one heart now.

With the clarity of three years away from her, he made a decision right then and there. Nothing was going to keep him from being with her. There were no lifespan issues, no wall between the universes, no more changing his face, and hoping she'd love the next one.

He could be with her properly now, without the fear of living centuries after her passing. Nothing was going to stop him now.

Except her.

He knew she was furious, and she had the right to be. He didn't know what she had gone through in the years since, but he knew it was a lot, and that she had walked several universes trying to find him.

Well, the other him, with the TARDIS, in the other universe.

And that was the problem, wasn't it? There were two of him now, and they had managed to make her stay in this universe by telling her that the other him would be okay without her, and that this him wouldn't. He had just essentially told her that he didn't really need her. That whatever she went through to make sure that he wasn't alone was for nothing.

Well that was just fucking wizard.

He had to fix this. He'd start all over if that's what it took to win her heart back.

"Don't worry, Doctor, we'll take care of ya," Jackie Tyler said softly. "And you're really the same as 'im?" she asked, "save you're part 'uman?"

"Yeah, it's just like when I regenerated at Christmas, new body, still the Doctor," he reassured her.

"I still don't understand that."

"It's pretty complicated. Basically, the body is not the person, what makes a person is memories, and I have all of the same memories, feelings, basic thought patterns and all, it's just all stuck in this part human body with this one heart." He put his hand over his heart and tried his best not to let on how wrong it felt and to keep from making comments like he had with Donna.

Suddenly, his waist was enveloped in the arms of one Jacqueline Andrea Suzette Tyler. He just stood there for a moment in shock as the woman who once nearly slapped him into another body squeezed him.

When she pulled back, she looked him in the eye and said, "thank you."

"For what?" he nearly squeaked.

"For my family. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have my husband or my beautiful boy. And if it wasn't for this you," she emphasized 'this', "I wouldn't have my daughter, either."

She glanced over at her daughter, who walked off into the distance, then looked back at him knowingly. "She'll come around eventually," she told him. "She's daft about ya."

"I sure hope so, Jackie."

They watched Rose sit down on a big rock and put her head in her hands.

"Go to her, you plum," Jackie commanded.

"I don't think it's such a good idea-"

"Go to her," she repeated, "We're all gonna be in that car together for at least forty-five minutes, you might as well try to get talking during the forty or so minutes until the car gets here."

One didn't go against the advice of Jackie Tyler when it came to what to do with her daughter, at least not if you valued your face. He sighed, "I'll try."

"Go on," she nudged him.

And that's how he found himself walking towards the woman he loved for so very long, and had never thought that he'd ever see again. The walk seemed to stretch on forever, but the innate time sense that he still carried told him that it was only 1 minute, 20 seconds before he reached her.

"You know what's funny?" she asked, without turning around or looking up when he finally stood behind her. "I worked for years tryin' to figure out a way to come back, and then when the cracks started. I traveled, I don't even know 'ow many universes, I lost count after about, oh a 'undred fifty. Travelin' through the cracks, all on my own, tryin' to get to get to the right one. The things I've seen, that I've had to do to survive..." she trailed off for a moment, thinking about it.

She ran her fingers through her hair, and sat up straighter. "And I did all of that, I found the right universe, but when I finally got here- there, I kept missing the TARDIS. By minutes, by hours, by days a few times. There was one time where I was being pulled back to this universe against my will, just as the TARDIS started materializin' right in front of me."

He walked around her, and got down on his knees in front of her, taking her hand in his. She finally looked him in the eye, rejection and anger written all over her face.

He continued the end of the story, "You get through all of that, and then you're dropped off right back in this universe. Back on this damned beach. Right where you started. And then, 'cause I have an incredibly thick head, I practically tell you I'll be just fine without you, thanks for playing, here's a parting gift!" He said the last part like he was a game show announcer.

The corner of her mouth twitched upwards, and he considered that a win.

"Was that a smile?"

"No"

"Yes, it was, you smiled." He was deliberately replaying the moments after he regenerated before. "Look, Rose, I know what this must look like to you. I know we said we would never leave you behind, and that looks like what he just did. But he didn't, not really, because he left you with me. And I promise, I really am him."

It seemed that all of her emotions left her, save despondency. "Yeah?"

"Yes." He nodded emphatically.

"So how long until you leave me as well?" she whispered. And his heart stopped.

XxXxXxXx

She knew they were the same man. She had fallen in love with a Time Lord, and had been through a regeneration, well, technically two now, and she knew that the true Time Lord had nothing to do with the body, but with the memories and knowledge. The man in front of her had already proved that he had all of the memories and knowledge of his other self.

That's not what she was worried about, what she was worried about was the Doctor's propensity to push her away. She couldn't do it again, couldn't lose him again after giving him yet another chance. And she couldn't help but think that she was betraying the other one.

"Oh, Rose," he sighed and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. He cupped her cheek in his hand and she couldn't help but lean into it and close her eyes. "I promise, I'll never leave you, at least, not by choice. He didn't want to, either, you need to know that."

She let herself see what he was feeling, and saw sadness, fear, a touch of anger, rejection, forgiveness, understanding, and hope. Lots of hope. How could he have hope? He had just been taken from all of his friends, his universe, and his lifelong companion and the last thing of his home planet, the TARDIS. In place of all of that, he had been dropped off in a universe that he knew very little about, with nothing but the clothes on his back.

She knew how that felt, and resolved right there and then to not be angry with him for the things his other self had done after they split off.

But that didn't mean that she had to just let it go, either. This him would have to prove himself.

Suddenly, the Doctor groaned and put his hands to his temples.