Part 1/2

Ellie's life had been destroyed. Her home, her friends, her family, - hell, even her son had been ripped out of her world. Things that had once been the fundament of her life, all gone now. In less than a day she had lost everything.

Almost everything, she had to remind herself. Fred was still with her. The toddler didn't give her solace. More than that, he was a constant reminder of how alone she was. The boy would grow up not knowing why both his father and brother had been taken from him at the same day. He was probably too young to even remember. This boy had the right to grow up normally, so Ellie did everything in her power to be a good mum. She spent as much time as she could with the child, acting cheery around him until he fell asleep or she could leave him at day-care, and she could no longer keep up the facade. When Fred wasn't with her, Ellie wanted nothing more than to break down, but she couldn't. So she steeled herself and went to work.

She refused to think of it as penance. Penance is what Alec would call it. Alec bloody Hardy... Her former boss had somehow found a place to live in Broadchurch. She hadn't seen him much after what happened. He had tried to contact her a few times, but as she refused to answer his calls and messages, they had become less and less frequent. Last month there had only been one call from him. He had left a message on her voicemail with the date of the trial -like she didn't have that information herself-, an unspoken warning as he told her she didn't have to come and the announcement that he would be there anyway.

It had been too late. Ellie had made up her mind a long time ago. She would go. She had to see it happen with her own eyes: Joe confessing, pleading guilty and going to prison. Justice at last. Maybe sometime after the trial she could even go back to Broadchurch.

It was a naive thought. It was highly unlikely she would return. Even as she voiced those thoughts to her therapist it sounded pathetic. Nothing was left of the once optimistic Ellie. The last bit had been destroyed by two words.

"Not Guilty." Joe's words echoed in her head.

'Guilty.' her own voice said. And then. 'It's my fault.'

It's my fault I didn't see what was going on.
It's my fault my life's a mess.
It's my fault not only my life is a mess.

But she didn't say those things out loud.

Sometimes she watched the people of Broadchurch, watched them do ordinary things. She watched them take walks, shop for groceries. She watched people sit down and have a drink together, chatting happily. She watched children play and laugh. And how she envied them with their simple lives. And oh, she craved the familiarity of it all.

She'd thought things were bad 7 months ago, when at her first day back at work she met DI Alec Hardy, who had gotten her job and found her best friend's boy dead on the beach.
Little did she know back then.

She left the session without feeling any better. She never did. Ellie used to talk about her problems with Beth, with Joe. To this woman she just couldn't open up.

'Miller!'

A sharp pain in her chest, again. She wanted to cry, something Ellie hadn't done in months. Instead, she let the anger she'd repressed the last hour surface.

'Go away!' There was a reason she never called him back. 'What are you doing here?'

'It's your appointment.' He said as if that explained everything.

'I didn't tell anyone.' How did he know? Did he ask her sister, or... 'Have you been following me?'

'Shut up!' He stood aside to let her access the car.

She snorted. 'That's right. Stalk me and insult me and you wonder why you're divorced.'

Low. She was tempted to apologize immediately, but Hardy didn't even take it as an insult.

'I'm in trouble.' He said. Coming from him when he looked at her like that was almost a confession.

She sighed. 'So am I if I don't collect Fred from the child minders in under next 20 minutes.'

'Seriously.' His brown eyes were pleading. 'I sort of need your help.'

The Ellie from 6 months ago would have laughed and mocked him for asking her for help. However, the present Ellie simply couldn't do that. Despite what she liked to think of her former boss, if he needed her... Well, she could at least try to help. After everything he had done for her she owed him that much.

'Get in, for God's sake!'

They drove in awkward silence for 10 minutes before Ellie parked her car opposite of the day-care and undid her seatbelt. She turned her head to look at Hardy.

'Look,' she said, 'I'm not going to apologise.'

'I know.' He replied softly. 'And neither am I.'

She nodded, not completely understanding.

'For keeping an eye on you.' He added.

So he had been stalking her.

'You don't have to.' And surprisingly Ellie found she meant it.

Alec nodded, bringing his hand up and biting his thumbnail. 'Are you...'

'No I'm not.'

'Obviously.'

Neither of them seemed to know what to say next. Everything had been said, more or less. Back that day when she had crashed down at his hotel room after she had spoken to Beth. Back at Wessex Crown Court...

She'd been late. Stupid of her. She had nearly broke down from everyone staring at her like that. But he had been there, as he had promised.

'Miller!' he had whispered.

A dull pain had throbbed in her chest at the familiarity of the word. Alec had felt stable. After all that happened, after everything that had changed, he was still the same. She wouldn't admit it, but she even was thankful for him being there.

"Not guilty."

Of course he had found her in the bathroom. But then, did she really think she could hide from him?

'Go away!' it seemed every conversation had to start like that. 'It's the Ladies! You can't come in the Ladies!'

Of course he could. Of course it didn't make her feel better.

'Don't let it get to you.'

'Oh, thanks for that. Brilliant advice.' Her therapist had only used "talking really helps" more frequently. Both things seemed impossible.

'How is this my life now?' She had asked him a similar question back at his hotel room. He still didn't have answers for her.

Sadness was written over his face as he said the only thing he could say. 'I'm sorry...'

Sorry for having ruined your life.
Sorry for seeing you like this.
Sorry I can't help.

He didn't say those things. What he did was even more unbelievable.

'Do you want a... hug?' He frowned as if the word confused him, raising his arms just a little.

'What? No!' What had gotten into this man?

He hurriedly backed off. 'All right. No.'

'What's the matter with you?'

'I want to help.'

'How? Hug it out?'

He shrugged helplessly. 'People do that.'

'Well, not you.'

Pain flashed over his features. 'Just don't be alone today.'

And haven't he given her that warning before? And wasn't she about to ignore it again? Ignore him again?

She raised his eyes to meet his.

'I am alone, Sir.' And she had fled.

He hadn't tried to find her.

AN: Huge shoutout to timeywime-y for being my beta. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
I know I should work on my other fic, Beating of the hearts, but this just sort of happened. I'll post part two soon, I'm still working on it.
Please review?