Are We Dating? (Hetalia)

Author: Ashynarr

Summary: Movie nights with his bro are the best part of any week in the mind of Alfred F. Jones, world hero. Well, at least when he's not waiting for Mattie to get back with the snacks. ...maybe he shouldn't be left alone for more than two minutes.

Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

Warning: AmeCan

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Movie nights were the best nights, hands down. Obscene amounts of junk food combined with a few hours of bonding with Mattie? There was nothing better to end a long, often stressful work week in the mind of Alfred F. Jones, superpower extraordinary.

Seriously, Matt made the best couch-cuddling buddy, even after the horror films his bro was totally scared of. Not to mention he had the best snarky commentary whenever they decided to mix things up and find the worst B-grade movies they could to laugh over. There was just something about that subtle Canadianness that just sold it so much better than Artie did on those rare times the four of them (cause Francis always managed to invite himself along) got together for that sort of thing.

"Hey, Al?" Matt asked, pulling away a bit and turning to look at him. "You up for some poutine?"

"Those cheesy fry things you obsess over?" Alfred barely held back a laugh while his bro rolled his eyes. "I'm totes game for it."

"Pause the movie for me, then," Matthew pushed himself up off the couch while Alfred fumbled for the remote, stopping the action flick mid-camera pan.

The American considered not taking the chance to claim the whole couch (sans flag this time) for about three seconds, then shrugged and flopped over on his side, head on one arm while feet rested on the other. If he were lucky, Matt might only smack him in the head once before getting him to move so he could sit down again.

Alfred hummed in boredom - he hated doing nothing, even if it was only for a few minutes, but pissing Mattie off enough to cancel movie night was one of the few things he wouldn't ever risk, even more so than his Batman collection. He sighed deeply, deciding to go back to staring at the unmoving screen.

Hey, he'd never seen that before. In the bottom corner, just coming into view, he could make out two people sitting right next to each other on a bus bench as the hero was about to speed past, and it looked like- huh. They were holding hands.

'Wonder if they did that on purpose or not,' Alfred mused, followed up right away with, 'oh my god, what if I'm the first one to notice? I bet I'd get so many likes on Facebook for pointing it out to everyone.'

...damn, but he didn't have his smartphone - it'd been in his other jacket, the one he hadn't grabbed on his way out the door. He pouted, flopping back onto the couch from where he'd bounced up to grab it.

Maybe he could borrow Mattie's phone? He'd have to ask when he came back with those cheese fry things of his.

Poutine. Pouuuuuuuuuuuuutineeeeeeeeeee. Alfred giggled - why did his bro have such weird food names? Right, that whole French-Canadia thing. At least the food tasted good, unlike Artie's and Francypants' weirdo European foods. Seriously, who ate sheep intestines and frog legs? Crazy people, that's who.

Man, what was taking Matt so long? They were just about to get into the awesome action parts of the movie! He looked back to the background couple, who for only being in the movie for like five seconds looked pretty happy sitting together like that. Were they even part of the movie or just people who'd been there when it was being filmed?

Wait, he could totally check Matt's phone for that! Alfred shoved himself off the couch, grabbing the phone off the hallway counter and unlocking it, only to stop at the number of missed messages. Weird, Matt didn't usually ignore calls. And- was that Cuba's number? And the Ruskie's?

Oh my god, were they trying to blackmail him for Al's secrets? He knew those commie jerks had been up to no good pretending to get all buddy-buddy with his bro! He twirled on his heel, righteous indignation for his bro's friendliness being taken advantage of, only to stop as he actually noticed the flowers on the living room counter.

Stepping forward cautiously, he picked through the sunflowers looking for any sort of hidden listening device or drug container or something, eventually pressing his face in to reassure himself that, indeed, they were just normal flowers. Huh. Fresh too. Usually people only gave flowers to people they liked, right?

Oh my God, was Ivan trying to seduce Mattie?

The thought was so mind numbingly horrifying that he almost dropped the flowers onto the floor.

It made perfect sense! Why Mattie was being all secretive, why the commie was being creepier than usual - no, wait, that was because he was being a dick to his sister with the big tatas who was friends with Mattie, and anyways, Mattie had just been bitching with him recently about how much of an asshole Ivan was between the anti-gay thing and the hurting his friend thing, so it couldn't be that.

But Mattie had still been acting fairly weird lately. Maybe he did have some secret lover he didn't want anyone to know about after all? He'd never been great on picking that stuff up, but even he could notice when his own bro refused to talk about certain things. It wasn't like he honestly cared about most of the other Nation's love lives anyways, but Mattie was - well, he was his bro. It was different.

Holy shit, what if it was the Ukraine chick? It'd totes explain why Mattie was so pissed at Ivan, and of course she was really hot. He didn't think he'd ever seen Matt go on dates with her, but that'd make sense if he were trying to hide it from everyone.

Alfred frowned. It could also be that Netherlands guy - he sent Matt flowers every year, right? Matt had said it was just a thank you thing from the last big war, but what if it wasn't and Matt was just covering for him?

Or- or Cuba! Matt almost always got excited when he was going down to visit him, and though Alfred always worried frantically when he heard about it, his brother had never come back with more than some sunburns; definitely not anything that'd seem like some sort of- of- relationship.

Alfred's lips pressed together. It could be any of them Matt was seeing, or someone else entirely. His bro could be pretty sneaky when he wanted to, after all, and Alfred knew he wasn't all that good at paying attention to stuff happening around him, especially when he was caught up in something.

He had to confront Mattie about this. It was his job as the hero to protect his best bro, and that included from potential commie threats. Or at least to congratulate his bro if it was the hot chick related to one of said commie threats. Cause if it was her, then once he knew Al knew he wouldn't have to be so sneaky about it, and maybe his bro could actually go on dates with her and do whatever couple-y stuff Canadians and Ukrainish people did.

Wait, wouldn't that mean Matt would spend less time with him? That would mean fewer movie nights, fewer sports games, and less time on the phone complaining to each other about politics and the other Nations and talking about what sort of stuff they'd do come holidays and weekends-

Alfred blinked, carefully thinking over that last train of thought. He and Matt did spend basically every other weekend together doing stuff to unwind; sometimes they'd play hockey or baseball, sometimes they'd go to some new museum or arcade or movie, sometimes they'd just stop by the park and chill with their people. Weren't those all - date type things too?

Holy shit, they kissed all the time too, even if Matt had said it was just that French greeting thing Francis had taught him as a kid, but what if it wasn't? Oh shit, he'd always been terrible at picking up this sort of thing - how long had Mattie been weird around him anyways? Months, maybe?

Oh god, if that was true, how badly had he been fucking up? Had he missed some important date-only things he should've been doing? Should he start bringing flowers and stuff to some of their get togethers? Shit, he didn't even remember which kinds Mattie even liked!

He swallowed; what if Mattie was pissed with him for not realizing what he should be doing? It wasn't his fault no one had ever taught him all that romantic stuff! (The Puritans really didn't help on that end, did they? Did Matt hate him for that too?)

God, he was the worst maybe-boyfriend ever.

"Alfred?" Matt's voice startled him, causing the vase to clatter back to the table as he swung around. "What are you- is that my phone?"

"Uh-" Alfred glanced to the offending object still in hand, quickly putting it behind him on the table. "No?"

Mattie was unconvinced. "Please tell me you weren't deleting my contacts again."

"I was protecting you from the enemy!" Alfred shot back instantly, before remembering what he'd just been thinking of and going quiet.

"...Al?" At least he didn't look angry anymore. "You okay?"

"I-" He shifted on his feet - damnit, heroes didn't get worked up about stuff like this! But then again if he'd fucked up as bad as he'd feared, then Mattie might hate him forever, and that- that wasn't good.

"Al, I promise I'm not that mad at you about using my phone, alright?"

Alfred shook his head. No, he could totes do this, or he wasn't the United States of Awesomerica!

"I- Mattie, are we dating?"

Mattie stopped, giving Alfred one of those long quiet looks that told him he'd said something really stupid or really concerning. It was hard to tell the difference sometimes, like now. Maybe he should defend himself before the Mattie-bomb went off?

"Cause like, I just realized that we hang out a lot when we have the chance, and a lot of times it's to places like the movies, or to get lunch or dinner, or to the park, and I know those are all supposed to be date-type things, right? And sometimes you do the cheek kiss thing and I think you said it wasn't a big deal but I can't remember cause I was sorta distracted at the time and-"

Alfred took a breath. Risked a look at Matt, who didn't seem ready to go boom quite yet. He counted it a minor victory and continued on.

"And I mean if we are then I guess that's cool cause I mean we're bros and I mean I got over the gay thing a while ago but I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing different and if I completely fucked something up cause I've never done this thing before so please don't be too angry with me cause I sorta just figured this out and oh man you probably think I'm an idiot now but-"

"Alfred, you're rambling."

Alfred's mouth clicked shut, his focus entirely on Mattie as he seemed to sigh with his whole body.

Mattie's eyes, which had closed while he rubbed at his face, opened again, and thankfully he didn't seem angry. "What, exactly, brought this up?"

"Well…" Alfred hesitated a second, trying to convey his train of thought. "You've been acting a little weird sometimes lately, and I saw the flowers you had here, so I thought you might have a secret lover or something, right? But then when I thought about mentioning it I realized if I did you'd probably take the chance to go on more dates with them, which would mean less time for us to do stuff, and then I realized a lot of the stuff that we do is date stuff so I wondered if you were acting weird because we were dating and I'd just missed it completely and that you'd probably be really pissed with me if we were and- yeah."

Mattie nodded slowly, lips pressed together in his thinking expression. "So, you think we-" He gestured between the two of them. "-are dating."

"...yes?"

And here the more than welcome sound of Matt's soft laugh came through. "You do realize that dating requires both people actually be aware of and agree to it, right?"

"...oh." Well, that made sense.

"Also, all those things you mentioned as 'date type things'? Friends and family can do those too. Dating isn't about what you do, it's who you do it with. I know all the romance movies going around say otherwise, but you've spent time with your First Families enough to know that that's not what it's all about, right?"

"I guess…" Alfred nodded; they never had seemed all that much like the movies, really. Not that he watched many romances, but still.

"Third, the kissing thing? That is how you greet close friends and family in Quebec. And France too, but still. It's totally normal, no matter what Arthur complains about whenever Francis or I him like that."

Alfred nodded, not wanting to speak up when Matt was in the middle of one of his correction speeches. At least it wasn't a rant this time. (Then again, Alfred had sort of trashed the front hall, so it was probably his fault.)

"Finally, last I checked you weren't gay, which would probably make it kinda hard to date another guy, don't you think?"

Alfred blinked, and frowned. "But I said I got over the gay thing a while ago."

Matthew gave him another one of those long quiet looks. "Huh?"

"I know I was all uptight about it for a while, but I got over it back in the eighties, I think. I mean, once I actually saw how happy they all were just being themselves, I realized it wasn't all that big a deal to me anymore?" His nose wrinkled. "I mean, I'm still not letting anyone stick a dick up my ass, cause that's just gross, and I don't really wanna stick my dick up anyone else's ass either, but the other stuff? I mean, it's not like it'd be any different than with a girl, right?"

"...so you wouldn't freak out about dating another guy?" Matthew's face was really weird now. Had he really thought Alfred was still like that?

"Nah, I guess not," Alfred conceded after a bit. "Might get a bit weird if some of my people find out, but they'll get over it eventually."

His thoughts randomly went to a few of his more… extreme churches, and he winced. "Maybe."

"Do you… want to date me?" Matthew asked, still giving Alfred that look.

Alfred thought hard about this. It didn't seem like something to take lightly, and there were important things to consider, like… "Does that mean pancakes for dessert?"

Mattie made a noise that was somewhere between a snort, a laugh, and a sigh. "Sure, Al."

"Then I'm totes down for it if you are. We'll be like, the most awesometastic couple ever, and everyone'll be so jealous!" Hah, and Arthur said he'd never be able to get a date with how he acted! Shows what he knew!

Matthew made another one of those snort-laugh-sigh sounds, shaking his head and smiling. "I guess that's settled then. The poutine's probably gone cold by now, by the way."

"Aw man, really?" Alfred pouted. "It's still okay, right?"

"You'll live," Matthew rolled his eyes. "I thought we had a movie to finish watching?"

"-shit, I forgot!" Alfred darted back into the living room, vaulting over the couch to get into his spot, tapping his foot until Mattie arrived at a much less frantic pace.

"Hey, Al?" Mattie asked as the film started rolling again, soggy cool fries in hand.

"Yeah?" Al replied, swallowing the bite he'd taken and turning to look at Matt.

Matt placed a kiss on his lips, grinning a bit at the baffled look on Al's face. "You're a dork."

Alfred grinned, giddy for more than one reason. "Aw, but you love me anyways."

"True."

The movie ended up being really awesome. The poutine, too, even if it was a bit cold and soggy. Movie nights really were the best.

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AN: This was an adventure to write, lemme tell you. I'm still not entirely sure how some of this came about, but it seems to have turned out well in the end, even if it did end up the most anticlimactic way to ask someone out ever. Leave it to Al, huh?

I'm fairly sure any of the rest of you can guess how Mattie felt about all this, at least. I might think about writing a bit of his POV, but let's be honest, it's not hard to guess.

(I actually rarely write this sort of Al – mine tends to be a bit less airheaded, as you might've noticed – but this was fun. Might do it again someday, who knows.)