A/N: Ahh... Hello.

Yes, this is another oneshot I made instead of working on my stories. But I mean, geez, I have a lot of plot bunnies okay!

Anyways, this is an AU universe that is extremely vague so you can draw conclusions on your own. As for Tsuna's mother I'm not sure if she is an OC or Nana, eh.

You can decide. I just know this thing was begging for me to write it.

I hope it's a little funny.

Enjoy, leave me your thoughts in a review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo hitman reborn in any way! This is merely fan made!

He hadn't realized the problem until it was a bit too late.

They were too involved in his life for him to kick them out.

He assumed it started when he was six. He remembers it almost pleasantly. Well, as pleasant as it could be described.

It had been one of the only times his parent had ever taken him to an amusement park. He remembered holding his Papa's and Mama's hand as they walked around the place.

What was it called?

Oh yes, Kyouko land.

He wandered away for a single moment and met a strange person.

He was crying, eyes the strangest color. Tsuna had never seen eyes like that and quickly reached out to help the kid.

The kid turned on him, cut his hand and demanded Tsuna to be his slave till death.

Tsuna had stared at him blankly before breaking out in tears.

Whatever the strange kid had been trying to do obviously didn't work. The kid took one look at him, stepped back and ran.

After that he managed to gain his first stalker who always 'kufufu'-ed behind him.

It was a few months after that his papa had to leave on a business trip. Tsuna was sad but his mama managed to cheer him up with the thought of finally starting school.

That's where he met his second stalker.

Tsuna had been running from his first stalker when he ran straight into the classes scary prefect.

At the age of eight Hibari Kyoya still terrified adults.

Hibari snarled at him, brought his tonfa's out and attempted to hit him.

Key word 'attempted' because at that moment Tsuna had gotten up and tripped all over again into the prefect in his haste to get away.

Tsuna stared blankly before crying at his scraped knee.

Deciding Hibari was a mean bully he accused the prefect for being a horrible person.

In his haste to make it up, (only because Hibari had never had a kid throw a tantrum at him) he took out a bag of cookies.

The rest was history.

Strangely enough he managed to get the scariest people in Namimori by his side by breaking out into tears.

His mama never questioned his odd choice of friends (stalkers). She only told him to be careful and gave him a tiny can of pepper spray that his father apparently sent over for him.

(He would later learn it took all of his mother's power to not make his dad send a gun.)

The next person was a rather normal human.

Now at the age of eight, Tsuna became known as the only kid to befriend Hibari Kyoya.

Rumors went around about a strange animal that Tsuna fed and allowed inside Namimori. Same animal was also known for facing off against Hibari.

(Said animal was nicknamed 'The Pineapple' because when Hibari had been asked about it, well, he had said pineapple.)

Yamamoto Takeshi had seen Tsuna around and after great hesitance approached the child to ask him about the rumors.

He wasn't sure how but Tsuna staring at him blankly in confusion somehow made Takeshi think of a locked up princess.

With Hibari as the prince and Pineapple (Mukuro, Tsuna said, his name is Mukuro) as the evil villain.

Of course Takeshi wanted to be the knight and took Tsuna's hands and swore to free her from their evil clutches.

(He also had a sushi bento so Tsuna wasn't complaining when he agreed to it.)

Following that event Yamamoto joined the fray and attacked Hibari and Mukuro in an attempt to free Tsuna.

Sometimes he would join Mukuro in his stalking and always got them caught by a paranoid Tsuna.

("Haha! This is a fun game, Tsuna!")

The next one he picked up was due to a rather bad day.

Those who knew Tsuna and his family would know the brunet had patience.

His mother was the epitome of it. She put up with an absentee father and a very overprotective and rather emotional brother.

She also whipped all of her brother's friends around her finger when she snapped.

His family on his mother's side were known for being the most fearsome creatures when they snapped.

His father even admitted to him once that having a Sawada's patience break is like World War III.

It was no surprise that Tsuna inherited it.

During class Hibari and Mukuro had decided it would be a good idea to start a fight. Now that Tsuna was ten and the two males twelve they were fighting for something important.

Their first teenage kiss.

They demanded Tsuna to be their first kiss and next thing they knew the classroom was a fighting zone.

Then Takeshi jumped into it claiming that Tsuna's best friend should have his first kiss.

(The teacher was too shocked to even process a group of young boys were fighting over other boys.)

Chaos erupted and Tsuna's patience snapped.

Ten minutes later all three of his friends (stalkers) were kneeling with their heads down as Tsuna gave them a chilling smile.

He didn't notice the person staring into the classroom squealing extreme.

The very next day he had Sasagawa Ryohei following him and demanding he join the boxing club.

With more people growing (going through puberty) in his life Tsuna started to gain an attitude that his mother explained he inherited from his father.

His father had been quite the ladies man and Tsuna had seen it often when they went out together.

Despite being called out to work his papa spent a lot of time at home and helping raise Tsuna.

He remembered going to a cafe when he was little and seeing the constant onslaught of woman rushing to hit on his papa.

Let it be known that Tsuna's papa knew how to expertly toss girls off of him with simple words.

Tsuna gained that gift rather quickly with the kind of people he spent time with.

He met a bratty male when he had turned 13.

The preteen had the strangest affiliation with cows and this lazy flirtatious aura around him.

Tsuna had been trying to study at the library away from the chaos that followed him when they met.

Oh let it be known how Tsuna handled every single line with practiced ease.

After all, hanging out with Mukuro and Hibari taught him to dodge the constant flirting and moves to molest him.

"Oh my, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

Green eyes stared at him with a creepy edge and Tsuna, only looking up to register who it was, didn't miss a beat.

"No, but I did scrape my knees crawling out of hell."

He went back to studying and ignored the stunned and gaping gaze.

Lambo Bovino made it his task to try and get Tsuna to blush. He met millions of failures.

It occurred whenever Tsuna was calmly trying to get something done and trying to force the other out of a conversation.

"I think I could make you very happy, Tsuna."

Tsuna played the part effortlessly, looking up with an innocent face.

"Why? Are you leaving?"

"Let's go see a movie, Tsuna."

"Already seen it."

"Why don't we go get a drink?"

"I'd rather have the money."

It continued at a steady pace until Lambo cracked and cried at Tsuna for being so unfair and mean.

He also learned Lambo had been a few years younger and was merely trying to get popular by dating the most wanted boy in school.

How Lambo believed it would actually work Tsuna would never know.

At least the pick up lines stopped... Until Mukuro decided to pick them back up again.

The next one Tsuna picked up was when he was visiting his uncle in Italy.

The man was overprotective and had a habit of cuddling Tsuna. Tsuna was also apparently the only heir left to take over the company his uncle was leaving.

A company that held a lot of stakes and sells in the mafia.

At least he got to spend more time with his father.

It had been decided once Tsuna reached the age of 15 he would move to Italy to learn the ropes and how to defend himself.

Tsuna was horrified at the thought and not even his dad claiming he would be the tutor was able to calm him down.

At least in Italy he was able to get a break from the crazy friends (stalkers) at home.

(Said stalkers were camping outside his home.)

He had only been there a week when he noticed someone watching him from the shadows of the mansion.

It continued for a few days until Tsuna flipped and demanded who the heck was it, silently praying it wasn't the ones from home.

It was a silver haired boy who looked strangely like his uncle's right hand man.

He wasn't sure what happened after that, the kid had looked like a sour puss and next thing he knew the kid was throwing dynamite at him.

Tsuna's half assed attempt saved both of their life's because seconds later an assassination had taken place on Tsuna's life.

He did this by knocking down the boy and dodging the bullet before his father crashed in and saved their lives.

It took a total of twenty minutes and harsh scolding on Tsuna's part before he earned himself a puppy in Gokudera Hayato.

Damn it.

It was during that same trip Tsuna started to realize his problem.

How?

He met Xanxus.

He couldn't remember how or when but he did remember running from the assassination squad's leader when they caught sight of each other.

He tripped, crashed into a pile of glass and felt tears well up in his eyes.

He looked up with devilish feelings welling up in his chest.

There was time in his life where his father had sat him down and explained the advantageous of being cute.

He said with confidence Tsuna would rule the world with how adorable he looked.

So he proceeded to teach Tsuna to use said innocence and looks and adjust it as he got older.

With watery eyes and flushing cheeks he sent the look to Xanxus and the whole room caved.

The prince dropped his knifes, Squalo shut up, Lusseria squeaked and Levi groveled at looking at someone other then his boss.

Xanxus dropped the wine glass he was holding and boom.

Tsuna had managed to squeeze the Varia under his adorable looks.

He was pissed he had been attacked for no reason, they deserved what they got.

Returning home he wasn't surprised to see his home had doubled in size.

His mom was ecstatic, though a piece of her twitched at every single male that drew too close to her Tsu-kun.

It was on his 15th birthday that he realized the problem.

The horror made him shriek.

He had gotten the craziest and possibly the most dangerous men under his thumb.

The men who wanted to freaking bed him!

It was on that day that chaos broke loose.

Tsuna's first kiss and-he cried- virginity were on the line.

Xanxus had shown up first, pushed him up to the wall and nearly stole it.

Hibari showed up moments later and beat the other away.

Mukuro returned with his own group and all out war was declared on his front lawn.

It got worse when all of his friends (stalkers!) suddenly appeared and there was chaos everywhere.

"The boss will never have sexual intercourse with any of you!"

"Tsunayoshi does not belong to you, puppy."

"Sawada is an extreme man! He doesn't need any of you!"

"Tsuna was mine all along!"

"Maa Maa! The princess belongs to the knight!"

"Shut up. The omnivore is mine."

"Scum! He is meant for only the best Vongola Di-"

"Chaos."

Silence erupted around the area, all eyes turning to the new challenger who had casually strolled up onto the lawn.

He was suffocating them in his killing intent as he approached Tsuna who was being yanked around.

"Now, what are you all doing here?"

Tsuna sobbed, glee filling him at the sight of the one and only Reborn.

Surprisingly, it was Gokudera who chose to speak. "Reborn-San! What are you doing here?!"

Reborn looked at the group with narrowed, dangerous eyes.

"Why, I live here. Now, what are you all doing with Tsunayoshi, my son? What is this talk about bedding him?"

Tsuna never loved his father more then in that moment. The hitman casually tossed Tsuna aside and disciplined his stalkers.

It would be later that his mama would tell him that his papa had been the first one he dragged under his spell.

Tsuna had groaned.

Reviews are appreciated!