A/N: This took a while due to personal issues and getting a new job at my local UPS warehouse. I've also run into a writer's block concerning a different story I'm currently writing. I guess that was keeping me from making progress on this one…

Singer of Previous Chapter: Eddie Morton (made famous by the acapella cover in Homstuck)

All Copyrights belong to their respective owners. Covered under Section 107 and Satire/Parody clause of U.S. Copyright Law.

Chapter 13: The Art of War

"I think you broke them, Sensei," I told him as we sat on a roof a few blocks away from the Academy. I had been watching when Kakashi went to pick up team 7 and the only major difference was that he didn't take the eraser to the head. I guess my discussion with him about how to screw the team over to teach teamwork made him want to act like a somewhat competent ninja.

"Now it's just a matter of whether or not they follow orders," Kakashi replied.

"Oh they will...the problem is that they won't question it. They haven't learned to see things beyond face value yet...something that they constantly need to be reminded of."

Kakashi shrugged. "Oh well."

"What time were you planning on showing up?"

"I told them to meet at the training ground at 5am."

I leveled a look at him. "You know what I mean, sensei."

"You can show up to watch them at any time before noon. By then, I'll have tied one of them to the stump. I recommend roughly 10am."

"Alright then. I'm gonna drop some hints to see if they pick it up. Unlikely it'll happen, but you never know." I took off to look for my friends and their pink haired teammate.

Hiruzen stared out the window as Kakashi finished his report. "That is everything he said?"

"Yes, Lord Hokage," Kakashi answered. "He seems fairly confident that they won't work well together until they get used to each other."

"Riku has shown to be a very helpful ally, especially since he agreed to tell us of certain events to come…" He took a quick puff of his pipe.

"I'm sensing a 'but' in there," Kakashi observed.

"You'd be correct. The 'but', as you put it, is that his loyalties are always called into question. I suppose, with the way the villagers treat him and Naruto, it shouldn't be any surprise." He sighed. "But it still makes me wonder why he's helping us like he is. He's made it no secret that he doesn't like it here."

Kakashi hesitated. "Has he said anything that brought this on, Lord Hokage?"

Hiruzen shook his head. "Not recently. But recent actions on his part have reminded me of a lesson I gave while he and Naruto had been in the Academy before the Uchiha Massacre. I asked the children why they chose to become ninja. His answer was one that confused me, and brought his loyalty into question for the first time."

"Forgive me for not understanding, Lord Hokage, but how could one kid's answer make you question their loyalty?"

Hiruzen took a puff from his pipe. "His answer to my question was this; 'My friends and family are the only people I have in this village, so I want to be able to protect them from anyone that tries to hurt them.' This makes me wonder when this hatred really started."

Kakashi didn't answer. He truly didn't know. But he had an idea from his time as an ANBU.

I woke up about 8am the next day. One thing I found out was when on something other than dirt and stone, my seismic sense was harder to pull off. So when I had to put in extra effort to try and sense who all was in my house, it was no surprise to me that I only found Mina. I never got to talk with Sasuke much yesterday since once he got home, he just ate something then immediately went off to bed.

Mina was in the kitchen, most likely making food due to how she hadn't moved from the one spot in front of the stove for at least five minutes. Sasuke must've left while we were still sleeping. I shrugged and got dressed quickly, tying my hair back into a braid before heading downstairs. Mina noticed my arrival quickly.

"Morning, big brother. Is Sasuke not awake?"

"He told me yesterday that his sensei had an exercise for him early this morning. Speaking of, my sensei has something for me to work on in about an hour. We should be back around the same time."

Mina looked apprehensive for a second. "Hey, Riku? Can I ask you something?"

I rose an eyebrow. "You just did, but go ahead."

"How do you come up with the songs you have?"

I tilted my head questioningly. "How do you mean?"

"In one of my recent lessons, we had a guest speaker talk about how certain things translate into looking at somebody's emotional state."

Must've been a Yamanaka speaker. "Oh? What brought this up?"

She took a breath. "I read one of the lyric sheets you have lying around the house." At this, she pulled out a folded up paper, showing me the song in question. "Is there something wrong, big brother?"

I stared at the paper neutrally. The song in question was Zombie, by the Cranberries. I could understand why she was asking about my mental state, considering the song's lyrics and context as something written to protest violence. But since I only wrote the lyrics instead of the full music, I could hardly remember how the song went.

"There's nothing wrong with me that isn't wrong with practically every other ninja in the world," I replied easily. "That's just my way of letting out the stress."

"How are you stressed already? You only become a ninja yesterday!"

I sighed. "Let me tell you a story from when I was 3. Ambassadors from the Hidden Cloud Village came in to sign a peace treaty with the Hokage. Even under those circumstances, something about them rubbed me the wrong way. I was proven right when I caught wind of a kidnapping attempt of the Hyuga heiress. I headed off the kidnapper in one of the forests nearby and convinced him to let her go...in exchange for taking her place."

Mina gasped lightly as I continued.

"When it was agreed, he set her down and instead knocked me out. When I woke up, I was surrounded by the three Cloud ninja. They were talking about how I was basically worthless because of how far were from the village at the time. I mouthed off to them and got beaten for it. It would've continued, heck, it might have, but I blacked out, so I can't be sure. I still have nightmares about what happened, and what might have happened when I was unconscious. It scares me. The lyrics are my way of handling the stress."

Mina said nothing. She instead walked up and hugged me around my waist. I simply pat her head in response. It felt like I had gotten a chunk of weight off my chest, but at the same time, I couldn't help the grim feeling I was getting. Something was telling me to enjoy this kind of thing while it lasted. So it was with great reluctance that I backed up from my little sister and grabbed an apple off the counter.

"I gotta get going. My sensei wanted me to try doing stealth and info gathering training today. I'll be back with Sasuke this afternoon." I moved to the door to put on my sandals and turned to Mina. "By the way, kid, if you want to probe somebody's mental state, look at their eyes. It's how Itachi and I got along so well."

She looked at me questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"I heard once that the eyes are the window to the soul. They show who a person truly is, as well as leads to what emotions they're feeling. It's why Itachi and I were practically inseparable before the UC-4 case." We referred to that night as its case file name because Mina still didn't truly know what happened; we weren't gonna tell her until we knew ourselves. "We understood each other to that point. If you can get the best information from looking at someone, then use that ability to make bonds with those you can trust, will ya?" With that I bounded out of the house toward the training grounds.

Mina stared at the door where her brother once stood. Riku had changed a lot since what he calls the UC-4 case. Something about him seemed more secretive than before. She had discussed it with Sasuke, but he didn't have an answer for her either. The closest thing to a lead that she could get was that he was preparing for something. What it was, she had no clue. The answer, she felt, had to lie in the things her brother wrote.

She then shifted the paper in her hands to stare at the lyrics in English...before moving the second page in her hands to the front. The page he didn't see, that got her concerned for his mental state. One section of this page was translated from the code her brother was so fond of. She could tell there was a lot of anger in these lines, but she couldn't understand why her brother would come up with something like this.

"Captured in all your lies, fear is in your eyes.
Creature who's gone insane, your war is in vain.
Trapped in a cage of stone, we'll destroy your home.
Consequence of your actions.

Chosen by God or a coward insane,
Stand up and show me your face!"

She still didn't know the rest of the code, since her brother had yet to teach it to either her or Sasuke. She could guess what it was about, but something didn't make sense. Somehow, she got the feeling it wasn't about ninja.

What is the point of this? What is it supposed to mean? Mina had her work cut out for her. All she could do was bide her time until he told her or she figured it out for herself. It's what she did for the past eight years of her life, it's what she would do here.

I arrived at the training ground at roughly 9:30, and immediately hid in a tree. Sasuke still stood, seemingly relaxed to the untrained eye, but the bags under his eyes were just barely noticable. Naruto and Sakura were sitting with their knees curled to their chests, though Naruto had fallen back asleep. Sakura looked like she would join him in Dreamland any minute now.

And this is what happens when you take everything at face value, I thought. I felt vibrations near the branch I was on, but didn't look up. "You know sensei," I observed, "There's being cheeky and then there's being an ass. This is just cruel."

"Are you saying you wish to join them?" Kakashi replied.

"No, I'm saying what would make it better is if you never showed up and had me drop a note saying the exercise was canceled. That'd be one of the best pranks yet."

He simply chuckled. "As fun as giving new ideas to you is, I need to go down and greet my team." He then hopped down and appeared a little further down the path. "Good morning, everyone!" he greeted jovially.

"HEY YOU'RE LATE!" the two more expressive students declared.

"Well a black cat crossed my path so I had to take the long way." Naruto and Sakura just growled at him, making him clear his throat. "Well then, let's get started." He walked over to the stumps and put the alarm clock on one of them. "Here we go. It's set for noon." He then brought out the bells, drawing a questioning sound from Naruto. "Your assignment is simple. You just have to take these bells from me. Those who fail will go without lunch. You will tied to those stumps while I eat my lunch in front of you."

The growls that came from their stomachs were glorious. I had to cover my mouth just to keeps the giggles from bursting out. I could see the realization on their faces as this happened, followed immediately by regret.

However, Sakura seemed to realize the problem. "Hey, wait a minute," she exclaimed, "there's three of us! How come there's only two bells?"

Kakashi chuckled again. "Well that way, one of you will end up disqualified and tied to the post for failing to complete the mission. That one goes back to the Academy." Naruto growled again. "Then again, all three of you could flunk out too. You can use any weapon, including shuriken. If you don't try to kill me, you will never get these bells." He flicked the bells up, enclosing them in his fist.

"Those weapons are too dangerous sensei!" Sakura yelled.

Did she learn nothing about her profession? I thought, mentally facepalming. Honestly, she's learning how to use them but still sees them as too dangerous?

"Especially since you almost fell for the eraser trick!" Naruto laughed.

"Class clowns are usually the weakest links; lowest scores; losers. You can safely ignore them." That got Naruto pissed. "When I say 'start,' you can begin." He got that far before I saw him intercept my best friend's arm before he could throw his kunai. The dust spread around him in small clouds because of the speed he went to his new position. "Now, now," he chided, "let's not be too hasty. I didn't say 'start' yet." He let Naruto struggle for a few seconds before letting him go. Sakura and Sasuke finally got on their guard. "But, you came at me with the full intention of destroying me." He chuckled again. "How can I say this? I'm actually starting to like you guys." Naruto grinned at him, while the other two blushed at the praise. "Now, get ready. And...START!" The three of them hopped off, hiding themselves in the woods.

Sakura stared from her hiding place as Naruto was launched into the pond. That's supposed to be a secret technique? It looks like he just shoved something up Naruto's butt. She continued to watch as Naruto had made solid clones that all rushed at their sensei. Her praise for the blond was silent until the point where Sasuke had launched a flurry of kunai that nailed their sensei in the head...at least it looked that way until he poofed into a log via substitution jutsu again. Sasuke had since run off, making Sakura go looking for him.

Sasuke, where are you, she thought desperately. Was he already caught by Kakashi-sensei? No! I can't think like that. He's just got to be okay! A low rumbling caught her attention, causing her to get into a stance.

"Let me teach you about how to win without fighting," a voice rang out around her.

She looked frantically, searching for the voice. Is Kakashi-sensei trying to throw me off by transforming? "And just how are you going to do that?"

"'If you know the enemy, and know yourself, you need not fear the result of 100 battles. If you know yourself, but not the enemy, for every victory gained, you will also suffer a defeat.'"

Sakura had closed her eyes, trying to listen to where the voice was coming from. That was her mistake.

"'If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.'" The voice was right behind her. She turned quickly, only to come into contact with a pair of red eyes. The last thing she heard was the sound of a keyboard playing a small song before he seemed to disappear and she knew no more.

It was ten minutes later that she snapped awake and looked around, searching for her enemy. Seeing she was alone, she relaxed her guard a bit. Who was that? And what was he talking about? It sounded like advice to a ruler from a war general.

"Saku..ra…" a familiar voice wheezed out. Her spirits lifted, as she turned around.

"Sasuke! I'm gla-" her sentence died in her throat when she saw Sasuke, bloodied and beaten, leaning against a tree.

"Please," the boy wheezed, "Help...me…"

The scream echoed around the training ground until she fainted.

I viewed this from my perch on a nearby tree. "'Hence, to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence. Supreme excellence comes from breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.' Thank you, Sun Tzu."

Naruto was currently hanging upside down by a rope. He fell for the oldest trick in the book, and he didn't know whether to yell because of his own stupidity, or applaud his sensei for making a trap like this so unsuspecting. He was leaning more toward the former, especially after that lecture he was given.

"I'm telling you this because you don't get it. You only think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?" his sensei's voice echoed in his mind. Pulling a kunai out, he sliced the rope around his ankle before flipping so he'd land on his feet.

His silent celebrations were cut off when a second rope wrapped around his ankles bringing him back upside down. A whole new stream of curses spewed from his mouth as he swung around in anger.

"You know," a heavily accented voice started, getting the blond's attention,"zis would go a lot better if you actually listened to people instead of just diving in, jutsu blazing." Naruto saw a man dressed in a brown button up shirt with matching pants and a hat covering the top of his braided, dirty blond hair walk up. He had an eye patch over his left eye and a cigarette in his smirking mouth.

"What would you know about it?!" Naruto lashed out, making the man chuckle.

"Enough zat it kept my men from an early and unnecessary grave," he replied. "There's one question you should be asking yourself zat would give you ze solution to zis test."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto challenged, "And what's that?"

"How many of you came to zis test zis morning?"

Naruto crossed his arms. "Um...there were three of us."

"So why do you zink zat is? What would be ze point of putting students togezer if zey were just going to send someone back to ze Academy?" Naruto squinted his eyes in thought. The thought had crossed his mind a few times, but he never really considered why. When he looked back at the man, he was gone.

Who was that guy? And why does that question bug me so much? A shine from the huge stone caught his attention, making him notice the two lunchboxes sitting on top. He got a grin on his face as he planned his next heist.

Sasuke was not a happy camper at the moment. He heard Sakura scream and debated going to help her out when his sensei showed up. He tried to test Kakashi's power compared to his own, and long story short, wound up neck deep in the ground. Though he was proud of himself for getting close enough to touch the bells.

"When I said the goal was to get ahead in life, this wasn't what I meant," a familiar voice spoke up. Sasuke looked toward the voice, finding his cousin walking up to him with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on his face.

"What are you doing here, Riku?" Sasuke asked irritably.

"My sensei is having me do some practice on information gathering. I heard something weird a while ago and went to check it out. Sakura was passed out on the forest floor, so I moved her to a tree where she wouldn't be as sore when she woke up."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes a bit. "So that's what happened," he muttered. "What can you tell me about Kakashi-sensei?"

Riku put a hand to his chin in thought. "From what I've read, he's probably the strictest teacher this village has. He's also one of the strongest people, outclassed only by the Sannin and the Hokage...and maybe the guy who does those insane runs around the village, but they're about equal."

Outside the village, a man with a bowlcut wearing a green jumpsuit and a Jonin vest sneezed.

"Are you alright, Guy-Sensei?" a similar looking genin asked.

"It's nothing to worry about, Lee," the man responded. "Somebody is just talking about my youthful power."

"He's been assigned multiple genin teams," Riku continued, "but out of all of them, exactly 0% managed to pass his test." Sasuke's eyes widened at that.

No wonder I got as far as I did, he thought. I only caught him off guard.

"In terms of the test, what do you think it is?" his cousin asked.

Sasuke tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean if you're in the middle of your test, it makes sense to ask certain questions about it."

"What kind of questions?"

"Like, what is the thing they did at the Academy before assigning Jonin senseis?"

"The exam?"

"No, after that."

"Assign team placements?"

"So if someone's already going back by default, what's the point of assigning teams?"

Sasuke didn't have an answer for that. A moment of silence passed before he looked back at Riku.

"Can you get me out of here?" he asked.

Riku said nothing, only pulling out a small shovel and placing it in Sasuke's mouth. "Don't talk, just dig." With that, his cousin walked off.

I could tell Sasuke was mad at me for pulling the same stunt as seen in Shanghai Noon, but I wasn't going to give him the answer right off the bat. It was a learning technique that helped deduction skill. Let the person connect the dots themselves rather than just gift-wrapping the answer to them. Because they figure it out on their own, they learn how to make deductions, and believe it or not, I had that same thing when I was in school during math.

Besides, I thought, at least it was a shovel I gave him rather than a pair of chopsticks.

Back in the present, the alarm had gone off about ten minutes ago, and the team was now sitting in front of (or tied up, in Naruto's case) the posts, stomach growling loudly in protest. I was currently hidden in a tree watching this go down when Kakashi began speaking.

"Uh-oh, stomachs' growling, huh? That's too bad. Oh, by the way about this exercise? Well, I've decided I won't send any of you back to the Academy."

Naruto grinned happily and laughed triumphantly.

"What? I passed?" Sakura asked dumbly. "All I did was faint and fall over. Do you give points for that?" She didn't care and started celebrating with Naruto.

"So then that means all three of us…" Naruto began excitedly.

Kakashi eye-smiled before dropping the bomb on them. "Yes, all three of you are being dropped from the program. Permanently!" That caused them to freeze up in shock.

"Drop us from the program?!" Naruto yelled. "What kinda crap is that?! You said if we failed to get a bell we'd be sent back to the Academy! You can't just change your mind and kick us out! Why would you do that?!"

"Because you don't think like ninja, you think like little kids, like brats," Kakashi replied without missing a beat.

Sasuke leaped up and charged the Jonin, only to be flipped onto the ground with Kakashi sitting on his back and holding the Uchiha's arm behind him. His foot was pressing Sasuke's head into the ground.

"You think it's all about you," the masked jonin continued.

"Let go of Sasuke!" Sakura yelled, "You can't just step on him like some bug!"

Kakashi moved his glare toward the other members of the team. "You don't know what it means to be a ninja. You think it's a game, huh?" Sakura and Naruto gaped. "Why do you think they put you in squads? Did you consider that question for one moment?"

Naruto and Sasuke perked at the familiar question. It hit them in that moment.

"Teamwork," Sasuke muttered.

"What do you mean, Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"That's what this test was about, isn't it?" Naruto caught on. "That's what that weird talking guy meant."

"Oh?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "It sounds like my little plant got to you."

I made a shadow clone and transformed into Pip Bernedotte and walked out of the tree line. "I prefer to zink of myself as an interested zird party."

"Though I may have had a hand in that too," my clone replied as he followed.

"Riku? What are you doing here?" Sakura asked.

My clone simply smirked. "Who do you think stuck that genjutsu on you while quoting one of the greatest strategists known to man?" Sakura's face didn't show any recognition. "'If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of 100 battles. If you know yourself, but not the enemy, for every victory gained, you will also suffer a defeat.'" Sakura's face lit up with recognition as my clone said the last line. "'If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.' That's from a man by the name of Sun Tzu."

"But what about that guy?" Naruto asked, gesturing to my transformed state with his foot.

"What I said still stands," I replied. "Honestly, I expected a strategic assault of zree-on-one to get ze bells. Instead all I got were a trio of 12-year-old dips**ts running dick first into enemy territory. I zought you were supposed to be ninja."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Then what does that make you? And you can drop the transformation while you're at it."

My clone chuckled as it looked toward Kakashi. "Well what do you know, he actually learned something...sensei."

The trio's eyes widened as I dropped both jutsu. "I wasn't lying when I was talking with you. My sensei did send me on a test of stealth and info gathering. Of who...well, that was my choice."

"And because of your targets, I think it's safe to say you passed with flying colors on the info gathering. The stealth portion however…"

"I only revealed myself when I wanted to. My target never found me unless it was part of the plan."

Kakashi nodded. "And just who was your target?"

I smirked again. I think it's becoming a habit… "Why, you and your team, sensei." Kakashi's eye widened slightly in curiosity, so I explained. "While you were off doing who-knows-what, I was asking around about you as a teacher. I overheard a conversation between Iruka-sensei and Lord Hokage about what kind of teacher you were, and what I heard was amazing." I looked at Naruto and Sakura. "This guy has been assigned multiple genin teams, and of those teams, not a single one passed his test." They gawked while I laughed internally.

Sakura seemed to tense up. "Wait a minute, the squads are designed with three people, but there are only two bells! That would've led to group conflict and the team would break apart!"

"Exactly," Kakashi-sensei and I replied simultaneously before he continued. "I purposely pitted you against each other." the more expressive genin of the group paled. "I wanted to see if you could overcome that and put the squad ahead of yourself. A genin should have a natural feel for teamwork. But you," he was glaring at them again, "it never even crossed your mind. Naruto!" Said blond flinched. "You do everything on your own. EVERYTHING! Sakura!" Said pinkette flinched at her name. "You were only concerned for Sasuke, who was gone, when Naruto was right in front of you. You didn't lift a finger to help him." He pushed his foot further onto Sasuke's head. "And you, Sasuke, thought the others were so far beneath you, they were worthless."

"That's wrong…" Sasuke grunted, catching his sensei's attention. "I was only trying to test my power compared to yours, then form a plan to get the bells with another one of my team."

Well, at least he tried, I thought.

"Be that as it may, ninja missions are carried out in squads. Individual skills are important, true, but the most crucial element is teamwork! Every shinobi knows this. They know that the moment that you put yourself before the team, it could lead to failure..and death!" He reached into his pack, pulling out a kunai. "For example," he snapped the kunai to his captive's throat, "Sakura, kill Naruto now or Sasuke dies!" Both parties began to freak out at the fact that he wasn't kidding. "That's what happens on a mission." He pulled his kunai back, making the whole team relax. "The enemy takes a hostage and you have to make an impossible choice. One where someone ends up dead. On every mission your life is on the line." He got off of Sasuke and walked over to the memorial stone.

"Did you look at this stone? All the names that are carved on it? They are all ninja who are honored as heroes in our village."

Naruto perked up with a grin. "THAT'S IT! I know what I'm gonna do now! I'm gonna have my name carved on that stone! Believe it, I'm not gonna live and die for nothing! I'm gonna be a hero! A HERO!"

I knocked my best friend on the head. "Not that kind of hero, you moron! Don't you even know what that is?"

"What? What is it?"

I sighed. "It's a memorial stone. The only heroes who have their names on there are the ones who are already dead." The grin dropped off of Naruto's face. "Including some of mine and Sasuke's family members." The silence was deafening and seemed to drag on for a few minutes.

"Alright," Kakashi spoke up again. "I'm going to give you one more chance. But I'm going to make it harder for you. You have three hours to get a bell from me. Eat lunch now while you still can. But Naruto doesn't get any." Said kid growled with his stomach. "It's your punishment for breaking the rules and trying to eat by yourself. And if anyone tries to feed him, they immediately fail." He leveled another glare at the three of them. "I make the rules here. You follow them. Got it?" They said nothing. "Riku, let's go. We're leaving." He grabbed me before we disappeared in a shunshin to one of the nearby trees.

"Nice performance there, sensei," I complimented.

He nodded back. "I'll take it that quote is from somebody from your old world."

"Yeah. The best war general in the eastern ancient world. Wrote an entire book about it too. The Art of War."

"I see. Is there anything else you remember from this book?"

"Not much, but there's one quote in particular that stuck out to me. 'Hence, to fight and conquer is not supreme excellence. Supreme excellence comes from breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.'"

"Sounds like something from the Third Hokage."

I pointed to the group as Sasuke lifted his lunch to Naruto. "And that looks like something you would do."

He followed my hand and seemed to smile under his mask. "I believe you're right."

That night I figured it was time to write another set of lyrics.

"I stand alone and gaze upon the battlefield
Wasteland is all that's left after the fight
And now I'm searching a new way to defeat my enemy
Bloodshed, I've seen enough of death and pain!"

Omake: The Bet

"I passed my test. That means I won the bet."

"Only after both Kakashi-sensei and I called you and your team out for trying to go solo."

"You said if I didn't try to work with my team I lost. I did try."

"I said if you managed to work together on your first assignment, I lost. You tried, but didn't succeed."

"That doesn't count, and you know it."

"Actually it does. I heard his introduction to the test as your first assignment."

Sasuke paused at that and grit his teeth, realizing he was right. "Don't make me do it. Please."

I almost felt bad for him. He was literally begging me to let him off his end of the bargain. Though, it was only almost. "The deal still stands, Sasuke. If you won, you'd probably be doing the same thing I am right now." He sighed and conceded the point. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll even do my end of the bargain even though I won."

He growled at me. "Fine. But it's on your head if I get in trouble." With that, he stormed out the door to the Hokage's office.

The third Hokage sat at his desk, doing his normal routine of seemingly endless paperwork. He was honestly regretting taking back the hat instead of having somebody else just become the fifth Hokage. That was no disrespect to his successor, he just never thought he'd begin seeing the first signs of arthritis in his right hand during his return.

Though he was happy for the breaks in which he got to see Naruto. Thoughts of the kid brought a small smile to Hiruzen's face as he remembered the times he'd taken the boy for Ichiraku.

His thoughts were broken by the door opening, followed by a very disgruntled, very red Uchiha.

"Ah, Sasuke, what can I do for you?" he asked jovially.

He sighed before making a hand sign. "You can blame Riku for this. TRANSFORM!" In a poof of smoke, Sasuke was replaced by a very tall, very naked, black haired woman. "Hey, Lord Hokage~. Is this enough for you~?" She accentuated her statements with a small bounce, making her assets jiggle in response.

Hiruzen stared in disbelief before falling to the ground, pushed back by the force of his nosebleed.

A/N: And here we are done. This took longer because I was working to mix canon with originality...the end result? Something I'm not entirely proud of, but it's not the worst thing I've written.

Review with your answer to who sang it, follow, favorite, and I'll see you all next time.