Okay, so I am just going to say right now that this is total crack. I'm just going to write a bunch of short drabbles, all in third person, all random, and all beginning with, "What If. . ."

Why? Well, because I said so. Besides, it'll be fun. And funny! Trust me, it'll be funny.

Quick point to be made: all of these "What Ifs" are occurring as if all of the other characters have known the normal versions of these characters, and it is only today that the character is acting differently.

Disclaimer: If I owned FMA. . . I don't know, something good would happen! *gasp of happy realization* I know! Maybe I'll get ownership of FMA for-

Ed: You won't get ownership of me for your birthday, Lulu.

Me: *sobbing in corner* But it's coming so soon!

Ed: No. Let's get this over with.

Me: *sniff* Fine.

What If. . . Ed didn't mind being called short?

"Hey, pipsqueak, where are you" Colonel Roy Mustang asked the alchemist on the other side of his desk with a smirk, glancing about in an exaggerated manner.

Ed looked up, disinterested. "Yeah?"

Roy frowned. Then he forced a chuckle. "Oh, there you are, Fullmetal! Jeez, it was so hard to see you over all this paperwork!"

. . . No response.

"Which is funny because there isn't much of a stack of paperwork today and I still can't see you."

. . . Nothing.

"Seeing as you're so short and all."

. . . Nada.

". . . WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

"Mustang, could you please get on with it?" Ed asked impatiently.

Roy gaped. "Y-y-you d-didn't react a-a-a-a-at all!" he stuttered.

Ed yawned. "Did you call me here just to make disparaging comments on my height?" he asked in a bored tone.

Roy felt the world as he knew it crumble beneath his feet.

The next day, he found himself in a hospital room with his subordinates.

"He got you too, huh, Boss?" Havoc said glumly.

"H-h-he d-d-d-d-d-didn't r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-"

"We know, sir. Trust us on that one," Breda interrupted the frantically stuttering Colonel.

"-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-"

BANG! A loud blast issued from Hawkeye's gun. "With all due respect, shut up, sir."

Roy Mustang wasn't out of therapy for several months.

End

LOL, sorry Roy, baby, but we all know you'd never get over that!

RFF, mah peoples!

Love ya! lulu