Hi guys! Sorry this took so long. To be honest, I didn't really think this far through the plot even I was planning it, but now that I've got that sorted out, the chapters should come quicker.

Enjoy!

Alec's P.O.V.

"Shut up, Jace!" I stage-whispered, scrambling up from the floor and leaning shakily against the wall. "He's sleeping!"

Jace was ready for college with his rucksack and smart shirt and jeans. He squinted through the early-morning light, staring in shock at Magnus who was sprawled, un-fazed, across the couch, lying on his stomach. The duvet had fallen so that it was half on the floor and half scrunched underneath Magnus' head. One arm was tucked beneath his body and the other now trailed along the carpet. His mouth was open slightly and he was snoring softly, looking peaceful in his undisturbed slumber. "What the fuck is he doing here?" Jace stage-whispered angrily. "Who is he? When did he get here? How come I wasn't-"

"Because," I said loudly, to cut Jace off, before dropping my voice back down to a whisper, "he's a friend. And he was drunk. He turned up here at two in the morning and he had nowhere to go."

"A friend?" Jace said, raising an eyebrow. "From... work?"

I looked down at my feet. "Yes. Well, more like an acquaintance than a friend."

Jace paused, as if searching for a reaction within himself and finding none. "Well... I've got school now," he said, sounding defeated. "I'm gonna go now, or I'll be late again." He made his way to the front door. "When do you think this guy will be gone?" he added, turning around to face me.

"Soon," I said curtly. "As soon as he can make rational decisions, he will be out, I promise." I was surprised at how angry my voice sounded, as if I truly loathed the man on the couch. I didn't really hate him, did I?

Jace nodded, still looking puzzled, then exited the apartment, closing the door behind himself. When I turned back, my eyes immediately made contact with another pair of wide eyes, shocked and unblinking. Magnus had clearly woken up. He was sitting upright on the couch, frozen in place like a statue, staring at me as if I were holding a gun to his head. "Hey Magnus," I said tiredly, tearing my gaze away from Magnus' and making my way over to the kitchen, showing my back to him as I did so. I couldn't bare him seeing me now. Not after everything that happened before he got drunk. "There's some water and aspirin beside the couch. I suggest you take it," I said blankly, not looking back at him as I did so. I then decided to busy myself by making a cup of black coffee, because boy did I need it.

"How... How did I get here?" he asked, smoothing down his hair that was sticking up in random directions. He scratched his head, as if in thought. "I don't remember... Oh." Great. He remembers coming to my apartment at two in the morning, I thought grimly. "Oh!" he said, even louder that time. So now he remembers getting drunk. "Fuck!" And now he remembers why he got drunk in the first place.

"No swearing in my home, please," I said stiffly, purely to irritate Magnus rather than because I cared. I personally didn't give a fuck about that kind of language, especially with the myriad of colourful words preparing themselves to be released from my lips at any given moment.

Magnus scrambled up from the couch, tossing the duvet to the floor, completely ignoring the aspirin, and stumbled over to the kitchen to lean against the counter, only a couple of meters from where I was making coffee with my back to him. "Alec?" he asked in a breathy whisper. When I didn't respond or react in any way, he said "I'm sorry" in a small voice.

Anger flared up inside me, but I suppressed it before I made an already bad situation even worse. "I know you are." I am too, I added in my mind, but didn't say out-loud. I didn't want him to suddenly think that there was a way for us to go back to the way we were before, because there wasn't. It wasn't because I didn't want to, but because I simply didn't want to see him at that moment. Truth be told, I didn't want to see him at all. He was just a reminder of my mistakes, a reminder of all the things wrong with me. Looking at him was like looking in a mirror, and there was a reason for why I didn't like looking back at myself; I already knew what was there, but that didn't mean that I needed to be reminded.

After a short silence filled with only the sound of the kettle boiling, he sighed in frustration. "Why are you angry with me? What can I do to make things right? Please Alec, I'm begging you."

I closed my eyes, trying to keep my temper under control. "You lied," I said in a monotone voice. "That's why I'm... angry."

"You did the same to me!" he exclaimed. "Can't you see we are both in the wrong."

"You think I don't know that?" I asked in disbelief, turning round to face him properly. His eyes were dark and puffy, but alert and awake, much unlike how I expected him to turn out after getting knocked out by how much liqueur he drank less than ten hours previously. His eyes shone with a mixture of confusion, hurt, guilt, regret and frustration, making it difficult for me to keep disliking him. Difficult, but not impossible. "You think I don't know that I lied? Trust me, I know more than anyone what I've done wrong. You think I'm angry at you, Magnus? Well I am. But I am twice as angry at myself." My voice, throughout my rant, had been sharpened slightly in pitch and raised in volume, shamelessly raw even when Magnus flinched at my words.

When Magnus didn't respond and only looked at the floor hopelessly, I continued, softening my voice slightly. "I liked you, Magnus. I really, really did. More than I would have allowed myself if I had the choice." It was my turn to look hopeless. "Please understand. I need to get my life back on track. I need to get rid of the lies. I need to get rid of the past." I need to get rid of you; the words hung unspoken in the air between us.

Magnus gave a short, mirthless laugh and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm glad you think I'm funny," I said bitterly.

He shook his head, still smiling sadly. "You know what's funny?" I sighed. He continued. "That scene- the scene with "Ryder Creighton"- was going to be my last." He gave another humourless laugh and stared at the floor. "Seems it was one scene too many."

"I find that hard to believe," I huffed.

"Um hm," Magnus agreed. "It is hard to believe, but it is true. And the irony is that you were the reason why I was going to quit the porn industry. Or try to."

"Oh really? So you were going to quit a well-paying job in a business that you've obviously been in for an long time, and you were going to give it up for a stranger?"

He looked back at me with a pained expression. "Not for you. Because of you." He ran his fingers through hid matted hair in frustration, looking at me with a desperate expression, his eyes travelling from me to the floor and back again, as if trying to find the solution to the situation. "You made me see what I could have. You made me see the possibilities that were outside just making money for money's sake." His expression was now pleading, pleading for me to understand, for me to forgive him. "Please, Alec. Don't think of me as just some porn star. I only did it for the money, as I'm sure you did." He wasn't wrong. But then again, neither was I.

I poured my coffee without adding any sugar or milk so that it was black, to match my mood. I took a large gulp of it, ignoring the burning sensation as it scolded my tongue and my throat.

"You don't think of me as just a porn star, do you?" he asked, frowning. Instead of giving me a chance to reply, he carried on. "I," he said, gesturing to himself, "don't see you as just a porn star. I see a guy who's made a few mistakes and refuses to face them."

I winced at his words, then glared back at him. "You have no idea what you are talking about," I spat. "I'm not like you."

"I have every idea what I'm talking about," he yelled back, "and you are like me! Do you really think that you are the only person in the industry who does it just for money? The only person who's made mistakes?"

Walking to to other side of the kitchen, I sighed, holding the mug in one hand and pinching the bridge of my nose with the other as I squeezed my eyes shut, willing away the tears that prickled behind my eyes. "What do you want Magnus?" I asked quietly.

"I want you to understand. I want you to realise that I'm not just what my job says I am. I want you to let me help you."

I snorted at his words. "Help me? How can you help me? What can you possibly have that can help me?"

"I've been through all that you've been through. I understand what it's like. I understand how you feel. We can help each other-"

"I do not need, nor do I want help." For God's sake, why won't he leave me be?

"Alexander..."

"What?" I snapped.

I turned around and as I did, a pair of lips pressed softly against mine. I hadn't noticed him stepping behind me, his proximity stunning me into silence and immobilizing my body. His lips were dry and gentle, questioning and unsure of my reaction, but were at the same time unyielding and confident, as if he were trying to pour the emotions within him into the kiss to convey to me what he was feeling. His breath was slightly stale and had the slightest tinge of vodka, but all of that was forgotten beneath the overwhelming sense of Magnus that filled my senses.

As the thoughts in my head became coherent, I found my ability to control my body again. My eyes fluttered closed as I yielded to his presence. My lips moved nervously against his, cherishing the unbelievable sensation of his lips against mine, his body close to mine. I simply couldn't resist him anymore. Despite the rational part of my brain screaming at me to push him away, the rest of by body wouldn't listen. My hands found his shoulders and pulled him closer to me so that our chests were touching. His arms remained relatively close to his sides as his hands rested lightly on my waist, a gesture soft and loving without any hint of lust, as if he thought I'd shatter if he gripped me too tight.

When we pulled apart, we stayed in exactly the same position, his hands on my waist and my hands on his shoulders, our breath mingling between us. We were so close that I could feel his heat stuttering against the inside of his chest, and I had no doubt that he could feel mine as well. "I don't deserve you," I eventually whispered, opening my eyes to meet Magnus'.

"You're right. You don't deserve me. You deserve more," he answered, staring directly into my eyes. "I want to let you go- I would let you go, but I... I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

His gaze dropped to the floor, his arms dropping to his sides and pulling away from the embrace, taking a few steps back. "Afraid of how much I need you. Afraid that without you I'll just go back to the way I was before; uncaring, money-driven, selfish... I'm afraid that without you, I won't have the will-power to become a better person. I won't have the motivation to leave this sad existence behind."

"How can you feel that way? I don't understand," I said in a small voice. "What did I do? As you said, I'm just like you..."

He turned back to me, looking at me as if he were in thought. "Before the scene, you were just so... innocent. And selfless."

I snorted quietly. "And after?"

He shrugged. "As I said, all I see is a guy who's made a few mistakes."

"But doesn't that contradict the 'innocent' part?"

"No," he said simply. "And that's why I'm drawn to you. Because you succeeded where I failed; you still have that kind of innocence and hope in you that I had before I ruined my life." I was unable to say anything in response. I could only stare at him while he fiddled with his fingernails and gave a humourless laugh. "I suppose you could say I'm jealous."

And then there was silence. There was nothing really to say. I had no idea what I wanted and I had no idea about what I should do. I was completely at a loss.

"You know, maybe I'm wrong," he began, interrupting the long, motionless silence. "Maybe we'd be terrible for each other. But there is one thing I need to know." He took a step towards me and looked me straight in the eye. "Could we have been together? Could we have been together if none of this had happened?"

"Yes," I whispered hoarsely. Of course.

"And now?" His voice cracked a little as he spoke, his eyes wide and pleading as they bore into mine.

I didn't answer, just looked at the floor and wished he hadn't asked that question. I wanted to say yes, but somehow my mind was preventing me from forming that one single word. Instead, I managed a pathetic "I don't know", which brought neither of us any satisfaction.

"Ok, I-I'll get out of your way," he stammered, the croak in his voice pulling at my heart and sending a twinge of guilt through my gut. I heard him pull on his shoes and open the front door. I didn't look up, but I knew he was looking back at me, hoping, just as I did, that I might change my mind. I didn't move to speak or look at him. "Th-thank you anyway, Alexander, for everything." He paused before stepping out of the apartment.

When the door gently closed, I was finally alone.

Thoughts? Feel free to drop in a review or a PM. I'll happily answer any questions you have.

AllNightmareLong666