Disclaimer: This entire story is a satrical piece (otherwise known as a parody) of every trollfic trope out there imaginable along with common fandom misconceptions, etc. All of the characters in this story are what would be considered as crack versions, meaning they will most likely be out of character, something very common in trollfiction. While at it, this story takes place in a alternative universe despite utilizing some elements from their respective games.

If you are someone who isn't fond of seeing their favorite characters done in a crack format, then this story is definitely not for you, otherwise you would most likely be biting yourself in the foot, so either speak now or forever hold your peace.

Seeing how this falls under black comedy, I apologize prior for any material that may come off as offensive and or make someone uncomfortable as that is not my intention. Expect to find various rouges of angle satin done entirely on purpose, inane usage of trollfic logic, dated memes from 2015 (that's when the story started), recolor OCs, artistic usages of both history and geography, author filibusters, definitely some early installment weirdness and the likes.

This story also utilizes the use of soundtrack notes through text so when you start seeing - x from this videogame OST plays-, you go on youtube, search the song and the extended versions are highly recommended.

For those interested in doing a MST or a dramatic reading of this piece of shit, please use the Archive of Our Own/AO3 version instead.

Hello. I've been submitting this story for sometime now on another website. Since I've received positive feedback, I decided to upload it here. Note that all the characters in this story are gonna be OOC on purpose to satisfy the stories needs and humorous plot. Trust me, it's going to be beautiful.

One day at the mall, Lucas and his lover Dark Pit were hanging out at the mall. Lucas wore an Slipknot shirt while Dark Pit had Iron Maiden because they are hardcore. They held hands, the dark angel scoffing at the preps and those who stared at them.

"Oh I never," said Rosalina in a southern accent before fainting.

Lucas couldn't help but laugh as he took a sip of his hardcore Capri-sun, embracing his lover. They always went to the mall to go to the greatest store ever, Hot Topic. It was paradise for the hardcore mall Goths and all others who loved wearing black.

However, today it was replaced by a lighter, newer Hot Topic that sold ONE DIRECTION, ANIME AND CARTOON MERCHANDISE AND JUSTIN BIEBER! Dark Pit gasped, dropping his Capri-sun as he fell down to his knees. Lucas glanced inside, seeing preps such as Pit, Ness, Toon Link, and even Princess Peach were shopping inside.

A girl who looked like she was cosplaying Hatsune Miku almost walked inside. She wore a hair clip, cat ears, Hatsune Miku t-shirt, rainbow socks, and some cool shoes from japan. Her bag was full of anime merchandise as Dark Pit gagged.

"Gross! Its Pit's weeaboo girlfriend Lana." scoffed the dark angel.

"Ew, how gross! What did they do to our store man?! They've ruined it! It was where we first met too."

Dark Pit embraced him. "I know Lucas, I know."

Another person walked by but froze in horror. They rushed over to the glass door, seeing that they sold no black or especially… NO BLACK NAIL POLISH!11!

"HOW DARE THEY RUIN MY STORE WITH THIS STUPID SHIT!" screeched the figure. It was a tan, hot big boobed girl with white hair and looked super edgy, yet was obviously a Hot Topic person just like them. She growled, wanting to unleash fury of whoever did this.

Shadow the hedgehog cried at his store as it changed. " HOW DARE THEY TAKE MARIA AWAY FROM ME!"

Wolf went to the dark side when they kicked him out as Mewtwo himself was always edgy. As they saw their precious store transform into mainstream pop culture galore, they screamed.

"WHO RUINED HOT TOPIC?!" YELLED ALL OF THEM AT ONCE!

Little did they know, an evil green dinosaur was behind all of this. Yoshi wanted payback.

Dark pit had an idea as Lucas and him gathered all of the mall Goths. "We must fight against the evil Yoshi and his prep cronies as we are… THE HOT TOPIC KREW!"

"DARK PIT, THE LEADER!"

"LUCAS, THE GENERAL!"

"OW, THE EDGE!"

"MEWTWO, I TAKE LIVES AWAY!" The Pokémon glanced as they did they battle poses.

"And… whoever this fat chick is," said the Pokémon as he was also an asshole, then again they were all assholes. All except Lucas…. somewhat.

"IM NOT FAT YOU ASS! IM FULL FIGURED AND HOUR GLASS SHAPED!" snapped the woman. She smacked Mewtwo as she decided to take the role of tactician because what else was there left.

"CIA, THE FUCKING TACTICIAN! I WILL GET MY LINKY-POO BACK FROM ZELDA!"

They all did their victory poses as two teens glanced at them and shook their head.

"Wow what the fuck is going on?" said Roy as he looked at the Goths. He was rich and loaded with the dosh.

"I don't know," replied little mac. "But what's with a weenie, a Pokémon, a rejected Kill La Kill hedgehog, emo Pit and a fat chick doing some kind of Power Rangers shit? I thought Smash was for fighting not doing this crap."

"Same dude." They laughed as the Goth kids made mental notes to KILL THEM FIRST.

Chaptar one end

Will the HTK ever rise up to stop the evil Yoshi or will they forever be forced to never shop at the mall again! This will be revealed as you continue to keep up with the lovely krew. In this krew, we got the Pittoo, the Lucas, the OW, the FORGOTTEN WOLF, MEWTWO, and of course... whoever she is... I even forgot her name myself.

Next episode is going to be a holiday special even if it's January lol.