* EPILOGUE *

Esme's POV:

They emerged through the massive doors hand in hand, punch drunk on each other. My son looked happier than I'd ever seen him. When a mother knows, a mother knows. Still, it wouldn't do to leave something this important to chance.

That's where I come in. It's true; a mother's work is never done.

"Oh dear, Edward, it looks like you've transferred your spots. They may have to take you both at the zoo now."

Edward grinned. "That's all you have to say, Ma?"

The two of them made lovey-dovey eyes before turning back to me.

"Looks like we'll need to change the reservation?"

"What do you say, Bella? Will you join us for dinner at Alta Strada?"

"Oh, I uh . . . don't really have anything to wear."

"You look great," Edward answered. "I don't need to change either."

Okay, Edward not changing for dinner? My boy had it real bad for this girl.

Bella bit her lip and looked up at me. Huh, when did she turn shy? I wondered. "I wouldn't want to intrude on your birthday dinner."

"Don't be silly, dear. We'd love to have you."

"Thanks, Esme. That's really sweet. I'd love to join you."

"Why don't we walk over there right now, and I'll talk to the maître d'," Edward said.

"Sure. Work your Cullen magic on him."

Smiles all around.

The three of us shuffled down the endless halls. What was the rush? Young love was in the air. Sigh. I trained my eyes forward, but I could feel the heat those kids were pumping out between them. I remembered that tingle so vividly, that over-the-moon buzz the first time Carlisle took my hand in his. Sigh.

"Well, we're here." Edward shot Bella a look so full of longing, it tore at my heart strings. The boy was stalling, afraid to let her go. It was sickeningly cute.

This called for some good, old-fashioned ribbing. "You think you two will be okay separated for a couple seconds?"

"Ssssure," he said, drinking her in one last time before mustering the courage to go inside the restaurant alone. Poor kid; it was more than he could handle. He leaned in and stole a quick kiss. "Be right back. Ma, keep an eye on her for me?"

"Oh, don't worry, son. I won't let her out of my sight!"

Bella and I watched him go, following his form until Edward was well out of earshot.

I'd been so good, but the suspense was killing me. "So?"

Bella closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around her shoulders, and spun around in a circle. "You were right! He's amazing!"

"I knew you two would be perfect for each other. You're the yin to his yang."

"He's so sweet! And sexy! Oops, sorry! Forget I said that!"

I waved away the girl's concern. "Don't be silly. Of course he's sexy. He takes after his father."

"Thanks, but TMI!" Bella and I dissolved into giggles. "Listen, Esme, we need to tell him soon. I feel like this thing between us could be real, and I don't want to start with a lie."

"Are you sure you don't want to make sure he's completely snagged first? I'm all for telling the truth, but shouldn't we wait until the fish is fully hooked?"

"Uh . . . I think the worm has been swallowed. Oh god, I did not just say that to his mother."

"Oh, please. Mother shmother. You were my bingo babe well before you were my son's . . . worm or whatever."

Bella blushed beet red. She really was such a nice girl.

"All right, we'll do it at dinner," I said. "I'll let him order us a bottle of his favorite Brunello, and we'll get him nice and mellow, and then we'll just . . ."

"Spring it on him that we've been plotting this for months?"

I took her hands in mine, wet paint spots and all. "It's the most wonderful birthday gift ever. Poor Edward, where was he ever going to meet his true love, at an actuary convention?"

"Did someone mention an actuary convention?" Edward spread his arms around both of us and pulled us in for a group hug. Someone sure was in a good mood.

"Now, now, Edward," I said, "don't go getting yourself all hot and bothered."

"Too late, Ma."

Google eyes between the lovebirds again.

"Listen, are you two sure you want to have dinner with an old lady tonight? Maybe I should just excuse myself to the slot lounge and leave you to it."

"No!" They both answered at once, yanking me back into the little circle. "It's your birthday, Ma. We wouldn't think of it. Besides, you're the one who brought us together."

I pulled back, leaving my son draped over the shoulders of his new girl. "Wait, what?"

"Oh, come on, Mom. It's so obvious this never would've happened without your little loving interferences."

He always had the book smarts, but I never figured my son for a street smarts guy. Maybe I hadn't given him enough credit all these years. "You mean, you knew Bella and I planned this little meet-up?"

"You and Bella? Planned?" Edward stepped away from Bella, taking his hugs and moony eyes with him. Uh-oh.

Bella's eyes filled with terror. "No, it's not what you think, Edward."

"What do I think? That my mom planted a girl in a bar for me last night? No wonder it was so easy! It all makes so much more sense now!"

"What bar?" I asked. "You two met last night? Easy?"

Bella brought her hands up to cover her face. "This isn't happening."

"One thing I don't get, Ma. How'd you know I was going to Halo? There are at least thirty bars in this place."

"Can someone please tell me what's going on? Bella, what's this about last night?"

"I'm sorry, Esme," she said, her head still shaking like a wind-up toy. "And I'm sorry to you too, Edward."

"Jesus! Ma, what have you done?"

Bella cut in. "Let me explain . . . just give me a minute." She held up her hands, begging our patience while my son glowered at me. "Okay, Edward, you first. Your mother and I have been playing bingo together since last summer. We hit it off right away. She knew I'd just come off a bad breakup, and you were . . . available . . ."

Edward flinched at the generous description. He'd been available most of his thirty-six years.

"The more she and I got to know each other, the more she believed you and I might . . . work together. We made this plan . . ."

"Ma? Am I that pathetic?" I'd never seen my son look so hurt, and it was all my fault.

"No, sweetie, of course not." I reached for his arm, and he twisted away. "I worked it out with Bella so we'd meet this morning on the way into the bingo hall. I hoped you two would hit it off, but if not, we'd all just go on our merry way. I'm sorry for the deception. I truly am."

He turned his sad eyes on me. "You didn't tell her to meet me last night?"

"No! Of course not! That must've been . . ."

Edward harrumphed. "Luck? Please, Ma, don't try to sell me that crap." Twisting around to Bella, he poured out the rest of his anger. "You knew where we were staying. Your odds were pretty good picking Halo."

"Edward, I eat there every night. How do you think Jasper knew what I order on Thursdays?"

Her soft, reasonable voice had the desired effect. The bulging vein in his neck calmed down.

"I told you my name," he said. "You knew it was me."

"I knew before that. I'd seen your picture."

Edward glanced at me and shook his head sadly.

Bella grasped his hands again. "Don't be upset with your mom. I'm the one who took things too far last night. Only because I knew who you were. You think I . . ."—she shot me an embarrassed glance before continuing—"go upstairs with people I've just met?"

"Bella, I don't know what to think. And frankly, I was in no position to judge."

I bit my tongue—hard. This was theirs to work out, but I couldn't tear myself away.

"Fair enough," she answered. "But just so you know, I wouldn't have sat down near you, let alone . . . the rest. I don't do strangers."

Edward looked away, choked with his emotions. After a few long moments, he turned to me. "Ma, would you mind giving us a second here, please?"

I was relieved for the graceful exit. "Sure. Take your time."

I found myself a bench several feet down the hall and immersed myself in people watching. There was nothing quite like a Friday night Foxwoods crowd at that twilight hour, the transition from gaming to eating. I distracted myself with the parade of stroller-pushing parents, hand-holding couples, boisterous packs of Bruins fans gloating about the game, and the not-so-infrequent fights about gambling too much. Still, my gaze wandered to my son and the girl I'd come to care about.

Carlisle had taught me some of the many tricks he'd learned from long hours of reading body language in the poker room, but you wouldn't need an expert to interpret this pair. They were connected and yearning, sharing and listening intently, open to each other, eager to work things out. My hunch was right; these two were going to make it.

Apparently, they already had! Oh, Esme, shame on you!

"Hey, Ma."

"Oh! I didn't see you two come over. Everything okay now?"

Puppy dog eyes. Hand squeezes. Shy smiles. "Yes. We're good," Bella answered.

I stood up and pulled them both into a hug. "Excellent. Now, does anyone have any other secrets he or she would like to confess?"

Edward bristled. I knew that look. He was the world's worst liar.

"Edward? What is it?"

Bella pinched him in his side. "Talk, Cullen!"

"It's not that big a deal. I may have . . . uh . . . had a bingo I didn't call."

Bella and I gawped at each other. She pinched him again.

"Ouch! Stop that!"

"Thank you, Bella! Why on God's green earth would a son of mine not call a bingo?"

"I was kind of scared for my life."

Bella started laughing first, and soon all three of us were bent over holding our sides.

Wiping tears from my eyes, I asked the two of them, "May I make a suggestion, son?"

"Is there any way I could stop you?"

"No."

"Have at it, Ma."

"I was going to suggest that in the future, you do your bonking outside of the bingo hall."

"Ohhhh-kay, then. Thanks for the great advice."

"Welcome."

"And, Ma . . . thanks for my giving me the best gift ever on your birthday."

* THE END *

Author's Note: So...Ma's a pimp but at least Bella's not a total slut. All's well that ends well? What do you think, did Ma overstep? Can we forgive her since it's her birthday? Here's the truth about this story: I have always wanted to try writing a story where the characters sleep together first and get to know each other second. So this story gave me a chance to play with that a bit.

I was not joking about getting a group together to play bingo at Foxwoods, so let me know here or over in my FB account if you're interested in joining us. I have a few brave souls signed up already! Meanwhile, one final shout out to my fantastic bingo team: Ladyeire, for prewriting, during writing, and postwriting brainstorm sessions as well as the crazy banner she whipped up in no time flat; Jill Peterson for her bingo expertise and filling in some of my huge gaps in understanding this crazy world my friend Postapocalypticdepository inhabits; and to my sweet Chayasara for putting everything in the right place and providing encouragement, inspiration, and a gentle kick in the pants when I miss the mark.

One last item as February comes to a close. I don't know if you're aware of the monthly polls put together by Joanne Riddy over at Twifanfictionrecs, but this year, she took all the monthly winners and combined them into one fantasmagoric list now being used to determine the TOP TEN FICS OF 2014! A major feat! I am fortunate to have three different stories on the poll, Remastering Marcus, Wrong Number, and my collabadrabble Shake (with Apoc). Of course I'd love you to vote for one of those, but really, voting for anything is a win for our fandom. Please take the time to show some love to your favorite stories while February gasps its final snowy breaths (dramatic much?). You can vote once each day, so that's six more votes for you! If you can decipher this link, here's where to vote: twifanfictionrecs (dotcom) /2015/02/01/vote-for-your-top-10-fics-completed-in-2014/

Thank you all for taking this little field trip into the mad, mad world of casino bingo, one-night stands, and wonderfully intrusive mothers with me.
XXX ~BOH