Gilderoy's Lockhart's Guide to Love: Prologue


Why don't you just curl up some place and die?

Her words echoed in George's mind.

Why do I have such bad luck with the ladies?, George mused, What did I do to the big man upstairs to deserve this? I do decently in school, well, decently considering the effort I put in. I am kind to my siblings. Except Percy, but he asks for it, anyway. I'm very respectful to my Mum. Or at least I try to be respectful. All right--I try to try to be respectful.

Sighing, the redheaded renegade backed onto his bed, sitting squarely on top of a brown-papered parcel. With tremulous fingers, he opened it.

Dear George--Hope this helps with your girl troubles. I enjoyed hearing from you, Bill.

Underneath the card sat a book with a worn, leather cover with the word embossed in gold across it.

Maybe he's got me confused with Ginny, he thought as he flipped through the diary's blank pages. Reluctantly, he pulled a pen out of his pocket and began to write.

Hello.

To his surprise, magical script appeared on the page in reply!

Hello. Who are you?

I'm George Weasley...Who are you?

Oh my! Please excuse my poor manners. I am Gilderoy Lockhart.

Bloody hell, George mumbled under his breath, curiosity getting the best of him.

Pardon my asking, but what are you doing in a diary?

I preserved myself in it, so that all of prosperity could benefit from my vast and excellent knowledge.

George chuckled to himself, knowing full well the extent of Lockhart's vast and excellent knowledge.

My brother Bill gave me this thing. He said that you might be able to help me with my, er, love problems.

Ooh! How positively juicy! Do go on, laddy!

Well you see, there's this girl...

George's head swam just thinking about it. She sat in the common room, absorbed in some book, her wild brown hair creating a canopy around her. To George, she was like an Aphrodite with a mousy-haired afro. Lovely and chaotic all at once. But he stood no chance with her; she'd made that clear. He shrugged. Yes, he'd always had bad luck with women. After all, public opinion favored Fred. Fred was known as the cuter twin, the hot one.
George thought, recalling this. Don't they realize we're identical?

Yeah, this girl...Her name's Hermione, and she hates me with the burning passion of ten thousand suns.

Kinky.


***

Okay, this is it for the prologue. I know it's short, but I'm having a bit of difficulty writing it, for some reason. So any input would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading!