Ty Lee watches Azula look at their daughter and slowly say, "I love you. I'm just not very good at loving."
Never has Azula said something so true.
The circus freak turned princess lurks outside of Mizura's room, listening in. She was not sure if she could trust Azula to tuck their daughter in, after the fight with the seven year old girl, but Azula is actually trying, and Ty Lee is pleasantly surprised. Her fear of failure with Mizura is stronger than any of her other concerns. But Ty Lee knows that it is because of her parents, and, to be honest, a girl who runs off and joins the circus does not have the best relationship with her father and mother either.
Their daughter had screamed, "You don't love me! I don't love you!" and something along those lines. It hurt Azula but it was not as if she would show it, not as if she would admit weakness to anyone even if it chewed up her insides and swallowed her alive. But Ty Lee could see the pain in her eyes and knew Azula would never admit it; she would just let it poison her.
"I know," Mizura says, as if it is ridiculous that Azula suggested the thought. Ty Lee smiles faintly; it does work out, somehow.
"I... I really try, Mizura," Azula says quietly. She never refers to her daughter as Mimi like everyone else; it is always by her full name. "This isn't what I'm good at. And I didn't have a mother to emulate now."
"What happened to your mother?" Mizura whispers and Ty Lee grits her teeth with a bitter, seething rage at Ursa.
Maybe it was Azula's fault, maybe the thrown glasses of liquor that burned with Azula's rage... it was probably her fault that day when finally a tumultuous relationship reached the broiling point and neither Azula nor her mother could bear to see each other again.
But despite everything Azula has done in her life, every pain and hurt she has caused Ty Lee, or Zuko, or Mai, Ty Lee struggles to place blame on her. Maybe it is because they brainwashed her as a little girl to find Azula as a deity among insects. Or maybe it's obsessive love, as Zuko attempted to explain at one point. Maybe it's real love, because sometimes you love people in spite of their faults, and not because they have no faults.
So, even though it was Azula who started the fire with Ursa that left Mizura without any knowledge of her grandmother or relatives other than Zuko, Izumi and Mai... Ty Lee can only loathe the person who provoked Azula. It is all she knows, even if it is wrong. That's love, or so Ty Lee believes.
"She died," Azula says and Ty Lee's eyes flicker in surprise. And all was going well until this moment. "When I was eleven."
"Oh." Mizura draws her knees to her chin and studies Azula's face like she did when she was a little newborn baby.
Her golden eyes are wide and alert as they drink her in and try to solve an unsolvable puzzle. People have tried to find rhyme or reason in Azula; Ty Lee has wasted decades on it. But there comes a point when people give up.
Mizura never talks much, like her cousin does. Izumi has myriad opinions that she is glad to share. Ty Lee, while she and Azula would watch her, would find that if they were not listening, she would talk to dolls, or even teacups that she made into toys. But Mimi observes. Maybe it comes from her upbringing, and how different it is from the unconditional love that Zuko can give and Azula cannot.
And so neither Azula nor Ty Lee are surprised when she lies down silently, although she has so many more questions, and tugs at her blankets for her mother to tuck her in. Mother, Azula is. Mama, Ty Lee is. That says enough on its own.
Ty Lee disappears as Azula tucks Mimi in, not wanting her wife to know that she was listening in on the conversation. Or for her to assume that Ty Lee does not trust her with the daughter she gave birth to, which is true, but Azula does not need to know or believe.
"Is Mimi okay?" Zuko asks and Ty Lee jumps in surprise, her heart fluttering out of control. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to shock you; I'm just going to bed."
"It's okay." Ty Lee smiles at her brother-in-law. Their family gets along better every day, even Azula and Zuko, while they bicker relentlessly, have grown to love each other. And, when Ty Lee looks at Zuko, she thinks that maybe it isn't just Azula who isn't very good at loving. They all were loved wrong as children and now they can't love right. Zuko's father did not love him enough, but he loved Azula too much and in a sick way. Mai's parents saw her as an accessory and not a human, now her father is in prison and Mai told Ty Lee she wished she could've twisted the key that locked his cell. And Ty Lee, well, she was neglected despite her parents having so many chances to love her.
"I fight with my kid too." Zuko shrugs and tries to pretend that the situation is the same. "I'm just glad that our kids can tell us that they hate us without me or Azula banishing them or something."
Ty Lee tries to laugh but just makes a choking sound. "Azula tries." It is pure truth.
"I know. Look, if I didn't..." Zuko says no more because Ty Lee is no longer focused on him. She always had the attention span of a hummingbird-moth, but she seems more distant every day. Zuko hates watching her drift away.
"Azula's not a bad person."
"I know that. I mean, she has tried to kill me a couple hundred times, but I never thought she was a bad person. It's just how she was raised," Zuko says, rubbing his neck. Consoling people is not his forte.
"I hate your father," Ty Lee says, now entirely focused on her brother-in-law. "I hate him more than I've ever hated anybody. Well, I've never hated anybody before so that isn't a good phrase. But I hate him."
"Join the club," Zuko says with a smile.
Ty Lee nods at him and slips to her bedroom. She lies down in bed and stares at the ceiling. None of the chips in the ceiling's paint that have been there for decades have ever been repaired. Zuko painted over the palace and tried to hide what lurked there. But the darkness lives on in the people who live here, even if he changed the shade of red that the walls were.
"Hi," Azula says and her voice is beautiful on Ty Lee's ears. "She's asleep, I think."
Azula sits down on the bed and does not move at first. Ty Lee has her eyes closed and Azula is staring at her the way she does when she is reading people like books. And Ty Lee is a fairly simple piece of literature; at least on the surface.
"Last night she asked me if monsters were real," Ty Lee says quietly.
"You told her they weren't, right?" Azula attempts to be teasing but every conversation about their child feels hollow and severe.
"I told her that the real monsters were people," Ty Lee says with a small smile.
"Well that's sure to confuse a seven year old," Azula remarks coolly before crawling up the bed. She stripped out of her clothes and into her underwear while Ty Lee had her eyes closed, and Azula slides under the blankets that Ty Lee lies on top of.
"Might as well tell them young before they find out the hard way." Ty Lee shrugs and wraps herself in the cold silk blankets. It gives her gooseflesh and she clings to Azula for warmth, like she is the sole fire in a tundra.
"Good point," Azula says with a twitch of her eyebrow.
"But people aren't born that way," Ty Lee says and Azula realizes she is talking about her. "No one is born a monster."
"Well, I hope it's not hereditary," Azula whispers in icy response and Ty Lee rubs her jaw, sore from being clenched all evening. "Although, for Mizura's sake, it is a lot easier to be the monster than to be eaten by one."
"And what about the people who marry them?" Ty Lee asks, opening her eyes and studying Azula's tiny smirk.
"They're very unfortunate," Azula breathes, and she kisses Ty Lee and bites her lip pointedly. "I love you, you know?" Azula says and Ty Lee is stunned. She has perhaps heard Azula say that five or six times in over twelve years. "I'm just not very good at loving."
Ty Lee has no response. She kisses her again to avoid it.
Because it is so true. The truth and Azula have a difficult relationship. She has a warped image of herself and everyone and everything around her. And she could not tell the truth easily even if she had a sword at her neck.
But tonight she is honest.
These nights make everything worth it.