So Happy New Year to all! Hope this year is bigger and better for all! So, this is an entry for lwd-sesshxrin's musical contest. I chose the song All I Need from Within Temptation.

The warning for Mature Content is not so much for sex but as for other things, just a warning.

She couldn't breathe.

It wasn't as though she wasn't trying not too, her bare chest heaving, and her mouth open and gasping, fingers squeezing at his arms, her eyes tightly shut against the world. A simple action requiring no thought suddenly became so impossible to her frightened her, especially when she thought of her demon lover's reaction to hers.

He was over her, his arms on either side of her body and his amber orbs looking down to the young woman who seemed to be fearful of what should be an intimate moment between them. Lips bruised from kissing sucked into the young woman's teeth as she tried to steady herself, wondering why she did this to herself, to him.

"Rin…"

His voice was soft, his arms moving slowly so as to encompass her, his lips to her hair as he tried to steady her, to relax her, to calm her. Weakly, dark chocolate opened to meet amber, hating the pain and fear in her orbs, hating that guilt got to tore through him as he would think he was the cause of all her misery, when the opposite was true.

"Rin?"

"I'm sorry…" her voice, barely above a whisper, managed to squeak out.

If anyone judged her on the first three months of their relationship, those two words would have been thought to be the only ones she knew. She'd tell him how sorry she was at least once every three sentences, apologizing for something well beyond her control, despising every time the phrase slipped passed her lips, hating how low her self-confidence had sunk, hating the woman she had become, the woman she didn't want to be.

"No, my Rin."

The kisses on her flesh were as gentle as a feather's touch, his movements as deliberate as they could be to ease her in their time of lust.

"Don't be sorry," he repeated gently, "not for this; never for this."

His words were comforting and kind, something Rin felt she did not deserve, especially after how their relationship started.

Her specifications to the woman who set them up on their date was that it wasn't supposed to go anywhere; the man just a test to see if she could pluck up enough courage to see if there was a possibility she could be with another again. There wasn't supposed to be any attraction or any hope of a relationship, just a dinner and a conversation with something she'd feared since her last.

What she asked for was an oddity, someone that couldn't, and wouldn't, love her, someone who had no chance of wanting a relationship with her. What she got was her friend's half-bother-in-law to be, Sesshomaru Takahashi.

Their dinner and conversations were uneventful, thankfully, as Rin seemed to be the only one to keep the interaction going, he more interested in his watch than anything else. Grateful to be done what she considered to be a successful night; nothing would come of this, he thinking she was below him and she just happy to not have done or said anything regretful.

"What made you so nervous tonight?"

Surprised and with her key in the door, Rin turned to the demon she had said her goodnights too, heart in her throat.

"P-Pardon me?"

His amber eyes narrowed, intensity boring into her as he stood tall, somehow making an almost casual pose look intimidating.

"All night you've been giving off an air of anxiety," the demon explained, "I've done nothing to you, yet you seem to be weary of me," his head titled slightly, "why?"

To this Rin couldn't find an answer, her mouth remaining closed as her eyes flickered around, as though her potted plants held the answers she was looking for. How could she tell someone she didn't know about her trauma, how could she admit that she had been forced down, how could he comprehend the pain she suffered with for so long.

"If you are nervous around men, perhaps you shouldn't be out with one."

It was a blunt statement, one she was not prepare for and caught her off guard, what little confidence she managed to gather for the night withering into nothingness. She felt her face fall as the words sunk in, tears that seemed endless over the last few months now threatening a resurgence.

"I… I suppose you're right…"

Pathetic was what she now was, letting herself be destroyed so easily by words when she should be fighting for herself, thinking so lowly of herself when she knew she was worth so much more. Why had she let him take advantage of her, why hadn't she done something more to protect herself, why had she let herself be so easily taken in?

Why was she so weak?

"Rin?"

All she saw was a hand coming towards her. She didn't see the owner, the face, nothing but that hand reaching for her, to pull her down, to pin her, to claw at her flesh, to bring her back to her lowest point in her life.

Not again; never again.

Only after she slapped his hand away did she become aware of her mistake, the surprise on his face enough to tell her that she had overreacted, jumped to a rather impulsive, and perhaps irrational, conclusion.

"S-Sorry…"

It was the only thing that could come out of her mouth before sobs would erupt from her lips, her wrist covering a mouth that quivered and on the verge of releasing her emotions. She couldn't do this; she didn't even know where the crazy idea came from. Everything she was was no more, would never be, not after being taken advantage of.

The door slammed with her back leaning against it, deep breaths sawing in and out of her lungs, trying to steady herself. Hand to her chest, she retired for the night, hoping that she recover from this stumble and just grateful that she would never see him again.

At least, that was the plan. The flowers that he sent two days later held other ideas.

Shocked, Rin half wanted to throw the bouquet out, to not give the demon any thought that she might get interested in someone, want a physical relationship. Fingers trailing over the flower petals and throat thick, she allowed herself to pull a vase and fill it with water, convinced a demon as regal as he wasn't interested in her. Even more surprising, she felt the corners of her lips tug upwards at the sight of the white blossoms, her fingertips running over the edges of the card that held his message.

It was impulsive of her to call the number he left, even more so to actually go at the designated time to the coffee shop he proposed they meet. Her fingers were tight around the mug as she watched him sit with a cup of coffee in his hand, his eyes looking over her form, made frailer by her disinterest in food from the last few months.

"Thank you for meeting me," Sesshomaru murmured, Rin surprised at the gentler tone he held.

"O… Oh," she stammered, "th-thank you for inviting me out."

"It is my way of apologizing for my actions," he continued, "they were out of line, and… regardless of whether I knew or not about your past they were still inappropriate," Sesshomaru informed her softly, "and for that I am sorry."

Rin didn't know whether to be grateful or horrified at his remark. She was appreciative of the coment, but almost devastated that he knew about what had happened.

"Thank you," Rin whispered, her eyes turning to stare into her drink, "so… I-I take it… someone… must've-"

"No one has told me anything about your situation," the demon explained, "I… your reactions told me enough. I don't know any details, and unless you wish to confess, I won't pry."

"O-Oh," the young woman swallowed, "th-thank you and… I-I'm sorry about that-"

"Don't be," Sesshomaru's head shook, "you shouldn't be sorry; not for this."

At this brown eyes met his amber, a small smile managing to find its way to her lips. She was thankful he knew nothing, even greater that he wasn't nagging her for every sordid detail and making her feel uncomfortable at the mention of the incident.

"Thank you," the head of black hair nodded, "for the apology and… for the flowers. They're beautiful."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoy them," he murmured, his lips to the rim of the mug, "but I must know; if you're uncomfortable around men, why ask Kagome to set us up?"

Her cheeks flared red at the question, figuring she should at least own up to her line of thinking.

"I… you could probably have guessed that my last relationship… saying it ended disastrously is an understatement," she confessed, trying to keep any sobs in the back of her throat, "but… it was bad, and I got hurt as a result," her breath felt tight in her chest, her body forced to remember how to breathe, "really hurt… and… it's been several months since then and I need to start getting back to my feet so I-I asked her to set me up with someone who-who wouldn't see anything in me I-I just needed to know if I could ever have a relationship again," her eyes looked up to him sheepishly, "I guess this is my way of saying you were a test for me."

She felt despicable as the words tumbled out of her mouth, knowing she used someone similar to the way she had been. Her head hung low; perhaps she would never be ready for another.

"So did I pass?"

Her eyes were wide as they met his, a simple curiosity reflected in his orbs, no malic nor cruelty hidden in them.

"You did," she smiled weakly, "I failed."

Ceramic clinked on the wooden table as the demon placed his mug down, his eyes remaining on her sad expression, his own face impassive as he stood.

"I'd say the opposite is true," he murmured softly, her brown orbs flickering back up to his while he handed her his business card. "I'd like to see more of you," the demon told her calmly, "but only if you wish too."

The card he gave her remained in her wallet for at least two weeks, constantly thumbed and her mind sent into turmoil each time she thought of him, thought of what would happen if he opened the door to her heart only to shut it again. She doubted highly she would do well, even doubted if she would survive her depression so great. Tired of being at the mercy of her memories, she met him again at the coffee shop where he asked her for another date next week, at the same place and time.

He kept their encounters to the day and in public where she was most comfortable, when it came to physical contact he let her move first, something she rarely did. For five months they would talk and meet, each time she felt guilt rip through her when she pushed him away or moved to avoid his touch, knowing other couples were busying themselves with kisses and closeness at their stage and yet their fingers have barely touched each other let alone their lips. In truth, Rin didn't even know if they were in that sort of relationship in the first place.

Still, she dared to allow herself to be happy with him, gave herself the time they spent to be happy with him. The worst part was, after everything she had been through, she wanted to be close, wanted to touch him, wanted him to love her. Every time they met it was apparent he didn't feel the same, he never smiled much and always kept quiet around her and, though Kagome insisted it was his personality and had nothing against her specifically, he seemed very aloof. Still, Rin found it was nice to have someone that didn't treat her like a fragile flower that had been torn apart; even if he wouldn't love her, she still treasured him as the friend that brought her back from the edge.

Sesshomaru was somehow understanding and patient with her, even when she called him in the middle of the night for the briefest of seconds.

A nightmare had woken her in the early hours of the morning, sobbing and terrified, hands gripping the sheets and her heart hammering in her throat. She wasn't thinking, wasn't concentrating, just needed someone, needed to talk to anyone.

Needed him.

Her phone bounced on the mattress when she realized what she had done, the mistake she had made in the early hours. The demon was understanding, but he did not love her, she knew that. He cared for her like he would a friend, not a lover. Hands to her eyes, she tried desperately to wipe away her tears, wondering what their relationship even was; there was almost nothing physical about it, she shied away from the touch that she wanted to feel. Any gifts he offered her were met with hesitation and she rarely went out with him for dinner.

Over a warm cup of tea she wondered why she was more upset with her lack of relationship with the demon than anything else. She was the one who didn't want the relationship in the first place, and he was only being considerate to her because she was a broken object, there was nothing more to that; she was doomed to live a life alone, all because one man decided to destroy her.

Rin's fingers tightened over the mug, despising the man that took her, that saw her as a possession not something to be respected and loved. She used to be so bubbly and confident that the frightened woman she was now was almost blinded by the bright and vivacious colours she used to adorn herself; pictures of herself made the one she was now appear gaunt and hollow, her pale skin now looked deathly and grey to the point she hated her reflection.

Her eyes turned to the face in the tea, her eyebrows rising at the sight of the woman in it, how much healthier she looked, how much brighter her eyes were, how her skin was a touch pinker, her face looking fuller.

Fingertips ran over her cheeks, wondering when she had started to change, she had barely looked in a mirror since being gone, barely seen herself, always tried to look away.

The knock kept her from the answer; confused, her feet took her timidly to the door, pulling it open to see a demon standing, his lungs expanding only a fraction larger than usual, his hair was not as immaculate and his shirt held remnants of melting snow.

"Wh… What are you…?"

She couldn't seem to find the words, her body clad in a light nightgown and he in his dishevelled clothing standing in front of her door at two in the morning. Reminding to close her mouth, her throat forced down the lump and reminded herself to take in a deep breath to steady herself.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked quietly, her body curled in on itself, one arm around her middle and her dark eyes wide.

At this his amber orbs lifted from the floor to her worried face, his open panting mouth closing as he did nothing but stare at her, his form straightening up to his full height, making sure not to intimidate her.

"Because you called me."

It was uncomfortable, the silence that surrounded them at his words. She seemed to shrink further into herself, her heart hammering in her chest and her stomach twisting into tight knots. She didn't know how to describe the feeling, she felt sick but not disgusted, she felt anxious but not frightened, she felt stunned, like the wind was knocked out of her but nothing more than his voice.

How could he say something like that so simply, like it was nothing more than a passing comment? Was that all she was to him? He was here, at her doorstep in the early hours of the morning with no good reason other than because she called him.

"Rin? What's wrong?"

Only then did she notice her tears streaming down her cheeks, only then did she feel her broken heart shudder, only then did she finally press her body against his.

She hated physical contact because she was afraid she'd never want to leave, she was afraid of opening up because she didn't want to close off again, she feared someone getting so close to her they could destroy her with a single word.

She was terrified of loving the demon so much he could push her over the edge.

A part of her hated how warm the arms around her were, how much closer the demon brought them together, his back against the closed door and his nose buried in her black locks. The greater part of her desired the calming words falling from his lips, the soft shushes whispered to her, his gentle hands brushing her hair.

"Rin… are you okay?" the demon whispered, the young woman remaining buried in his shoulder, her throat thick as she held him tighter, her head slowly shaking no.

"He… He raped me."

Sesshomaru stiffened at the words she had never told anyone else before. Kagome knew the situation, but only because she guessed as much; Rin had never directly told anyone and, though the demon guessed it was an abusive relationship, he could never have guessed it was so terrible. He said nothing as everything spilt forth from Rin, everything.

He could do nothing but hold her as she confessed to being held down, to being taken violently, told to be silent, told to enjoy it, told that the pain would end, a lie that would always haunt her. She admitted to never trusting anyone after it, felt trapped, like there was no one there for her, like no one would believe her, that she would be blamed by others as he did.

The minutes felt like an eternity to her as she spilt her heart to him, going from revealing little about herself to almost everything she hid in the darkness. An eternity that he held her, an eternity that drained her, resulting in him holding her up, her legs having lost any energy in them, the feeling of worthlessness only mounting as she was unable to care for herself; her eyes remained to his shoulder, refusing to look up at the demon that seemed forced to carry her.

Her sobs had silenced along with her words as the demon laid her gently on her mattress, her body still curled and her face to the pillow, his fingers touching her pale cheek.

"I'm sorry…"

She was almost sick of the words, sick of how quietly she spoke them, sick of how often she spoke them, especially to him.

"No."

Brown eyes looked up to the demon, something flickering in the deep amber.

"Don't be sorry," Sesshomaru whispered, "not for someone else; not for a monster."

"B-but-"

"Rin…"

The demon's face lowered towards hers, his nose brushing hers.

"There is nothing for you to be ashamed of," the demon told her, "I will never think any less of you."

"But… we're not… I mean…" words failed her, her cheeks flushing deeply while his fingers ran over the few strands of hair that fell over her flesh, her chocolate orbs looking up to the demon that gently pressed his lips to hers.

Had she never known him, she would have screamed and slapped him, her lungs would have shuddered and panicked, swearing to never leave her home again. Yet, she found herself allowed to be kissed gently, the demon's fingers on her upper arm, his eyes gently closed as he savoured her taste for the first time since they met. He was slow and deliberate, making sure she knew what he was doing so as not to frighten her, not that she would.

The only thing she feared was him destroying her after rebuilding her.

Her lips trembled as they parted, her eyes meeting the amber that slowly opened, his face soft and fingers gentle.

"Rin," the demon whispered, "I'm sorry for scaring you…"

Still she said nothing, her eyes searching his, wondering why he looked so saddened, why he was touching her so gently, why he was kissing her.

Slowly, the demon lifted up from her bedside, his hand daring to remain as long as it could on her skin before it left entirely.

"No!"

She acted on impulse, her hand reaching out to hold his, her heart pounding as she held him tightly, her throat tightening as she pulled herself up.

"Please… don't…"

Don't what?

Her words came faster than she thought them, her face conveying an unknown emotion.

"Don't… leave me… please?" Rin whispered, knowing she didn't mean for the night, knowing she wanted to be near him, wanted the demon to do the impossible; stay with her.

She was terrified of how close she would get to the ledge if he shut her down, locked her away, she feared relying on someone so heavily they held her in the palm of their hand.

She hated this part about herself, hated her insecurities, wanted them gone, wanted to start over.

"Rin."

His voice brought her back, soft and gentle, his fingers reaching out to run over her cheek.

"I won't leave you," Sesshomaru promised, "I won't leave you alone; not while he still has a hold over you."

He brought her back to his chest, her body curling in, her head resting on the warmth of his body.

"Then… brake it… please…"

It was all she wanted, to be free.

"How," the demon asked, his fingers running over the bare flesh of her arms, "what do you want me to do?"

Her fingers tightened on the back of his shirt, her heart quivering as she searched for the way to say the ludicrous.

"Take me."

It was expected that he looked shocked, his eyes pulling back to meet hers, the deep brown orbs avoiding amber as tears welled in the bottom of her eyes. Rin didn't dare look at him, not wanting to know how disgusted he was with her.

"Rin."

"I-I want you to erase him from me," the young woman continued, "I-I want-"

"No."

His voice became like when they first met, cold and harsh, cutting her to the bone.

"I won't," Sesshomaru practically growled, "I won't hurt you."

"You won't-" Rin tried to protest, cut off by the demon's stern glare.

"I won't let you do this with someone you don't love," the demon defended.

"But… I want too…"

Again Sesshomaru stilled standing up, his determined face softening as he watched sobs begin anew.

"I want to love you," the young woman repeated, "but-but I can't… not while he's still on my skin… not while I still feel him… touching me and-and holding me…"

"Rin-"

"Please," her deep brown eyes looked up at him, "please… help me love you."

Hands cupped her tearstained cheeks, the demon returning to kiss her lips, his fingers running along her soft, creamy flesh.

"I want to touch you," Sesshomaru whispered, "but I don't want to hurt you."

"You can't," Rin whispered, "if it's you… you can't…"

"Rin…"

Her name came in a breathy sigh, the demon's fingertips sliding over her light flesh, his lips venturing no further than hers.

"Can I have you?"

The demon was careful, his body waiting for hers, waiting for her, his fingers in a place she knew they would be, his body careful not to look as though it was going to attack her.

"Y… Yes…"

It was not the first night she wanted with him; she wished there was more passion and less fear, less worry, less tears. He was perfect, moving slow and letting her be aware of what was happening, listening to every little gasp and beat of her heart, his fingers moving over her skin with caution, treating her akin to a flower.

Rin was different, quivering for all the wrong reasons, her body filled with nervousness and even fear as her body was exposed to another, this time by hands that were gentle and not torn from her body. Tears were draining her form as they continually flowed down her face, she unable to stop it; even the demon's lips couldn't quell her sorrow. She hated doing this to the demon, hated that he had to endure this, especially as he entered her.

For the first time she had a man in her that she willingly let in, something that should have been exciting and passionate and yet it felt ugly to her, the only thing she could remember was the disgusting man who took her.

Hands to her chest and mouth Rin did everything she could to remind herself how to draw breath, how to calm herself, how to survive.

"Rin-"

He'd opened her up again, let her see beauty once more. Desperately, her nails dug into him, fearing that, if he could build her up so easily, tearing her down would be just as easy for him. She had to remind herself that the man in her was by her choice, not the one she loathed.

"Hush… Rin," Sesshomaru whispered, "if you tell me no, we'll stop-"

"NO," the young woman blurted out, her hands tightening on his hair, "no… I-I have too-have too…"

Rin couldn't choke out the words, her chest heaving and her tears falling, hating that he was being treated unfairly, hated that it looked like it was him causing her all this pain when the opposite was true.

Lips fluttered on her face, his fingers holding her gently, his voice calling her from the darkness she hid in.

"Rin…"

His voice was as gentle and as soft as the tips of his fingers that ran over the side of her cheek, his amber eyes now a melted honey, and his lips daring to curl into a kind smile.

"I'm sorry…"

"Stop that," the demon whispered, "I'll wait forever for you… and while I wait, I'll never hurt you."

"I know," she told him, equally as quietly, a sad smile on face, "you've healed me… you're the reason I can live again…"

He was still careful with her, pain still evident though she found it fading, masked by something she didn't know but would only assume it was love. Her body was intertwined with his in union, not force and he let her be a partner, not a victim.

For once, she felt the end of this misery truly come to life.

Their morning was one of confusion for the demon, he waking without her next to him. Curious, he looked around for the slim figure, one he found curled in the chair, her eyes looking to the skyline with an impassive face.

"Rin…"

She turned to look at him, her lips curling into a small smile.

"Hey," the young woman whispered as the demon stood from the bed, his pants slipping up over his hips before he joined her by the chair.

"How are you feeling?" Sesshomaru whispered, her arms tightening around her legs.

"Alright," she whispered, "guilty…"

"Don't be," he told her, his lips lowering to her temples, "are you unhurt?"

Her brown eyes looked up to his amber, a smile slipping to her lips.

"Thanks to you…" Rin told him, "all because of you."

She would never be the woman she was, but with the demon, she would become someone stronger, someone Sesshomaru deserved. He was all she needed to grow and, as terrifying as the idea of relying on someone was to her, it proved she was beginning something better.

So? Reviews if you be so kind.

P.S. There may or may not be a new story on the way... just sayn'