AN: I got the basic idea of this from DEADPOOL TEAM-UP (2009) #893, where Deadpool teamed up with Captain Britain against a wannabe Slaymaster, and got their cultures swapped by this Culture Swap Gun, so Deadpool was British, Captain Britain was American - Canadian! - whatever.

And then I thought, if there was a a tech gizmo that could swap character's cultures, surely there could be one that swapped character's powers. And then I thought about what would happen if Billy ended up with superspeed and Tommy ended up with reality-warping powers. And then this happened.

It should be noted that this fic DOES NOT TAKE PLACE IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS MY OTHER YA FICS. It's its own separate... thing...

WARNING for downright craziness. This was written all at once, and most of it after midnight, so it's pretty nuts. It's also completely unedited so is probably riddled with typos. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

DISCLAIMER that I don't own these characters. (And this story is proof of why I should definitely not own them.)

Power Swap

Nobody saw quite what happened.

One moment, Wiccan and Speed were trying to reach the Slaymaster tech before the insane individual who thought he could take up Slaymaster's weapons and mantle could get his hands on it, and the next moment there was a loud FZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! and sparking yellow electricity across the twin's bodies as they both arched their backs, bodies spasming, screams spiraling bloodcurdling from their throats.

[Power swap technology initiated. Targets:Reality-Warper. Speedster.]

[Swap completed. You now have complete use of each other's powers. Good luck on your undercover international mission.]

The electricity dispersed and the twins crumpled to the ground, steam spiraling from their bodies.

Billy recovered first.

He sat up, groaning and holding his head, fingers brushing through his singed black hair. He stood up, glancing around to see that Tommy was still lying on the ground.

That was strange. Tommy always recovered from things first.

Billy saw Teddy running towards him, a look of fear frozen on his face. Why was he moving in slow motion? And why was the world so futzing sharp? Everything was clear and in such vivid focus it almost hurt his eyes to comprehend it all. Objects in the distance weren't blurring like they should.

What in the world?

Walking over, Billy waved a hand in front of his boyfriend's face. There didn't seem to be a reaction.

Had the rest of the world been frozen in time?

Wait, no. The world wasn't frozen. Teddy was blinking. Glancing back at his brother, Billy saw that Tommy had changed positions slightly, head turned the other way and one arm folded over on his stomach instead of splayed out beside him.

Oh, and there was the guy who had been trying to steal the Slaymaster weapons. That wouldn't do.

Billy immediately tried to cast a spell to bind the man, but felt absolutely no pull from his magic. Had the blast done something to his powers?

Oh well, the guy was big but he wasn't moving that fast. Billy simply jogged over and pushed him.

He didn't push the man that hard—he'd only wanted him to fall down, not fly across the room. But flying across the room the man was, long dark hair drifting behind him as he sailed through the air as if it wasn't air, but more like water.

What was going on?

The man crashed into the wall, and Billy watched him slide unconscious to the ground.

Well, that took care of that. The guy didn't look like he'd be getting up anytime soon.

Billy decided to check on his brother, because the other boy still hadn't moved any further, just lying there with eyes closed.

Kneeling down, Billy pressed his fingers to Tommy's neck, checking for a pulse, but there was no steady thrumming beneath his fingers.

Oh gods, Billy thought as panic gripped him. Is he dead? Did Tommy die?

But then: thuuuuuummmmmmp went Tommy's pulse beneath his fingers.

What? Tommy's pulse was never like that. Not even a regular person's pulse was like that. This was bad, this was really bad. Tommy needed help.

Getting up, Billy saw that Teddy was still making his way towards them in slow-motion. Maybe everyone who'd been in range of the blast had been affected somehow? But then, why hadn't Billy?

"Bbbbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," Teddy was saying.

Okay, this was downright creepy.

Help. He needed to get help.

Breaking into a run, he sped through the underground bunker, finding another antechamber filled with large guns and other weapons, as well as Captain America, though the red-white-and-blue-clad Avenger was currently in the process of running out of the chamber.

They'd split up to search the bunker for the man who'd killed the guards and broken in to try to become the next Slaymaster, but Billy, Tommy and Teddy had been the ones lucky enough to find him.

But apparently Steve had still been close enough to be affected by the blast, because he was also moving in slow-motion.

"Steve?" Billy asked, but it was no use.

Okay, time to get outside and check the Blackbird where Clint was watching the entrance in case the Slaymaster-wannabe had gotten past them (Clint had of course complained loudly about being stuck outside, claiming he was going to miss all the fun, and there was no way anyone was getting past the combined might of Hulkling, Speed, Wiccan, and Captain America).

Running through the bunker and bursting outside, he found Clint with his bow raised and pointed at the entrance, holding nearly perfectly still.

"Hawkeye!" Billy said desperately, hurrying over. "There was some blast and now everybody's frozen except for me! We need to do something, I think Tommy's dying!"

Clint started turning his head towards him, face pulling into a confused expression.

Oh no, Billy thought with dread. Clint too?

"Bbbbbiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" Clint spoke, horribly, agonizingly slowly. "Wwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttt dddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddd yyyyyyyoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu sssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

"Tommy needs help!" Billy shouted frustratedly, stamping his foot. Stupid world! Tommy's heart was hardly beating and anyone who could help was stuck in slow-motion.

Wait. While he's been out here, what if Tommy died?!

Quickly running back inside, Billy dashed over to his brother, kneeling beside the white-haired boy.

"Oh gods, Tommy, are you okay? Please be alive. Please, please be alive."

Teddy was kneeling next to Tommy now, too, and had his hand on the boy's green-clad shoulder.

Tommy's eyes were open now, and he was starting to push himself into a sitting position.

Thank the gods.

Billy hugged Tommy, because he couldn't complain when he was moving at that speed now could he?

But when Billy felt his brother's pulse again, it was still horrifyingly, impossibly slow.

Tommy's green eyes were focusing on him. "Bbbiiiiilllyyy?"

Huh, so maybe Tommy wasn't actually as affected as everybody else. Because of his superspeed, maybe?

Captain America was finally entering the room.

It was so weird being able to watch someone run in slow-motion, and the way they were suspended in the air between each step.

Billy ran past him and back outside, past Clint and into the Blackbird, thinking that maybe he could use the comm to contact the other Avengers and ask for help.

Only once he'd gotten into the cockpit did he realize that he'd just ran out of the underground base with its long, winding tunnels, out to the Blackbird, then back into the base, then back out to the blackbird, and he hadn't even broken the slightest sweat. His heartrate didn't even appear to be elevated, and his breathing hadn't quickened.

That was weird. That was really weird.

He was in great shape, and could no doubt make that run without getting out of breath. But his heartrate should have increased slightly, and he should've broken at least a slight sweat.

Horror started building in Billy's gut. What if...?

To test his thought, he ran back out of the jet, then just chose a random direction and started running. And running. And running.

The cars on the highway were standing still.

Slaymaster's main base had been in Greenwich, but that situation had been taken care of by Captain Britain (with some help from Deadpool, apparently).

But it turned out that Slaymaster had been one of the top assassins operating in international circles, so it would make sense that he had another where he kept weapons in a different area of the world. This base, the one that the Avengers had been sent to, was located in New York (but of course.)

Up ahead, Billy saw a sign a couple miles ahead that told him he was no longer in New York city. Apparently he was in Montauk, which was about 117.9 miles away. He'd run all the way there and he wasn't tired in the least.

He skidded to a stop in front of the sign, just staring at it for a moment, the feeling of horror exploding inside him.

He had Tommy's superspeed.

Tommy groaned, head lolling to the side.

His head hurt. Hell, his entire body hurt, like he'd gotten run over by tank.

No, that wasn't right. This was an internal pain, not an external one. More like doctors had gone into his body and pulled his bones out, replacing them with lead casts, and his muscles were unable to attach to the heavy, poisonous metal.

His arms and legs were splayed out next to him, but he managed to bring one arm in and lay a hand on his churning stomach.

For a moment, there was a slight pressure against his throat.

"Billy!" Teddy yelled. "Tommy!"

Cracking his eyes open, Tommy watched Hulking run over.

But Hulkling wasn't a snail. He was fast. In no time at all, he was kneeling by Tommy's side, placing a hand gingerly on his shoulder and asking, "Tommy! Tommy, are you alright? Where's Billy? What happened?"

Tommy didn't need to focus at all to understand what he was saying. It was like talking to Pietro at superspeed, nice and easy.

It wasn't just his thoughts that felt leaden, but his mind as well.

He knew this feeling. This was what it felt like when he'd been locked in his cell at Juvie, when the power dampener was turned on.

This is what it felt like to be normal. Tommy didn't have his superspeed.

"Fucking shit," Tommy hissed through gritted teeth. "Fucking shit shit shit."

"Why am I not surprised that the first words out of your mouth are obscene?" Teddy said, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Not working, Teddy fucking Altman.

Tommy pushed himself up on his elbows, trying for a sitting position. Something was very wrong with his body.

There was a gust of wind, and there was pressure on Tommy's throat again, and a blurring red and black figure next to him, making some high-speed gibberish noise.

"Billy?" Tommy gasped out, eyes wide.

Then the figure was gone.

"What's going on?!" Captain America demanded as he came in, shield raised and ready, eyes darting around the room, landing on the unconscious Slaymaster-wannabe, and then on Teddy and Tommy on the ground. "It sounded like a large machine completely shortcircuited. What happened?"

Everything was happening so fast. Stupid fucking world.

"Billy. Superspeed," Tommy grunted, pushing himself up all the way into a sitting position. He hissed through his teeth. "Billy has my powers."

"What?!" Teddy exclaimed at the exact same instant Steve said, "How did that happen?" Their faces were pulled in eerily similar expressions of consternation.

But Tommy wasn't paying their words any heed, because he'd just had a thought.

Billy had Tommy's superspeed. Tommy didn't have his superspeed anymore. Chances were that Tommy had Billy's reality-warping powers.

Only one way to find out.

"IwanttobewearingapiratehatIwanttobewearingapiratehatIwanttobewearingapirate—"

Something materialized on his head, dark, wide-brimmed, smelling of leather.

The identical expressions of stupefaction on Steve and Teddy's faces were priceless.

"Tommy," Cap said after a long moment, rallying. "Why—and how—are you wearing a pirate hat?"

Tommy grinned. "I guess Billy ended up with my superspeed, which left me with his reality-warping powers."

Twin expressions of complete horror. Tommy wondered if Teddy, being a shapeshifter, was subconciously duplicating Steve's exact expressions.

"What?" Tommy said, raising an eyebrow, grin delightfully mischievous. "I'm not gonna fuck up the world that much."

Maybe he should, though. Because the world was too fucking fast and he was not liking this one bit. He'd thought it was aggravating having to wait for everybody and everything to catch up, but now that he was moving and thinking at their speed again, he remembered how much worse things were this way.

This sucked. This fucking sucked.

But, he had reality-warping powers. So things didn't suck quite so bad.

He grinned as ideas started popping into his head, scrambling to his feet. "Oh, this is great," he said, and relished the way Steve and Teddy looked impossibly more horrified.

Okay, Teddy was definitely using his shapeshifty powers to mimick Cap's expressions, because that was way too fucking close to be possible otherwise.

"Maybe you should sit down—" Steve started to suggest, only to be cut off by a loud, rude "Oomph!" from Teddy.

Although, it wasn't exactly Teddy's fault he'd been so rude, because he'd just been bowled into by a speeding Billy, who was holding onto the large green alien as if his very life depended on it, shaking, brown eyes wide.

Looked like Billy wasn't handling superspeed too well.

Tommy smirked at his brother. Take that, sucker.

Tommy could change the fucking world, and he would enjoy it.

No. No no no no no no no no nonononono. This was not good. This was not good!

Billy turned and ran back to the Slaymaster base.

This couldn't be happening. There was no way that this was happening. There had to be a way to reverse this.

"Teddy!" he shouted desperately, spotting his boyfriend and forgetting to slow down as he rammed the handsomely muscular alien with a hug.

At the collision Teddy made a noise as the air was partially knocked out of him, but he moved his arms down and around Billy, steadily holding him steady.

Everything was so slow. It was like Billy was the only person alive in all the world.

As he watched, Tommy looked at him, lips pulling up into a smirk.

Closing his eyes, Billy twisted so that he could hug his boyfriend tighter and bury his head in Teddy's shoulder.

Billy didn't want to be awake. He was just dreaming, right? Surely this was just a dream. Any moment now, he'd wake up, panting, and then start laughing at the ridiculousness of the dream, and then Teddy would come in to see what had Billy laughing so hard in the middle of the night, and Billy would tell Teddy about his dream, and then they'd both be laughing.

Surely, that was how this was going to happen. Because this was not real. It couldn't be.

But no, he could hear Teddy's heartbeat, impracticably slow, a thump after every period of forever.

Billy couldn't stop shaking.

"Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, ccccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllmmmmmmmmmmmmmm dddddddddddddddddooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn."

What? What was Teddy even saying? Was that how everybody sounded to Tommy, all the time?

Poor Tommy. How could he stand it?

"Billy," Teddy said slowly, comfortingly, as he held the vibrating brunette in his big green arms, "calm down."

Tommy rolled his eyes. "You're doing it wrong, Tedster."

Teddy looked at him uncomprehendingly.

Tommy sighed, rolling his eyes again. "You don't slow your words down to calm him, that just makes it harder for him to understand. If you want to help him, you'll talk as fast as you possibly can. Like this." Tommy walked over, tapping Billy on the shoulder.

Scared brown eyes met his.

"Stop vibrating," Tommy ordered, voice fast and clipped. "You keep shaking like that and you'll blow your boyfriend up."

Billy stopped shaking. His mouth moved at impossible speeds. All that came out was incoherent gibberish, like someone had taken a sentence between their hands and smashed both ends together.

If that was what Tommy sounded like when he was talking at superspeed, he guessed he couldn't really blame people for getting frustrated with him.

"Drawl your words out," Tommy told him. "Like you're trying to tell me something but I'm incredibly stupid."

"Ican'tstandthisthisisawfulhowdoyoustandit?" Billy blurted, managing to slow it down to a level that was mostly comprehensible. "Andwhyareyouwearingapiratehat?"

"There's a horse tranquilizer in the Blackbird's glove compartment if you want it," Tommy told him. "Don't worry, I'm going to find a way to fix this. You can sleep. When you wake up, everything will be back to normal, I promise."

Billy was gone.

"What?!" Teddy demanded, turning on the white-haired mutant. "A horse tranquilizer dart?! Why would you—?!"

"Enough to kill an elephant," Tommy shrugged. "It should keep him out for about an hour. I think him being unconscious is better than him freaking out and accidentally blowing everything up, don't you?"

Teddy clenched his jaw. Okay, this time Steve was copying Teddy's expression. Maybe Steve was a shapeshifter too. Ooh, maybe Steve was a Skrull! That would be funny.

"Actually, I'm surprised he hasn't blown something up already," Tommy admitted, glancing aside and scuffing a boot against the ground, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. He looked back up at Teddy with a wry smile. "I blew up my entire school as soon as I got my powers. It's harder to control than you would think, Teds."

And then Billy was back with a large hypodermic needle, injecting the substance into his arm and falling immediately unconscious, eyes rolled back into his head and body completely limp.

Teddy caught him just in time, picking the slim brunette up and holding him in his huge green arms, like all the dudes pick up unconscious or injured girls in movies. Or like a mother cradling a baby. Pick a simile.

"Can you fix this?" Steve asked the white-haired teen, who was still wearing the ridiculous black pirate captain hat with a white skull and crossbones on the front.

"Sure," Tommy said, waving a hand flippantly as he started walking towards the bunker's exit. "I can warp reality, remember? These powers can't be that hard. I'm sure I'll figure them out."

"That's what I'm worried about," Steve muttered under his breath.

Billy was going to explode. He was sure of it.

There was all this crazy energy inside, bursting to get out, kind of like the feeling of wearing headphones with the music playing at such a deafening volume that it hurts, except that feeling was in Billy's entire body, not just his head, and why was it so hard to think?

It hadn't felt this bad at first, but it was like the superspeed had started tearing and eating away at his mind. Or maybe like putting your hand into a bag of ice and rocksalt and seeing how long you could hold it there, where the longer you hold it the colder and more unbearably painful it gets until you can't stand it.

Everything was too sharp. The world hurt.

It was like a film across his eyes had been peeled off, like having lived your whole life with dark sunglasses only to have them suddenly disappear, and be left with brilliant, blinding reality that was far, far too bright.

Gods, he'd known that Tommy lived at a different speed, but he didn't realize just how drastically Tommy felt and heard and saw the world differently. It really was like an entirely different world.

Billy had no idea how Tommy could stand it.

He was going to explode.

He'd lost control of his magic, once. He felt, right now, like he had then, before he lost control and magic blasted everywhere and left twenty armed terrorists comatose.

But this time, he knew if he lost it that it would be worse. Because there was no chance of him rendering people just comatose.

No, if he lost control of these speedster powers now, everything would be kinetically exploded.

Gone, dead, gone, like it never existed.

"Thheerre'ss a hooorsse traaanquuuiiilizeerr iinn thhe Blaaackbiiird's glooove commmpaartmennt ifff youuu waaannt iit," Tommy was saying, and oh thank you, thank you Tommy for being mostly understandable, and a horse tranquilizer, did you say? "Dooonnn't wooorrrryy, I'mm gooiiingg tooo fiinnd aa waayyy tooo fiixxx thhhiiss. Youuu caaan ssleeeeeep." Sleep. Yes. Please. "Wheeennn youuu waaaake uuup, everyyyythiinggg willlll beee baaaack tooo nooorrmmalll, Iiii prooommmiissse."

It didn't really seem fair to leave Tommy with the burden of figuring this out, but Billy felt this energy bursting inside him, and he couldn't stand this ouch it hurt ouch unconsciousness sounded so incredibly blissful and safe right now.

The Blackbird. Get to the blackbird.

Past the poor confused Hawkeye.

The glove compartment. Where was the glove compartment? Gods, the glove compartment? There were like hundreds in this futzing ship! Shh, okay, okay, calm down Billy, you're a speedster now, it won't take you that long to search them all.

Except that it felt like it did. He'd kind of thought that Tommy, because he was faster, it felt like he did things faster, too, except that it didn't. Billy still felt like he was searching the glove compartments at normal speed, except that when he dropped things they hovered there in the air falling slower than feathers because gravity was slower than he was. So creepy. Man, how much time had passed since he'd gotten this superspeed? Minutes? It felt like hours.

There! Tranquilizer dart. Yes.

The metal pressed against his skin.

Wait, no. Not here.

Billy ran back out, past the poor confused Hawkeye again.

Teddy. Get to Teddy. Get to safety.

There, beautiful blue eyes in a handsome face, distinguished muscles, a sweep of blond bangs almost in his eyes, and oh but Teddy was hot with green skin. Of course, he was hot all the time, but still.

Needle. Tranq. Skin. Sleep.

The needle pierced his skin and he squeezed the contents into his blood stream.

Black washed over him. Yes, good. Can't hurt anyone if he's unconscious.

Blackness. Nothingness.

Nothing.

Really, Teddy and Steve should have put up more effort in trying to keep Tommy in some way restrained. But Tommy wanted them to ignore him and let him play with these reality warping powers in peace. He couldn't have them spoiling his fun.

So: Iwantthemtoingoremeandpretendit'snotabigdeal, repeated over and over in his head, thought with all of his want imbued in the words.

ForgetaboutmeforthenexthourandgotakecareofBillyandturnthewannabeSlaymasterovertotheauthoritiesorwhateveryou'regonnadowithhim, Tommy thought at them. And it seemed to be working. Wow, minds were so malleable! TellHawkeyethattherewasanelectricblastthatknockedBillyoutandthatIranofftogetsomethingbutI'llbeback.

Ha. This was fun!

Tommy walked around in the open, invisible to everyone's eyes due to this awesome magic. Turned out that Billy was really powerful. Just incredibly restrained and incredibly uncreative.

Wow, all the things that Billy didn't do. No wonder he so serious, when the merest thought could shape things to his whim.

Fortunately—or perhaps unfortunately—Tommy did not possess Billy's sense of restraint or responsibility.

IwanttheskytobegreenIwanttheskytobegreenIwanttheskytobegreen.

Tommy blinked, looking up at the sky that was now a rather awesome emerald color. Huh. He hadn't actually expected that to work.

He grinned. There was a rather ominous glint to his green eyes. Or maybe that was just from the strange lighting of the emerald sky.

IwanttoflyIwanttoflyIwantto he thought, and felt himself rise into the air, levitating. It was... somehow less thrilling than he'd thought it would be. Kind of like swimming in water, except be able to move with far less effort—it took only a thought to send him rocketing over the treetops, he didn't even have to make a gesture—and being able to breath, of course, and the air obviously wasn't as heavy as water, and you didn't get wet, which was always nice.

He looked down on the ground he'd left several hundred feet below, frowning to himself. There was no thrill in this. It was so slow; gentle, even. And why was the world so damn blurry? He squinted, trying to make out Hawkeye down below, but the purple-clad Avenger was a tiny blob disappeared into the green of the park.

He should've been able to see him. He hadn't before realized that better eyesight was part of his superspeed powers, but apparently it was. But then, that made sense, now that he thought about it. At the speeds he'd been able to travel, he had to be able to see farther or else he'd be running out of the range of his sight. Like driving too fast in a car at night and driving beyond the range of the headlights. Being able to move faster meant you needed a farther range of sight in order to give you enough reaction time.

But now Tommy didn't have his superspeed vision, and the world was all blurry and soft.

Ugh.

Tommy let go of his magic, allowing himself to freefall toward the ground.

Shit! Fuck fucking shit! He quickly grabbed hold of his magic again, catching himself fifty or so feet above the ground. He'd forgotten how fast gravity was when you weren't a speedster that could run faster than a Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird.

Heh, well, at least that drop got his heart beating nice and fast. Adrenalin rush!

Setting himself down on the ground, Tommy raked a hand through his white hair thoughtfully. Let's see, what else had he seen Billy do with this crazy magic crap...

Tracking and locating others... no reason to use that in this situation... illusionary disguises... again, no point... tearing down force-fields... except that there weren't any force-fields to tear down... mass teleportation... no people to teleport, to place to teleport, no reason to teleport... concussive blasts... nothing to hit... enchantments... um... astral projection... he didn't really understand that shit... telekinetic force beams... if only there was something to hit... pyrokinesis... oh hey, that could be fun!

With a desire, Tommy brought to life a fire in the air before him, which twisted into a flaming horse and galloped around Tommy's head.

How the fire was even burning in the air with no fuel, Tommy had no idea. This fucking magical crap didn't make any sense. But whatever, he didn't need it to. He just needed it to do what he wanted it to do, natural laws of the universe be damned.

The horse disappeared. Eh, playing with fire was boring.

Tommy crossed his arms and frowned. Okay, time to start thinking not about what Billy had done with his magic, but what Billy hadn't done.

Billy hadn't changed the color of the sky. Heh. Already done.

Billy hadn't wished himself a pirate hat. A shame, really. Tommy liked the hat. And if Tommy looked good in a pirate hat, Billy probably would, too. They were basically identical twins, after all.

Okay. Think about what the limits of Billy's powers are. Think about how you can push those limits.

...Assuming these reality-warping powers even had a limit. Maybe they didn't. That would be interesting to test.

Hm.

Tommy stared at the ground several feet away, narrowing his eyes. Iwanttheretobeafullgrowntreetherethatbearsrunningshoesinsteadoffruit.

The soil cracked, and out twined a small green seedling, that quickly grew and grew and grew into a large tree, trunk filling out, boughs filling with leaves, colorful blossoms growing then falling away as colorful running shoes took their places.

Tommy's jaw dropped. Unreal. He walked over to the tree, reaching up to pick a pair of shoes.

They were his size.

He put them on over his suit, shifting his weight as he tested them.

They were comfortable.

Weird. Weird, but awesome.

Well, at least, it was awesome, until Tommy remembered that he no longer had his superspeed and so no longer wore through a pair of shoes every few days or so.

He frowned, turning in a circle to inspect the world. The world was his ball of clay.

Endless possibilities. Overwhelming. Endless...

...This was fucking stupid. Tommy didn't like these powers.

He scowled. IwantBillyandItohaveourrealpowersbackIwantBillyandItohaveourrealpowersbackIwantBillyandItohaveourrealpowersback.

Nothing happened.

Tommy's scowl deepened. Maybe it was all about the wording. IwanttohavesuperspeedandforBillytohavethsestupidrealitywarpingpowersbackIwanttohavesuperspeedandforBillytohavethsestupidrealitywarpingpowersback.

Nothing. And Tommy wanted this far more than he'd wanted that pirate hat, or the sky to be green, or to have a tree that grew an unlimited supply of shoes.

This sucked. Maybe the powers had worn off or something. He'd better test that.

Iwantthatrockovertheretoexplodeintogoldsparkles.

BOOM! Gold sparkles everywhere, drifting through the air like pollen.

Okay, magic still worked. Let's try this again.

IwantthispowerswaptohaveneverhappenedinpastpresentorfutureIwantthispowerswaptohaveneverhappenedinpastpresentorfuture.

...Nope. Apparently that didn't work either.

Damn, it was like these powers were designed to be abused. Designed to allow you to tear everything apart but not to fix it.

IwantallthesupervillainsansintheworldtodisappearIwantallthesupervillainsintheworldtodisappearIwant...

Oh, wait. Who knew if that had even worked.

Tommy glared at the ground. His vision was so blurry and soft. His shadow was lengthening—he could actually practically see his shadow lengthening, evidence of the time that was zooming by. He didn't know if it had been a hour yet or not.

He tried running, but he only got to the edge of the park before he gave up, because it took for-fucking-ever just to run a measly mile.

Wow, this sucked. This sucked worse than suck.

He was normal. Oh, dammit, he was normal.

Well, aside from the being able to bend reality to his whim.

But he used to possess power to move and accelerate at speeds far beyond those of normal human beings. His physiology had been designed to move at high speeds which also granted him superhuman reflexes, agility, and durability.

He used to possess a high amount of superhuman strength in his lower body, allowing him to lift around 1 ton, while his upper body was strengthened to the point where he could lift around 800 lbs.

His top speed had been unknown, but he could far exceed the speed of sound and resist the effects of friction, reduced oxygen, and kinetic impact while moving at those speeds.

He used to be fast enough to run across the surface tension of a body of water without sinking. And not only that, but his mind could operate in an accelerated state, allowing him to read in super speed and remember everything he'd seen.

He used to be able to generate hyperkinetic vibrations that accelerated the molecules in matter, causing any solid object he directs his vibrations at to explode.

He used to be able to accelerate his molecules (or even those of small groups of people) and vibrate fast enough to pass through solid matter, such as walls.

He used to be perfect.

But now... now he was normal. His body and mind were moving at a sluggish pace. And the world was moving far, far too fast, and these stupid reality warping powers couldn't give him the one thing that he really wanted.

And dammit, if Billy hadn't woken up yet, he no doubt would be waking up soon, and then everything would explode, and he'd have disappointed and lie to his brother, not that that really mattered anyway because they'd all be dead.

Maybe he should just save Billy the trouble and blow up the world before he came around.

Dammit, if only theworldwouldslowthefuckdown...

Okay, he didn't actually expect the world to slow down for him. But now as he glanced around, the world seemed to be frozen in slow-motion, the cars oozing down the road, the birds suspended in the sky. And he supposed it was kinda like living at superspeed, except not, because the world being slow didn't actually make him any faster, and when he picked up a rock and shook and shook and shook it, it didn't so much as show a sign of blowing up.

He glared at it. Ifonlythestupidrockwouldblowup—

BOOM!

Bits of rock flew into his face.

Ouch.

Something furious and desperate was roiling in his gut now, burning like acid and churning like cream into butter.

Fucking dammit! Forget Juvie and being tortured by evil scientists—that was nothing, absolutely nothing, because this, right now, was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. This was the worst, the absolute fucking WORST.

Literally all he wanted right now was to have his superspeed back, and for Billy to have these stupid fucking reality warping powers back, and for none of this to have happened, and dammit these powers seemed to be able to give him whatever the hell he wanted except for what he actually wanted.

He literally just wanted to have whatever crazy fucking science gizmo that had done this to him and his brother in his hands, so that he could use it to reverse what it had done, to—

A blue shimmer and there was a crazy fucking science gizmo in his hands.

When Billy woke up, the first thing he saw was a green sky.

"What the...?" he groaned, sitting up and rubbing his sore neck. "What happened? Where am I?"

"Billy, you're awake!" Teddy said happily, dashing over to where the brunette was lying on the grass, pulling him into a hug.

"My questions?" Billy prompted, even as he returned the hug.

"Oh, well," Teddy loosened his grip and glanced away, over at where Tommy was lying prostrate on the ground and moaning into the grass, making noises that sounded like something dying a very slow and painful death. "You see, apparently in Slaymaster's base there was this weapon that switched people's powers, and you and Tommy's powers got switched, and you ended up with superspeed and then knocked yourself out with a tranquilizer."

"I kind of remember that," Billy admitted, shuddering.

"And Tommy ended up with your reality warping powers, and, uhh..." Teddy stood up, holding out a hand to help Billy to his feet. "Well, you'd better see for yourself."

It was only then that Billy realized that the sky was green. Not even a natural green, like one you might see at sunset, but an honest-to-the-gods emerald.

And not only that, but several feet away there was a tree that he knew hadn't been there before even though it looked like it must have been growing there forever, and instead of fruit its branches were filled with running shoes of all different colors.

There was also a random pirate hat on the ground.

Billy just stared for a few moments. "Is... is that it?" he asked finally.

"We think so," Teddy said. "But, uhh, Tommy isn't exactly in the best condition to tell us..."

They both glanced at the speedster, who was still lying there moaning into the dirt.

Several feet away, Steve and Clint were discussing something, but that didn't really matter. What mattered was Tommy, and Billy was concerned.

"Is he okay?" Billy asked, approaching his brother, kneeling down to check Tommy's pulse, finding it to be a reassuring thrum beneath his fingers. "What happened to him?"

Usually Tommy hated it when people talked about him like he wasn't there, but right now he didn't even appear to be listening. He just kept clinging to the ground and making pathetic suffering noises.

"As far as we can tell, he's perfectly healthy physically," Teddy said, considering the white-haired mutant for a moment. "The only conclusion that we can come to is that he's traumatized."

Tommy chose that moment to whimper: "Billy, you're powers fucking suck, bro."

"Yeah, well, yours do too," Billy shot back. The lurid green sky caught his attention again. "Looks like I'm going to be cleaning up your mess. Why did you want the sky to be green and a tree full of shoes?"

Tommy groaned piteously.

Several months later...

"Hey," Clint remarked. "It's been months since our last skirmish with a supervillain. What the hell happened to them all?"

END.

AN: Um... I have tense problems? And I abused the English language? What are you talking about? I intentionally defenestrated all that bogus rule stuff. My sister is going to hate me.

This story was just written for fun, and because I like craziness. And it was just posted in case anybody else might enjoy it despite - or perhaps because - of that craziness. Um. Don't think about things too hard?