A/N: Prompt 57: Lunch. So this has been going round my head about the 2P Baltics, so I wrote a thing. As there is very little on the 2P Baltics as cannon, this is literally how I see them. And the names are just common names from those nations…

Klāvs is Latvia

Koit is Estonia

Vladas is Lithuania

So enjoy!

Why me?

It wasn't often that Viktor wished he could swap places with his slightly insane other side. Actually, it sometimes was pretty common for Viktor to think that Ivan's world would just be so much easier than his own. For one, most of Ivan's lot were slightly more balanced. And there was no Oliver. Those were certainly upsides. But he wasn't sure he could deal with Ivan's Belarus and the amount of wimps would probably piss him off after a while. But there was one huge advantage to Ivan's world.

The Baltics.

Viktor had gone over for lunch, to discuss business with Ivan and there they were. Quiet, obedient, oppressed and terrified. Ivan had told them to make lunch and they had literally jumped to the task. Viktor had been astounded. So, naturally, he had asked the other Russian how he did it. The conversation went as follows:

"Ivan, how do you get them to do that?"

"Who to do what?"

"The Baltics to be so obedient and quiet?"

"Oh, it is quite easy, da? If they are not, I have the magic pipe of pain!" Viktor frowned. Somehow, he didn't think his Baltics would take well to this. But he thought he might as well try it. So, after finishing his business with Ivan and heading home, he put his idea into practise.

"Klāvs, clear the table from lunch." The Latvian just looked up at him, those red eyes cold and disbelieving.

"Viktor, would you like me to remove your genitalia with a blunt scythe? No? Then, I suggest you never give me an order again." Viktor was about to argue, but the boy looked deadly serious and so he just stepped back. Perhaps, Latvia wasn't the best to order. After all, he was completely unafraid of everything. So, Viktor headed to Estonia's room, where the boy spent literally all of his time.

"Koit, clean up from lunch." The boy didn't even look up. "Koit, clean up, now!"

"Or what, Vik? I'm busy, do it yourself."

"Clean up or I'll beat your brains out with my pipe."

"Well, if you did that, I still wouldn't be able to do it, on account of being dead or unconscious," pointed out the Estonian dryly, looking up at the Russian. Said Russian scowled.

"Clean up, now." Koit just ignored him and so Viktor raised his pipe to strike the Estonian but before it hit the boy, Koit raised his axe and caught the blow without even looking at him.

"Go find someone else to try and terrify into doing your will." So, it appeared that Koit was not going to be cleaning up. Viktor sighed and headed to find Vladas, now with little hope.

"Vladas, clear the table." There was a very long pause in which the Lithuanian looked up from cleaning his gun.

"Order me again and I will place the barrel of this gun where the sun doesn't fucking shine. Got it?"

And this, realised Viktor, was the main reason he preferred Ivan's side.