Ahhh! Gotta upload quick before I have to get back to work! Eeek! Enjoy!

Chapter 3

I stared at the men, or should I say turtles assembled before me, trying to figure out where to let my eyes linger. They were each clad in a slightly different shade of green lycra. Head to toe. My gaze had yet to settle anywhere, drawn to the bulges of muscles that the skin tight material exposed. My only saving grace was that the shells they also wore covered their crotches, otherwise I think I probably would have been staring open mouthed, and Ranger would have dragged me off by now. Each man held an animatronic mutant turtle head with a different coloured mask over the eyes. Lester's was orange, Bobby's, purple, Ranger's blue and Tank's Red.

Speaking of the largest man, he was looking particularly surly today.

"What's wrong, Tank?" I asked. "I thought you'd be excited that this would almost be over. Just another couple of hours and you'll never have to even hear mention of the Ninja Turtles again."

Rather than reply, Tank whipped out his weapons – two three pronged pointy things, who's name I'd forgotten promptly after being told – and examined them with a stoic expression. I turned my questioning glance to Lester instead, since he was always the most forthcoming with answers.

"Ranger and Tank have both been practicing with the Katana and Sai," he explained. "They finally agreed that Tank should be Leo a couple of days ago, but then the costumes turned up and the Leo costume wouldn't fit him. Ella ordered the Raph costume for him instead, so now he has to be Raph."

Eyeing the costumes, I figured the only difference was the size of the shell and unitard each guy was wearing. "Why not just swap shells with Ranger, then?" I suggested.

"It's not that simple, Babe," Ranger informed me. "The shells are attached to the lycra."

"Of course they are," I sighed. "Okay, well we'll just have to soldier on. How's my wig?" I fluffed the fake red hair before adjusting my banana yellow jacket.

"Perfect," Lester confirmed.

"We should get going," Bobby pointed out. "The party's supposed to start in five minutes."

I nodded and took the car keys from Ranger so he could put on the three fingered gloves to complete the look. I got them all to put their heads on before we left Ranger's apartment and piled into the elevator, making sure to stop off at the fourth floor so that the men on duty got a chance to see their superiors in ridiculous costume. We posed for a few photos in front of the elevators and I had no doubt that the pictures would be plastered all over the command centre when we got back.

Watching the four of them clamber into the green van Ranger had hired for the occasion was almost comical, Bobby knocked his head on roof while the seat belt kept sliding out of Lester's fingers. Tank sat in the very back nearest the hatch door, facing the window and giving off pissy vibes. I seriously hoped he lightened up a little before we got there. Nobody liked a moody performer. Ranger slid into the passenger seat beside me and buckled up without incident and I'd just turned the key in the ignition when Lester leaned forward, a CD in his outstretched, three fingered hand.

"Chuck this in and crank it," he requested.

I did as he said, but the loud music was almost drowned out by a bellow from the far back seat. "FOR CHRIST SAKE LESTER! IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS STUPID SONG ONE MORE TIME I WILL SHOVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR OWN ASS!"

Startled, I turned a questioning glance toward Ranger.

"It's the old Ninja Turtles theme tune," he explained, his voice muffled by the head he wore. "Lester insisted on playing it while we were training to get us in the mood.

"Did it work?" I asked, putting the van in gear and backing out of the parking space. We now had ten minutes before Mary Lou was expecting us to turn up and it would take twelve to get there. It was time we were on the road.

"You tell me," Ranger muttered.

"That's great, Tank," Lester was saying enthusiastically in the back. "Now just channel that anger into your character and we'll be good as gold."

"Is anyone else's suit riding up on them?" Bobby asked.

A sigh escaped me before I could stop it. What had I gotten myself into? I'd given Lester authority over everything, which always went to his head. Tank was in a grump because he didn't get his way, not that he'd wanted to be involved in the first place. It would be a miracle if we got through today without him threatening one of the kids. Bobby was going along amicably enough, despite his apparently perpetual wedgie. And Ranger… well, let's just say I'd had to promise a few things for after the party was over in order to keep him on the team. I really REALLY hoped Kenny appreciated everything I'd put these guys through for him.

As we turned into Mary Lou's street, I flipped a switch on the dash to send the theme tune through the external sound system we'd had Hank rig up this morning. Now the entire neighbourhood would be subjected to the song against their will. Not just Tank. I drove past the front of Mary Lou's house and continued down the street and around to the ally that ran past the back. The plan was to make our grand entrance straight into the backyard.

"Right," I said over my shoulder as I turned the corner. "Does everyone have their heads on straight? It's almost show time."

"Locked and loaded," Bobby confirmed.

"Tank, remember to be entertaining," Lester said.

In the rear view mirror I saw Tank's animatronic head turn to face Lester, it's features forming into something that vaguely resembled a frown. "When this is over I'll show you how entertaining I can be."

To my surprise, Lester's head light up in a grin. "You DID do your homework!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. "That is exactly what Raph says! Oh, I'm so proud of you."

Ranger turned around in his seat then, attempting to spear Lester with his sharp glare. The effect was fairly useless with the head in the way though. "Lester, pipe down before someone knocks your head off, for real."

"Aw, come one, Ranger," Bobby said. "Give him a break! He's living out one of his childhood dreams!"

"Early adulthood dreams," I corrected, reminding everyone of the fact that he'd been watching Ninja Turtles when they all first joined the Army.

"That too," Bobby agreed.

By this point, I was pulling into the empty space at the curb directly behind Mary Lou's backyard. No sooner had the van stopped than Lester had the back door open and was performing some kind of tuck and roll out onto the sidewalk.

"Cowabunga, dudes and dudettes!" he cried, springing up onto his feet before he ran into the fence that separated himself from the children that had crowded around. They were all, I noticed, in various degrees of turtle costumes, and fan clothing. Some with the tin roast pan shells, other with the store bought costumes, and still more in licensed t-shirts with strips of colour cloth turned into masks. Most were blue or red for Leonard and Raphael, with a bunch of orange for Michelangelo and a handful of purple for Donatello. "I hear it's some little dude's birthday," Lester continued, hopping the fence with ease while Ranger, Bobby and Tank exited the vehicle. I shut the music off and grabbed the video camera from the glove box before following them out.

Lester lead the kids in singing a comical version of the Happy Birthday song, alluding to the fact that Kenny smelled looked like a Kraang brain (whatever that was) and smelled like one too. Bobby got them all to back up a little so they could put on a display of the ninja moves they'd learned especially for the occasion and I was delighted to hear the whoops and cheers from the kids.

Watching Lester bounce around and flip like a gymnast, I wondered how he'd never shown the ability before. It obviously wasn't the kind of thing you mastered in a week, which was all the time they'd had to prepare. Bobby, Tank and Ranger did some kicking and swinging of their weapons while they called out some iconic catch phrases from the show. And then there was an awkward moment.

Having just landed from one of his jumps, Lester was tossing around his nun chucks enthusiastically, launching one in the air and sticking his hand out to catch it, but it didn't land where he was expecting. Instead of returning almost gracefully to his hand like he'd apparently practiced, the nun chucks came down with a heavy thunk, connecting with his upturned forehead. In the next second Lester was flat on his back on the ground.

The kids cheered, unaware that this was not part of the act and Bobby leaned over him, using the end of his staff to knock on the head. "Mikey, you dead?" Bobby asked.

"Dude," Lester uttered, sitting up and shaking his head with exaggerated movements.

"He's okay, folks!" Bobby called out.

The kids whooped again as Lester got to his feet and I moved in for a close up and to pan the crowd. "Alright, kids! It's photo time!" I called, knowing that a) the kids would want to have a picture to remember the day, and b) it would annoy the hell out of Tank to have the children so close to him. Tank didn't respond well to persons under four feet. He said it was because he just couldn't relate to kids, but I knew it was because he was scared he'd accidentally break them.

Arguments started up all around me as the boys tried to get in for their picture first. It only took one kid raising a fist to another for Mary Lou to step up to the plate with her Mom Voice on. "You'll all get your turn!" she yelled, surprising me with the power she exuded. She'd always been the quiet one in high school. "EVERYONE will be crowding in for a group shot first. Then we'll cycle through the individual shots. You WILL make one line. If you punch, kick, bite, slap, or otherwise lay hand or other body part on another person you will go STRAIGHT to the back of the line."

"Woah," I muttered, backing up so I was stood beside her while the kids gathered around the Ninja Turtles and Lenny moved in with his camera to start taking photos. "Can you teach me that?"

Mary Lou shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest nonchalantly. "It's a mom thing," she informed me. "You'll learn it when you get fed up with the fighting and ignorance."

"Right," I nodded, silently acknowledging the likelihood, or lack thereof, of me getting to such a point in my life.

"I have to admit," she mentioned. "They've done a fantastic job. What did you have to promise them to get them to agree to do this for me?"

Unbidden, a chuckle escaped my throat. "A bunch of different things," I explained. "Ranger gets uninterrupted bedroom time, if you know what I mean." She let out a moan to show that she knew exactly what I meant. "Bobby gets a pizza lunch on me. Lester asked for no recompense – this is pretty much his lifelong dream. And Tank…. Well, we're still negotiating."

"Tank is the big one, right?" she asked. "The one dressed as Raph?"

"Yeah," I confirmed. "He wasn't exactly thrilled to be dressing up for kids' party."

"Good thing he's got the head on, then," she pointed out.

"Tell me about it," I agreed. "It doesn't stop the laser glares from reaching me though. I have a feeling I'll be covering his monitor duty for at least a month before he'll be happy."

Mary Lou wrapped her arm around my shoulders in consolation. "That's rough," she said. "But I really appreciate it. I've got a case of beer in the house for the guys to say thanks."

We sat at the outdoor setting while the kids started filing through to get their individual and small group photos, and I eyed the cake located at the other end of the table. Mary Lou, being the great friend she was, knew that I would be craving the cake and had prepared spare just for me. Individual sized, of course. I'm not a complete guts. I was half way through my cake when one of the phones the guys had had me pocket, since they didn't have their own, started ringing. I pulled it out of my jacket and double checked the sticker label we'd stuck on them all before answering.

"Ranger's phone, Stephanie speaking," I greeted.

"Steph?" came Cal's frantic voice. "Where's Ranger? We've got a situation."

"He's entertaining the children," I explained. "Can it wait?"

"We've got a lead on Dobrogosz," he said. "I'm sending the details through as we speak. Think you can get the guys there?"

"Uh…" I uhhed, looking from the massive line still rimming the backyard, to the guys still in their turtle costumes, to Mary Lou, surreptitiously sneaking bites of my cake while I wasn't looking.

"Is that the bat signal?" she asked quietly. I nodded. "I got this," she assured me.

"I think we'll be on our way in a minute or two," I told Cal. "It'll be interesting though…"

Mary Lou had climbed onto the table by this point and cupped her hands around her mouth. "Listen up!" she yelled. "Unfortunately, the Ninja Turtles have to dash off to save the city at the moment, but they'll try to make it back when everything is under control. Anyone who whines about not getting a picture doesn't get cake!"

There was a collective groan and I saw all four turtle heads swivel in my direction. I held up the phone and mouthed "Bat Signal". That was all the confirmation they needed before they were racing as fast as they could toward the van. Dear lord Dobrogosz wasn't gonna know what hit him.

There MIGHT be an epilogue... if you play your cards right. We'll see...