This is actually for one of the Young Justice Appreciation Month (on tumblr) prompts: Cliche Body Swap. Oh course my first thought was on the cliche part (Freaky Friday or a couple/UST pair switch bodies) but then my mind did the cupid shuffle to the left and went straight to the live action Scooby Doo movie. This is the result.
Warnings: cursing, body switching, entirely too much crude humor, groping, etc.
There was something odd about the way the Team moved as they exited the bioship. Batman did a quick cursory check, with the only one showing any obvious signs of injury being Aqualad (pinched face pointing towards a headache; blinking showing sensitivity to light; lagging behind the rest of the team in a sign of sluggishness). The way the others walked with mixed agitation and wariness, like their own skin was unsettling.
Batman was immediately suspicious, hundreds of possibilities bloomed in his mind.
"Report," he ground out, not giving the Team a chance to gather themselves. The command did not seem to surprise any of the teenagers and the Dark Knight decided to rule out imposters.
"There has been…" Aqualad began but struggled to find the proper wording, "An incident."
"An incident?" Batman repeated, narrowing his eyes at the teen leader. Superboy interrupted, crossing his arms as he did so.
"It's called Kid Idiot over there is the dumbest person on the fucking planet," the clone huffed, throwing a glare at Artemis. The Dark Knight blinked underneath his cowl, thankful that it covered the involuntary reaction.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I didn't touch it!" the blonde teen exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air and nearly smacking Robin with her hair. The Boy Wonder scowled at the archer and crossed his arms with a loud huff, turning his glare to the ground. Miss Martian gave an uncharacteristic snicker as she lounged contently in midair.
"Explain to me," Batman interrupted what he could tell was an impending fight, his gaze flickered over to Robin who was still glaring at the floor, apparently sulking before he looked up at Miss Martian who was still lazily floating in the air above him. The Martian looked down at him and tossed him a playful wink before disappearing, "How you all managed to switch bodies?" The other teens all turned to stare at him, some more startled than others.
"How the hell did you-" Artemis exclaimed before Superboy punched her in the arm. There was no doubt in Batman's mind that they were in fact Kid Flash and Artemis respectively.
"Kid Klutz over there broke the Daemon Ritus," Miss Martian, who Batman had realized was Robin, reappeared behind the two fighting teens, causing the two to startle violently. Robin cackled, his voice higher than normal but the inflection was still distinctly his.
"What the fuck?" Artemis- Kid Flash- swore.
"This is not Scooby Doo," Superboy-Artemis- huffed, tossing her head grandly which would have been more impressive if Conner's hair was longer, "And did that thing hate us so much that it gave the biggest freaking troll in the universe the body with psychic abilities." Robin just continued to giggle as he floated back into the air, obviously reveling in the ability to fly without falling. Batman almost smiled.
"I didn't touch it!" Kid Flash protested, getting back to the subject at hand as he waved his arms around angrily.
"You were standing closest to it," Robin pointed out gleefully, staring at his hand as it began to change shape and colors. The speedster started sputtering indignantly, though it may as well have been from the mouth full of hair he had gotten when he whirled around to look at the floating teen.
"Dammit, it wasn't me!" the newly blonde teen protested before turning to glare at Artemis, "How the hell do you deal with all this hair? And the boobs! They're so fucking heavy! How do you not have back problems?" he exclaimed, grasping his chest firmly as he glared down at them. He squeezed them and yelped when Artemis punched him in the arm for a second time.
"Stop touching my boobs!" she scolded him, her face turning red. Kid Flash winced and Batman wondered if Artemis knew how much of Superboy's strength she was using.
"But they're so squishy. And they just sit there!" He whined, letting go of his chest but still glaring down at them. Artemis huffed and crossed her arms.
"There you have it, folks: actual proof that 'ladies' man' Wally West has never touched a boob before."
"I have too!" Kid Flash protested, flushing angrily.
"No you haven't," Robin interrupted before the argument can go any further. Artemis threw a triumphant smirk at the once again sputtering Kid Flash.
"Dude!"
"Can we just focus on the problem?" Superboy growled, "I don't like this. I'm tiny."
"Hey, being small has its advantages," Robin protested, floating lazily over the grumpy super teen, "Not all of us can be a hulking mass of muscle."
"Did you bring the relic with you?" Batman interrupted, wanting to cut straight to the point and get out of this mess of teenagers as quickly as possible.
"I have it!" Miss Martian proclaimed cheerfully, holding the relic out for the Dark Knight to see. She seemed to be the most at ease in her body- most likely due to her nature as a shape shifter. Of course, being in a speedster's body was a lot different than simply shape shifting into someone else. When she tried to walk it over to Batman, she ended up running forward and tripping at the sudden burst of speed.
The relic flew out of her hand at a startling speed. Artemis lunged for it- she hadn't lost her reflexes with the body switch it seemed- and she managed to catch it but she had unbalanced herself with the larger body, causing her to crash down next to the Martian turned speedster. She held the relic above her, staring at it in shock and triumph as it was thankfully unbroken before locking eyes with Miss Martian. The two burst into raucous laughter.
"I don't think I've ever heard Supey laugh this hard before," Kid Flash observed in surprise and Superboy let out a slightly embarrassed huff. Batman cleared his throat and the Team all turned their attention back towards him. Artemis pushed herself to her feet and helped the still giggling Miss Martian to hers before handing the relic to the Dark Knight.
"I will bring this to Doctor Fate," he told them, "When I come back you will have pulled yourselves' together and we will have a proper debriefing informing me of the events leading up to the incident as well as Aqualad's injury. Aqualad, come with me." He turned around without waiting for a response.
"Sir?" the Atlantean asked surprised but following the older hero nonetheless.
Batman didn't falter in his stride when he said, "You have obvious signs of head trauma. As the Mountain is otherwise unoccupied at the moment, I will be taking you to the Watchtower's infirmary." The remaining heroes stared after the pair as they left before turning to each other with reluctant expressions.
"Looks like we're stuck like this for a while," Artemis groaned and crossed her arms moodily, for a moment looking like the brooding super teen whose body she was stuck in.
"Maybe now Miss M will be able to transform into guys properly," Robin pointed out, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work as a grin spread across M'gann's face.
"Hello, Megan! That's right! Maybe something good will come out of this!"
"I don't know about that," Wally interjected, glaring at the suddenly smirking Robin who was drifting towards him slowly, "None of us are safe as long as Rob's got Megalicious's body and her powers." The floating acrobat just grinned at him.
"All I know is that I want Kid Hormone out of my body as soon as possible," Artemis huffed, shooting a suspicious glare at the speedster.
"He probably wouldn't know what to do with your body even if he wanted to," Robin reassured her, nudging Wally teasingly as he came to a stop beside him
"Dude!" the redhead turned blonde exclaimed, "Why would you?"
"I mean, if we stay in these bodies long enough, we're going to see everything anyway," M'gann pointed out with a growing blush. The other three who had switched genders all looked at each other in dawning horror, though Conner looked mostly unconcerned. He was continued to sulk on his loss of side but was secretly rather grateful- he definitely got the better end of the deal having on changed in size.
"Uhh, Miss M, I hate to pry but- how do Martians go to the bathroom? Do they even have to?" Robin asked, looking suddenly uncomfortable. M'gann stared at him with wide eyes.
"How do humans use the restroom?" she replied slightly hysterical.
"Another thing on the list of things I never thought I'd have to deal with, learning how to use a dick," Artemis muttered to herself, suddenly and uncomfortably aware of the changes to her body.
"I mean, well," Wally groped around for something to say, "We could always see this as a bonding experience?" he finished weakly and M'gann nodded blankly, still rather horror stricken by the recent revelations. Robin grinned wolfishly and Artemis was already groaning to herself before the troll even opened his mouth.
"Or on the job experience- we all know Wally needs it."
"Dude! So not cool."