Control. That word is what defined me. It was the characteristic my colleagues and mentors liked about me. It was the part of me my husband hated. It was the part of me that made me a great doctor, and a less than stellar wife, but control was slipping away. Maybe I never had control; maybe all I ever had was just the illusion of its presence.

The Edge of Control

I heard my name being called the moment I stepped out of the shower. I pulled my gray sweatpants up in a hurry and put on my favorite black tank top. I looked in the mirror; the reflection was of a comfortable, capable woman. There was beauty there, not that it really mattered anymore. Brian hardly noticed me.

"Ellen!" I heard Brian yell.

"Coming!"

I took one last look in the mirror and added a little eyeliner before stepping out. I followed the sound of Brian's voice down the stairs and to the living room where he, Jake, and Morgan were sitting, awkwardly still.

"What is it?"

My question was answered the moment those words slipped from my mouth. Standing across from my family, four bodies dressed in black military gear stood with guns pointed to my family. The strangers' faces were covered by ski masks. Behind them, three large black duffel bags laid out on the floor.

The man closest to me shifted his hand and the gun that was previously pointed to Brian's head was now pointed directly at me.

I was suddenly aware of every tiny detail I might normally ignore. I felt the drops of water drip from my hair onto my shoulders and back. I heard the beating of my heart. Smelled the scent of Brian's cologne, the one I had almost stopped noticing in our routine. Noticed the deep blue in the eyes of the man whose weapon threatened my life. I kept my sight on his eyes and extended my shaking arms out slowly as I tried to walk toward my family.

"Dr. Sanders, no one needs to get hurt if you do as I say."

His voice was clear and harsh. The way a parent or teacher would talk to a troubled kid. I had always been a good kid, a good student, and, later in life, a great doctor. I wasn't used to being talked to in that tone. The few times it happened was when a colleague, usually a man, tried to push me around to prove their worth. It never went unnoticed and it was always certainly met with as much resistance as I felt now. As soon as the anger washed over me, the shaking stopped.

"Oh, God! Please!" I cried out. Tears began streaming down my face. I'm not sure if it was out of fear or just plain anger, probably a bit of both.

The man with the blue eye pulled off his mask and in unison the remaining three followed. Three men and a woman held us captive, one for each person in my family.

"Dr. Sanders, I need to speak to you in private," he said. I nodded my head in agreement.

"Come upstairs with me," he ordered.

"Mom, no!" Jake and Morgan pleaded.

Brian stood up and grabbed my arm.

"No! You're not taking my wife!"

The man with the blue eyes walked over to us and grabbed Brian's hand off of me and pushed him back on the couch. I kept reassuring everyone that I was all right even if I didn't believe it. He, the man I assume to be the leader, put his gun back in his holster, put one hand around my arm and the other gently laid on my back and led me to the stairs. I heard Brian scream a loud "no." I turned to watch as Brian grabbed the glass vase from the coffee table and throw it toward the leader's head. The man with the blue eyes grabbed me quickly and pushed me to the wall across the staircase. The vase flew past where he and I had stood a moment ago and smashed against the kitchen island before shards of glass fell to the ground.

The bald man punched Brian and I heard myself scream his name. I didn't realize the leader was holding me until I tried to run toward Brian and felt the weight of his body stopping mine. I looked at him, I mean really looked at him for the first time. Looked at the gentleness in his gaze, the lines on his face, the sharp edges of his bone structure, the scruff around his mouth, and the softness of his lips. How could this man be doing this? Everything about his face felt reassuring and calming but his actions and his words were threatening and menacing.

"He's fine, Ellen."

It was the first time he'd said my name and he had said it with such a familiarity that I would have guessed he'd known me all his life.

"Come upstairs," he looked down at my bare feet, then back at my face and added, "and watch your step."

He moved aside but kept one hand on my arm as we walked up the stairs and to my bedroom. When he ordered me to sit down all I wanted to do remain standing just to spite him. My family, however, couldn't afford acts of rebellion from me, or Brian, so I sat down across from him. He leaned in close to me, so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"This is about the President, isn't it? You want, what? To kill him?"

The muscles around his mouth moved slightly and the faintest hint of a smile appeared and disappeared just as quickly.

"You're a smart woman, Ellen. In three days time you are going to help me kill the President."

"I can't do that!" I said.

He extended his arm and placed his hand over mine.

"You can and you will," he said as he gently squeezed my hand to reassure me, or perhaps to comfort me. I'm not sure which. "Less than thirty minutes prior to surgery you need to inject the President with this." He showed me a small vial of clear liquid.

"What is it?"

"It's TTX, it's a…"

"Tetrodotoxin, a neurotoxin that slows down the heart to the point that a patient appears dead. I know what it is."

"Of course," he said gently. "I apologize, I didn't intend to patronize you."

"You realize that this amount won't kill the President. This will just make it appear like he's dead but it'll wear off."

"Yes. If you administer this during the right time frame, the President will flatline soon after you open him up. It'll look like a regular unforeseen complication. As soon as the monitor flatlines the Secret Service agent in the OR will clear the room. You'll have five to seven minutes to extract bone marrow from the President."

"Bone Marrow?! What is this? What do you want with his bone marrow?" I pulled my hand out from under his.

"That is none of your concern, Ellen. All you need to know is that if you follow my directions you and your family will be free. Do you understand that?" he asked. His voice was firm now, much more determined.

I nodded my head and wiped the tears that had formed so suddenly. His hand, the one that held my hand a moment earlier and was now resting on my knee moved to pull out another vial from his pocket.

"Good. Once you're done extracting the bone marrow you will inject this vial of Potassium Chloride into his IV and he will be dead." Each of his hands had a vial, one clear and the other a milky white color.

"The surgery is scheduled for Monday. What are you going to do with us until then?" I asked.

"You will continue to go about your days as usual. You'll go to work when you have to and you'll be back here when you don't. Your kids and your husband will be here, in my custody, until then. They're my insurance policy. I know you, Ellen. I know you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their well-being."

"You'll never get away with this. You can't do this." I tried to control my voice, tried to rid myself of any sign of fear my facial expressions or voice might betray. He didn't answer or move. He just looked straight into my eyes. His face was expressionless, a perfect poker face.

"I already have. I have you. I have your family. The plan is in motion."

He stood up, opened the door, and motioned for me to follow. We walked down to the living room where Morgan, Jake, and Brian were setting up each couch to sleep in it. I ran to the kids and held them tight.

The morning sunlight slipped through the cracks in the blinds to warm my face. The longest, sleepless night had finally turned to morning. Morgan, Jake, and Brian appeared to be sleeping, finally. Although I hadn't slept, I remained completely still the entire night for fear that the slightest move could upset the men watching over us. The tall, bald man had watched us the first half of the night until the short-haired man with a beard took over. The woman had spent most of her time installing cameras and moving back and forth between the living room and the den.

At six am the house was almost completely silent except for the faint sounds of the leader's voice coming from afar. I couldn't make out anything he was saying. I sat up to find the man watching over us had dozed off in the chair. I tried to be as weightless as possible when I stood up. I tiptoed from the living room, past the staircase, down the kitchen and to the hallway. The leader was on the phone in the den with the door cracked open. I knew he was pacing back and forth by the way his voice drew nearer and then farther away every few seconds.

"I know but I can't get away for a while. Yes, everything is going according to plan. Did you talk to Dr. Hunter?"

The pacing suddenly stopped.

"Okay, alright. Tell Sawyer…tell her I'll see her real soon and that I love her."

The house was silent again. I walked back slowly hoping to make my way to my spot in the living room before the bearded man noticed I was gone. I was close to the kitchen when I heard a loud noise that startled me. I ran straight to the refrigerator and grabbed the milk.

"What's going on, where did you go?" The bearded man asked.

"What is it?" the leader asked as he walked into the kitchen from the hallway.

"Dr. Sanders was gone when I woke up," the bearded man explained.

"I just wanted to get some food. I was hungry, that's all."

Both men stood still and silent, looking at each other and then at me. Blue eyes walked toward me and I took a step back.

"You're bleeding," he said.

"What?"

"Your feet."

I looked down at my bare feet; a small trail of blood followed them.

"I must have stepped in some glass. I didn't even feel a thing. I'm sorry, I'll clean it up."

He pulled out a chair for me and motioned that I sit down. He quietly examined both my feet before asking the other man to bring him alcohol, tweezers, and bandages.

"I can do that," I told him. He just looked up at me and then went on to ignore me. As soon as he had the supplies, he began cleaning the wounds, pulling out the glass, and bandaging my feet, all of this done in complete silence.

"I need to go to the hospital today," I said, finally breaking the silence. He seemed to know a lot about me. I wondered if he could tell when I lied as well. "There's some paperwork I need to do before Monday."

"That's fine. Okay, you're all done," he said as he finished the last bandage.

"Thank you."