Sorry that I haven't updated this in a while. I hope I still have readers who are interested in how this all turns out. Anyway, let me know what you think please!

Finding What's Lost Chapter 8

An expensive beer was in Peter's hand and expensive wine was in Neal's as they sat at the dinner table.

It was almost like they were back in New York, almost.

Neal stared at Peter as he tried to gauge how the man before him actually felt about their reunion. Peter had undoubtedly wanted to confirm that Neal was alive. There was no questioning that. But how else had he felt? They had smiled at one another and hugged, but Neal knew despite those actions, Peter could still be there on business. Peter was still an FBI agent, first and foremost, and he hadn't answered Neal's earlier question: was he there to take him back to the States and face the consequences of leaving?

He knew Peter could read the uncertainty and concern in him, because every once in a while Peter would sigh. Finally, his friend said, "Neal, relax. I'm not slapping my handcuffs on you tonight. In fact, I'm not even on duty right now. I'm on vacation."

Neal breathed out slowly and smiled brightly despite his shakiness. "You could have just told me that right away."

"I have to make you sweat a little," was the immediate reply.

Peter ran his hand down his bottle several times before saying timidly, "I visited the Louvre today."

"Yeah?" Neal questioned noncommittally. "Did you enjoy it?"

Peter nodded with a hesitant smile and continued, "I did. I spoke with Ducos. He told me about Chris Nix, security consultant extraordinaire."

Neal looked down at his lap almost guiltily. "I'm sure he didn't phrase it that way."

"No, he didn't, but I did take a look around. You have done a fantastic job there. I couldn't have done better myself. And, for you to be willing to break in and test your improvements yourself in the future, that's…well, it's amazing, Neal…"

Before Peter could say anymore, Neal interjected, "Please don't say you're proud of me, Peter."

A confused look quickly adorned his friend's face. "But I am."

Neal sighed as he finally looked back up, but he didn't meet Peter's gaze. He looked in the direction of Mozzie who was in the living room, trying to give them some privacy. Neal opened his mouth to say something several times before closing it again.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked.

Neal shook his head but then inquired, "Have you ever felt—I don't know—lost, like you don't know who you are?"

Peter nodded. "I have."

Neal couldn't help but wonder if Peter had those moments because of him, but he wasn't going to ask. He was actually afraid of the answer. Instead, he stated, "That's how I feel now. I've felt this way for a better part of a year. When I came to Paris, I knew I had two distinct choices, two lives I could live. It's been a year and I've managed to blur those two choices so much that I still have no idea what I'm going to choose. A decision has to be made soon, and after that, there is no going back."

Peter leaned back in his seat and scrutinized his former partner. "Why don't you tell me what the choices are? Maybe you and I can work it together?"

Neal sighed and shook his head. "That's just it. I can't."

"Why not?"

Neal closed his eyes and revealed hurriedly, "What you're suggesting is exactly what my problem is! In New York, you were always there. I was always tethered to you because of the anklet. You were always there watching my decisions, guiding me, telling me what to do like you were my…" He paused for a moment and then snorted. "I have to make decisions on my own, Peter. I knew before I left New York that I can't be the man you want me to be." He finally met Peter's sad eyes and continued to explain, "I have to be the man I want to be if this is going to work, so I have to figure out exactly what it is that I want. It might match up with who you want me to be, but then again, it might not."

=)=)=)

Peter stayed silent for several moments, giving Neal's words the proper time to be digested by the both of them. Then, he questioned, "Where do you think your head is now? Where are you leaning? You must have some idea."

He knew immediately when Neal had explained the situation earlier what his two choices were: he was choosing between living the life of a con or living the life of a man on the straight and narrow. He could see why that would be such a hard choice for his friend to make, and when Neal described his dilemma, Peter could almost how it was all laying out in Neal's mind:

Neal had tightened security at the Louvre. It was an attempt to be the man he claimed he wanted to be in New York. But, of course, there must have been a voice in his head that told him he now knew every nook and cranny in the museum. Neal has every bit of security detail in his mind since he placed every single piece there himself. It could be one of the greatest cons ever—nowhere near his faked death, mind you, but still great—if he actually then turned around and stole pieces from the Louvre! And, the masterful part of the plan was that if by some chance he were caught, he could claim he was merely testing his own security! They were expecting it so he wouldn't go to jail. It was a brilliant plan and he could see why Neal was confused. He had made both life choices possible and it was going to be decided in a single moment: would he actually steal and run with the merchandise from the Louvre when he attempted to break in?

He wanted to yell at Neal! He wanted to scream on the top of his lungs what he knew Neal should do, but he stopped himself. Neal was right: he had to make this decision for himself, and so much depended on it. For one thing, it decided the fate of their relationship. Would they go back to being cop vs. criminal? Would their chase start again? Or would they continue to be friends? Peter knew what he hoped for and he realized he needed to remind Neal of what he could have.

He breathed deeply to calm himself and forced himself to smile when he realized Neal hadn't answered him. "Well, you don't have to make a decision tonight," he stated firmly. "Instead, why don't you come back with me to the hotel? I brought two people who I know are dying to see you."

Neal raised an eyebrow for a moment before smiling and nodding softly.