A/N: So here is the latest update to Never Look Back - Belonging, hope you enjoy. I know it took some time to write this latest chapter, but hopefully it reflected the rest of the story and the progress Alan's made. I've got some more chapters planned, don't know how many though.

I have a question for you though. In regards to two of my stories that I have placed on an indefinite suspension, The Miserable and Our Baby's First, would you like to see more future chapters or no? I won't lie, I've been contemplating bringing them out of seclusion, but for the time being I'll have to limit to the three I have going currently with occasional new stories that work themselves in. Between working on my degree and working crazy hours at work as well as contemplating yet another move, further North than I'm used to, I've got to prioritize my time. Please leave in the reviews section if you'd read future updates to the stories mentioned above or not.

Thanks!

Sad-Blue-Eyed-Angel 2010

Jeff sighed as he got started the following morning writing up the grant he wanted to set aside for families that applied to it. He intended it to be used for families that had a true need for it and the thing about it was that it wasn't something that was to be used by the foster parents. He didn't want families applying for it and squandering the money. Such as for the Woods family, he knew they'd use the money responsibly. He was still working out the kinks of it all, but the card which would be issued in the child(s) name would be used and an e-receipt would be issued to the bank for authorization. If the bank alerted that a non-permitted purchase or prohibited withdrawal was made or attempted, Jeff would have the account frozen until he'd been given a detailed list of the items that were attempted to be purchased so he'd know if someone was improperly using the money gifted to them.

Sighing softly, Jeff swiveled his chair around and looked towards the beach. He could see his boys down by the water just being boys. Alan was still wearing one of John's t-shirts, primarily to cover the scarring that littered Alan's chest, back and stomach. It was huge on the boy, going almost down almost to Alan's knees. The scarring was as much a part of Alan as it was his story much like well his past. It wasn't something Jeff could change any more than he could of his beloved wife's demise so many years earlier.

Looking at Alan and how much his youngest had grown since being abducted so long ago amazed Jeff. Before, he'd thought Alan was forever lost to him. Simply a dandelion puff on the wind, present however brief it was and gone in the blink of an eye. When Alan had been brought back to him, he'd been ecstatic. But after that first day being reunited with Alan, living with the boy had literally felt like every day was one step forward and five steps back all at the same time. Alan didn't welcome hugs, couldn't tolerate being touched anywhere. Every part of Alan was a big no-no when it came to touching. Thinking back on it now, Jeff recalled Alan allowing John to touch him but it was extremely brief. He had to be warned before John touched his back which Jeff could understand. The back was a spot we couldn't easily see as humans and so it was a very vulnerable spot to be touched.

Jeff returned his gaze out to the beach and smiled. It looked like the younger boys had wheedled their older brothers into a game of chicken. John was up on Scott's shoulders while Gordon was on Virgil's. Alan was sticking to the sidelines and was cheering for his brothers, whomever it was to win. Jeff felt bad for his youngest, not being able to get out there and play in the water with his brothers, but he knew his youngest was content.

… … … … … … …

Alan sat on the beach, careful to stay away from the surf. He didn't want his cast getting wet. He wished he could play in the water with his brothers, but he didn't want another disaster like last time happening. Just before they went to the mainland, Alan had panicked and gotten scared.

'"Marco!" John called out.

"Polo!" The brothers echoed. Alan darted around John in attempt to evade his older brother, but John felt Alan's movement in the water when the waves lapped against his chest and he turned quickly.

"Come're!" John yelled with a growl as he lunged out and grabbed onto Alan's arm unknowingly tightening his grip. Alan's eyes widened more than a fraction.

"Let me go! Lemme go!" Alan screamed as he tugged against John's hold. "Don't hurt me please! I promise I'll be good!"

It still bothered Alan that he'd gotten so upset with John for grabbing him the way he had. He felt he shouldn't have gotten so upset but after talking with Pastor and Ms. Wood about his reaction, was reassured that his reaction was normal. He wished he could get past the fear.

Hooting and hollering followed by a loud splash brought Alan's thoughts back to the present and he watched as John and Scott came up sputtering from beneath the salt water while Gordon and Virgil hollered in victory over their win. Seeing his two oldest brothers floundering in the water, made Alan laugh.

… … … … … … …

John and Scott both began tussling in the water, having lost the game of chicken but they stopped when they heard something. Glancing up towards the beach, John felt a weight he didn't know he had sitting on his chest lift at the sight of Alan, pointing at them and laughing after their epic fail. John smiled himself at seeing his brother so jolly over the spectacular loss. He was tempted to splash his brother but reminded himself at the last moment that his brother couldn't get his cast wet. Again.

"Laugh it up yuk boy!" John called before he and Scott renewed their tussling in the water.

Virgil chuckled at his brother's childish behavior, shaking his head at them before he swam to the shallows and walked out to sit in the sand by his younger brother. Gordon was content to pretend he was a shark and lurk under the surface of the water, waiting to prank his brothers or humiliate them in some way. The last time he'd humiliated anyone, it'd been Scott just before Alan was found and returned to them. The brothers had been in the pool and Gordon had gained the upper hand over Scott and shocked everyone to the point of making Scott indignant with anger and risking life and limb.

Virgil laid in the sand beside Alan, heaving a deep sigh. He was tired, they'd only been back on the island for a day or two and now he could barely keep his eyes open. He'd adopted a state of hyper-vigilance upon their return to the island, staying on the cusp of wakefulness to wake up and comfort Alan should he awaken with night terrors. He had John close by, but Virgil couldn't silence his brotherly instincts to protect his younger brother.

"Is it lunch time yet?" Alan asked softly, and the mention of food making the middle Tracy's stomach rumble.

Glancing at his watch, Virgil could see that yes it was just about time for lunch and that they should probably think about getting up to the villa before Onaha got her feelings hurt.

"Come on kiddo, let's see if we can race the others back up to the house." Virgil said, helping Alan onto his back and yelling at his brothers that the last one to the house was a rotten egg. The other three ran out of the water, laughing, grabbing their towels as they chased Alan and Virgil to the house. Virgil held onto Alan's legs tightly and sprinted the rest of the distance to the house where he could see their dad standing on the lanai looking for them.

Once back to the house, Virgil crouched down to allow Alan to slide off his back. Virgil was trying to get Alan used to fist bumps and he extended his hand out palm down before forming it into a fist in front of Alan's face. The younger boy, though wary of touch was growing used to it and he eagerly bumped his fist against Virgil's. The older brother smiled down at his brother before dragging the latter to the table before he got mowed down by Scott, John and Gordon who were still sprinting.

"We win!" Virgil called with a gleeful smile splitting his face open. Scott panted as he put his hands on his knees.

"No fair, you cheated!" Scott said through his panting.

Alan and Virgil both smiled at each other before the smiled up at their dad. Jeff walked behind the two seated at the table and he ruffled Virgil's hair, he hesitated in doing the same to Alan and he watched Alan incline his head giving his patented puppy pout and Jeff couldn't help but laugh when Alan allowed the affectionate and often annoying touch. The other boys sat around the table with their dad and waited eagerly for Onaha to serve the lunch they could smell cooking.

When lunch was served, the other boys were ready to tear into their food but they stopped when they watched Alan bow his head over his meal. They copied his actions and when they heard Alan's movements, removing the cloth dinner napkin from the table they knew it was safe to resume. Alan didn't say anything about his decisions to continue praying over his meals. True he wasn't living with the Woods any longer, but his time spent with them had left a mark and it was something he embraced.

Alan still thought back on what he was taught by Sir and he knew he wasn't about to let what he learned go to waste. During his convalescence with the Woods family and initial reintroduction to his family, Alan was taught that God performed miracles that though not always understood were something not expected. Take Alan for example, he'd given up on ever knowing or getting to know any member of his family. For years, he was passed between families in foster care and he'd grown up accepting that it was a part of him he'd never come to know. So, when John had coincidentally chaperoned Fermat's visit to the rec center where Alan spent all his time, Alan didn't think anything of it though he was excited to make a new friend that though much older than him had understood Alan almost like being a missing puzzle piece.

That John was interested in pursuing a more meaningful friendship, having recognized Alan as nothing more than another little brother made Alan feel special. He'd grown used to the creepy people he'd met in foster care and he hadn't expected to be accepted without worry pertaining his past. John had entered Alan's life and was similar to the Kool-Aid man breaking down Alan's walls and making his presence known. John could have continued keeping the forming relationship a secret from his family, but he'd embraced it and wasn't content to back down from the challenge that was Alan. John made it known to Alan that he would have looked for Alan till the day he died if he hadn't found him when he had and Alan had always decided he would look for his family when he turned eighteen, if he lived that long.

God had brought John to Alan when the younger blond needed the reassurance of a family to make him understand that not everybody out there was bad. Sure, there were bad people, but not everyone was like that. John had been a blessing in disguise and Alan acknowledged once again that things happened for a reason. For what he'd never know, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He had his family back and they were learning with him what Alan's triggers were and what were his likes and dislikes.

"Hey Sprout, after lunch you want to go to the studio and paint with me for a bit?" Virgil asked, hoping to spend a little one on one time with his kid brother. He had grown used to sitting in the garden at the Wood's house and drawing with Alan and was desiring some more time to get to know his brother.

Alan looked hesitant to be in a room alone with anyone who wasn't John but he forced himself to nod, agreeing to the time spent with Virgil. He had been showing Virgil how he used cross hatching to make his sketches more in depth and to add definition as well as character. Virgil had never been a big fan of drawing people, he could do it but could never find a suitable muse that sat still for longer than ten minutes.

When lunch was over, Alan followed Virgil to the room that had been converted to an art studio when Virgil turned seventeen. Virgil left the door open which was not his norm, though he did it to allow Alan a way to escape should he feel uncomfortable at any point. Alan went and grabbed the large moleskin sketchbook that Virgil had gifted him when he was recovering in the hospital after the horrendous Fourth of July celebration. He grabbed a charcoal pencil and one of the xacto knives and went to sit by the window.

Virgil grabbed his oil paints and his easel, setting it up across the room. He watched as Alan got comfortable, sharpening his charcoal pencil with ease despite his arm being confined in a cast. The younger boy curled up, knees close to his chest and a look of serenity spreading across his face as he lost himself in his drawings. Virgil watched Alan for a few moments, albeit discreetly before he found his inspiration. Both boys were quiet, the only sound that could really be heard was the scratch of the pencil across the paper in Alan's sketchbook and the muted swish of Virgil's paintbrush on the canvas. What neither brother realized was that they were unknowingly recreating mirror renditions of the other.

Alan paused in his sketch to look up at Virgil, studying his subject before changing pages and starting again. Virgil didn't notice the subtle change in Alan's posture or that he was being examined under the artful eye of his younger brother. When Alan settled back into his drawing, Virgil looked up to look at Alan. He tried to view Alan as if he were simply another subject, but it was hard to do. What he knew of his little brother was big. Having never been pushed around by anyone, adult or otherwise he found he couldn't identify as the victim.

Virgil looked back over at his painting of his brother and settled on leaving the facial features blank. He made it appear like Alan were hiding behind his sketchbook, smiling as he mixed a couple colors to make the correct shade of blonde that matched Alan's hair color.

Alan looked up from his sketchbook and studied Virgil. He knew his brother was thinking. Despite being back with his family for just a little over a month, Alan had picked up on tendencies demonstrated by his family. For Virgil, he preferred to think while he painted. It was easier to lose himself in his drawings or works of art or when he was playing his piano. John preferred thinking when he was stargazing. Scott liked to go for a run when he needed to think while Gordon preferred swimming. Alan had picked up on all his brother's tendencies.

He personally preferred not to focus on his much. He was best known for thinking while sitting in total silence. While he sat in silence, he paused in drawing to look at Virgil once more.

"Hey…Virgil?" Alan asked softly.

"Yeah?" Virgil stopped painting to look up at Alan, he tilted his head when he saw Alan blush in embarrassment before he prompted his sibling to speak up.

"You're really good with the piano…right?" Alan asked.

"Yeah, I've been playing since I was little. Why? Want me to teach you some time?" Virgil asked, hoping Alan said yes so, they could have another thing to bond over.

"Yeah, maybe when I can move my fingers freely. But, I was wondering if we could work on something for dad?" Alan asked, changing his position so that he sat in a relaxed posture on his knees. "Can we?"

"What do you want to do for dad?" Virgil asked, curiosity piqued.

"Just a song…you and me singing for him with you playing the piano." Alan said with an unsure shrug. "He's already heard me sing, so it shouldn't be much of a surprise."

"Well, his birthday is coming up soon. Maybe we can do this as a gift to him." Virgil said as he looked at his painting. He was working on it for his portfolio, but was reminded of his dad's upcoming birthday. He still needed to get something for him. "If I get a new canvas, can I have you give me one of those big smiles so I can paint it for dad?"

"What do you have in mind?" Alan asked as he looked unsure.

"Just…" Virgil stood and motioned to an empty spot along his wall. "Stand here, let me paint you then you're free to go. I have an idea."

"Like what?" Alan asked as he tried to picture why Virgil wanted to paint him.

"I want to do a group painting, but I know it'll look odd to dad if everyone is gone. So, I'll just paint each brother into the painting without having all of you in the room. You can stand here." Virgil got up and stood with his arms cross over his chest. "I can leave off the cast and just paint you as if we had a family photo taken."

"Cool." Alan said before he tilted his own head at his brother. "I thought you preferred landscapes, not people."

"I can draw or paint people, I just don't have very patient subjects so I don't do it often. Usually I have to beg someone to hold still for me or give them a toy or handheld game system to keep them sat still long enough so I can paint them." Virgil said as he let his arms go slack. He put his hands together after a few moments, as if he were praying his brother said yes. "Would you please?"

Alan gave it some thought, he didn't like having pictures taken or filmed because of what happened in his past. But he knew Virgil wouldn't be caught dead doing what Kenneth did to him and he knew his brother would die before he intentionally hurt any of his brothers…Alan included. Looking back up at Virgil, he knew he couldn't say no. His brother was asking nicely after all.

"Okay." Alan said. He didn't shudder at the contact when Virgil smiled, nor did he fight to get away when Virgil hugged him. It wasn't much, but it was progress no matter how you looked at it.

… … … … … … …

Jeff sat at his computer, head propped up on his left fist as he tapped his right index finger on the backspace key of his laptop. He just wasn't having any luck with drawing up the grant. He knew it wasn't simple, he just wanted it to say it without going too far in depth. He decided on a name, hoping it wasn't too cheesy or sappy. When he'd talked to his mother, she offered an idea for a name and it seemed appropriate to the situation. Loving Arms was all an abused child needed. Loving arms, patience and a loving family.

He'd been torn between naming the grant Loving Arms or Never Give Up, but after giving it some thought he assumed Never Give up was too cliché. True, Alan never gave up – he'd held on until he'd found his family; but most foster kids never were reunited with their families. They were taken under certain conditions and couldn't be returned to their parents. They were unlike Alan who was kidnapped at a young age and found their way into the system. But Loving Arms, those were all most kids desired. A mom or dad, grandparent or guardian to provide loving arms to run to.

Jeff looked back at his laptop and tried to come up with a good summary of why this grant was available. The story behind it without giving away too much in detail.

… … … … … … …

Alan and Virgil agreed to wait until their dad had gone to bed before they went to the den where Virgil's piano was. The den luckily had doors since it had the family TV in it. It was sound proofed so Virgil wasn't concerned with anyone hearing them. He looked down at the papers Alan handed him and scanned the notes he'd have to play.

The lyrics were printed above the chords and Virgil sang the words in his head to the melody of the song. He looked back at his brother, understanding a little behind why Alan chose this song, but he wanted to confirm his belief.

"Being introduced to God through the Woods family was what brought you through your ordeal, wasn't it?" Virgil asked, knowing his dad was planning Alan's baptism with Pastor Woods and Virgil was beginning to find that he wanted to as well. Alan and their dad had discussed their dad getting baptized too and Virgil had been thinking of following suite.

Alan nodded. He'd lost all hope prior to being introduced to God and though he was still learning, he felt like he was ready to take the next step.

"Do you mind working on this song with me?" Alan asked, knowing none of his brothers held a belief like he did. They believed in a higher power, but didn't go to church or recognize themselves as any denomination.

"Sure kiddo." Virgil said as he looked through the sheet music and told Alan he wanted to practice the keys first to make sure he had them right. Alan sat beside Virgil on the bench, watching as he pressed the keys. He tried to follow Virgil's hand movements but it was hard to do without physically copying Virgil. The brunette looked askance at Alan and noticed his interest in Virgil's actions. "Want me to teach you since we're here together?"

Alan looked across at his brother but nodded without speaking. He knew he'd agreed to later, but this looked like a lot of fun. And Alan loved a challenge on occasions.

"Okay kiddo." Virgil stood up and gestured for Alan to scoot over to Virgil's vacated seat. "I'm going to lean over your shoulders and I want you to put your hands over mine so you get used to the movements of piano playing."

Alan did as Virgil said and he noticed how small his hands were when compared to Virgil's.

"This is how mom taught me to play piano." Virgil commented as he played a song that he recalled hearing on the anniversary of their mom's passing. It wasn't an easy song for learning, but Virgil felt sure of his abilities to teach Alan to play something besides Chopsticks. "What do you think?"

"I like this song." Alan murmured as he let Virgil guide his hands around the keys. "What's its name?"

Virgil ran through the lyrics in his head. He started singing softly in Alan's ears though he sang at a lower range than the original singer. He stopped singing when Alan started humming along. He enjoyed hearing his brother hum, acknowledging his brother had a great voice. A little high, but his brother had yet to reach puberty so his voice would be higher until it deepened.

Virgil continued playing with Alan's hands resting on his. Alan gained a slight understanding of how much movement went into piano playing and when Virgil played the last chord he smiled at Alan when the younger began playing with the keys. "After your cast comes off, I'll gladly sit with you and teach you how to play so you can have something fun to do if you're not in the mood to play video games or draw. I find it relaxing."

Alan yawned, and not a moment too soon. Virgil smiled wryly at his brother before helping him up.

"Come on, we'd better get you off to bed before Scott and John get back from their movie."

Virgil hoped the movie that Scott and John were watching lasted a little longer so he could get Alan settled in for bed. The older brothers wanted to watch a movie that was R rated for action packed scenes and coarse language. Movies like that weren't Virgil's taste, so he opted out of watching that and chose to spend time with Alan.

Virgil walked up the stairs, his baby brother tucked in against his side. Stopping in at Alan's room, Virgil went in to help get Alan settled.

"Let me help you with your boot." Virgil said after Alan had crawled in to his bed and sat back against his pillows.

Virgil began unfastening the Velcro straps and once Alan's foot was free, Virgil removed Alan's sock and smiled at his brother.

"There, nice and comfy." Virgil said before he sat on the edge of Alan's bed and looked at the younger boy. "Thanks for spending time with me today."

"Thank you…it was nice to forget." Alan said before scooting down in his bed. "Sometimes I can't help but to remember what happened to me and it's when I can't escape them that the memories are really bad."

Virgil looked thoughtful as he took in what his little brother was talking about. He remembered when Alan had opened up to him and Gordon on the beach less than a month ago. He looked back at Alan and offered a fleeting smile. "Well, you know where I am if you ever need to talk or just want someone to listen to you."

Alan gifted Virgil with a fleeting smile of his own, before he sat up.

"What's up?" Virgil asked as Alan came closer to him. He was taken by surprise when Alan hugged him before pulling away and laying back down.

"G'night Virgil." Alan mumbled as he pulled his blankets up over his head.

"Night bud." Virgil said before he stood up and dimmed the bedroom light. He stepped out into the hall, thankful that Scott and John were still occupied with their movie. He went to his own room and closed the door with a soft click.

… … … … … … …

The following morning at breakfast, Alan sat up and played with his oatmeal. He wasn't hungry. He knew he should eat, but he hadn't slept as well as he hoped he would. He stayed quiet with John sharing the same room with him, but he woke up after sleeping for two hours and just picked out a book from John's shelf of books and read in hopes that he'd grown bored and fall asleep. The lights being dimmed worked to chase away his demons, but prevented him from going to bed and staying asleep.

Alan contemplated going to climb into bed with John, which he'd taken to doing when he couldn't sleep. He hadn't allowed himself to do it though, feeling like he shouldn't keep John awake because he couldn't sleep.

Alan jumped nearly a foot out of his chair when Scott entered the kitchen, having gone upstairs to get dressed after he'd found Alan downstairs earlier that morning and fixing him a bowl of oatmeal. Scott had ruffled Alan's hair, forgetting that Alan didn't like to be touched and went about pouring himself a mug of coffee. When he turned around he saw his little brother's eyes were deer in the headlights big. He realized belatedly that he'd broken Alan's 'no physical contact rule' that he'd imposed until he'd grown used to his dad and brothers again. He sat down across from Alan, curling in on himself to make himself appear as non-threatening as possible. He hadn't meant to break Alan's rule, it was just something he did to each of his brothers – ruffling their hair. It was a means of affection for him.

"I'm sorry Alan. I didn't mean to. I didn't think." Scott pleaded softly, worried frown etched into his handsome features.

Alan closed his eyes, willing himself not to freak out over being touched. It was an innocent gesture, Alan kept telling himself that until he felt like he could breathe without panicking. Exhaling a shaky breath, Alan opened his eyes to look at Scott.

"Please just give me advanced notice before you touch me next time." Alan asked, his features pinched into a look of nervousness. He wasn't mad, but he was still trying to make himself accept that being in a family of touchy people wasn't going to be good if he couldn't tolerate touch. His dad and brothers were always ruffling hair, hanging on each other, hugging and the like. He needed to make himself accept the touch if he didn't want to go insane. "I'm gonna go."

Scott watched Alan go, face palming himself at his moment of forgetfulness. He knew Alan didn't appreciate being touched, had been told by Alan as much when he and younger boy sat together and Alan told Scott about the meaning behind the drawings. Alan had confided to Scott that every time he was randomly touched, he had flashbacks of "that time". Alan never liked talking about it, always referencing it as "that time" It wasn't a good time for him then and Scott couldn't believe he'd broken Alan's primary rule. Walking to the doorway of the dining room, Scott watched as Alan retreated up the stairs.

… … … … … … …

Alan hurried around the corner upstairs and sadly wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He was in such a rush to escape the memories that he ran headlong into his dad who startled and dropped the folder of papers he held. Alan looked at his dad with fearful eyes as he looked around at the scattered papers littering the hallway floor.

"I'm so sorry!" Alan whimpered as he scrambled up from where he'd landed on his back to pick up what he could of the displaced papers.

"Alan, it's okay. Accidents happen." Jeff said, shifting so he was kneeling on one knee. He picked up the papers and accepted the papers that Alan picked up. He took one look at his boy and knew that something was wrong. Standing up, Jeff crouched in front of Alan to meet his eyes. "What's the matter?"

Alan didn't dare speak, looking at his dad with fear alight in his eyes. Jeff seemed to recognize the anxiety and fear in Alan, taking to speaking to him as if he were a caged animal. "It's okay Alan, I'm not gonna hurt you."

Jeff noticed when Alan began quivering, and he spoke directly to the boy.

"Alan, I'm gonna put my hand on your shoulder. I have no intentions of hurting you." Jeff asked and taking the minute nod for what it was. He placed a steady and gentle hand on Alan's shoulder, steering the boy toward his office.

When they made it to the office, Jeff directed them to sit on the couch together. Jeff left the door to his office open, allowing Alan to know that an exit was available if he became overwhelmed. Sitting at arm's length from his boy, Jeff looked toward him.

"Alan, I just want you to know that you have no reason to fear me. I know I may get mad sometimes, I may even speak sharply to you or your brothers – but I don't mean anything by it. I just want you to know that you can come to me if you have a problem or need to talk." Jeff said. He saw the look on Alan's face. Alan looked troubled, but experience had taught Jeff not to pry or force the issue. Alan would open his heart about it when he felt ready.

Standing slowly, Jeff left Alan on the couch. He walked over to his desk and began to file the papers that had been scattered in the hallway. When he looked back over, he saw Alan had curled up on the couch, eyes closed and head resting on one of the throw pillows. He stood quietly and walked over to Alan. The boy was sound asleep. Jeff knew Alan hadn't been sleeping well, still. He took off his jacket and draped it over Alan's frame. He smiled at Alan before he returned to begin working on the grant.

2nd A/N: To anyone curious about the songs, please keep in mind that I don't hide the fact that I have a belief in a higher power. I've got faith in Him and He has shown me that He works in mysterious ways. The song I had in mind that Alan wants to sing for his dad is "One Day You Will" by Lady Antebellum. All that Alan's faced, being brought into a relationship with God has allowed him to keep faith that he'll get better even if he doubts it now.

The song that Virgil hums to Alan and teaches him the chords to is "Jealous Of The Angels" by Donna Taggart