UNIVERSAL TROLL CON!

"Invitation," drawled a bored troll. As one of the longer running members, he had to verify that a person was a troll, helper, enabler or otherwise similarly inclined to get in.

The red haired man handed over two invites. There were three others with him.

"Only two of you are invited. Classification?"

The tallest one held up a hand.

"Enabler to the red head."

"Helper," rumbled the blond with a hammer.

"I'm just here to make sure I know what they're about to use on me," said the final tag along.

He looked at the red head.

"I'll need to verify troll qualifications," said the greeter.

"And by verify you mean..." left the second invitee hanging.

"Prank someone in a humiliating fashion that will leave them cursing," he clarified.

The second person looked to the first.

"Can I borrow that?"

"I've been meaning to prank Thor anyway, so have at it," said the red head handing him a ball.

The blond eyed it warily when it turned into a far-too-familiar chicken.

He barely seemed to notice people cracking up at him fighting the beast.

"Name?"

"Gabriel, AKA Loki," said the second Trickster cheerfully. The register handed him a nametag with his name and alias on it.

"Your turn," he said to the red-head.

"Sam, can I borrow Deanna for a minute?"

Sam eyed his friend with a wary look.

"You're going to give me and Gabriel the hiccups again aren't you?"

"Hell yes!"

Sam and Gabriel both had this weird habit of getting hiccup fits when they started laughing too hard for too long. Loki found this fact hilarious so he kept trying to spring random hiccuping fits since he found out.

Sam handed Loki his holoball. With a few strokes of the keypad, Loki uploaded something he had made a few days prior, mostly to prank Dean.

He tossed it up into the air, and Dean stared in horror.

His holographic self was dressed as Dr. Sexy, his favorite character... and was doing a skit to an old song.

"Doctor, Doctor, give me the news... I gotta bad case of lovin' you!"

Complete with air guitar.

Dean didn't hesitate. He walked up to Loki and tried to strangle him in the way of Homer Simpson did to his son Bart.

Sam and Gabriel weren't the only ones laughing their ass off. Everyone watching it was too. Even Thor.

"Name?"

"Harry Potter, aka Loki the Viper," said Loki cheerfully.

"I'll need a classification for these three," said the greeter, amused.

"Sam Winchester, enabler, Dean Winchester, cohort, Thor, Helper."

"What would it take to get relabeled as fellow Troll?" asked Thor suddenly. Loki had a chill of horror go down his spine.

"Abject humiliation for someone that gets at least three God-class trolls to laugh their ass off," said the greeter without hesitation.

Thor turned to an evil-looking Pinkie Pie.

"Could you project that clip I had you record from the memory-viewing artifact?"

"Okie Dokie!"

To Loki's horror, Thor proceeded to replay an event he would much rather forget.

The incident where Odin got his eight-legged horse Sleipnir. He had made the horrible, horrible mistake of turning into a mare one day and ended up pregnant of all things. Thankfully magic was able to speed up the pregnancy itself, but the amount of mood swings he went under were considered legendary.

Dean was laughing so hard he had trouble breathing. Finally, some blackmail on Loki he could use!

Thor was infinitely pleased when he got his nametag upgraded from 'helper' to Level-4 Troll.

(Harry is a God-Level troll and Gabriel is a Level-X, which is just below it.)

Loki and the others wandered around the convention, until he saw a face he simply couldn't ignore.

Loki promptly walked up to the Master Vampire Alucard and asked for his autograph. It wasn't considered bad form to ask for autographs, but it wasn't very common either.

Then he spotted someone he had to get a picture of, if only for LOL's.

Gabriel immediately choked on his third chocolate bar when he saw the guy.

"Son of a bitch... I thought that was just a comic..." said Gabriel.

"What?" said Dean.

"Ever heard of a comic called 'Looking for Group'?" asked Gabriel.

Sam facepalmed.

"He just found Richard didn't he?"

"Oh yeah. And that idiot elf is with him, along with the dwarf, that green chick and the cat."

"Do I even want to know what he's doing with Richard?"

"Ten bucks they're trading numbers," said Gabriel immediately.

"I bet you a hundred he's trading plants and seeds, and a portable green house," said Sam just as fast. He had read the comics when he was really bored, drunk off his ass, and feeling morbid.

He found Richard amusing, enough said.

"You simply must tell me how you got these roses to change colors!" gushed Richard.

"Only if you tell me the correct ratio of poor bastards and unholy spells you used to make your garden thrive," grinned Loki.

It was an unspoken fact that Loki was almost as avid a gardener as Richard was.

"So tell me again, how do you torture your victims?"

"I'm a very successful lawyer. People pay me to torture them and dig their own graves, and best of all they thank me for the opportunity,"said Loki smirking.

"Hmm. I may have to try that. Coincidentally...here's a brochure. The village is quite lovely in the spring."

"I've heard about this place. I find it simply fascinating you've managed to sustain such a large number of undead. Is it hard keeping those idiots spouting religion and eternal afterlife from coming back?"

Richard smirked.

"Not as much as you think. They generally leave rather quickly once they see the younger children eating their companion's entrails and the women actively trying to kill them," said Richard. Loki snorted in agreement.

"I'd pay to watch that. It sounds hilarious. Though if you want to hear something really hilarious you should meet my brother Thor. I turned a blonde, blue-eyed goody two shoes into a very active thief."

"Really. I must hear your methods."

"Do you like tea?"

"We should definitely swap numbers,"said Richard gleefully.

"And seedlings," agreed Loki. They shook on it.

"Huh, looks like we were both right," said Gabriel.

"Does it bother you that he's found someone he can mesh with that easily?" asked Dean.

"It'll worry me if I find he's joining the undead warlock in his mass murdering habits instead of screwing people over with legal red tape," said Sam without any hint of remorse.

"No, my brother is more likely to screw someone over and then let this warlock fellow kill them...and then have their family pay the legal fees," said Thor.

"I do believe my dear brother has finally learned the true me," said Loki grinning.

"I find it amusing that you cause so much pain and suffering without setting anyone on fire," said Richard.

"I could always give you pointers," said Loki. The elf was looking at him with genuine horror, it was like a train wreck he had no chance of stopping.

Richard honestly looked tempted.

"Huh. So you two were trained or raised by Zelretch, that vampire who brought the invitation?" said Loki at the bar. He was sitting with a blond who could pass for his brother's child with whisker marks, and someone who looked like a highly effeminate fourteen year old missing his heart with a blindfold and purple hair.

Both boys had massive harems, for some reason, though the purple one had the biggest one.

Black Wing and Naruto Emiya-von Einzbern-Uzumaki had run into Loki at the bar, and he had offered to buy them a drink.

Which lead to this discussion.

"So... You're a very good lawyer who enjoys his work too much and thrives on making it harder for super villains and super heroes to carry out their usual daily lives."

"Viktor Von Doom really, really hates me. His ass might be covered by diplomatic immunity, but that don't mean squat when I come knocking with a massive bill caused by those stupid Doom Bots of his. You've never heard such language!" cackled Loki.

"Still..why a lawyer though?" asked Naruto.

"One, the pay is good. Two, neither side of the super spectrum would dare to piss me off. Three, I get away with more shit. Four, because it's hilarious to see their expressions when the bill comes or I work in some new law to make their lives hell. Five, because it was either this, or be bored out of my mind. You should have seen the look on the Malfoy's faces when they realized how I had stolen their entire fortune from under their noses," said Loki grinning. He felt the distinct urge to do the laugh that gave everyone nightmares.

Black Wing perked up at that.

"Let me guess. You're also called Harry Potter."

"Odin's favorite punishment for his sons backfired spectacularly. As did Dumbledore's attempts to humble me through Petunia. I was particularly happy when I stole his wand and sent him to a nice padded facility where he was forced to hug himself until his unnaturally long life span ends."

"Oh this I have to hear," said Black Wing eagerly. He hated the Malfoys.

"Did you know there's an actual goblin law that states that whomsoever reveals a weakness in the bloodline through insanity can claim 'right of conquest' on their gold and properties?" said Loki smirking.

Naruto snorted.

"That sounds messed up."

"In short I just had them all declared insane, and thus the goblins 'rewarded me' with a quarter of the gold in the account, along with first pick of any magical tomes or artifacts."

"Why only a quarter?" asked Black Wing.

"I got a fourth, the 'Defense' attorney who happened to be my cousin Andromeda Tonks got a fourth, the goblins got a fourth and a muggleborn judge cast out by Dumbledore's idiocy and the ruling purebloods got a fourth. Needless to say it took a while before people cottoned on to what I was doing, and by that time Odin had restored my memories, my abilities, and I had made Loki the single most popular deity to worship among magicals. Last I heard people were using my name instead of Merlin in their swears," said Loki smugly.

Black Wing caught on first.

"The law never specified it had to be a magical court that declared them insane, did it."

Loki merely grinned at him. Black Wing snorted in open amusement before laughing.

"The general rule for the cops once I started things was to snap all 'sticks' found on their person, and they were always thrown in magic proof cells," said Loki.

Black Wing laughed outright.

"Someone mind cluing me in?" asked Naruto.

"Most magicals would be dead men caught without their wands, and most are too lazy to even bother learning how to cast wandlessly. Basically he took their only means of proving they were magical from them," explained Black Wing, openly amused by the trick.

"Want the memories of Lucius and Draco when they realized what I had done? Or the case against the entire Order of the Phoenix where I get that idiot Hermione to finally shut the hell up?"

"Want do you want in exchange?" asked Black Wing without hesitation.

"Same deal I made with Richard. We exchange numbers and agree to occasionally crash at each other's homes and the payment for staying will be erasing each other's boredom. I happen to own an entire modified Asgardian space ship, as well as a box painted to resemble the TARDIS' exterior from Doctor Who."

"Dude. Please tell me this ship has space cannons."

"Space cannons and I can beam an entire car so you can do donuts and other insane stunts on any planet of your choice. Should have heard NASA's reaction when they saw Dean and Sam running over the Mars Rover," said Loki.

His two drinking companions laughed at that.

"So let me get this straight. You made a deck of powerful cards and the staff to use them...and you left them in the hands of a girl not even in middle school? Exactly how bored were you that year?"

"In a word, very," said Clow Reed.

"I must say, it is a delight to meet someone who actively screws people over. It's rare to meet someone of that particular talent at these conventions," said Yuuko Ichihara.

"I got the invite and I was bored screwing around in a universe where my brother was replaced by the same gray men notorious for abducting humans," shrugged Loki.

"Please tell me you have pictures of that!" said Yuuko. She had been ogling Thor earlier...it was rare to see a fine piece of manliness like him under the rank of Level Four Troll.

Loki promptly brandished magically duplicated copies of that particular photo. Yuuko squealed.

"I also have shirtless Thor, but I demand something in trade for that one," said Loki.

"I can get you on the list of a certain procession where you can collect some really high grade alcohol and directions to a Kitsune Oden stand," said Yuuko.

Loki handed her the pictures.

"Does it worry anyone else that Loki's been exchanging 'numbers' with a bunch of other like minded people, or is it just me?" asked Dean.

"It's not you," said Thor and Gabriel. Sam could honestly care less.

He was Loki's favorite enabler and co-conspirator after all.