This popped into my head and wouldn't leave. It will be a three-shot. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

The day started off much like any other. Temporarily restricted to the guild for nearly destroying a neighboring country, Team Natsu just milled about for the day. (They swear that they did not realize that the mountain the dark guild had set themselves up in was a dormant volcano. Really, they hadn't. And okay, maybe they could've done a better job of keeping Natsu away from the shiny red button. But really, who could resist that?)

Lucy, situated at her favorite spot at the bar, eyed her male teammates as they attempted to playfully (she hoped) murder each other over some inanity. A quick glance over at Wendy revealed that the young girl was deeply ensconced in a conversation with the Exceeds. Erza sat at the other end of the bar from Lucy, eating her cake and content to ignore the rough-housing boys until it was completely consumed (after that? No promises). Or until the confection was obliterated. Then the boys would die.

The Celestial Mage sighed in boredom. Her rent was coming up due soon, and here she was – grounded along with her team. Why couldn't Master Makarov at least make an exception for her and Wendy? Without them to mitigate the damage, the job really could have escalated to far worse than it did.

"Here you go, Lucy!" a cheerful, friendly voiced chirped in the blonde's ear.

Turning in her seat, Lucy smiled up at the sprightly bartender. "Thanks, Mirajane!" She took the strawberry smoothie and sipped on it. It was delicious, but it did not provide sufficient mental stimulation to keep her brain from atrophying further.

Sensing the blonde's discontent, and concerned that maybe she'd made the drink incorrectly, Mirajane inquired, "Lucy? Is something the matter? Is the drink not good?"

The girl sighed again. "No, Mira. Your smoothie is perfect, as always. I'm just bored, is all."

A gleam shone in the depths of the older woman's eyes. "Oh really? Maybe having a boyfriend would take your mind off of it."

Lucy outright laughed at that statement, mildly offending the other mage. "No, I haven't met a guy up to my exacting standards, yet. Which is why all your matchmaking attempts are doomed to failure, Mira. So don't even start."

"That sounds like a challenge, to me."

Fear crept along Lucy's spine, as she felt as if she might've walked into a trap. Then she shrugged it off. She was bored, after all. Bored and blonde is generally a bad combination. "What kind of a challenge are you proposing?"

Mirajane's grin widened, and the terror returned to Lucy's heart. "How about we play a game? I say a name, and you tell me what exactly your objection is to that person? Does that appeal to you?"

Lucy contemplated it. It did. "Sure. On two conditions."

"Name them!" The demonic mage was over the moon. She might just find a potential match for Lucy out of this. Even better, the blonde was willing to play along!

"You accept the explanation without question, and just say the next name. Also, you have a time limit. Once I finish my smoothie, I'm going home to work on my novel."

She nodded. "Deal. Are you ready?"

Excited, despite her lingering misgivings, Lucy replied, "Bring it on."

"Gray."

"He's like… my brother. Also, drowning. I don't much care for drowning."

"Natsu."

"He's the reason I have no money. I would like that to not be a permanent thing, thank you."

"Freed."

"Aren't YOU interested in him?"

"Gajeel."

"Pretty sure Levy likes him. He also beat the shit out of me. I've forgiven him for that, but I don't think that's a real basis for a relationship. Not in this universe, anyway – not for me. No offense to Levy. I think they're actually cute together."

"Bickslow."

"I think he likes dolls more than I do."

"Dan."

"Dan can't decide who HE likes."

"Loke."

"…There might be some laws against that."

"Romeo."

"There are DEFINITELY laws against that."

"Laxus."

"…He might break me."

"Gildarts."

"NO. He's my friend's father. Not happening. Just… no. And Cana… She would probably find it hilarious, now that I think about it. Even more reason not to."

"Max."

"He's in a committed relationship with the honorable Broom. I'm not a home wrecker."

"Warren."

"He likes to broadcast his pervy thoughts with his magic."

"Vijeeter."

"I do like dancing, but I'm not familiar with any of the ones he does. And I don't wish to be."

"Wan."

"Who? Oh, him? …I don't think I've ever heard him talk."

"Alzack."

"…He's married, Mirajane. He's married. With a daughter."

"Mikuni."

"Yeah, I'm not challenging Onihime for drum-boy."

"Mystogan."

"In case you missed it, he's in another world."

"Jet."

"I don't steal other peoples' fanboys. That would be rude. Especially not my best friend's."

"Droy."

"Same as Jet."

"Elfman."

"He's too… MANLY for me. But not too much for Evergreen."

"Happy."

"…He's a cat."

"Lily."

"…Also a cat. I'm a little worried about your brain."

"Reedus."

"He's nice and all… but I think he's more into painting landscapes instead of people these days if you know what I mean."

"Nab."

"Nope. The jobless are not for me. Actually, I do have a question about him. How does he survive when he's never taken a job?"

"Wakaba."

"I've never seen her in person, but he has a wife. You've impersonated her on a number of occasions, so don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

"Macao."

"I'm not really interested in pervy old men."

"Master Makarov."

"An even older perv. And I don't want to be Laxus' grandmother. That would just be awkward."

"Lyon."

"So we've moved on to other guilds, now? And no – he's still crushing pretty hardcore on Juvia. I'm not getting in the middle of that dangerous little love triangle. Quadrangle. Pentagon. Whatever."

"Jura."

"Older, but not a perv. Has potential, but that beard of his has set out to conquer the rest of his face with a take-no-prisoners mentality. So I think I'll have to pass."

"Toby."

"I like him, I really do. But… dog boy might be… even more… special than Natsu in the brains department. He kind of has the existence of a jellyfish."

"Yuka."

"…Eyebrows…"

"Ichiya."

"There's a reason Erza bolts whenever he's mentioned. I think I'll trust her judgment on that one."

"Nichiya."

"A feline Ichiya. I think not."

"Ren."

"He's engaged to the love-crazy girl, Sherry. Who has tried to end me on a number of occasions. And what is with you trying to set me up with taken men?"

"Hibiki."

"He's nice enough, but he's a playboy and I can't take him seriously."

"Eve."

"Younger, but still a playboy."

"Master Bob."

"Pretty sure Master Bob is playing for the other team."

"Master Goldmine."

"I actually think he might be playing for the other team, too. Why else would you make a guild of all men? Can you say, Personal Harem?"

"Bacchus."

"Drunken older perv. Really, Mira?"

"Jellal."

"So we're onto criminals, now? And I can't compete with Erza. No, really. She'll kill me. I would like to live a long time."

"Midnight."

"Pretty sure he's still holding a grudge for the whole Infinity Clock incident."

"Cobra."

"Snarky snake? I think he's more into reptiles. And Kinana."

"Mest."

"I think his real name is Doranbolt. And I'm not entirely convinced that he isn't a pedophile."

"Lahar."

"Doesn't he still want to disband Fairy Tail? I won't date someone who despises my family."

"Arcadios."

"The number one woman in his life is the Princess."

"Sting?"

"Blonde Natsu. Enough said."

"Rufus?"

"His fashion sense is good. Suspiciously so."

"Orga?"

"He scares me a little… Especially his singing…"

"Lector?"

"…A cat from another guild. You're either getting super desperate, or there genuinely is something wrong with you."

"Frosch?"

"…Still a cat. What gender is Frosch, anyway?"

"Dobengal?"

"The ninja? I get enough of those jokes from Natsu as it is."

Mirajane pursed her lips. Her blonde friend was picky. Like, SUPER PICKY. She was running out of males. And the willpower to stop herself from laughing at all of the quips and refusals Lucy was coming up with. Some of them were really funny. A lot of others made sense.

"Then, what about Rogue?"

When Lucy hesitated, the hairs on the back of Mira's neck stood at attention. Could it be that the girl didn't have a quip prepared for the quiet Dragon Slayer?

"Um…" Lucy mumbled, looking at her hands, refusing to meet Mirajane's gaze. "He murders me. That ship has literally sailed, Mira."

"Are you sure you don't have any other objections? Because that one seems a little weak," she teased the blonde.

Her head snapped up. "You broke the rules!" she accused.

Mirajane shrugged. "Well, it wasn't actually him that killed Future Lucy. It was Future Rogue. Present Rogue hasn't done anything at all to you. In fact, he's done considerably less than other members of his guild." Now that she thought about it, he really had comported himself with far more kindness than his friends. "He was the only one who didn't laugh during the Naval Battle, and he did not defend Minerva from Team Natsu's wrath. In fact, he looked downright ashamed of his guild's actions. And furious."

Colour started to appear in Lucy's cheeks. "I've never even talked to the man, Mira. For all I know, he could have webbed toes!"

The Take Over mage did laugh at that. "Really, Lucy? That's all you've got?" A dark look from the blonde had another smile pulling at the white-haired woman's lips. "Okay, I'll let it go for now. You've finished your smoothie, besides." Quite a while ago, actually. Lucy had been enjoying herself too much to notice before.

The blonde nodded with relief and started to beat a hasty retreat. "I'm going home, now, then!"

She practically fled out the doors.

A devious smirk crawled over Mirajane's face, scaring off a few patrons. Oh it was on. Lucy was going to be matched, whether she liked it or not.

Now to see if the stoic Dragon Slayer was amenable to the idea of a relationship with the blonde Celestial mage.

Sting owed her a favor, anyway.

I really should be updating Under Tables, but this popped into my head. Let me know what you guys think!