I am back. I graduated in May, not that the degree is doing me any good, I'm currently cleaning at a campground near Mohican state park. With shower houses and 9 outhouses to clean it's not a fun job, but I have a trailer and get to live at the campground for free and every morning I walk out the door, look at the hills and forests and thank God for letting me live here. Just in the last few weeks I've really gotten back into my writing, this is the first full chapter I've finished, but I've added random scenes to probably over 20 of my stories.

"Where is Lockdown?" Joy asked as she walked into the barn the next morning.

"He's on the ship. He contacted the Quintesons last night, they're sending a rescue ship and Lockdown has been working on repairing the ship all night," Sunfire told her.

"Shouldn't he be resting until his wounds are more healed?" Joy asked.

"Yes or at least be taking a lot of breaks, but he won't listen to me. He and Ratchet were talking about something last night, maybe Ratchet told him it was alright for him to be working that hard, because he hasn't even slowed down since then. I know Ratchet knows more than I do, but I still think Lockdown needs a break. Maybe if you talk to him he'll listen."

"Alright, I'll go talk to him," Joy said before calling Shadow over, climbing on and telling him to find Lockdown.

She found Lockdown working on welding together some metal plates on one of the exterior walls of the ship, "You know you'll never be ready to go into battle if you don't rest and let your wounds heal," she said as she rode up behind him.

"It will take two weeks to get back to Quitessa, I can heal then," Lockdown replied, "You should head back out of here, one stray spark from this welder and you could be badly burned. With all the work that will be going on in here it would be best if you stayed out of the ship for at least the next several days," he said, never even looking up from his work.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Joy asked.

"I'm fine. You should get out of here."

"Okay, just please be careful and don't overdo it to the point you make your injuries worse," she said resting her hand on his leg for a moment, before leaving when he didn't reply.

Joy had barely made it through the barn door when Sunfire asked, "What's wrong? You look upset."

"I don't know, maybe I'm just misinterpreting it, maybe he's just like that when he's focused on a job," she replied.

"What did he do?"

"He wasn't just emotionless, he seemed cold, it felt like he didn't want me around, he wouldn't even look at me," Joy explained.

"It's not normal for him to be that focused, even when he's really focused on something he'd still take the time to listen to someone. Everything we thought we knew, our whole existence has been changed. I'm sure he just has a lot on his mind," Sunfire reassured her.

"I hope that's all it is," Joy replied.

For the next three days Joy saw no sign of Lockdown outside of the ship. On the evening of the third day she got Shadow and headed into the ship.

She found him sitting at a desk reading a data pad. Climbing from Shadow's back onto the desk she said, "I'm glad you're sitting down, you could have come outside though."

"If I went outside I would have to come back in and it would waste time," Lockdown replied still focused on the date pad.

"Would it really be that much of a waste of time if it meant we had some time together? You did tell me not to come into the ship," Joy pointed out.

"Clearly you didn't listen very well."

"It's been almost 4 days since I last saw you. You're recovering from near fatal injuries, of course I'm going to come check on you," Joy told him.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore, Ratchet has been checking the wounds and says they're healing well, so there's no need for you to be in the ship."

"I'm glad you're healing, but you know that's not the only reason I came in. I miss you, most human couples don't go almost four days without some type of communication," she explained.

"That doesn't matter, I've given it some thought and it would never work out between us. This war to free the others, it could take decades, maybe even centuries, you could die long before I could get back here," he told her, still never looking up from the data pad.

"Then I'll just go with you," Joy countered.

"You could end up never seeing your family again," Lockdown said.

"I love them dearly, but my parents will die long before me and my brother can take care of himself, I'd have you for the rest of my life," Joy replied then pulled the data pad down so she could look him in the eyes, "I love you, nothing is going to change that."

"You just can't make anything easy, can you?" he said hesitating a moment, focusing back on the data pad before continuing, "I don't want you, you'd be more trouble than your worth. I'd be stuck on this retched planet with you or would have to completely remodel the ship for you to be able to survive on it. You would die millennia before me, it's better to cut this off now."

Before Joy could say anything he had put her back on Shadow's back and sent him away, but not before she locked eyes with him for a second and could have sworn he looked as devastated by what he had said as she was.

Shadow got about half way to the entrance before Joy told him to find Ratchet.

"What did you say to Lockdown?!" Joy demanded as she rode into the medbay where Ratchet was working on building bodies for the other sparks. When he looked up at her she continued, "Four days ago Sunfire told me you had been talking to Lockdown and ever since then he has been avoiding me and doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Nothing that should have affected his relationship with you. He came to me asking about Cybetronian and human courtship. As humans put it I gave him The Talk, oldest bot I've ever had to give that speech to. He kept asking questions about the memory sharing that takes place during bonding. He did appear a little uncomfortable when I told him there's no control over what memories are shared," Ratchet told her.

"You could tell he was uncomfortable? What exactly did you tell him?" she asked.

About ten minutes later Joy told Shadow to go find Lockdown. As soon as she rode into the room Lockdown said, "I told you to leave me alone."

"Luckily for you I'm just as stubborn as you are," Joy said stepping onto the desk.

"It doesn't matter how stubborn you are, it doesn't change anything," he replied picking her up and placing her back on Shadow's back and telling him to take her outside.

"No Shadow, stay," Joy said and Shadow sat back down by the desk.

Lockdown told him to take her back out, only for Joy to insist on staying. After about a minute of contradicting orders Shadow shook his back knocking Joy onto the desk before he flopped onto the floor with a whimper.

Joy got to her feet and said, "Get down here and talk to me."

"No, I told you I don't want you, now leave me alone," Lockdown told her.

"Okay, fine, you want me to leave you alone, let me into your spark, prove to me that's what you really want," Joy told him.

"That sounds entirely inappropriate," Lockdown replied.

"Nope, I was just talking to Ratchet about your claimed change of feelings for me. He said it's perfectly appropriate in cases of couples or friends when they think the other is lying it's perfectly alright to use outer layer spark contact to confirm or disprove those suspicions, also works if you think you have a spy in your ranks. You can either be honest with me about what's bothering you or if you really don't care about me anymore let into your spark, prove it to me and I'll leave you alone," Joy said, then locked eyes with Lockdown and ordered, "Get your sexy mini aft down here right now and let's talk."

Lockdown looked like he was going to refuse until Joy glared at him and with surprising force said, "NOW!"

Lockdown's holoform appeared in front of Joy, "Nothing you can say is going to change anything," he told her.

"One important thing you need to learn about women of any sentient species, they're almost always right and men are almost always wrong. And I say this will change things," Joy told him, "This is about the bonding, isn't it?"

Lockdown hesitated a moment then his shoulders slumped a bit, "Yes, I can't do that to you. You're so innocent, so unaware of the horrors in the universe, it's one of the things that I love about you. The things I've seen and done, I can't expose you to my past and ruin that part of you, I'd never be able to forgive myself," he explained never making eye contact with her.

Joy reached out, resting a hand on his check, making him look at her, "Lockdown humans don't even have anything close to bonding, so-"

"But ratchet said it would still work with a human, there's no way to control the memories that are shared, I asked him, there's no way to control that," he cut in.

"Maybe you were just asking the wrong questions. We don't have to bond, we-"

"But humans seem so obsessed, wouldn't you want-" Joy pressed a finger to his lips.

"Let me finish. Sex and bonding are two totally separate things, they can be done separately. Being human, not bonding really isn't an issue at all," she told him.

He still looked unsure, "The way Ratchet explained it, are you sure?"

"I asked Ratchet before I came back here," she assured him.

Lockdown hesitated a moment, he still looked unsure, but pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly, "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course, I can't blame you for trying to protect me. Just make sure next time you tell me what is bothering you so we can fix it together. And no matter how horrible the things were that you did while you were brainwashed, that has no effect on how much I love you, all that matters to me is who you are now that you've overcome the brainwashing," she told him before kissing him. After a moment she pulled away just a little, "We should head outside, Ratchet said serval Autobots should be showing up shortly."

"I have a few things I need to finish checking on in here," he replied then tightened his arms around her, "I promise I'll be out there at your side soon. It's probably best the Autobots meet you first anyways, the last time they saw me, was less than pleasant."

"You mean you were in an epic battle and literally mopped the floor with that yellow bot's face?" Joy said grinning.

"How did you know about that?" Lockdown asked.

"Tim had a video of the fight that was sent to the station and he showed it to me, you were pretty amazing. I'd love to see you in action in person."

"I might be able to make that happen, those Autobots certainly need some hard lessons in hand to hand combat," Lockdown replied.

Joy grinned, "I can't wait," she said before giving him a quick kiss and leaving him to finish his work.

Barely half an hour later three cars and a large military truck pulled into the farm and Ratchet told Joy who each one was as they pulled up the driveway.

"What did they do to your leg?" Crosshairs demanded as soon as he transformed.

"At least he is alive, a week ago we thought he was dead," Drift pointed out.

"Drift is right, a damaged leg is nothing to be complained about when I could have died. It is healing well, within a day or two I won't even need the cane," Ratchet replied.

"Guess that's true. Who's the human? Is she trust worthy?" Crosshairs asked, pulling out a gun and pointing it at her barely a foot from her face.

Joy pushed the gun aside, "Joy McFerran. This is my farm."

"Not intimidated easily are ya?" Crosshairs asked.

"Might be if I ran into someone who was actually intimidating," Joy replied.

"Well aren't you a tough one. Ratchet how did you find this one?" Crosshairs asked.

"Actually she found me, if not for her I'd still be imprisoned in Lockdown's spark vault," Ratchet told them.

"No way, this little human found Lockdown's ship, got on board and freed you? We've been looking for that ship since it disappeared right after the battle in China," Hound said.

"Do you still know where the ship is? How did you get inside of it?" Bumblebee asked through a number of audio clips.

"We're standing under the ship. Sometimes Sunfire takes me in, but mostly Shadow takes me if I need to go into the ship," Joy replied.

"Who are Sunfire and Shadow?" Bumblebee asked.

"Sunfire is another bot and Shadow-" Joy whistled and all four Steeljaws came running out of the barn to her, she turned to pet each one until they started to growl and she was quickly pushed back behind them as all four growled at the four bots who had drawn their weapons, "Are you trying to get yourselves killed? Put those weapons away!" Joy demanded.

"But those things are dangerous," Bumblebee told her.

"They're only dangerous if they think you're going to hurt me, now put the weapons away," when none of the bots moved Joy added, "If you hurt my dogs I will rip your sparks out and throw them into a trash compactor."

"Do as she says, we're in no danger from them," Ratchet assured them.

The bots reluctantly put their weapons away and the steeljaws relaxed and returned to Joy's side where she could pet them.

"She's not the least bit intimidated when a gun is in her face, she treats steeljaws like they're puppies. Are you sure she's human and not one of those bots that can look like organics?" Crosshairs asked.

"She's most certainly human, but quite a remarkable one," Ratchet told him.

"Totally human, just hard to be intimidated by you when I know for a fact my boyfriend could mop the floor with anyone one of you," Joy said then looked up at Ratchet, "They didn't know the dogs would be here, did you tell them anything about what's going on here?"

"I thought it might be better to explain it in person," Ratchet replied.

"I'm going to go in and tell the guys to stay in there until you explain what's going on. You are so lucky the guys haven't come out here yet, you could have gotten these four injured or killed," Joy told him before she climbed onto Shadow's back.

"Hey, we can stand our own in a fight just fine," Crosshairs told her.

"He's right we've been fighting Decepticons for millennia, human or bot you really think this boyfriend of yours is good enough to take us on?" Bumblebee asked.

"Let's just say you're lucky he's not interested in fighting you guys, because I've seen video of him mopping the floor with your face and I'm sure he could do it again," Joy replied before heading into the ship.

Before she was out of hearing range she heard Bumblebee say, "She can't mean who I thinking she does."

"Like I said, she's quite a remarkable human," Ratchet replied just before Joy was out of earshot.

She had just made it to the top of the ramp into the ship when she heard Crosshairs and Hound below loudly exclaim, "She's dating Lockdown!"

"Well hope you weren't wanting to wait for them to find that out," Lockdown said making Joy jump at his sudden appearance at the door.

"That wasn't Ratchet's fault, I may have been bragging a bit," Joy told him.

"Really?"

"Well Crosshairs seems to think a proper introduction involves pointing a gun at person's face. He seemed disappointed when that didn't faze me and I just told him my boyfriend could mop the floor with anyone of them. Not surprisingly I think Bumblebee figured out who I was talking about pretty quickly," Joy explained.

"He pulled a gun on you?" Lockdown asked.

"Yes, but I don't think- where are you going?" Joy asked as Lockdown stormed down the gangplank.

Joy hesitated just a moment to admire the view before telling Shadow to follow him. By the time Joy reached the ground Lockdown had Crosshairs by the throat, "If you ever pull a gun on or threaten her in any way I will rip your spark out and crush it with my bare hands," Lockdown growled before throwing Crosshairs to the ground.

"Well aren't you two the perfect little pair, both ready to rip out the sparks of anyone who does something you don't like," Crosshairs said as he got back to his feet.

Lockdown looked down at Joy, raising an eye ridge.

"They pulled their guns when the steeljaws came out of the barn. I just informed them that if they hurt my dogs I would rip out their sparks and put them in a trash compactor. No one messes with my babies," Joy explained.

"I am a bad influence on you," Lockdown said.

"This is in no way because of you being around me, maybe because of everything we're dealing with this side of me comes out a little more, but it's hardly anything new for me. You can asked Tim about the bullies in 6th grade and he'll tell you I can get rather violent when defending those I care about. I ended up in detention for a month and one of the bullies lost a tooth and another had a broken nose. When it comes to defending myself or those I care about I'm not as innocent as you think I am," Joy told him.