Authors note: Great chapter title, huh? But anyways, new chapter. I just want to say thanks for reading this story, the next chapter will be the last one for this game before I decide to move on to either another Disneyland game or another game which I won't spoil here. I also want to recommend that I have a current story I'm working on called "Dystopia", maybe you guys will like it. So enjoy this new chapter and as always, please review and review "Dystopia" if you guys chose to read it, it's pretty good so far.

Chapter 4: Assholes are Delicious

O-O-O

As the loading screen appeared, Cole began another monologue about hunting or some shit like that.

"I knew then how my ancestors must have felt. Struggling to survive in a wilderness where the hunter is both predator and prey." Said Cole in dramatic fashion.

"Do you understand how your ancestors felt now, son? They hated this shit." Said Wendy, back in her father impersonation while Dipper laughed.

When the game loaded, Dipper was now walking through the savannah grasslands to his next objective.

"I thought that land in Montana? You said we had it in our family for generations?" Asked Dipper, back to his son impression.

"We did, but… due to a tear in the space time vortex, Montana and Uganda were in the same place for a long time before you were born. It's hard to understand, I know." Explained Wendy, making the twins burst out in laughter at the ridicules answer.

O-O-O

"Son, you need to find Beki." Said Wendy, acting concerned for Mbeki while Dipper chuckled.

"Where's Beki?" Asked Dipper, while Wendy was pronouncing Mbeki's name in a provocative manner.

"Mmmmbeki." Said Wendy, while the twins laughed at the pronunciation.

"Are you with Mbeki?" Asked Dipper.

"I am, and Mbeki is with child." Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the response. "When you go Mbeki, you don't go, Mbacki."

Dipper just snickered at the bad pun, while zooming in his rifle at a water buffalo he found in the distance. "I'm gonna shoot this buffalo in the face."

"No, son! No!" Exclaimed Wendy, but Dipper already took out the buffalo in one shot to the head. "Oh, that was Phil. You shot Phil."

That comment just made Mabel laugh out loud while Dipper held back his laughter, not expecting Wendy to name the water buffalo. After walking a few more steps, Dipper found some more water buffalo and started to shoot them.

"These are all Phil's family. Oh, that was Alice. No, Michael. Ah, Jill." Said Wendy, naming every buffalo Dipper killed as he finally laughed out loud with Mabel, not able to hold it back any longer. "You shot Michael in the ass."

The laughing was short lived however, as Dipper was caught in a mini cut scene with a lion pride coming from the grass, with the male lion with a large mane standing on top of a rock while calling all the female lions to attack Dipper.

"Oh God, it's a lion!" Exclaimed Dipper, as the female lions began charging towards him, with one of them getting Dipper into a quick time event. "Oh shit."

Dipper managed to kill the lion, but had about five more to fight, as he began running backwards to shoot while avoiding their attacks.

"See, this man lion sends his women after you first, to soften you up." Said Wendy, while Dipper was busy shooting lions, which proved to be a tougher challenge than he thought. "That makes him a pussy."

"These things are a lot harder to kill than wolves, dad." Said Dipper.

"That's because I gave them all steroids." Explained Wendy, making Dipper laugh. "You see, I put the steroids in my soy crops so when the lions go on a diet, I go up to them and sya "Hey, want some ste- soy beans? It'll help you lose weight for your fat asses."

"Wait, you deal drugs?" Asked Dipper. "I thought you were a farmer?"

"Farmers make jack shit with their crops, how else am I supposed to get cash?" Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the answer. "Besides, we're in Uganda, no one gives a fuck."

After killing all the female lions, the male lion came down and dragged Dipper into a quick time event, which resulted in an anti-climactic battle with the lion dead after one shot in the heart.

"You killed that lion?" Asked Wendy, surprised that the lion didn't take thousands of bullets to die.

"I think so. I did it, I did it!" Exclaimed Dipper, relived that he didn't have to spend all day killing one animal.

"I don't understand how that's possible." Said Wendy, wondering why it was so easy this time. "That bear from earlier was about seven hundred times harder to kill than those lions."

"Maybe it's because I didn't have to shoot it in the tail, which didn't work by the way." Said Dipper, while Wendy just rolled her eyes.

"I should have given that bear more steroids."

O-O-O

While Dipper was now walking on a dirt path surrounded by tall grass, a female lion suddenly appeared from the brush and bit Dipper, who had no idea about the lion until now.

"Ow, Fuck!" Exclaimed Dipper, as he shot the lion dead with a shotgun.

"Next time, shoot him in the nards." Advised Wendy, and as soon as she said that, another lion appeared and bit Dipper again.

"Ugh! Fucking lions." Said Dipper, clenching his teeth as he spoke, while missing multiple shots due to the stiff controls. "Really?"

After killing the lion, he shortly moved forward until, guess what? Another Lion, appered from the brush to maul Dipper from behind, who was getting fed up with constant lion attacks.

"Oh God!" Exclaimed Dipper, now getting frustrated over the amount of lion attacks.

"Son, he was behind you the whole time. Didn't you see him?" Asked Wendy.

"It's a she." Corrected Dipper, since female lions had no mane unlike males.

"Didn't you see her jump over your head?" Asked Wendy, while Dipper just killed the lion and moved onwards.

O-O-O

After walking for a short while, Dipper came across a dead water buffalo on the ground, while he shot a few vultures in case they came after him.

"Oh no, not Rudderford." Said Wendy in dramatic fashion.

"Rudderford?" Asked Dipper.

"Rudderford the water buffalo saved my life once." Said Wendy, while Dipper stood over the buffalo corpse.

"I'm gonna shot him in the dick." Said Dipper, as he shot the buffalo corpse where the groin should be.

"He doesn't have a dick. He never did." Said Wendy, making Dipper snicker. "He was a weird water buffalo."

After killing a few more animals, Dipper could see a shack in the distance which was his destination.

"Dad, I think I'm getting close to you now." Said Dipper as he looked around his surroundings. "The concentration of animals has went down significantly."

"I'm not in that shack." Said Wendy, trying to make Dipper go away from the shack. "Mbeki is not giving birth in that shack, I swear."

The twins just laughed at the lie as Dipper went inside the shack, only to find more supplies and a new weapon, the hunting crossbow.

"Hey look, a new weapon that I can't see when I pick it up. I'm blown away." Said Dipper sarcastically.

While Dipper left the shack and went back into an open grassland area, another lion pride came up and did the same pattern as last time.

"Oh, fuck me." Said Dipper, annoyed that he had to fight lions again.

"How about another lion?" Asked Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the offer.

While four female lions charged at Dipper, Wendy was now getting bored of the lions and while she still spoke in the father impersonation, you could tell by the tone of her voice that she was bored of them.

"Great, just four more of these stupid fuckers." Said Wendy sarcastically, as Dipper took out the lions one by one with the crossbow. "This is going to be so much fun."

"Dude. This crossbow is awesome." Said Dipper, noticing that the lions died in one hit with the crossbow, as he took out the male lion with one shot as well. "This is so much better now."

Wendy just sighed as she got up from the floor and plopped down on the chair Dipper was sitting on, while Dipper still sat on the chair with Wendy, moving back to give Wendy more leg room as Mabel just sat on the rug next to the chair.

"Dad? Is Mbeki giving birth yet?" Asked Dipper, going back into his son impression to get Wendy's attention, which it did as she answered back in her father impression.

"Are you retarded? Mbeki is a man." Answered Wendy, making Mabel laugh at the answer. "He can't give birth."

Dipper continued onward into several dirt paths surrounded by tall grass as followed his objective while Wendy still talked about the whole Mbeki thing.

"I never taught you what sarcasm is." Said Wendy, as Dipper just quietly chuckled at Wendy's response as she continued in a sarcastic tone. "Sarcasm is actually deadly. You can use it to kill animals."

"Really?" Asked Dipper, acting like an idiot.

"No." Answered Wendy immediately, making Dipper chuckle a bit louder.

Then the chuckling was interrupted when a lion attacked Dipper from the grass again, not really shocking Wendy or the twins at this point, as Dipper shot at the lion.

"Oh wow, another lion. How interesting." Said Wendy in a bored tone, making Dipper laugh at Wendy's bored tone. "I'm surprised that another lion would attack you here, son."

O-O-O

After going through several more ambushes of lions, Dipper reached an empty grassland area, above it is a small gorge that had a small herd of water buffalo grazing on, which Dipper took the liberty of aiming at with his rifle, while Wendy gave each of the buffalo names.

"These are my friends, son. There's Clarence. And there's uh, Randal, Carly."

"Which one is your favorite?" Asked Dipper, while Wendy continued naming the rest of the buffalo.

"Milford, Poodle, Rumpus, Sheepskin, Corn, Sand, Paper, and Tupac." Finished Wendy.

"Which one is your favorite?" Asked Dipper again, taking aim at the buffalo.

"My favorite is… Corn." Answered Wendy, as Dipper aimed at one of the water buffalo in the head.

"This one?" Asked Dipper about the buffalo in his sights.

"Yes. I love him." Answered Wendy.

Dipper then shot Corn with a single headshot as the rest of the herd ran away after hearing the gunfire.

"Hmmm. Maybe you shouldn't shoot my friends like that." Said Wendy, as Dipper continued to fire at the buffalo, killing a few more before they all ran away.

"Your friends are stupid, dad." Said Dipper, as Wendy acted in a way to show concern for virtual animals.

"Why are you shooting my friends and their brains like this?" Asked Wendy, acting concerned for the buffalo. "What have I ever done to you, son?"

"You sent armies of animals to hunt me down." Answered Dipper, as the buffalo came back and Dipper shot each one that did. "Look, they're so stupid that they're coming for more."

"They're trying to be your friend again." Said Wendy, as she tried to convince Dipper not to kill every water buffalo. "These are good animals. They know that the power of redemption is strong, and that you'll eventually stop shooting them and redeem yourself and become a good person."

"I don't think so, dad." Said Dipper, laughing between breaths as he killed every buffalo.

"You shot every single one." Said Wendy surprised, making Dipper laugh at Wendy's reaction. "This is… potentially the worst day of my life. You're such a sick individual."

"Oh god, their hearts are so delicious, dad." Mocked Dipper, as he collected their trophies and pretended to eat their hearts, until one of the water buffalo came down from the gorge and began charging at Dipper. "Oh god. This one is coming after me."

"Yeah, they're gonna get revenge on you, you fucking asshole." Said Wendy, as Dipper avoided the water buffalo along with the others behind it.

Dipper began shooting them as they ran, while Wendy called out their names as they got shot.

"Kill him. Get him Sally, Jimmy, Bonnie, Hortense, and Creeee-mate. Cremate." Called out Wendy, making the twins laugh at the last name. "Cremate, he never should have been named that."

O-O-O

While Dipper walked through a rocky path, Wendy couldn't help herself but feel bored of the game with nothing going on in the level, so she just began saying whatever she felt like saying, which was also probably the truth.

"Ugh son, do you have any weed?" Asked Wendy, while Dipper stifled a chuckle.

"Dude, you live in Africa." Answered Dipper, while Wendy went on rambling about Africa.

"It's legal here, everything is." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at Wendy's response. "You can do anything here, its chaos."

As Dipper collected a journal entry belonging to Mbeki, his voice came up to read it out loud, though that didn't mean anyone listened.

"Please son. Just one tab of acid maybe, anything to make this bearable." Asked Wendy, making the twins laugh further while Wendy chuckled between breathes. "I think I'm dying."

"Evil forces, are at work here." Said Mbeki's voice, finishing the last part of the journal.

"Don't believe Mbeki, he's a pathological liar." Warned Wendy, while Dipper laughed at the warning. "He's always lying to me."

Dipper eventually went into a cut scene, as Cole saw Mbeki looking over a cliff in front of him at a wildfire down below.

"Mbeki burned all those villages. He killed all those people. Get away from him as fast as you can or shoot him" Warned Wendy further, as Dipper stifled his chuckles.

Then a cheetah came from behind and pounced on Mbeki, while the cheetah turned around for the finishing blow, Dipper was dragged into a quick time event to kill the cheetah.

"Mbeki." Said Dipper and Wendy at the same time, as Dipper finished off the cheetah as it fell from the cliff while Wendy finished her sentence. "Please save my husband, Mbeki."

Dipper just chuckled at Wendy's response as the cut scene resumed, with Mbeki lying down wounded as he told Cole where to go.

"Alright son, one last hand job from Mbeki before he dies. And since I can't be there." Implied Wendy, to which Dipper refused.

"Oh my god, dad. No." Said Dipper as he walked away from Mbeki and back into the rocky path, while jumping down into a small gorge. "Alright dad, I'm coming for you."

"You're just leaving Mbeki there?" Asked Wendy.

"I have to." Answered Dipper.

"Without a farewell hand job?" Asked Wendy again, disappointed at Dipper's refusal. "Damn it, son. What's wrong with you?"

"I was raised by an asshole." Replied Dipper, as he was ambushed by two cheetahs.

"I love assholes, son. Have you ever licked a cheetah's asshole, son?" Responded Wendy, as Dipper tried to hold back his laughter at the disgusting joke, while Mabel just found that joke nasty but surprisingly funny. "You just put some mayo or Worcestershire's sauce on there, it's delicious. They love it."

As Dipper finished off the cheetahs while holding back his laughter, he only had one thing to say about Wendy's asshole joke. "Dad, you are a sick pervert."

"Suck a cheetah's ass with Worcestershire's sauce, son. And then come back and you tell me."

O-O-O

"I'm looking for medical supplies for Mbeki." Informed Dipper, as Wendy kind of dozed off for a bit, as Dipper found himself looking at a flipped over pickup truck by the side of the road. "Did you do this?"

"No, son. I would never flip a truck upside down. But I was in it when it was flipped upside down." Answered Wendy, as she gave her explanation as to what happened. "I was attacked by a… a weasel."

"A weasel?" Asked Dipper skeptically. "It was a weasel?"

'Yes, son. The Ugandan Weasel, those fuckers are aggressive." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at the answer. "They're rare, but they could take on at least a thousand salad wolves at once."

After some more tedious crap, Dipper found himself a pickup truck to drive as another pickup truck came from behind to follow him.

"Son, you're gonna have to outrun this cheetah, he's an ace driver." Said Wendy, referring to the driver in back as a cheetah, making Dipper chuckle at the dumb thought. "I've raced him before. If you just keep turning, he'll lose. Cheetahs were never good at turning anyways."

After even MORE tedious crap that was not too interesting, Dipper found himself on the next level, with Mbeki driving the truck as water buffolo came charging from behind as a stampede, running from the fiery blaze behind as Dipper shot any buffolo that came too close form hitting the truck.

"Dad, what the hell is going on?" Asked Dipper, confused at the high concentration of buffalo. "There's like a million water buffalo out here."

"Nature is taking revenge on you, son." Explained Wendy, as she gave further explanation to the chaos around. "I've sent out ten divisions of water buffolo to destroy you."

"Divisions?" Inquired Dipper.

"Divisions. There's ten divisions." Responded Wendy. "You better watch your ass."

Then Dipper went into a cut scene that showed the truck jumping from a broken bridge on fire to the other side.

"Jump it, son! Jump it!" Exclaimed Wendy in the most unenthusiastic way possible. "Yay!"

The twins just chuckled until a rhino immediately came charging at Dipper from the side, surprising Dipper that a rhino even appeared.

"A rhino?!" Exclaimed Dipper surprisingly.

"It's fine." Said Wendy, casually waving off the rhino's presence.

"A fucking rhino, dad!" Exclaimed Dipper again, concerned about the rhino if it would lead into an annoying boss fight.

"This might be what tipped over that other truck, son." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh out loud. "I thought it was a weasel, but maybe it was a rhino."

Then the rhino hit the truck from its side so hard, it flung Cole from the truck and into an arena like area, similar to the bear boss fight, except surrounded by old concrete walls instead of ice and rocks. Then the rhino pushed away the truck, while flipping it over in every way possible manner.

"Mbeki, no!" Exclaimed Dipper as the rhino pushed the truck over. "Oh god. That can't be good for his unborn child."

O-O-O

After the cut scene, Dipper's fear came true as a health bar for the rhino appeared above the screen, as the rhino charged at Dipper in familiar fashion as the bear, except it was faster and harder to kill than the last boss battle.

"This will be similar to that bear fight, son. Except even more annoying and stupid." Said Wendy as the rhino charged at Dipper again, repeating the same strategy as Dipper found it a hard time to keep up with the rhino.

"Dad, where do I shoot rhinos?" Asked Dipper, expecting advice from Wendy on how to kill the rhino.

"It doesn't matter son, they're invincible." Answered Wendy, which made Dipper laugh at the answer.

"Please Dad, I need you." Pleaded Dipper. "How did Spider Man beat The Rhino?"

"Son, have you ever licked a rhino's asshole?" Asked Wendy, not giving the proper advice to Dipper which somewhat annoyed him.

"No dad, I haven't licked any rhin- buttholes" Said Dipper as he continued to shoot the rhino.

One Hour Later

After numerous tries and asshole licking jokes from Wendy, Dipper managed to beat the rhino by killing it with his crossbow, relieved that he finally won.

"I did it, dad. I beat that dumb fucking rhino." Said Dipper, not as enthusiastically as he would have acted if it didn't take so many deaths to beat the rhino. "And I saved you wife… I mean husband."

As the game went into a cut scene, Dipper expected an answer from Wendy who was just staring at the screen blankly with a bored expression, while Mabel just fell asleep from Dipper's constant failure at the game, before Dipper nudged at Wendy to get her attention.

"Wah- oh sorry, son. I was zoned out, I was thinking of rhino butthole." Said Wendy, making Dipper snicker at the joke while Mabel yawned and woke up.

Then Mbeki knocked Cole down during the cut scene, getting the group's attention as Mbeki explained why he did that.

"I will not see you fall victim to the same curse that destroyed your father." Said Mbeki, while Wendy finished Mbeki's sentence with her own words.

"The curse. The curse of being addicted to delicious animal butthole." Said Wendy, making Mabel giggle while Wendy took a deep sniff to emulate the addiction as she looked at Dipper. "Son, you don't want this. You don't want to be addicted to this, son. You have to get out of Uganda. It's like crack, except its… buttholes."

O-O-O

Next time on Dangerous Hunts 2011

"What the hell, dude!?" Exclaimed Dipper, as he got hit by rocks thrown by monkeys.

"They're throwing their own feces at you, son." Said Wendy, making Mabel laugh out loud.

"This shit, hurts more than a fucking jaguar biting me." Complained Dipper. "How do they have so much shit?"

"It was thanksgiving for the baboons yesterday." Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh out loud with Mabel. "They're VERY, very full."

O-O-O

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2011.