Days pass like a dream, fuzzy around the edges and warm with joy. Smiles and not so secret glances shared between her and the boys. Snickers and taunts barely held back, if at all, whenever they run across each other during their busy days.

Still their schedules don't match up, but now they make the effort. To take a breather or two, all three in a circle formation sitting in an isolated corner of the park. They spend the short time together complaining about Sasuke's overly healthy diet, ignoring Naruto's constant need for ramen, and sidestepping her hesitant suggestions.

But, in truth, she sees the idea settle on their faces. Contemplation deepening Sasuke's blank expression and contorting Naruto's face.

Little hints here and there as they languidly lie together, a mass of limbs twisted over and around each other, relaxed and spent. She jokes of conveniences and how easy it would be if only their belongings were in each other's houses.

Of course she doesn't mind sharing. Wearing orange or black doesn't bother her, nor the way either men's eyes shone with desire as she walked about in their clothing.

But she longs for a place to call their home. Not Sasuke's, Naruto's, or Sakura's.

A place for them to wait for the others, rather than their noticeable waiting outside of each other's work. The less-than-accidental way they drift, together, into each other's homes.

Not that it bothers her, how easily Sasuke agrees to come to her home so long as Naruto is involved. Or how Naruto follows, dutifully, be it her or Sasuke's home.

But she wants, very much, a time to be one-on-one with either of her boys, once in a while. To feel and understand each other outside of their tangled three.

Because she knows, in her heart, that affections aren't equal. Can feel it every time Naruto leaves the room, with Sasuke withdrawing from her soon after.

She doesn't know if she's welcomed to join him, to talk when their blond counterpart is absent. Doesn't know what to say without Naruto.

And, with a heavy heart, she accepts the fact that her boys would be fine together alone. That, perhaps, they would work just as well without her. Sasuke's eyes says as much, whenever she spies him staring at their oblivious team member. And Naruto's need to have their taciturn lover as happy as he could be while annoying the daylights out of him shows as much, if not more than his obsession years ago.

It breaks her heart to know she's unnecessary; a bonus rather than an essential part, of their relationship. But she sees that they, all three, can function as a whole.

Feels happy to see them laughing and bickering and glowing with love every time they are all together, in a pile of sweat and unmentionables. Elated when their eyes, their bodies, include her own, even with the challenge, the glare, that sometimes shines in Sasuke's ebony eyes.

So, for all their sakes, she wants to know. Wants to clearly see the line drawn.

A home to coax all their secrets out in the open.

And so she hints and jokes, all to bring the thought of living together in the forefront of their mind without too much pressure.

All in the hopes of moving forward.

They are happy, even when rumors buzz around them as they, all three, shop for food supplies to stock each other's fridges. The whispers not so subtle, especially when they brush against each other so familiarly.

They are content, as they fight over the blanket in their sleep, always too small for three to share, no matter which house they crash. Despite buying the largest blanket available, always they end up with Naruto laid bare and Sakura halfway covered, especially since Sasuke loved to hog it all.

They are joyful, as Sasuke fails to cook them anything past boiled and bland, Sakura comes up with something inedible, and Naruto, very surprisingly, picks up cooking like a professional so long as he's shown what to have and do.

They are merry, even when she turns up sick every once in a while, no doubt a result of their hard night and harder drinking.

And they are whole, as each day they talk about the progresses of their careers while their bodies cool and their hearts slow to normal.

Bliss, they are in utter bliss for two months until reality gradually creeps in.

Naruto's time turns more and more compact. Meetings upon meetings with leaders in Konoha and dignitaries from afar push their trysts further and further apart. There are days when they see him for a minute or so and others when they'd see him only after the sun's gone down.

And her belly steadily grows, a surprise but expected change. After all they've never worn protection, considering they only have eyes for each other. That it took as long as it did for her to conceived is a surprise.

So their days offs, rare as they are, focus on their future resting quietly within her. Shopping for supplies, which they dutifully bring to a clean, unused room within Sasuke's house.

None of them have discussed logistics and legalities but they all feel it. The need, maybe Konoha's but definitely hers and Naruto's, for Sasuke to have a family. An heir, perhaps, or just a connection to the world outside of the past.

And so they, pointedly, bring Sasuke along their shopping sprees. Disregarding the hushed whispers. Always asking his opinions despite his perturbed frowning in response to their glee.

But Naruto's time grows shorter and shorter still. Stops coming, all together, with hastily thrown apologies at both of them and a promise to meet next time.

Days pass with apologies upon apologies slipping past brown lips, until it's his aides coming out to meet her and Sasuke. Hapless children bearing the brunt of Sasuke's displeased scowl as they stammer Naruto's excuse before scurrying away.

And the apologies increase in frequency until even their late night activities are halted

And Naruto disappears from both their lives.

Without an explanation.

It picks at their abandonment issues. Gnaws at it till their nerves are bare and painful.

She remembers the day she'd been pushed aside, disregarded without a second glance by her love. Twice, three times over and the fact that he still continues to do so with every scowl he throws at her.

The fact that she's seen, too many times, her boys walking away. Their backs turned towards her as they left her behind.

And Naruto's absence awakens the hurt she's constantly burying.

It feels horrible for her but Sasuke... Seeing Sasuke and knowing so much of Sasuke's thoughts and hard fought feelings. How much he's banked on the life they've been living recently...

Sasuke's clan left in a spray of blood and failed anarchy.

Sasuke's brother left with a kind smile and even kinder gift.

But Sasuke's love vanishes without a word.

And the happiness that's buoyed them for months come crashing down, just as the shine in his eyes dull and his mouth returns to it's perpetual frown.

A love requited and lost.

Regressing and walls rising up higher than ever before right before her eyes.

"Sasuke-kun..." Always she starts, but can't continue. Not when his dark eyes flash, desolate, towards her.

Face an unreadable slate, clean of emotions but the pain in his eyes, shining so strongly that anyone looking would, could see, how deeply their lover's disappearance had cut in the heart he'd bared.

Naruto's disappearance is a blackhole in the space left on the right side of their bed.

A bleeding wound in the silence that overtakes them every time they end up, somewhat mindlessly, in Sasuke's home at the end of the day.

A terror as she observes Sasuke throw himself further into work. Volunteering for missions outside the village on his off days, even though the peace throughout the land hardly needed a powerhouse ninja to be active.

Notices the bruises and cuts he's inflicted on himself, be it reckless battles or even more reckless training.

Sometimes, when her courage wins over her fear, she approaches him. Comes close like a human towards a hurt, cornered animal, in order to heal his wounds. Prepare his body for another beating.

So that nothing would be permanent.

Though she can do nothing for his mind.

And all the while her belly grows, enough that she has to buy clothing rather than wearing Sasuke's slightly larger shirts. Expands healthily, splitting her time and energy into three. Work, baby, and Sasuke.

Once, she suggests to ask, straight out, where Naruto is from his aides, only to meet with furious pride snarling viciously at her. Sasuke's heart hurting and lashing out. And, once, she seeks out the answer herself, only to meet obvious evasion and point blank refusal. Even Kakashi and Tsunade speaks of Hokage secrets, classified and unreachable.

And so she perseveres, with a hand gently patting her unborn child to calm her nerves every time Sasuke's resentment filled eyes chose her as an outlet. Perhaps blaming her, blaming them for driving away his happiness.

Usually she shrugs it off, steeling her heart for the defensive behavior she knows is Sasuke's only recourse. But her hormones are out of balance, the burden too much and she feels wetness trail her cheeks one day, steadily as she stares at him.

Layers of frustrations, stresses, and sadness building and cycling through her.

He is not the only one left abandoned.

She, too, misses the laughter freely given. The warmth.

And her mouth opens, rapid fire and full of anguish. Her fears and hopes, the things he does that Naruto would disapprove.

Her anger and confusion, that Naruto would leave everything without a single word.

And she admits, her heart cracking more than it already has been, that they could have, would have, worked without her.

As it always has.

She pleads and cries, not about her love for him and how she could fix him, but for Naruto's sake.

Naruto wouldn't want them to be like this.

Naruto wouldn't want them swimming in regrets and doubts.

Naruto wouldn't want a child born in a broken home.

And her mind flashes to the last smile Naruto had given her as he held a tiny onesie, pearly whites gleaming with his grin. So happy for their child.

Rubbing her eyes clear while her tears furiously escaped her swipes. Her mind keeps replaying the sense of belonging, of contentment as they spoke of the future, all three of them. Peas in a pod.

Naruto wasn't dead and yet they've fallen apart so easily. Too easily.

Her crying starts anew, shaking her whole frame and taking up the space of Sasuke's silence.

But somehow a word wriggles through her wracking sobs.

"Sorry," drifts into her hearing, low and full of unhappiness waiting to spill over. "I-" Sasuke chokes, wet and cracking. "Sorry."

Her eyes clear, for just a second, enough to see his hand clenched and wringing itself to whiteness. His stiff form just waiting to break apart at the seams. So taut, shaking at the shoulders. Solid but so, so far away from her.

"Sasuke-kun, not you too." It takes an effort not to reach for him. To keep her eyes glued on him as droplets fell from her face, "I can't..." She swallows a whine, a sob, as the tears slid silently. Words barely slipping past her lips, fighting to be heard." I can't do this alone."

And he crumbles right before her eyes. Shoulders shaking harder as he gulps in air, audible, haltingly. Tears being pushed back, hiding past the wall they'd once brought down. Approach her awkwardly, until he is beside her, an uncertain arm extended.

Lending a shoulder as her insecurity flooded from her heart to her eyes.

Her tears start anew, though she smiles. Perhaps an echo to the lilting curve on his pale lips. She comes to him, all snot and ungainly. Red faced and torn at the edges.

Both of them.

His arm gingerly pats her back, while she feels him down the emotions struggling to the surface.

"I won't," His voice reverberates, gravely but determined.

They marry.

Without a formal ceremony, in front of astounded eyes, they marry.

As the leaves turned ruddy shades of orange, almost brown and reds. Vaguely reminds them of carefree smiles and childish flirting.

But there are no happy smiles from the couple at their wedding. No blushing bride and bashful groom.

Business. Pragmatism. Their faces, stoic.

She signs her name under the Uchiha clan register, with hardly a blink or a beat of her heart.

Sasuke, too, signs silently, always silently beside her. Distant as he's ever been.

Witnesses, the Haruno's, Kakashi, Iruka, Tsunade and Shizune, a mix of surprised and contemplation.

And the ordeal ends forty five minutes, with polite bows from the newly wed couple and confused titters all around.

They exist harmonious enough under the Uchiha main house.

Her studies plodding along, slower in progress as her belly grows. Gaining weight and patience as her body and heart craved but settled for what is given.

Sasuke, less reckless but just as restless as before. Flitting here and there to fix a part of his creaking home, to baby proof a door or two. Hardly an unnecessary word of comfort uttered for either of them.

They eat together with polite conversations flowing almost smoothly from their mouths. Weather and household needs dispersed between silences almost unbearable.

They share household chores with light banter, mostly on her part, filling in the space between them. Sasuke tries to stop her as he eyes the bump rising on her midsection, but whatever he sees in her eyes every time she refuses quickly stills his tongue.

And they sleep together on the same huge bed, meant for three, with a space always in between.

They live in this comfort. A life unquestionable to an outsider. A slightly distant husband and his tolerating wife. A functioning, but hushed home.

Even though she wakes with tears in her eyes more often than not. Even though he flinches when her fingers grazes his skin, trying to chase the forlorn expression that overtakes his face within the quiet she can't fix.

Live for the child waiting within her, skirting around the elephant sitting squarely in their life.

But Naruto finally surfaces five months after disappearing, after a village wide summoning.

And her, their hearts leap. The trepidation, joy, and eagerness that drums in her chest mirrors the shine she sees blossom in Sasuke's eyes.

They hurry, running to the beat of their heart, her hand securely in Sasuke's grip as he pulls them forward. Through the standing crowd and the trance they've been living for the future. And they reach the point closest to the podium as Sasuke drops her hand.

But she doesn't, can't, hear anything that passes his lips, though the joyous uproar after every dramatic pause bursts through the fog. The words jumbling in her mind, like paints brought together and mixed, swirling and swirling until the colors blend into dark.

Naruto delivers a speech that makes no sense. Standing clothed in the Hokage's traditional robe behind the podium, face mature and all too foreign in her eyes. A small smile plastered on his face and a blushing bride securely beside him.

I forgot to upload this here... working on part 3