Remembering You

Eren knew everything of their past life but she remembered nothing. He was waiting for the day when he would find her again, when she remembered how much she meant to him.

"Eren, I'm telling you, you can't waste your paycheck on marshmallows and water guns."

"Why not?" Eren grumbled, but dropped the bags of marshmallows back onto the shelves. He eyed the water guns across the aisles, but made no move towards them. He really wanted to shoot Armin with the marshmallows while he slept.

Armin rolled his eyes, tugging his best friend away from the candy. "You have to save up for college. Classes start in a few weeks."

"I know that," Eren said, tossing a few packages of Ramen into the cart. "But thirty bucks on candy and toy guns is definitely not a waste."

"Yes it is." A cool, bored voice answered him. Eren stifled a groan.

Armin's face lit up as Annie paused next to the two boys, her bangs falling messily into her eyes. Eren could see Reiner and Bertholdt in the cereal aisle, filling a basket with several different brands.

"You only say that because you're no fun."

Annie shot him a look that once stopped his blood cold, taking a step towards him but halting at Armin's hand on her shoulder. Eren didn't hate Annie, not in the slightest, he hated that she remembered, that she'd found Armin again, and that the one person Eren wanted didn't know him at all.

Armin leaned down to plant a small kiss to Annie's cheek, laughing when she tried to push him away. "Are you coming to movie night tonight?"

"Yeah," Annie rolled her eyes. "Sasha wouldn't stop bothering me about it until I agreed. Said something about making up for lost time."

The blonde nodded understandingly. "She was the most recent to remember. Sasha's probably desperate to get us all together again, in a situation where we're not in immanent danger."

The three of them were silent for a moment, each reflecting on Armin's words. Their past lives felt like nothing more than confusing memories, or extremely vivid dreams, but they knew them well. The monsters called Titans, the fighting, their superiors and friends in the military, the death and all the blood… so much blood…

Her torso soaked in the same blood red that had adorned her neck for so long…

Eren shook his head, trying to focus back in on the conversation between the blonde couple.

Annie hooked a thumb over her shoulder. "Reiner and Bertl will be there too. Reiner got Marco to convince Jean, and you know Connie's game with anything. Sasha's rooming in the city with Ymir and Historia, so we'll all be there."

Eren stiffened, glaring at the floor. They wouldn't all be there. And the fucking movie night would be as empty as the rest of his life had felt since remembering his past. He'd known Armin since they were kids, and something had always felt off, but since learning of his past life and what she'd endured, the emptiness had hurt so much more.

It was why he wore the damn scarf every day, regardless of the weather.

Annie eyed him warily. "Sorry."

"Whatever." Eren pushed past her, grabbing a bag of chips from a stand as he stalked off. He heard Armin apologize, and promise to see her that night at Sasha's, before hurrying to meet Eren at the register.

"Eren," his tone laced with warning.

The brunette sighed. "I know. Sorry."

"You'll find her again." Armin began loading the food from the cart onto the conveyor belt. The cashier looked bored, popping gum and scanning the food with barely any thought, reading Armin his total in her light tone.

"What if I don't?" Armin shot him a look, but he ducked his head, grabbing a few of the bags. "I'm serious, Armin. What if the situation is so different now that she's living in Japan with her parents or something? What if seeing me again isn't what's meant to happen? Oh god, Armin, she'll remember everything."

"She might remember already." Armin murmured; shifting the bags he held into his other hand. Their apartment was only a few blocks away from the small marketplace. They paused the conversation to wait for the little Walkman across the street to turn green, focusing instead on not being hit by a biker as they crossed. "Would it really be so bad if she did?" Armin continued once they reached the sidewalk. "We remember everything. Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner do. Everyone does. We all know what happened, and she was always the strongest, do you really think it would break her?"

"Yes." Eren said softly. "Armin, she thought I was dead as she died. I don't even know if I managed to convince her I was alive. She was exhausted, missing limbs… bleeding everywhere…"

Armin placed a hand on his shoulder. "Stop, Eren. Thinking about it's only going to make you feel worse."

"I know."

Armin sighed, but didn't say anything else as they walked, weaving through people to get to their apartment. They still had a few hours until they had to get to Sasha's, and Eren just wanted to lock himself in his room until then, where he could wish her past life had ended differently, where he could wish he could've saved her.

A particularly loud shout from a bicyclist prompted Eren to look up, ready to shout back at the biker and probably cause a scene, but something stopped him. He paused at the sight, almost squinting to make sure he was really seeing it.

On a bench about half a block away, a young girl sat alone, her legs crossed and her head held up on her knuckles as she scrolled through her phone. Her shoulder-length black hair formed a curtain, hiding her face from him, but Eren didn't need anymore proof. The tan jacket that looked like their old military uniforms, the air of being unapproachable, it was all so familiar he swore his soul ached.

Eren didn't know how he was supposed to feel. Armin was never able to express how he'd felt when he found Annie again, Ymir was no help about when she found Christa, Sasha just said it felt like how eating did once she recognized Connie. When Eren remembered his past life, he'd been crushed, unable to leave the house for days, but now… now he felt like his life was coming back together, as if every missing piece was finding its place. Eren breathed easier despite the feeling that his lungs were about to explode.

She was there. She was there, sitting on the bench, alive and free of wounds and Eren hadn't been this happy since remembering her six years ago.

Mikasa…

"Eren!" He ignored Armin's shout- there was no way the blonde hadn't seen her- running toward her.

He needed a plan. He couldn't just run up to her and ask if she remembered him, the boy she confessed to in a battlefield, the monster turned human she had fallen in love with, the boy who promised to always protect her and then failed to do so at the most crucial moment… the boy who wasn't able to save her from her brutal death.

Eren shook his head. Those things were in the past and he couldn't just bombard her with questions. There was no guarantee she remembered him, or her past life, or anything they had gone through.

It hit him then, with only a few seconds to spare. It was the worst plan and it was terribly cliché but it was all he had, so at the last second, he pretended to trip, tossing the bag with the least amount of breakable things in it, scatting the contents across the pavement.

He skid across the sidewalk a little, feeling pebbled embed themselves into his palms, but he didn't care; all that mattered was-

"Are you okay?"

Mikasa stood up quickly, gathering his things and placing them into the discarded plastic bag, dropping down to her knees in front of him, still holding onto the bag.

Eren's heart was beating like crazy. He felt whole again. He sat back onto his own knees and looked up, his breath catching at the sight of her. His memories had been fuzzy, never quite able to make a clear picture of the girl he'd so hopelessly fallen for. But now he knew that his memories would never have done her justice.

Her stormy grey eyes were laced with concern, her nose furrowed as she examined his face. Her skin was pale porcelain, probably just as soft as he remembered it being. How Eren lived so long without her was a mystery.

"- Should be more careful," Mikasa finished, holding out the bag to him.

"Huh?" Eren blinked, eyeing the bag and then the girl in front of him. He wanted to wrap her in his arms again.

Her thin eyebrows pulled towards her eyes as she frowned, letting go of the bag once he had a hand on it. "Why are you crying?"

A million memories flooded his mind at once as Eren reached up towards his eye, and sure enough there were tears dripping from it. Did that mean…?

Mikasa made no move to leave, or any move to indicate that she remembered the significance of that question. "Oh, uh, the fall hurt a lot, I guess."

"Oh." She tucked her phone into her jacket pocket, reaching up to her neck, faltering at the last second and brushing a hand through her hair.

"Do you do that a lot?" Eren asked suddenly, surprising her.

Mikasa blinked. "I suppose. It's a habit I've had since I was younger."

She didn't remember him.

Eren felt his heart sink. His only love didn't know who he was. Now he really did have an excuse for his tears.

Eren moved quickly, reaching up to his neck and whipping the scarf away from his skin. Mikasa eyed him warily.

"What are you-?"

Before she could continue, Eren threw the scarf around her own neck, wrapping it clumsily, and throwing the end against her face. Mikasa's eyes widened, reminding him of the broken girl he'd once wrapped in a similar fabric, but she didn't move away from him.

"Why-?"

Eren smiled sadly, standing up and offering her his hand. She took it without question. "You looked cold." He lied; it was summer, if anything the scarf would only suffocate her. He didn't let go of her hand.

Mikasa adjusted the scarf into a familiar knot, the ends dropping between the folds of her jacket. Her fingers threaded into the fabric slowly, as if they had done it a million times before.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mikasa." Fuck.

He expected a harsh reaction. Hanji, his old chemistry teacher, once told him that forced memories and slip-ups could make someone angry, even volatile, but Mikasa only looked confused and a little frustrated. "How do you know…?"

"Hey, brat!" Eren dropped her hand, recognizing the voice as one he'd heard for years. He was still as short as Eren remembered, haircut in the same style as his past life, stupid cravat still in place at his neck. He didn't even notice Eren. "Let's go. My apartment is this way."

Mikasa nodded. "Okay, Levi." She looked up at Eren again, staring as if trying to make sense of something. He felt short of breath again, maybe… "Thank you again, uh," she trailed off.

"Eren."

Levi stiffened. Mikasa gave him a small smile, "Thank you, Eren." The two of them turned away, walking towards the next crosswalk. Levi paused for a second as they waited to cross the street that would take them further away from Eren. He turned to face the brunette, nodding once. Mikasa noticed, turning around as well, as Levi faced the street again, the same soft smile in place. "See you later, Eren." She called back to him before Levi tugged on her wrist to cross.

Eren didn't notice the company until Armin squeezed his shoulder. He wiped his eyes messily. His heart had broken again.

"Eren-"

"She didn't remember." Eren laughed bitterly. "How could she not remember?"

Armin didn't say anything for a moment. "Maybe there's no guarantee that someone will get those memories back. Did you-?"

"No. It wouldn't be right to try to force her to remember."

Armin took the bags from him, and they both sat on the bench Mikasa had previously occupied. Eren briefly wondered how bad it was for Armin, who'd lost his best friend that day, a best friend who didn't even know he existed.

"I'm sorry, Eren."

Eren slouched into the bench, staring at the uneven cracks in the sidewalk. "Me too." He murmured, his mind filled with images of his past life- nights spent intertwined, stories told when they couldn't sleep, her face the first time she told him she loved him, her face when he said it back, the calm look on her features when she died in the field, held tightly in his arms as he screamed and cried for her to wake up. He remembered it all and she didn't know any of it.

He stared at the street she'd crossed until night fell and Armin told him they needed to go.