A/N: I want to thank everyone who stuck through this fic with me. It really means a lot.Enjoy the final chapter of Picket Fence.
Chapter 18/ Eight Years Apart.
Hiro was hopeful. Hopeful that he and Tadashi would wind up together again. They had finally let out all their bad feelings out at the hospital. And even though, even though Tadashi had an uneasy expression whenever Hiro came to visit, he knew he had to be patient. 'Give it time, Hiro. He'll come around…'
One night over dinner, Hiro looked up at his Aunt carefully. There was something he wanted to bring it up, but was nervous about it. He took in a deep breath.
"Hey Aunt Cass…" he piped up over their silent eating.
"Yes, Hiro?" She replied quickly, seemingly happy to have him fill the silence.
"I was wondering if it would be possible for Tadashi to come back home? I mean, he had such a tough time, and I could even take the garage if that eased your mind…" he brought up, but his voice trailed away when he saw how much her eyes had widened. It was a look he never really seen on his Aunt. Hiro wasn't even sure how to read it. Was it fear? Hiro looked down wishing he hadn't seen the look at all.
"I understand you boys have been through so much, and I miss your brother too. But I don't think he would could come back even if I did offered it to him. He told me yesterday, that Fred and Wasabi want him to come back now that he's getting better. I think it's important for him to have that support of his friends." His aunt answered hollowly.
Hiro inhaled sharply, not sure what he was expecting, but he figured this was probably one of the better responses his Aunt could muster. It still didn't make the next few months any easier with his Aunt watching over him, and Tadashi pretty much avoiding him at all costs. Hiro knew his brother was being left in good hands, but it still hurt to know things were changing between them. And at this point, Hiro was unsure if he was even capable of meeting him in the middle. To Hiro, it was all or nothing, and Tadashi was definitely leaning towards the side of nothing.
Not to mention, family dinner nights being a joke. One night, Hiro decided partake, and it was like there was this giant elephant in the room that everyone was stepping around. So from there on out, Hiro gave them the formality of skipping coming downstairs the nights Tadashi came around. Hiro stopped going to school as well. After having a crooked professor and all that honestly just killed it for him. With no drive to do anything else, (not that it would make a difference at this point) pot became more relevant in his life; to the point where he no longer attempted to hide it from his Aunt.
When she mentioned treatment he asked her if she would prefer him to cut himself again, and that made things go quiet for a couple months. Tadashi still would come for "family night", and Hiro would take off out through his bedroom window to see if his brother would come after him. Not once. For a period of time it was nearly daily that Hiro would go bot fighting; still no Tadashi. His brother really was done caring.
Time blurred together from there. Hiro found that his memory was definitely hazed, and he was having trouble remembering how much time had lapsed between his first hit in the morning, and the next hits to follow. This was his life for the over the next year and a half. It was only a matter of time of when his Aunt would finally snap, but Hiro was always too high to even care to notice. One of the very few things he cared to have other than his escapism, was adrenaline, and he only ever felt that when fleeing from a bot fight. And he had to pay for all of that pot somehow.
"Hiro." She spoke harshly one night as he walked in through the front door. It was after 2 A.M. Mochi hobbled off her lap as she stood up, as she folded her arms tightly together.
"Hey Aunt Cass." He spoke back casually. "What are you doing up?"
"I should be asking you the same thing. Care to explain what the hell you were thinking?" she questioned.
"Oh you know, I was just out fucking Tadashi, because that's what we do when we see each other." Hiro slurred. He had found some bum passed out on the street with half a bottle of vodka still left. Hiro decided to swipe it, and have the rest for himself.
"Tadashi was over here tonight. He brought Honey Lemon too, they just got engaged." She announced sounding tired, "he asked me if I would call you down, so he could tell you himself. That's when I saw you leaving out your window, and I told him you were sleeping."
Hiro laughed, "How fucking noble of you."
Aunt Cass ran her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath in. "Alright. I get it." She sighed sounding absolutely exhausted. "I get it. I'm the bitch. I am the bitch who made your brother move out. I am the bitch for lying to him, and telling him you are okay every week when he asks me how you are doing, when you obviously aren't okay. I am the bitch for—" she turned, and grabbed the plate full of wings that were Hiro's. She held it high in the air then let it drop not even flinching when the plate shattered, "making you dinner every night even though I know you probably won't eat a single bite of it. I am the bitch who has no clue what she's doing when it comes to raising you or Tadashi!"
Hiro stood there, stunned and silent for a good few minutes as she stood glaring and shaking.
"Aunt Cass I'm sorr—"
"I don't want to hear it!" she shouted before he could finish. "Just go to your room."
"Aunt Cass… I didn't mean to…"
"Just go. Now, Hiro." She pointed to the stairs, and Hiro stumbled along quickly, afraid to know what she would do if he didn't listen. Not even a full minute went by until Hiro over heard more crashing dishes, and loud thuds.
Hiro sat in his bed in a curled up position. His Aunt had never broke down like this before. Not once. He felt hot tears run down his face when it fully sunk in that this was all his fault. She had been trying so hard to help him, and care for him. And this was how he repaid her? After the time he had been kidnapped, he swore to himself he would never mistreat his Aunt Cass ever again, and he somehow managed to do the exact opposite of that.
"Ow Shh— God damn it!" Aunt Cass yelped from downstairs, and despite his better judgement Hiro raced downstairs.
"Aunt Cass?" He called out, then found her curled up on the living room floor holding her foot. Nearby was a shattered vase that must have fell on her foot.
"It's nothing, Hiro… I'm fine." She insisted, but he crouched down beside her anyway.
"Let me look at it." He instructed, and she hesitantly pulled her hands away. He carefully peels back her sock, and flinched at how swollen it was already.
"I'm going to help you over to the couch, then get you some ice okay?" he offered. When he saw his Aunt nod, he does just as he said he would, and returned at her side with a hand towel full of ice.
"First of all, I never thought you were a bitch." He told her leaning his head on her shoulder.
"And second of all, what the hell was that? I didn't even know you there was side of you that was even capable of rage."
His Aunt sighed, "Well… let's just say neither did I."
Hiro laughed a bit, "All that stuff I said was really stupid. I'm sorry."
His Aunt nodded knowingly. "I heard you at the top of the steps; that creak of you getting up when they announced their engagement. I let you go because… no matter how twisted it is for me to think this way. It's better for you to find your own way of coping, then to ignore what I know." She felt Hiro stiffen at that, but when he doesn't respond vocally she ran his fingers through his hair.
"You don't need to cut, smoke, or drink to get over Tadashi. You just need a purpose." As she told him that, he scoffed.
"Get over him? Is that what we're calling this?" Hiro questioned, and his aunt shrugged.
"I don't know what you want me to say to that." His aunt responded quietly.
"I don't know either." He mumbled covering half of his face in hand, as he tried to sort through his mind. But quite frankly, it was clouded in booze and pot that was really making it difficult.
"All I know is that your fix is only temporary. Whatever Tadashi was to you, he's not that anymore. He never should have been, either. Tadashi has figured out what he needs to do, and that's surround himself with friends… and start a real relationship with somebody." She spoke, and as she said the words "real relationship" Hiro had to do everything he could not to outwardly cringe like he wanted to.
"Maybe I'm just upset that I can't ever have my brother back. The one that I used to build robots, and share ideas with. Maybe I'm upset that the most important person in my life is leaving me behind, so he can fix his mistakes. Maybe that's the part I'm upset about. I never asked for all that other stuff. I never wanted it in the first place. I never asked him to do any of this to me." Hiro confessed, and he was literally shaking.
His Aunt shifted so she could reel him into a hug. "Hiro…"
He buried his face into her shoulder. "Why can't I just have my brother back? Why can't he have his life… and me too? Why can't we just be the brothers we are supposed to be? Why do I have be the one that suffers, and figure it all out on my own?" he questioned, and his Aunt just rubbed his back as he dissolved into sobs.
Breaking down like that in front of Aunt Cass was never apart of Hiro's plan. He never wanted to expose to her how vulnerable he was without Tadashi in his life. She didn't answer any of his questions, or try defend Tadashi in any sort of way. Hiro almost wished he would have. He craved for somebody to tell him that Tadashi meant more than this to him. That he wouldn't just leave his brother behind bruised, and broken.
Recovery from there wasn't easy. To be completely honest, Hiro wasn't even sure that it was even possible. After the talk with his Aunt, Hiro was reluctant to give up all the bad habits he developed to cope with whatever life threw at him. But despite his hesitation, he was sent to treatment, where he was visited regularly by his Aunt. There was a lot in the beginning that Hiro refused to take seriously. Hiro wasn't much into religion, but his Aunt helped him find a place that wasn't religious centric. However, he couldn't help but feel that a lot of the things going on did not apply to him all that much.
Hiro had a long way to go yet, and all the things he had to come to terms with stemmed from one person. A person that made coming to terms with how his life was now a very complicated, and terrifying thing. Stripped of his usual coping mechanisms Hiro could not sleep in the new environment for the first couple weeks. And if he did get any sleep he would be haunted in the middle of the night with fits of screaming he hadn't had to deal with since he was a small child.
In the group meetings, Hiro said very little other than his name, and kept to himself. Hiro had nothing but time to think, and reflect on his life. Which turned out to be horrible for his self-esteem. He felt pathetic, and awful for all the stress he had caused his Aunt over the last couple of years. Even Tadashi, with how he threw himself at his older brother when he was injured in a hospital room. He should have known Tadashi was already having second thoughts. His brother told him from the moment they agreed to give it a shot that it probably wasn't going to work out. But yet, Hiro had expected it to.
Even the good memories he had were being warped into bad ones. Hiro laid awake at night staring at empty walls. He thought of Christmas Eve, he thought of the night the concert, and all the small moments in between. How truly messed up it all was. He thrashed over in his bed wanting to turn it all off. It was seriously torture being there, in an unfamiliar place. Here for one thing, but it wasn't even the problem. The answer, "recovering from an addiction" was not going to solve the bigger issue he had.
The first step admittance; admitting one cannot control their addictions or compulsions to drugs. Hiro could argue until he was blue in the face that he wasn't addicted to pot. It wasn't an addictive drug. But perhaps, when he let that instant defense mechanism dissolve. He could admit that, yes, he wasn't himself or the person he wanted to be. Especially with his attitude towards his Aunt half of the time. He never meant to be a burden to her. Another thing that helped him come to a mutual place for being stuck here at this treatment facility was he really could replace the word "drugs" with Tadashi, and it was like, bam. Maybe he was in the right place after all. He did feel "powerless" to his brother. When they were apart it was easy to see all the flaws, and how fucked up everything was. But, damn, when he took in even the sight of him whenever he was around… all that doubt was gone. Tadashi did something to him that made his whole body shiver just thinking about him. Yeah, he was definitely powerless to him alright.
"Hiro, why don't you share with us today?" The voice of his counselor drew him back to the group. Everyone was sitting in fold out chairs. There about ten people in total, and he had been here long enough to know each and every one of their stories. But no one knew his. It wasn't like his was the absolute worst of the group. For instance, the girl to his right had an alcoholic father who had been physically and verbally abusive to her. She was seventeen, and the first thing Hiro had noticed about her were the scars that marked her wrist, going all the way to her elbow. He swallowed having an uneasy feeling like he always did whenever he laid eyes on this girl. She wasn't the one who addressed him, but his eyes always seemed to go to her whenever he was pulled back into the group.
"What do you want me to share exactly?" Hiro asked quietly, balling his hands under the sleeves of his hoodie.
"Whatever you feel comfortable with. Anything that comes to mind for you?"
Hiro shook his head, but then he felt a nudge in his ribs. He looked over to see Mary, the girl with the scars, giving him a stare down.
"You're the only one we haven't heard from. How are you going to heal if you just keep it all bottled up?" she questioned, and initially Hiro's response was to shrug at her. Not the kind of shrug that was dismissive, but rather the one that suggested he was hoping for a black hole to consume him so he could just disappear.
"I get it." Hiro finally piped up. "I get that sharing is supposed to help me deal with everything, but maybe my issues are better buried deep. Maybe I've burdened enough people. Maybe I just…" Hiro found that he was suddenly on his feet. "You want to know how I'm feeling? Honestly, I feel like this place is a joke."
Then before he could stop himself, Hiro was walking out of the room. He didn't have the balls to walk out of the building entirely. He just sat out in the hall next to his room, since he couldn't go back to his room without a security key anyway. His back slid down the concrete wall, and he curled his knees into his chest. His arms hugged his legs tightly, and he just focused on his breathing. You were just having a panic attack. It's fine. Just calm down. Then once his breathing was slowed down again, when his heart didn't feel like it was about to rip out of his chest he tried to assess the situation.
It was at that moment when Hiro had an epiphany. You got to fake it, Hiro. If you want to get out of here. Talking about Tadashi is out of the question, but you can still make something up. All I have to do is sound genuine. I can at least do that.
After that incident, Hiro no doubt had a "heart-to-heart" with the counselor he flipped out on. Slowly he began to open up about his addiction.
Every time we kissed, I wished we could have just stayed like that forever.
Turned into, "Whenever I got high I just wanted to stay in that euphoria as long as I could."
Our forever of fights over nothing, we were never on the same page, and once I finally caught up to him the book that was slowly burning was just ashes.
"I thought I could handle anything, you know, but it turns out my life was just slowly falling apart even more…" his voice trailed away, but it seemed to be enough. The counselor thanked him for sharing, and they went on to the next person. It was just a few more weeks like that. Sharing feelings and talking about what Hiro was going to do to avoid triggers. Hiro mentioned one thing he enjoyed doing was volunteering. So they set up a plan for Hiro to join a volunteer group.
In a few short months he went from stealing alcohol from a bum off the street to having a life beyond trying to block out his emotions. Things were far from perfect, but he and his aunt worked together to help Hiro combat his inner demons. Truthfully, Hiro had no clue where he would be without that woman. She kept him in check, and though some days he forgot to show it, she kept him hopeful.
Now that he was doing this volunteer thing, he finally opened up and started making friends. They even talked to him about bigger projects they would like him to partake in in the future. At first the thought living away from his Aunt to pursue these projects were a bit daunting. But, as time passed he was actually quite eager to start a life of his own.
His first year and a half with the volunteer group Hiro eagerly jumped on a project that included making toys for kids with parents that couldn't afford to buy things like iPads or cellphones. Hiro learned about kids whose only way of communication could be through technology, and that really inspired him to work as hard as he could for those kids who needed it.
While having the brain to come up with such great ideas, didn't necessarily mean he could just make them, and in an abundance too no less. Every project had a team of people, and everyone had their certain roles. Everything from finding others to want to fund their project, then on to actually building it. It was all a humbling experience for Hiro to meet all these companies, and corporations that were interested in sponsoring his tech.
Hiro finally felt like he could make a bigger impact on the world, but he certainly did not forget what happened to him a couple years back. Trusting his professor with his tech, someone who had been very influential not only in the tech community, but with the city in general. It was definitely a struggle to find that trust again. He did plenty of research though, on the group he was with, wanting to take no part in them if they were affiliated with either his old professor, or Allister Krei.
When he was eighteen, he was finally able to bring his tech to other parts of the world as well. His Aunt threw him a going away party, and he finally got to interact with his brother. Yeah, things were definitely not perfect between them. But Hiro was ready to move on. It definitely hurt to see his brother after all this time, and have to act like everything was okay between them. There were only so many ways that night could have gone down… What brought him down the most was that Tadashi could be coming with him right now instead of having a kid with Honey Lemon.
They could be together away from everyone, and they could be doing really great things for a lot people. If Tadashi hadn't tried so hard to move on without him, they could have started over together. But then he thought of something his Aunt had told him back when Tadashi had moved out.
The two of them needed to be plotted in different plants, in order for them both to grow.
Then his mind fast forwarded to what Tadashi had told him the night of his going away party, You're not going to even try to understand… It was an ever-revolving circle cycling around in his mind. Tadashi wanted his younger brother to understand, and Hiro wanted the older one at his side despite the potential consequences.
Maybe it was the punch that made Tadashi not write to Hiro while he was away, and Hiro was too prideful. He stuck to his word, wanting to move on with his life. Hiro grew anxious with the lack of contact he had with his family. His usual way of coping didn't end up being too difficult to come by, when a couple people in his volunteer group invited him to smoke with them.
Having others to smoke with was surprisingly nice. He was able to open a little to them, how anxious he got in unfamiliar areas. That he would get night terrors whenever he slept in new places.
Then they told him about how he would be able to sleep well with this stuff. Which ended up ringing true, because after a few hits his body was relaxed, and even though he didn't have that piece of home that was Tadashi with him… It suddenly felt okay. He had new friends here, friends who could at least somewhat understand. And it wasn't like he smoked all the time. Now that he had a purpose, something to guide him through the day, it was really only at night he felt the need to smoke.
Whenever he came home to visit it was for the weekend, and he made his Aunt Cass keep it just to herself. Though his visits were short, and only a couple times a year, he was always happy to see his Aunt again. She would show him pictures of Tadashi and Honey's baby boy. And would frequently write to him with updates. It wasn't until Hikaru turned four that he got his first letter from Honey Lemon.
Dear Hiro,
I've wanted to write to you for a while, for I've always considered you to be a dear friend. However, I worried that may be a mistake since I know you and your brother are not on the best of terms. I'm so proud of you, and everything you've done over the past few years with your volunteering. Tadashi and I only speak highly of you when we tell our son about his Uncle Hiro.
I apologize in advance, because this letter is going to be very invasive to you, so I do hope you can forgive me Hiro. I could never quite grasp why you and Tadashi have had the fall out you did. Every time I asked Tadashi about it, and pleaded for him to make amends with you he always insisted that there was nothing he could do for you to change your mind about him. I asked your Aunt what this meant, because Tadashi was always so vague. He said that he was tough on you growing up, but I can never see him being that way to a point where you would stop all contact with him.
Your Aunt didn't go into too many details either, but she did however told me about Tadashi's past as a child, and being taken advantage of by another student at his robotics camp. At first, I couldn't fathom how that was relevant to you… until she told me that she caught him touching you the week he came back. She also told me she believes he stopped for a very long time, but was worried he had relapsed in the last couple years he lived with you. Please do not be angry with your Aunt for telling me this. I really pried it out of her, and was quite relentless, so if you are upset please be upset with me.
But I promise I have a reason for being so terrible, and sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. As you can probably guess… I love your brother very much. I do. I love him with all my heart, and it really saddens me what your Aunt told me. I know Tadashi loves you, and regrets everything ill he has ever done to you. Every time I bring you up, his face is filled with pain I've never seen before on anyone else. He lives in guilt every day for whatever he has done to you. I haven't told him what I know at all, and don't plan to, so you don't have to worry about that.
I do, however, have a favor to ask of you. As you know, our son Hikaru, is four years old. He and your brother are the light of my life. Unfortunately, for me it's a very dim light. As a young girl, I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I have been in remission for the last eight years, but it has sadly returned. My doctor tells me I have about a year to live, and I still have to tell Tadashi this news. It's been very difficult knowing this, and also knowing that you and your brother are still not on good terms. I know this is a big thing to ask of you, especially after all you have been through… to please, please consider forgiving Tadashi for what he did to you.
I know that there is so much I don't know about the situation. But I do know it is a possibility that you may even resent me a little, and feel that I stole Tadashi from you. I never meant to take someone so important away from you. If you can find it in your heart to forgive Tadashi, I know he will be able to live with himself better once I am gone. I know you are one of the most important people in his life. Maybe even before myself. I know our son, would also greatly benefit to have his uncle actively in his life as well, after I am gone. Again, I'm so sorry to trouble you like this. I hope all is well with you, and I would love to hear all about the adventures you are having out there!
With Love,
Honey Lemon.
As Hiro finished reading the letter he hadn't realized how tense he had gotten, until he physically felt the muscles in his face finally relax. He hid the letter in his desk drawer, so no one else could stumble upon it by accident. His heart was still beating pretty fast. Even after all this time, Hiro was having trouble escaping his past. Honey Lemon, of all people, to ask him to forgive Tadashi was literally insane.
But he soon realized no matter how hard he tried to be angry about the situation. Angry with Honey Lemon for prying so hard; he honestly couldn't find the heart. If he was in her position, he may have even done the same thing. Reach out to all of the loved ones he could to ensure Tadashi would be okay. How could he be mad with her, when she was just doing exactly what he would have done if he had the opportunity... which was look after Tadashi.
The response back was not nearly as lengthy. He was only able to ensure a maybe in regards to her request. He did tell her more about what it was like where he was at right now. Updating her on all the projects he was working on, making sure to send pictures since he knew Aunt Cass liked that sort of thing. Their correspondence was brief, and her responses seemed to stretch even longer as the months moved along. Three days after Hiro sent his last letter to Honey, he received the news of her passing away.
As much as Hiro would have liked to stay where he was, he finally knew what his answer was to Honey, and that he could not just ignore his brother no matter how much his pride wanted to do so.
Being back in San Fransokyo's city lights was such a contrast to the hot weather he had just barely gotten used to. It had been nearly five years of living away from home. In that time, Hiro had visited so many places, and experienced nearly every sort of climate from living in the mountains, to his most recent endeavor; in the dead heat of the safari. When he returned to the Lucky Cat Café, his Aunt welcomed him with a long overdue hug.
"Hikaru is here." She told him, "Tadashi's at work, so I have him coloring at that table over there if you want to say hello."
Hiro gave her a hesitant look, but not even having the chance to set his luggage aside, his Aunt shoved him over towards his nephew.
"Hey there, Hikaru. There's someone here I'd like you to meet." She started off, and when Hikaru snapped his up he smiled widely in recognition.
"Uncle Hiro!" he exclaimed instantly standing so he could hug his leg.
Hiro looked down at his nephew with a confused expression. "Hey there, kid. It's nice to meet you."
"Mommy and Auntie Cass told me all about you… A-and daddy too. He said you're his brother… Which makes you my uncle. And he said that you are a dragon slayer, and that's why we haven't met yet. Don't be mad, but I lost another tooth, and I burned my tongue on my cereal. Daddy said it's really rare that little kids can breathe fire. But I can!"
Hiro had to do his best to not laugh hysterically at him. "Ooooh." He said as if everything he was talking about made perfect sense. "Don't worry. I only kill harmful dragons. You know, the ones that burn down entire villages and all that stuff…" he looked over at his Aunt, who just shrugged before walking away to help another customer. Great already on babysitting duty.
Hiro sat down on the other side of the booth, and frowned when he noticed what his nephew was drawing a picture of. It was a stick figure drawing of him crying with his dad next to a tombstone. When Hikaru caught him looking, he covered the pictures with his arms.
"I'm sorry." Hiro said instantly.
Hikaru eased back setting the paper in his lap. "Mommy told me that I should not be sad when she's gone. She told me I have to be able to smile for daddy, because he might forget to smile for me."
Hiro hummed quietly, "Your dad, and I… we both lost our parents when we were kids like you… But we had Aunt Cass, and she was really good to us."
"Auntie Cass was like a mommy and a daddy." Hikaru added, then on a new piece of paper began to draw some flowers.
"Yeah she was. She was like a super hero." Hiro agreed. "Taking care of two boys. I can't imagine that…" his voice trailed away when he heard his nephew giggle.
"Auntie Cass a superhero? What would her super power be? Make a donut appear with a snap of her finger?" his nephew joked, and Hiro laughed.
"It would be that or summoning Mochi on command or hey, maybe even both at the same time." Hiro expanded, and then the two of them were both chuckling as they continued to come up with more super powers for everyone.
"Daddy would be a super healer. Since he builds robots that heal. He could have Baymax as his sidekick." When Hikaru brought up Baymax, Hiro leaned forward with interest.
"Baymax… is that thing still active?" he asked, vaguely remembering hearing of him in one of the early letters his Aunt had sent to him.
"Of course he is! He lives at home with us. And then all the other Baymaxs' live at the hospital. There are even some that live at nursing homes," Hikaru explained.
"Oh. I remember hearing about that." Hiro hummed leaning back, and peered over his shoulder to see how his Aunt was holding up. Since he had been gone there were other people there working there, and they seemed to be handling things alright, so he turned back to his nephew.
"I wish they really were super heroes, because then maybe he would have been able to save mommy by making her better." Hikaru brought up, and Hiro felt a knot in his stomach.
"I'm sorry about your mom." He told him quietly.
Hikaru shrugged in response, not looking his uncle in the eyes. "Did you have to miss your funeral because of the dragons?"
Hiro cleared his throat feeling a pang of guilt right then. "There was a lot of stuff I had to finish up, and I could not leave right away like I wanted to. But I'm here now, and I'll be here for as long as you and your daddy need me. I made a promise to your mom, and I won't break it."
Hikaru nodded quietly, beginning to draw rain over the brightly colored flowers he had just made.
"Hey so, I got you something." Hiro mentioned after a moment of silence between the two of them, his nephew instantly perking up at the news.
"What is it? What is it?" he beckoned, bouncing up and down excitedly in his seat.
"I'll give it to you, but first you have to promise me one thing, okay?" Hiro fished in his pocket clutching on to a familiar crescent shaped piece of metal. He had long thrown his in the river, so he had mixed feelings giving up the one he had just made, but when he remembered why he made it in the first place it made no sense for him to keep it for himself.
"I promise! I promise!" Hikaru agreed.
"Okay, not even daddy okay? This is a very special item, and there is only one other person in this world that has it." Hiro has his nephew hold out his hand as he dropped the helicopter into his hand.
"Oh it's shiny!"
Hiro smiled at that glad that his nephew was so easily impressed, "Can you guess what it does?"
Hikaru squinted at the helicopter humming in thought for about a minute, "Is it an ear piece?" he wondered tucking it behind his ear. "Will it give me supersonic hearing?"
Hiro chuckled. "No not that exactly." He bit his lip as he reached to grab it back, "It will protect you. Like a shield. I can't tell you how, but if you keep it with you at all times… no matter how bad things may seem you will always have that looking after you. Similar to a good luck charm."
As Hikaru stared at his new gift in awe, Hiro inhaled sharply as he reached for his hand. The contact with his nephew made him a little nervous since this was their first time interacting ever. Even if he was just a kid… Hiro couldn't rid himself of the unpleasant feeling that sunk to bottom of his stomach. The inexplicable shivers that went down his spine, he covered by audibly clearing his throat.
"If you, uhm, flick it up in the air a bit… It floats around before falling. Like this…" he demonstrates the motion as he explained, then let Hikaru try it for himself. Together they watched as the crescent scrap of metal danced around between them, as it slowly glided back down into the younger ones palms.
"Wow," Hikaru breathed in amazement.
His uncle smiled softly, and as he continued to play with it some more his Aunt came over to check out what the boys were up to.
"What do you have there, Hikaru?" she asked inquisitively.
Hiro snickered as he watched his nephew scramble to stow his present away in his pocket.
"Nothing!" he squeaked turning bright red, looking over at Hiro with a guilty expression.
"It's a secret." Hiro revealed to his Aunt. She gave a slow nod, and looked back over at Hikaru.
"Don't let your uncle get you into trouble now. Your uncle may be a very talented inventor, but I would hate to have to tell your daddy about any mischief you two are causing." She then raised her eyebrows back over at Hiro, whose smile only grew even wider.
"Do you really think I would give him anything that would be dangerous?" he questioned, but her stern look was an answer enough.
"I promise I wont give him anything dangerous." Hiro assured, and Aunt Cass responded by ruffling both their heads.
"Hiro, will you keep Hikaru company for just awhile I finish up the rest of the dishes in back?"
After she received a nod, she departed again, and it was just him and his nephew again. The café was closing up, and Hikaru looked back down at the picture he had been coloring.
"What kind of flowers are those?" Hiro wondered.
Hikaru shrugged, "They were the ones at mommy's funeral."
"They're pretty…" he responded hoping to see his nephew smile again, but he didn't force it past that.
His nephew left just a little after dinner, Hiro not quite ready to face Tadashi yet stayed back as Aunt Cass gave him a ride home. With his Aunt gone, Hiro used that time to roll a joint. On most nights, just a couple hits, and then he would be fast asleep. But tonight, his mind refused to let him rest. He tried taking a hot shower as well, but the anxiety only continued to build up. Hiro came back for one reason, and that was because Honey Lemon wanted him to make amends with his brother.
It's not as easy as you think. He wanted to tell her, but when he remembered that he couldn't… his heart sunk. He remembered the letter he received about a year ago. She went as far as digging into their past, and opened up this door Hiro had slammed shut. He leaned his head against the cool tile of the shower, as the scalding water hit his back he felt tears frantically fall from his eyes.
It's been eight years Tadashi… I've managed to stay away all this time. I made a name for myself. I moved on, and so did you… How am I suddenly back at square one? Hiro slammed his fist against the wall, but when it just merely slid back down to his side he gave up.
Then, Hiro knew the only way he would be able to ease his mind was to just face this head on. It wasn't going to be as simple as catching up with an old friend, but it had to be better than sitting there wondering, and that's when Hiro found himself walking in a middle of a thunderstorm just past nine. He wandered around a bit trying to prepare himself, but eventually came to the conclusion that it didn't matter how much he tried to analyze the situation— there was just no way to prepare himself for this. He was about to be reunited with his older brother, who also happened to be… more than that.
"Hiro?" Tadashi's voice rang in his ears, and Hiro blinked casually.
He had done it. After standing on his porch for an indefinite amount of time, he finally knocked.
"Hey Tadashi…"
Hiro stood there for a good minute, as his brother took him in. He could practically see the wheels turning in his brain, as he slowly put things together.
"May I come in?" Hiro asked, once he realized he had put his older brother in some sort of trance.
Tadashi shook his head as he snapped back into the reality that was put in front of him. "Yeah, yeah… of course, Hiro. Come in." he stepped aside, his movements almost robotic as he shut the door behind him.
Hiro kept his hands folded tight under his arms, and took a few steps in looking around his house.
"This is a nice place you got." He commented to fill the silence.
Tadashi mumbled a thanks, and then jumped. "Shit you're soaking wet. I'll borrow you something." Before Hiro could protest, Tadashi bolted for his bedroom. Hiro decided to wait, rooted to the spot in the middle of the entryway until his brother returned.
When he returned, Tadashi pointed out the bathroom, and Hiro went off to change. A v-neck, a pair of checkered pajama bottoms, and an old SFIT hoodie was what he had provided. As Hiro put on each layer, the scent of his brother filled him with a high he did his best to ignore.
When he was done, he found Tadashi in the kitchen, and in came the aroma of hot chocolate. Hiro couldn't help but smile at that.
"I got a letter from Honey Lemon." Hiro mentioned, setting it on the counter. "About a year ago. She told me about her condition. She asked me to make amends with you. That's why I'm here."
Tadashi slid over a mug of hot chocolate to Hiro, and glanced at the letter. "That's why you are here." He echoed back, and Hiro nodded in response.
"I think we both know something she clearly didn't, and I think I've come to terms with you being out of my life the day you punched me in the face. You don't have to do her the favor of trying to make things up to me. She doesn't understand what I did…"
Hiro nudged the letter forward a little more. "I think you should read it."
Tadashi quirked an eyebrow at him, and then grabbed the letter hesitantly. He read the letter silently to himself, and then let out a long sigh.
"What I said still stands… she doesn't understand…."
Hiro took a sip of his hot chocolate, and eyed Tadashi carefully. "Well maybe… maybe I'm not here for just her. I will admit I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her push, but I am here because I want to be here Tadashi. Is that… is that okay with you? That I want to be here?"
Tadashi had a strained look on his face, but then he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah… I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you want to be here." He replied, but his voice was so flat that it crushed Hiro.
"I met your son today. Hikaru. I like him." Hiro said with a little smile.
"Yeah… He's a good kid." Tadashi agreed, also taking a sip of his hot chocolate.
The two of them peeked up from their mugs every now and then, their small talk dispersing into an awkward silence until Hiro was about two-thirds of the way finished with his drink. He stood up, and walked around so he could be on the same side of the kitchen as his brother.
His heart was pounding fast, but was surprised to find that the older one very easily loosened his grip when Hiro took the hot chocolate from him. He set it on the counter carefully, then looked back at Tadashi. After all the years that had passed between them his expression never changed, Tadashi realized. The way Hiro's eyes looked to him for the next move. Except what he hadn't expected was for Hiro to reel him into to a hug. His embrace was tight, and his chin rested on his shoulders. The hug was so platonic, that Tadashi visibly relaxed into it.
"I'm sorry for your loss." Hiro said to him, and Tadashi nodded knowingly.
"Thanks. I'm glad you are here, though." Tadashi admitted.
Hiro nodded too, knowing there had been a lot of that going on between them. So many unspoken words, but they both still felt the same way.
When Hiro pulled back, he was going to grab his hot chocolate again. He was going to maybe ask more questions about his nephew. He wanted to know all about Baymax too. Hiro was ready for them to be brothers again. But as he began to turn, Tadashi caught his lips with his own. The action caught Hiro off guard. No. He thought instantly. When he was finally sure they were on the same page, Tadashi threw a curve ball that hit him right in the gut. Hiro felt his heart race, at least this was only a kiss. It would only last a moment. All he had to do was pull back—
But Tadashi had his hands cupped to his face, and Hiro in response held on to his hips. He was soon being hoisted onto the countertop, where the clothes he had just received were half off and discarded on the floor.
Tadashi was kissing down his neck. Hiro's voice was caught in his throat, where his brother nipped and prodded his tongue. His skin burned at the contact. Hiro slid his hands up the back of Tadashi's shirt, deciding to do a bit of exploring himself. But with each little step Hiro took, Tadashi was still miles ahead. He palmed at Hiro through the cotton of his pajamas. The younger one squeaked, and his hands retracted out of Tadashi's shirt.
Hiro brought his older brother's face in hands, and looked at him curiously.
"How far are you planning on taking this?" Hiro asked.
"I want you." Tadashi responded. "I want you to be mine, Hiro."
Hiro inwardly cringed, but he hid it well. "You have to prep me, Tadashi… if you want to go all the way." He didn't tell him how he had a guy waiting for him back with the volunteer group. He didn't tell him how much he grew to care for this guy. Hiro knew that he had a soft spot for his older brother, and would always put him first, no matter how painful it was for him to do so. Even when Hiro got shoved to the side, and had his feelings crushed. Even though Tadashi had left him utterly heart broken. He knew the two of them were bound… that no matter how hard either of them tried to escape one another. Their polarities drew them back together again in the end.
Feeling the older ones fingers inside him, twisting and widening felt familiar. Not that Tadashi knew it was familiar to him. Hiro leaned his elbows against the counter for support, and his eyes narrowed in lust once it started to feel good for him.
"Yeah, you're getting it…" Hiro encouraged lightly, and Tadashi focused on that a little longer until his fingers were gone.
Hiro winced, "Too fast." He whined, but soon he felt the head of the older one's cock replacing the heat that had just left him.
"I love you, I never stopped…loving you this way." Tadashi told him, and Hiro nodded.
"I know. I love you too. You don't have to prove anything Tadashi. I'm yours no matter what." Hiro reached out, to cup his face in his hand.
Tadashi turned his face, and kissed his palm as he pushed himself in. Hiro gripped on to Tadashi's shoulder tightly at that moment. His hips rocked against him, and Hiro arched forward at the contact.
"You can lay back if you want to," Tadashi encouraged, but Hiro shook his head, reeling Tadashi in for a rough kiss. The older one continued to his pace, and Hiro encouraged him along with noises of appreciation, and even spoke up when he did things he didn't like. When Tadashi finally had the perfect rhythm down, Hiro began stroking himself wanting to be able to come with him, until Tadashi replaced his hand with his own.
"Tadashi—" he called out as Hiro spilled over he felt Tadashi pull out, and his stomach was soon covered in his brother's release.
A few heavy breaths pass, and it was then Tadashi's turn to clean up the mess. He brought Hiro into his room, where he collapsed face first onto the bed. Hiro crawled in after him, running his fingers along his back as he settled in on his side.
"The scars are still there from when you were burned…" Hiro mentioned quietly, and Tadashi nodded in response.
"And all your scars too…" Tadashi muttered, and he could already feel the overwhelming dread.
"Do you regret this already, Tadashi?" Hiro asked forwardly.
"No… do you?" Tadashi wondered.
Hiro tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, "No... I mean…" he sighed. "It's been so long since we've talked… I gave up on you ever wanting me again…"
Tadashi perked his head up.
"I have a boyfriend, back you know…" Hiro shrugged. "I told him I was coming home, and didn't know when or if I was coming back. So, we put our relationship on hold for now. I told him I didn't want him waiting around for me."
Tadashi groaned, and hid his face in Hiro's shoulder. "Why didn't you stop me? Hiro I would have stopped…"
Hiro ran his fingers through his hair, "Hey." He whispered in his ear. "You come first, okay. I loved you first."
Tadashi just shook his head, and Hiro kissed the top of his head.
"Just… just lay with me. Don't let this bother you right now." Hiro instructed, "Please. Tadashi. Just forget I said anything about that."
He coaxed his brother into another kiss, "I want to be here with you. I want you. Bottom line."
Tadashi reciprocated the kiss, but frowned after he spoke. "I feel like I can't just take you away from your life just because mine fell apart." He mentioned wrapping his arm at Hiro's midsection.
"What if I prefer this life more… a life with you and my nephew?" Hiro asked, and the way Tadashi inhaled he knew… the older one didn't even have to say anything.
"I can't expose my son to this…" Tadashi mumbled, saying it anyway.
Hiro kissed him, deciding he liked it better when they didn't talk about the life around them. So, they kissed. And Hiro, initiated a round two. Where he rode Tadashi, and damn near cried out his name as his brother came inside of him. Tadashi held his hand over Hiro's mouth, as he collapsed beside him again.
"Hiro… this is bad… we can't be doing this… we shouldn't have even done it the first time…"
Hiro pulled him into a kiss to quiet him, "I like it better when your mouth is occupied. You don't kill the mood as much that way." He teased, because yeah, he got it. They could never do this again. But why did that have to stop them now… they were already here, and naked. And to that, Tadashi lowered himself.
"You like my mouth occupied do you?" Tadashi hummed, and then gave Hiro an experimenting lick. The younger one shook his head.
"Tadashi we can't~" Hiro mocked, but the other one responded with a tiny bite along his base. Hiro whimpered into the pillow beside him, and Tadashi continued on. Hiro forced himself to stay still, as he locked his fingers into Tadashi's hair. He tugged whenever he had the urge to thrust upward into his mouth. Tadashi might not have had experience with this, but it didn't take long to understand the mechanics of a blow job. It felt good, and that's what Hiro decided to focus on.
When he was close, he warned Tadashi, and then it was over. His post-sex high was wearing thin, and the two of them chose to lay loosely entangled together.
"Go back." Tadashi told him. "I'll raise my son on my own. I have Aunt Cass. And I have you… but only when it's convenient for you. Whenever you visit, or whatever…"
Hiro sighed. "Why do you have to be so quick to get rid of me?" he pouted, but he knew it was for the best. "Alright. I'll go back… but only if you promise not to do anything stupid."
"What you afraid I might off myself?" Tadashi asked, and Hiro shrugged.
"I don't know. You tried once, and I was there to stop you. But if I go back, I can't really stop you from any of that can I?"
Tadashi was silent for quite some time, not wanting to answer the question. The longer it hanged in the air unanswered. The dimmer the world seemed to float around him. He ran his fingers through Hiro's hair. His mind wandered in a whirlwind of thoughts. He thought of how easily his brother put him into a trance. Hiro just showing up on his front porch, with the letter Honey Lemon had written him. He had come here to make amends. It was Tadashi who had took it to this place. Yet he laid there reprimanding his little brother about how it was a mistake. This wasn't fair to Hiro. He had to tell him that he didn't mean to do this to him all over again.
"You're right." Tadashi finally spoke up, when he couldn't stand the silence any longer.
"Hm?" Hiro hummed, and Tadashi realized he had woken up the younger one.
"Nothing… go back to sleep."
"Mm. No. You said I was right. I'd like to know what I'm right about. You know, so I can hold it over you later." Hiro joked lazily.
Tadashi took in a deep breath. "I don't know. You were right to punch me… You didn't have to come here, and apologize. After all this time. You were right to be angry. Honey Lemon had no right to guilt you into forgiving me."
Hiro tilted his head up, his chin resting on his brother's chest instead of his cheek.
"Well, she loved you. I don't blame her for wanting us to be okay…" he swallowed unsurely.
"Hiro. Be honest, when you came here today… did you expect this to happen?" Tadashi asked, closing his eyes tightly as he waited for the answer.
"I mean… I didn't rule it completely. But I did think it was unlikely. Especially since I came here planning to just make things right. I didn't come here to seduce you. I guess, I wasn't expecting you to initiate anything. It wasn't unwelcome or anything. I wouldn't have gone for a round two if that was the case. So, can you finally… just stop making yourself into a villain, please?" Hiro pushed himself up, so he could kiss the corner of his mouth.
"It's okay." He continued. "I get you have a kid… I can go back to my life if that's what you want. No hard feelings this time. I promise. I came here on my own volition… you didn't do anything wrong."
Tadashi cupped his face in his hands, "I don't want you to go." He confessed. The sound of his voice killed Hiro. It was wrenched with pain, and sadness.
Hiro grabbed his forearm. He gently caressed him with the pad of his thumb. "I can stay for a while. I don't have to leave right away." He hid his face in the crook of Tadashi neck. There were seldom moments like this where Tadashi let himself be vulnerable for Hiro. The last time was so long ago, but Hiro remembered like it was yesterday. The shattered bathroom mirror, and Tadashi's busted up hand.
Tadashi wrapped his arms around his brother, and held him tightly against his chest.
"I can't keep doing this to you." His words were shaky against his ear, and Hiro felt his heart pound heavily in his chest.
He breathed slowly, in and out. He let his eyes fall close, hiding himself further into Tadashi's neck as the older one began sobbing. Hiro knew that no matter how hard he tried there was no blocking this out. Even as he shut his eyes, and tried to think of literally anything else… his brother's shaking and tears were being released onto him. Hiro knew he had been a vessel. An outlet for Tadashi. For positivity. Negativity. They had gone through everything together. Starting with loss. Ending with loss.
Then, everything in between. Tadashi was Hiro's main supporter. Supporter and collaborator. The times where they worked together on projects were behind them now, but Hiro didn't think that was so impossible to gain back. Even now, with all their dirty laundry tossed all over the floor. Maybe Tadashi would never be able to forgive himself.
"Tadashi." Hiro finally breathed out once he had the courage to. He wriggled gently against him, so he could wipe away his tears.
"Hey." He spoke offering a small smile. "We're so much more than this. Okay? No matter what happens. You are so much more than this." Hiro kissed his temple gently.
"You have a big heart. You have made something out of yourself. You're more than the demons that haunt you. You've got a kid now, too. A kid that needs you a hell of a lot more than I do. He needs the Tadashi I know… the one that stays positive when everything around him is crumbling down. He needs encouragement, and love, and support… Everything you excel at." Hiro went on.
"I don't deserve to have a son." Tadashi whispered hollowly.
"But you can't change the fact that you do have one. So you have to make the best of this, okay. Because you may not deserve him. But he deserves a good father, and I know you can be that." Hiro pressed their foreheads together. "So stop hating yourself. Please. You have to forgive yourself, Tadashi." The only response Hiro got was a simple nod, and it wasn't long after that until his brother calmed down.
As the next couple weeks rolled on, the brothers were able to talk in ways they hadn't in a very long time. Hiro shared in detail about all the work he had been doing, and Tadashi was finally able to show off Baymax in the flesh… or rather vinyl.
Hiro was impressed to say the least.
"After I had him scan me for the first time, I brought him down to the soup kitchen so I could test him out on some more people too." Tadashi spoke one night over dinner. Hikaru was staying overnight at Aunt Cass's.
"The first two people in line was Bea, that girl you saved with your mega bot. And Max the kid you ended giving your mega bot too." He revealed taking a mouthful of soup. Hiro snickered when he watched the older one wave his hand by his face. The words "hot, hot," were uttered before it all came spilling out of his mouth.
Hiro used a napkin to wipe his brother's face. The contact made Tadashi blush, since the last time they had any sort of physical contact was Hiro's first night back. It had seemed to be an unspoken agreement that the two of them to not mention that night. The two of them been spending a lot of their time at the hospital, so Tadashi could show off to Hiro all his research, and developments he had made. After a long day of working together, the two of them ended up at an Italian restaurant.
When the moment subsided, Hiro finally responded. "Were they… you know okay?"
"Oh yeah." Tadashi answered with a nod.
"We've both come along way." Hiro added raises his glass of wine. "I think that deserves a toast of some kind?"
Tadashi cleared his throat. "Definitely." He agreed following the suit. "To all the things we've overcome, and for all the accomplishments that are still to come yet."
"To us," Hiro rang back simply, as their glasses clinked together. Hiro took a careful sip of his wine as he watched Tadashi intently.
With the music playing gently in the background, and as the sips of alcohol settled. Hiro felt at peace. In the two weeks that passed, it really felt like their relationship was mending. Whether they remained brothers or lovers or something in between. Hiro felt like things would be actually be alright for them. They wouldn't be perfect, or easy. And like Tadashi had once said to him… One day I might be feeling really good about this, and the other one not so much. Or vise versa. Even when their relationship wasn't defined, Hiro remembered this.
When he went away again, he made sure Tadashi was in a better place first. He promised to come visit more often. What would come out of those visits, Hiro couldn't be sure. All he knew was that he was in a place where he could no longer have his emotions for his older brother hold him back from living his life. He had found a balance that was right for him. One that made life manageable, and even worth living.
The two brothers would skype each other when coming home wasn't possible. Tadashi was able to meet Hiro's boyfriend that way. Maybe it was wrong to show him off, but he did insist on meeting him before he left. Sometimes Hiro was alone, he would still jerk off to his brother. And on nights, when his boyfriend went out, Hiro would see if Tadashi was free. Most often they spent their time just chatting, but with how unpredictable their relationship had become it also sometimes ended with dirty talk, and heavy breaths too. Maybe one day they would stop for good.
One day would come, it would come for a few months. It would even come for a year. One time, Hiro knew all too well that it could come for eight years. No matter how different their lives had become, their energies would come together again. Even if it was only briefly, Hiro had come to accept their relationship for what it become. He accepted how it could go from non-existent to the only thing that existed or made sense… to not making any sense at all.
The two brothers were together, and also not together. They were and they weren't. Just like how his microbots existed, but yet at the same time they did not. On the lonely nights, he had but one thing that comforted him, and his head would dance to the rhythm that reminded him of it most. Tadashi. Even when he wasn't there. He was.
Baby, you were my picket fence
I miss missing you now and then.
The End.